I'm 19 and have never had a boyfriend :(
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Hockey_Winger wrote: »jasonmh630 wrote: »It's like it's saying that a man needs a woman, but a woman is weak for needing a man.
In a good healthy relationship, both parties need each other. I may be completely misinterpreting that, but that's what I gather from it.
I can see how it could be read that way, but I don't see it that way. I also just ended a relationship that was as long as the OP has been alive so my view is tilted a bit.
I definitely see your POV on it. When we've been jaded, we do tend to skew our views toward the negative sides of related things.
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I know it's an important thing, but really - don't be in a hurry. Everybody always says "Love will find you" and it does. It might not be on the schedule YOU'd like it to be on....LOL...but it will. I remember not really having a boyfriend until my mid-20's. I was lucky if the relationship would last 6 weeks before they'd get on my nerves or something just wasn't "right" with it. Then I went to my uncle's wedding in May 1991. When my family doctor asked when we were going to have one of "these" (wedding's) for me, I replied that I had sworn off men - they were all evil.
In case you didn't know, God likes to play with me. July 5th, 1991 I was a bridesmaid in a wedding, and have been married to the best man in the wedding for 20 years this year.
I had lost 20 pounds for that wedding and was feeling pretty good about myself. I was trying to "impress" another groomsman, and was blowing him off (can of worms), and in the processes of exuding confidence, I ended up landing the best man! LOL
Just focus on you and being the best you you can be.0 -
@jasonmh630 Like you said "in a good healthy relationship, both parties need each other."
To be blunt and brief... what do you provide to the relationship? If you can't answer that, there is trouble. That's why I like the quote.
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In high school, I was a bit boy crazy and in love with the idea of love (and probably enjoyed the drama at the time) and had a bunch of boyfriends but no real relationship. Then from age 18 to 23, I was single, mostly by choice, as I wanted to concentrate on college and starting a career and being young and having fun. Then something just switched...I felt like I was ready. And weirdly enough, it was like it showed somehow (as others have mentioned, I probably showed more confidence). I was getting hit on more often and shortly after that, I met my now husband. I'm not saying it'll happen that way for you but, as corny and cliche as it sounds, I do believe that when you're truly ready, it will happen. But I also believe you have to do something about it - the guys aren't just going to show up at your door!
Instead of, or in addition to, online dating, maybe try meeting guys other ways? I believe you will make friends and meet guys in college but you may want to do other things like volunteer, join clubs/groups or particpate in local events. Check out the MeetUP website for events in your area.0 -
Hockey_Winger wrote: »@jasonmh630 Like you said "in a good healthy relationship, both parties need each other."
To be blunt and brief... what do you provide to the relationship? If you can't answer that, there is trouble. That's why I like the quote.
I agree, however, IMHO, both parties should WANT each other, NOT "need". I believe a healthy relationship is when both parties are in it and committed because they want to be; not because they have to have someone and can't be happy alone.
Hockey_Winger, sorry for you recent break-up. That's a long time to be together. Hope you find happiness.0 -
+1FaithfulJewel wrote: »You won't be happy with someone else until you can be happy with yourself.
And once you're happy with yourself, you will gain confidence and that will open up doors in your life, be it love, career or other things.
Don't panic, life isn't a race.
Take it from a gal who has had quite a few boyfriends and hasn't been single in sometime. Relationships don't fix your problems. When it's time you'll meet the right person, but ENJOY being single as strange as that sounds there is peace in being happy by yourself, something I really wish I would've done.
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Gonna also echo everything about how you should focus on being who you want to be, and that should naturally lead to meeting someone who has the same goals and interests as you and will appreciate you; and that's the kind of person you'd want as a boyfriend (guessing you want long term relationship).
I also didn't have a boyfriend until after high school, and my first relationship wasn't so great. I was lonely and tried to build my life around his and our social group despite my better judgement, and that was a seriously wrong move that lead to tears and isolation in the end.
Met my current boyfriend in community college and we've been together 5 years. You just started college... so be a little patient about developing ties with people. There are likely a ton of things going on within the college community that you can get involved in if you look... and if you're motivated, start your own group or club or activity there. That goes back to focusing on yourself and what you want to do with your life, then you can find people to share your journey.0 -
I dated a guy for a year and a half in high school and he wouldn't even kiss me. When I said "I love you" he said "I don't" and I STILL dated him for six months after that. Self confidence is a hard thing to learn. I'm still struggling with it with my current boyfriend of one year.0
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FaithfulJewel wrote: »You won't be happy with someone else until you can be happy with yourself.
And once you're happy with yourself, you will gain confidence and that will open up doors in your life, be it love, career or other things.
Don't panic, life isn't a race.
