Sex?
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you know what, it appalls me how many 'men' lump all 'women' together in the 'girls' demographic.
we aren't all shallow high school dipshitzu. most of us are adults and we look for character combined with attraction and the kind of crazy that matches our crazy.
it's not about your face. it's about how we feel around you.0 -
This one will be a tough one to answer but I have thought about it. My Ex and I split before I started losing. It was okay. Not great but okay. Started seeing a new girl though. It will be long distance for a bit but she will be moving near me in June.
I WAS 320lbs and the Ex was 180lbs. I hope to get to 215 lbs. Problem I am now dealing with is the new girl is 5'6" and 120lbs. I am currently 280.
My new fear is will I still look and feel like a fat *kitten* with the new girl even at my goal weight....I have said it before about this weight loss thing...It is so mental on so many levels.
The new girl is actually the girl I dated in High School and first year of College. I was about the 215 back then and things were excellent so the reality is that they will be excellent again.
Once I know for sure i will get back to you. Let me know if want any photo or video evidence.
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Yes please.0
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This is the problem with "feel good" advice people give to fat guys. I got this same advice. As a fat guy you're expected to wait for that ONE girl who's finally going to like you one day. Well OK. One woman. One day. Hopefully. Maybe. Under the right circumstances. After she's bored plowing through regular guys. Like in her mid 30s, maybe 40s. Until then you wait though. It'll happen. Just keep your fingers crossed (just in case don't hold your breath though). Meanwhile every other dudes are hooking up like crazy. They're getting in relationships. They're getting out of them. They're hooking up at bars. In college. They're getting numbers. But you wait for that ONE. Please people. Stop promoting this "wait for that special girl" BS.Yes, being the funny jolly fat guy will get you some attention, and MOST women will then walk away and put you in the "friends" shelf, but there will be one, one day, taht will stay behind, see beyond the fat, one you maybe didn't notice (oh yeah, because we have Vogue-induced woman image hangups too!). She will be your one
It's not feel good advice. It's MY experience. I married a woman 5 leagues above mine, 20 years ago. Look at my picture dude, it aint pretty. Maybe I am an outlier, or maybe you are wrong. Anyway, maybe the OP is right, women will never want him, EVEN after he loses weight, as he suggests. Maybe he is wasting his time. What is your suggestion?0 -
OMG!!! it's sooooooooo much BETTER now! it was AWESOME before but I have sooooooo much more stamina now & it's just mmmm mmmm MMMMM NOW! just need to get me a steady guy so i can have it every time I WANT IT! UGH! LOL!0
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fat2fit4good wrote: »I am 34 years old and have been fat my whole life. I have been 400+ lbs (452 lbs being the highest) for quite a while now. So, I have never been able to be successful with getting a girlfriend or having a sex life. My body is ruined because my flaw in my life has been overeating. Even if I lose the weight, I will be a mess of skin and not what girls want, so I doubt losing weight will improve, or I should say create, a sex life for me. Since it is something I want very badly, I may have to live with this unfulfilled desire, pay for it (which wouldn't be what I want and I would still be unfulfilled), or distract myself constantly with work or hobbies or whatever. I don't think distraction would work though since sex is everywhere and you cannot escape it. It is a constant reminder of my desire and what I cannot experience. So I think I may have to just cope with the lack of it or eventually just not exist anymore so it isn't an issue.
NO NO NO!! BV!, dude, I am ready to bitchslap you in a brotherly way! You sound like you are in a bad place! I hate to hear you like this, and I don't even know you! make up for it with CONFIDENCE and PERSONALITY. Yes, being the funny jolly fat guy will get you some attention, and MOST women will then walk away and put you in the "friends" shelf, but there will be one, one day, taht will stay behind, see beyond the fat, one you maybe didn't notice (oh yeah, because we have Vogue-induced woman image hangups too!). She will be your one... but you gotta get out there and tell the world "I am not perfect, si f**cking what?"
Agreed with this and the other such comments. BV what's unattractive about you is your down on yourself attitude. You can fix that too.
My husband was likely over 400 lbs when I met him. Never phased me because his personality was just so awesome (and my type has traditionally been tall and rail-thin, so it's not like I was ever into fat dudes). He's a total flirt and to this day random women give him their number (he has lost quite a bit of weight but is still firmly in the mid-300s).
Desperation also comes off very poorly. There is a line where it's attractive flirting and off-putting desperation and the difference between the two can often be the confidence with which comments are delivered. My husband has said some rather direct things to ladies and it's actually worked so I'm convinced it's in the delivery. Also helps to be directing said comments at sexually open women. Cons and the gaming world seem to be chock full of those.
You sound like a smart dude who has a lot to offer but you probably need to believe that first before anyone else is going to see it in you as well.
As for OPs question I can't say as I am not there... yet
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At my lightest (122#, 5'4) sex was actually painful...not awesome. Ive put weight on again (trying to take it off) and my goal isnt to be that thin again!0
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fat2fit4good wrote: »my arm doesn't get as tired as before...
