What Other People Think and Say... Why do you care?

GorillaEsquire

We have become a nation of 250 million individual little dictators.

"Bodyshaming" is one the latest buzz-words floating around social media, and how "horrible" and "awful" it is.

God forbid you ever say anything on a forum that someone else may disagree with, or even worse, find "offensive."

And we as a society have evolved this odd, "politically correct" fascism that promotes the idea that if you are "offended" or "hurt" by something someone says, that person shouldn't be allowed to say it at all. And, I personally find that entire premise, absolutely deplorable and repugnant.

So let's throw it out on the table.

Why do [we as a society] care what other people say? I truly mean anyone, but if it makes it easy to fathom, we'll limit the scope to "strangers."

Let's say someone calls you "too fat," or "too thin," or "too tall," or "too short," or "too healthy," or "not healthy enough" or... bla bla bla...

Why do [we as a society] care what other people think and say?

Discuss.

magnum26

Because we like to moan and make other people miserable to make ourselves feel better.

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refuseresist

You've upset me now.
I demand recompense

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magnum26

GorillaEsquire wrote: »

magnum26 wrote: »

Because we like to moan and make other people miserable to make ourselves feel better.

That's an argument to NOT care what other people say.

Sort of, although people wouldn't argue if they didn't actually care what the person said.

mystiquecal

After what I've gone through, I don't care any more about what others (strangers, too) think or say about me..

Titanuim

What people say on the internet as ultimately it is just words on a screen.

In real life, people care about what others think as our biological programing is to fit in to boost personal chances of survival.

redpandora56

some people derive a larger proportion of their self worth from the opinion of others. I suspect for some people it may be easier to disregard the opinions of 'strangers.' But for others who suffer with insecurities and anxiety about what other people think of them, to hear or see anything negative makes them question themselves because they want to please everyone and don't like to think others don't like them or approve of them, as they weigh these perceived opinions really highly in terms of measuring their own happiness. Sometimes even good family and friendship ties aren't enough to quiet the self doubt created by the opinions of others. It's something I struggle with myself.

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magnum26

mystiquecal wrote: »

After what I've gone through, I don't care any more about what others (strangers, too) think or say about me..

In that case: You're beautiful.

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refuseresist

GorillaEsquire wrote: »

redpandora56 wrote: »

some people derive a larger proportion of their self worth from the opinion of others. I suspect for some people it may be easier to disregard the opinions of 'strangers.' But for others who suffer with insecurities and anxiety about what other people think of them, to hear or see anything negative makes them question themselves because they want to please everyone and don't like to think others don't like them or approve of them, as they weigh these perceived opinions really highly in terms of measuring their own happiness. Sometimes even good family and friendship ties aren't enough to quiet the self doubt created by the opinions of others. It's something I struggle with myself.

I agree. So, why don't they stop doing that?
I know for some it's hard, much the same way they have a mental desire to stab themselves in the in the thigh with a fork. Repeatedly.
Why can't those types of people say, "Hey. My thigh hurts. I think I'll stop stabbing it with this fork?"

This sounds like my 'hammer analogy'. People who say ' When I hit myself in the head with a hammer, it hurts my head. I stopped doing it for a while and the pain went away, but when i started up with the hammer again it came back' Why can I not hit myself in the head with a hammer without pain? For me it relates to someone who claims diets don't work because the weight came back when they stopped doing the diet.

I think its because stabbing yourself with a fork has no positive reinforcement, whereas deriving your sense of worth from others, although ultimately detrimental, gives you occasional positive reinforcement which is stronger than the negative effects.

LeslieTSUK

mystiquecal wrote: »

After what I've gone through, I don't care any more about what others (strangers, too) think or say about me..

Was going to type up a really long reply to this thread, but, that sentence says it all...
Perfectly said sweet lady.

redpandora56

GorillaEsquire wrote: »

I agree. So, why don't they stop doing that?
I know for some it's hard, much the same way they have a mental desire to stab themselves in the in the thigh with a fork. Repeatedly.
Why can't those types of people say, "Hey. My thigh hurts. I think I'll stop stabbing it with this fork?"

