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blktngldhrt wrote: »
Yeahhhh ok. Go survey college age girls. Do they want a guy with a 6 pack, or at least a flat stomach, or a guy that weighs 300lbs. Ladies? Want to chime in on this one?
Maybe so. I think is a overweight female you can still have a more normal life though. You can still go out. Still get laid. Still gain life experience the same ways other people do. As a chubby girl you're not even going to get the same advice a guy would get. "Just wait on that special guy to notice you one day," said no one ever. It's all "Big is beautiful! Show of those curves! Etc." Why? Because big girls know they can still get men. Chances are most big girls don't even want a big guy.fat2fit4good wrote: »
Not necessarily true, it all depends on your personality and how you approach life. I've seen some big guys (not muscular but fat) get some serious play from some hot women all because of their personalities. It is no wonder you haven't had much luck with women if you're personality is as much a downer as your advice. Women pick up on that and no woman wants to be around a guy steeped in depression, guilt and self-loathing. You got to learn to love yourself first before someone else can join in.
I'm assuming your attitude towards women is what's preventing you from getting dates and not your physique.
Exactly. All things being equal, would I prefer a partner who's physically attractive? I guess, though overall I'd prefer a partner who's about as attractive as myself, or at best a tiny bit better looking. But would I pick an arrogant jerk with a 6-pack over a 300 lb guy who's my best friend, who's fun, who makes me feel great about myself, and who I think would make a great dad and life partner? Um, no.
If you treat women as people first rather than conquests or potential hookups, you'll build relationships that are the start of something more.
You're right that the less conventionally physically attractive you are, the harder it is to get a date, and especially casual sex. However, that holds for others as well: less attractive women are in the same boat as you. Most men focus only on the top 10% of women by looks. Try looking for women you think you have something in common with, and who are about as physically attractive as you.
You mentioned college age women. 20 year old women within a normal weight range are the most desireable women in the world. It's ridiculous to set that as your standard. However, older women (visibly over 40) in particular get ignored by men (as well as overweight women of course) and may be more receptive to conversation, dating, or yes, even casual sex. Internet dating is fantastic for people without conventional beauty.0 -
[/quote]
I didn't say every women. This is a general statement about females as a whole, supported by scientific data, not about your preferences.[/quote]
Based on what research?[/quote]
Varies scientific studies that I don't have access too but are referenced in almost any article talking about the subject.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2402851/A-womans-beauty-really-IS-important-thing-man--women-social-status.html
References a study that shows that men are more apt to choose long term partners based on physical attractiveness than women that choose based on social status.
http://static.squarespace.com/static/504114b1e4b0b97fe5a520af/t/5365a93be4b0d9a600e04147/1399171387042/Meltzer2014JPSP.pdf
Study shows that men are happier over the long term if they have what they consider a physical attractive mate while women are neutral on happiness related to physical attractiveness.
http://www.psyarticles.com/inter-personal/attraction.htm
Refers to two studies that show that from an evolutionary standpoint, men are more apt to choose a suitable mate based on physical attraction while women focused on men that presented themselves as more affluent than their peers.
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blktngldhrt wrote: »
I'm assuming your attitude towards women is what's preventing you from getting dates and not your physique.
Exactly. All things being equal, would I prefer a partner who's physically attractive? I guess, though overall I'd prefer a partner who's about as attractive as myself, or at best a tiny bit better looking. But would I pick an arrogant jerk with a 6-pack over a 300 lb guy who's my best friend, who's fun, who makes me feel great about myself, and who I think would make a great dad and life partner? Um, no.
If you treat women as people first rather than conquests or potential hookups, you'll build relationships that are the start of something more.
You're right that the less conventionally physically attractive you are, the harder it is to get a date, and especially casual sex. However, that holds for others as well: less attractive women are in the same boat as you. Most men focus only on the top 10% of women by looks. Try looking for women you think you have something in common with, and who are about as physically attractive as you.
You mentioned college age women. 20 year old women within a normal weight range are the most desireable women in the world. It's ridiculous to set that as your standard. However, older women (visibly over 40) in particular get ignored by men (as well as overweight women of course) and may be more receptive to conversation, dating, or yes, even casual sex. Internet dating is fantastic for people without conventional beauty.
I like the sentiment, but I have to disagree a little on the bolded part. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and whatnot... and often people have distorted views of their own attractiveness. So "look for someone that is as attractive as you" is poor advice that plays to insecurities. Just look for someone who is attractive to you and also attracted to you (obviously). Perhaps that might end up with people with similar attractiveness by some subjective scale, but it doesn't have to.