Thanks but I am pretty happy with myself!0 -
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Good, then, that you feel happy with yourself! I think mainly people are saying that of course no one wants to be lonely, but just having a boyfriend doesn't equate to happiness, either. There are a lot of crazies and jerks out there. Just be careful. You will find some you are compatible with and some you aren't. I'd say don't rush into anything.0
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My first real girlfriend was at 22, 4 kids and 12 years of marriage later I'm glad I don't have a bunch of exes to block on social media0
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Good, then, that you feel happy with yourself! I think mainly people are saying that of course no one wants to be lonely, but just having a boyfriend doesn't equate to happiness, either. There are a lot of crazies and jerks out there. Just be careful. You will find some you are compatible with and some you aren't. I'd say don't rush into anything.
Bingo. Having a significant other just for the sake of eliminating lonliness is a recipe for disaster.
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Well you can take an active approach or just be passive and go with the flow. Active: strike up conversations with the people in your classes when you start again, try to make some friends, maybe join a club, and hope for the best. Passive: just put this whole issue on the backburner and let it happen when it happens.
All of my relationships happened when I wasn't looking to date and didn't really care about it.0 -
I don't remember who it was, but there was a comedian years ago who said, "you don't 'find' love, you step in it."JazzFischer1989 wrote: »All of my relationships happened when I wasn't looking to date and didn't really care about it.
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Hey everyone I need some advice. I am 19 and like I said before I've never had a boyfriend. Never,
. I've tried online dating (POF and tinder) but the guys there just want to hookup and I don't want just that. I graduated high school in June and right now I am taking the semester off. I work at Kohls, so I don't really meet guys there. Next semester I'm gonna start community college, but it's hard to meet people because I live in the suburbs and everyone just wants to go home after class.
I am a bit overweight still, but I think I carry it well and I have a pretty face and a nice personality, so it's not like I'm hideous or anything. I'm honestly depressed over this. I'm just so lonely and I just want someone to watch movies and cuddle by the fire with...is that really too much to ask for?:( How can I find someone like that? I feel like I'm foreveralone...does anyone else feel this way too?
Alright - here's my $0.02 worth: I am 25 and have already been through a separation because I met someone when I was 19 and he was so cool, he was older, had a great job, drove an awesome car - totally suped up, muffler, rims, you name it - had so many friends, took me places, treated me like I was pure gold and I ate every single ounce of it up.
Fast forward 8 months and that starts to wear off - his anger and violence issues are showing through and he's no longer the charmer he was; we got into an argument once and he started speeding down the road, tried to undo my seatbelt and open my door while taking a sharp left turn - I'll let you imagine what that could do to me; also told me he couldn't handle knowing that I was such a s!ut before we met and he feels like every time we're out together he can't walk down the street without seeing some guy I've been with (which is not true at all!); he emptied and overdrew bank accounts and spent a lot of my money while going through the separation; he broke sliding patio glass doors; broke a carbon fibre fender for his car and threw it at me and so on. After we were together for just over 3 years, I broke it off - had enough and said he needs help: he's mentally unstable and violent and has serious anger issues. We were apart for about 6 months, he contacted me and said he worked really hard, was in counselling and so on and fixed his issues. And for a while he had, everything was perfect again. Since we'd been together for a while and things were working, I said he could move back in and he did. Then *kitten* hit the fan - he punched holes in walls, yelled at me - right in my face, spit hitting my nose yelling, made me into someone I hated. And then in May of this year I had a pregnancy scare and it was then that I realized I deserve way better and so I decided to give it 6 weeks to turn around but it only got worse and he would one day tell me he's such a horrible boyfriend and I should just tell him what to do and then two days turn around and accuse me of ruining him and he couldn't be happy because I forced him to sacrifice the things he loves doing to be with me. One day, I said fine, let me help you with that and I moved out. I always justified it with he just gets angry but I grew up with parents who did argue sometimes and they argued without breaking this or throwing things at each other and I also justified the holes in wall by saying well, he didn't hit me.
He made our separation the worst thing I've ever been through and I look back now and I realize ALL the signs were there but I wanted to be loved and to have someone so bad that I didn't care who it was and by the time I did, I was in too deep. Love yourself first and the right one will come along - I threw away the first half of my twenties to be with someone who didn't respect me or truly care about who I am as a person, we didn't even have close to the same values at all, but he was cool and popular and he wanted me. From experience, by feeling this way you will settle and you don't want to do that - be with someone who really appreciates you, has the same values as you, and even if you mess up still thinks the sun shines out of your *kitten*. Most of all, find someone who respects you, who trusts you and your judgment and who won't treat you like crap in an argument and then justify it with one of two things: 1) if you didn't say those things to get me so worked up I wouldn't have to get so mad or 2) I only get that mad and angry because I love you so much, that's how I know you're the one, I don't get that mad at anyone else. Both of those are crap and are the beginning of a seriously abusive relationship. Because of the first reason, I walked on eggshells and blamed so many of our arguments on things I said, or questioned.
You're 19 - you have so much time! Focus on college - you'll do so great, get an awesome job and the men (the ones who are worth it) will find you.
Feel free to add me if you'd ever like to chat.
Take care of yourself
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I got my first serious boyfriend when I was 20. And I was still fat. You'll meet someone eventually.0
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I was 26 when I met my fella. I felt like I would never meet anyone.
All good things come to those who wait.0
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