Ha. I dunno - perhaps the desire that maybe, just maybe, going back for more might result in getting that pat on the back/gold star that they really want? Some are just gluttons for punishment - once I have put my hand in the fire and realised that it burns, i stay away. I guess some think that one time it'll tickle instead?

refuseresist

GorillaEsquire wrote: »

Titanuim wrote: »

What people say on the internet as ultimately it is just words on a screen.

In real life, people care about what others think as our biological programing is to fit in to boost personal chances of survival.

Well, that one wins the Internet. I may have just developed a crush.

Though I COMPLETELY agree with your brilliant assessment, we as humans also have a biological need to poop, eat and do the no-pants-dance. We can control those needs and emotions (mostly).

Why can't we control the Butthurt Gene?

Pooping, eating and no-pantsing is rigidly controlled culturally. Success in the population group requires adherence to cultural norms. Deriving self worth/ acceptance from others is a successful survival strategy in many animals. Most other animals that live in large social groups will not survive on their own. So they have to care what the others think and fit in with the expectations of the group.

ithrowconfetti

I think an underlying problem may be how the same comments affect people of various demographics recently. A lot of us here are lucky, because many of us are older and mature enough to have lived and learned enough to know that comments by others shouldn't affect us, unless we want them too. But teenagers and impressionable young people? They may not react similarly. I can safely say that when I was younger, I was deeply affected by what people had to say, whether or not I knew them personally. Those of us who were fat? Teachers told us to run extra laps for a portion of our recess, while the thinner ones just looked on. Those who were too thin? Got called all kinds of names and accused of having eating disorders. And not everyone comes out of this better. Some people carry the effects of body-shaming all the way into adulthood, and this can affect things like their self-esteem and confidence issues in future. All things considered, and with the prevalence of media in our lives, which propagate certain "favourable" traits, I personally can only attribute my ability to not be affected today, to my supportive family and friends. Without them, I don't know if I can confidently say I'll be able to not be affected by what people say today.

loribethrice

I just think it depends on how someone says something. I'd never walk up to a person and be like, "Oh hey, you look pretty fat! Let me tell you how I lost weight because you DEFINITELY need to lose weight!", but there are people out there that would do that. That is rude and I think anyone would take offense to that. Just like a person would take offense to people telling them how much they need to eat because they look sick from being thin. It's a normal thing to want people to see you the way you want to be seen. It's just human.

MyRummyHens

I don't care. I think a lot of people do care because to consider and be influenced by others is socially acceptable. To not care, is to not react and to not react isn't always understood. Prime example is me in the gym, some guy glances none to subtly at my butt. I don't care. It doesn't change my world in the slightest whether the guy is looking at my butt, or at the woodlouse crawling across the gym floor. I've no interest in him, or what he thinks of my butt. I'm far more interested in whether that woodlouse is going to make his epic journey outside. Yet to some people I've "allowed" myself to be "objectified" by not caring and therefore let down all woman-kind everywhere. Lots of things, and not just this example, are socially unacceptable to not care about with a significant percentage of the population. Funnily enough 90% of my mates are guys, I struggle to connect with women because I think that often women find my lack of emotional investment in things I just don't care about harder to accept than men. Doesn't bother me, I've still got a great bunch of friends, and it didn't half mean my husband got that ring on my finger pretty damn quick! Before, I quote, "someone else marries you".

msf74

Stop crying like a baby. You're crazy. No one else would have you. You make me this way with your nagging. Why do you have to be this way? I never hit you though do I so why are you complaining?

Of course, the ability to emotionally abuse someone through words is all the fault of the person on the receiving end. Why do they have to be so goddam sensitive and PC about things? Why can't they just pull themselves together? Sticks and stones and all that jazz...