Lol0 -
Sad to say my drive has reduced. It could be a whole lot of factors like pre-menopause, stress, etc but I also believe that the drive has been infringed upon by the drive I put out at the gym and then causes me extreme soreness and fatigue. I also believe that excess skin from the weight loss gets in the way mentally and physically (TMI I know!!). I hate it, I had a better drive when I was fatter but at least I'm healthier and well my physical capabilities are better along with my drive time so when it does happen, he's quite happy! For every con there is a pro right??!!0
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I am 34 years old and have been fat my whole life. I have been 400+ lbs (452 lbs being the highest) for quite a while now. So, I have never been able to be successful with getting a girlfriend or having a sex life. My body is ruined because my flaw in my life has been overeating. Even if I lose the weight, I will be a mess of skin and not what girls want, so I doubt losing weight will improve, or I should say create, a sex life for me. Since it is something I want very badly, I may have to live with this unfulfilled desire, pay for it (which wouldn't be what I want and I would still be unfulfilled), or distract myself constantly with work or hobbies or whatever. I don't think distraction would work though since sex is everywhere and you cannot escape it. It is a constant reminder of my desire and what I cannot experience. So I think I may have to just cope with the lack of it or eventually just not exist anymore so it isn't an issue.
Relax BV1980, there is someone for everyone. Good thing is that women aren't as shallow as us guys and a good personality goes a long way. Until you lose the weight, work on your sense of humor, confidence and big billfold doesn't hurt either.
Really?
Don't sell yourself short BV1980. You'll find someone.
It really is the person on the inside that matters, and can even change the physical perception of a person. I've met people that were very handsome/beautiful, but had ugly behavior, and they start looking less handsome/beautiful. I've met people that are overweight or had "ugly" features, and viewed them as physically beautiful because I admired so much about them.
I fell in love with a guy who was very overweight. It didn't seem to matter how much I told him I was attracted to him, he didn't believe me. It was very sad... we ended up breaking up for a different reason but since then he's lost weight, became a manager at a fitness center and is much more confident in himself and happy.
We all see flaws in ourselves that we think others are going to care about but 9/10 times they don't. It's just us being paranoid. Don't let these perceived flaws with yourself get in the way of going after what you want, please.
Really, statistics support my previous statements. Generally, women tend to go for guys that they feel will support their needs (emotional gratification and financial support), guys tend to go for women that support their needs (emotional verification and physical stimulation), notice I said generally. There are some distinct variations on this theme and age plays a significant role but I stand by it. I'm talking about new fresh relationships, not ongoing ones. Men are attracted initially to the visual for a future partner (not hookup) more than women.0 -
ofc better , more energy , comfortable in many ways for sex after the lbs have been sheded on my behalf and drive is still the same as when i was heavy*0
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CluelessI am 34 years old and have been fat my whole life. I have been 400+ lbs (452 lbs being the highest) for quite a while now. So, I have never been able to be successful with getting a girlfriend or having a sex life. My body is ruined because my flaw in my life has been overeating. Even if I lose the weight, I will be a mess of skin and not what girls want, so I doubt losing weight will improve, or I should say create, a sex life for me. Since it is something I want very badly, I may have to live with this unfulfilled desire, pay for it (which wouldn't be what I want and I would still be unfulfilled), or distract myself constantly with work or hobbies or whatever. I don't think distraction would work though since sex is everywhere and you cannot escape it. It is a constant reminder of my desire and what I cannot experience. So I think I may have to just cope with the lack of it or eventually just not exist anymore so it isn't an issue.
Relax BV1980, there is someone for everyone. Good thing is that women aren't as shallow as us guys and a good personality goes a long way. Until you lose the weight, work on your sense of humor, confidence and big billfold doesn't hurt either.
I didn't say every women. This is a general statement about females as a whole, supported by scientific data, not about your preferences.0 -
Definitely increased drive and enjoyment, but I think 90% of that is feeling that my own body is sexier and something other people could be attracted to.0
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Maybe so. I think is a overweight female you can still have a more normal life though. You can still go out. Still get laid. Still gain life experience the same ways other people do. As a chubby girl you're not even going to get the same advice a guy would get. "Just wait on that special guy to notice you one day," said no one ever. It's all "Big is beautiful! Show of those curves! Etc." Why? Because big girls know they can still get men. Chances are most big girls don't even want a big guy.fat2fit4good wrote: »
Not necessarily true, it all depends on your personality and how you approach life. I've seen some big guys (not muscular but fat) get some serious play from some hot women all because of their personalities. It is no wonder you haven't had much luck with women if you're personality is as much a downer as your advice. Women pick up on that and no woman wants to be around a guy steeped in depression, guilt and self-loathing. You got to learn to love yourself first before someone else can join in.0 -
Better.
Often.
Longer.
Creative.0 -
Yeahhhh ok. Go survey college age girls. Do they want a guy with a 6 pack, or at least a flat stomach, or a guy that weighs 300lbs. Ladies? Want to chime in on this one?
Maybe so. I think is a overweight female you can still have a more normal life though. You can still go out. Still get laid. Still gain life experience the same ways other people do. As a chubby girl you're not even going to get the same advice a guy would get. "Just wait on that special guy to notice you one day," said no one ever. It's all "Big is beautiful! Show of those curves! Etc." Why? Because big girls know they can still get men. Chances are most big girls don't even want a big guy.fat2fit4good wrote: »
Not necessarily true, it all depends on your personality and how you approach life. I've seen some big guys (not muscular but fat) get some serious play from some hot women all because of their personalities. It is no wonder you haven't had much luck with women if you're personality is as much a downer as your advice. Women pick up on that and no woman wants to be around a guy steeped in depression, guilt and self-loathing. You got to learn to love yourself first before someone else can join in.
I'll bite. I've never been with anyone that was 300 lbs, but I've been with rail thin guys, guys with six packs (my husband was in this category when I met him), and guys that had a gut. For me, it's about the personality. I met my husband online and didn't know what his body looked like until a couple of days before we met. We texted for 2 weeks before we met in person. I fell for HIM and not his body. I actually thought that he was too good looking for me when I got that pic from him. For me, it really IS about the personality.
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