I'm with all the other ladies that say they've met men with great personalities, and that weight doesn't much factor into it as far as whether or not you'll be attracted. In my experience, it is the men that more often discriminate against large women (I've even had a relative who is in his 30's state outright, in front of three other women and his wife, that fat women were disgusting and he'd never marry one; one of the women has struggled with her weight and I really wanted to punch him in the face). I've heard far far more men comment on women's weight and how they want skinny women rather than visa versa. I've had friends who've been brought to tears over boyfriends calling them fat, telling them to lose weight because they're unattractive, and women that will "get laid" but be insulted by the man afterwards and made to feel like crap (because, you know, men "will screw anything" and that has no bearing on their reputation, only the woman, who is lumped into the category of "anything"). And of course there are shallow men and shallow women, and people that aren't so shallow. But to say "women have it better" is just laughable.
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Basilin, I tend to agree with you on the fact that more men discriminate against larger women than women do against larger men. For a guy that is dating, an attractive women can be a sign of social status and many guys won't date a larger women because of the stigma that comes with it. When I was single, I didn't discriminate. I've dated some women that were hot but didn't last because they had horrible personalities and dated women that were larger, even obese because they had amazing personalities and were fun to be around. I had a friend ask me why I was with a girl that was 5'4 200 lbs once when he'd seen me with what he thought was much better looking women. I told him because she may look like twice his weight, she was twenty times the person he would ever be. This bothered me because I was teased until I hit puberty because I was super skinny and then teased after gaining weight for being too fat. You'll never make everyone happy but it's a guarantee that there is at least one person out there that you will.0
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Basilin, I tend to agree with you on the fact that more men discriminate against larger women than women do against larger men. For a guy that is dating, an attractive women can be a sign of social status and many guys won't date a larger women because of the stigma that comes with it. When I was single, I didn't discriminate. I've dated some women that were hot but didn't last because they had horrible personalities and dated women that were larger, even obese because they had amazing personalities and were fun to be around. I had a friend ask me why I was with a girl that was 5'4 200 lbs once when he'd seen me with what he thought was much better looking women. I told him because she may look like twice his weight, she was twenty times the person he would ever be. This bothered me because I was teased until I hit puberty because I was super skinny and then teased after gaining weight for being too fat. You'll never make everyone happy but it's a guarantee that there is at least one person out there that you will.
Awesome.
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There's less of it, but that's not because of the weight loss. I started going to college and my husband started a very physical job. He is so worn out and tired and pretty much wakes up just to go back to work again. The only time he has the stamina to participate is on the weekends. But he does do a lot of other things that let me know he's liking the progress, like smacking my behind constantly and obviously checking me out all the time. I don't think time we do spend together is any better or worse though. It's always been amazing, lol.
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Yeahhhh ok. Go survey college age girls. Do they want a guy with a 6 pack, or at least a flat stomach, or a guy that weighs 300lbs. Ladies? Want to chime in on this one?
Maybe so. I think is a overweight female you can still have a more normal life though. You can still go out. Still get laid. Still gain life experience the same ways other people do. As a chubby girl you're not even going to get the same advice a guy would get. "Just wait on that special guy to notice you one day," said no one ever. It's all "Big is beautiful! Show of those curves! Etc." Why? Because big girls know they can still get men. Chances are most big girls don't even want a big guy.fat2fit4good wrote: »
Not necessarily true, it all depends on your personality and how you approach life. I've seen some big guys (not muscular but fat) get some serious play from some hot women all because of their personalities. It is no wonder you haven't had much luck with women if you're personality is as much a downer as your advice. Women pick up on that and no woman wants to be around a guy steeped in depression, guilt and self-loathing. You got to learn to love yourself first before someone else can join in.
My boyfriend is overweight. A decent amount, he weighs over twice what I do. Dude gets hit on ALL THE TIME. It's kind of irritating, actually.
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Well the sex was always great, but I think feeling better about myself and how I look naked makes it better. Lingerie is certainly more fun to wear!!0
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fat2fit4good wrote: »my arm doesn't get as tired as before...
Burning calories laughing my butt off with that comment!0 -
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Her drive is in "P" for park. Although WHEN we actually partake, she does love my increasing endurance. I just wish she would do something for herself. She wants the lights out for she is not happy with the way she looks, but refuses to do anything about it. Very depressing.0
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nikkilove7070 wrote: »funny.....now that I've lost 50 pounds, dress better, feel better.....I got it more when I was heavier. .....
That is odd. I think you look great !!!! just saying.
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RatherBeNapping wrote: »I got laid more often before I lost weight.
with that back side photo... I;'d think more often. now.
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one day, again0
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johnmurphymfp wrote: »nikkilove7070 wrote: »funny.....now that I've lost 50 pounds, dress better, feel better.....I got it more when I was heavier. .....
That is odd. I think you look great !!!! just saying.
I think she looks awesome too but I think a lot of women of all different body types look awesome. I don't buy into what they try to sell as the perfect female form, there is no perfect female form as everybody has their own ideas of perfection. I do hear that women that lose all of the extra weight do sometimes get pullback sexually from their partners. Don't worry ladies, it's probably not you and is/was most likely something related to your man's feelings about himself and his relationship with you going forward. It would be good to sit down and have an adult conversation about the subject. Sometimes us guys need our egos stroked and our fears assuaged.0
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