SrMaggalicious

"Someone's got to like ME best!!!" - The Birdcage

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jenny24012014

People care what other people think of them because that's how society works. The internet is now part of society and just because it's text on a screen that doesn't change the impact that it has.

NoelFigart1

GorillaEsquire wrote: »

Why do [we as a society] care what other people say? I truly mean anyone, but if it makes it easy to fathom, we'll limit the scope to "strangers."

Cultural attitudes. I'm fat and of a certain look. If I go into an emergency room in pain it will be automatically assumed I am doctor shopping. No medical personnel will listen to me unless I have my tall, handsome, deep-voiced husband there to tell them to check my medical records. (I've never, not once, refilled a pain prescription. In fact, I turn unused drugs back in Every. Single. Time.)

It's about the cultural attitude that because I look a certain way, other baggage is attached.

It's not about someone saying something nasty to me. If I need to (and in sober truth, I haven't since high school) I am clever enough with words and attitude to have some rude nitwit groveling on the floor sobbing for his mother in about five minutes if necessary. So, I couldn't care about that nonsense.

I DO care about whether or not a nurse will repeatedly take my damn blood pressure because no fat lady could POSSIBLY have normal blood pressure.

However, fat people are CULTURALLY CONDITIONED to think they don't deserve good things or nice treatment. Sure, sure, I'm scrappy as hell, and arrogant to boot, but fighting like an angry tiger every damn day of your life just to be treated as an intelligent, thinking, feeling human is exhausting and I don't think one should HAVE to be that way to get treated with common courtesy.

Or to get life-saving medical treatment. Or even appropriate preventative treatment.

lorib642

GorillaEsquire wrote: »

We have become a nation of 250 million individual little dictators.

"Bodyshaming" is one the latest buzz-words floating around social media, and how "horrible" and "awful" it is.

God forbid you ever say anything on a forum that someone else may disagree with, or even worse, find "offensive."

And we as a society have evolved this odd, "politically correct" fascism that promotes the idea that if you are "offended" or "hurt" by something someone says, that person shouldn't be allowed to say it at all. And, I personally find that entire premise, absolutely deplorable and repugnant.

So let's throw it out on the table.

Why do [we as a society] care what other people say? I truly mean anyone, but if it makes it easy to fathom, we'll limit the scope to "strangers."

Let's say someone calls you "too fat," or "too thin," or "too tall," or "too short," or "too healthy," or "not healthy enough" or... bla bla bla...

Why do [we as a society] care what other people think and say?

Discuss.

I don't find that at all. I find that people can be very free with their opinions and say things on-line they wouldn't say in person.

The rules change if you are a public figure. Is that what you meant?

I do think political correctness has gone too far. I was going to describe myself as a "spazz" once. but I wasn't sure if that was somehow an incorrect word now.

Why does society care? Because words have meaning. It's more than just semantics. Some words have a history of being used in a derogatory way.

I don't think society cares about me, as an individual. It is all the people in my category. And, it isn't everyone. It is people with their pet causes.


I have an example: I have a mental illness. I am okay with that term. I might even call myself "crazy" but I wouldn't refer to someone that was suffering, that way. I think they have enough to deal with without name-calling. But, mental health advocates have determined that "mental illness" is an incorrect term and we are to be called consumers. I think it is the stupidest thing. No one knows what that means. I do some speaking for education on mental illness and I use that term, but I don't like it.

I don't think society at large has an issue with the words "mental illness" or even ":insane" or "crazy". I don't like some of the words because they sound like I am out of control when I am not. But, I am not offended.

There is a push for people to stop using terms for mental illness for normal behavior: He's so bipolar, I am obsessive. I don't know how i feel about that. I think that is teetering on where things go too far. Would you have pulled back way before?

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Noogynoogs

People can do and say what they want to me. I don't take anything on board. I am rather irratating in that respect. My hubby calls me " an island" .

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