What's your biggest weight loss / fitness pet peeve?
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lemurcat12 wrote: »girlviernes wrote: »obscuremusicreference wrote: »concordancia wrote: »lemurcat12 wrote: »
"I also hate when people who look thinnner than me tell me how horrible they look and that they need to lose weight because they are hideous. people dont even think about how thing like that are not only self depricating which is bad enough but also inulting to me, because if you look bad you are pretty much telling me i am even more hideous."
How someone feels about their own body has absolutely nothing to do with you...
Anybody at any size can have body issues and being thinner doesn't make their feelings less important. You being bigger doesn't make your feelings more important.
I agree with this, but I also know that it's natural to assume that someone who thinks she's disgusting at 110 probably thinks it's more disgusting to be 200, even if she's way more judgmental of herself than she would be of anyone else. I've learned not to be bothered by people's expressions of body insecurity, but the real takeaway for me is to realize that others could be hurt by me going on negatively about my own body, so it's probably rude and a good thing to avoid.
It's also a good reminder not to do something that I think is unhelpful and negative, and to remind myself that I don't think that way about other people's bodies, so should not about mine. IMO, there often is a connection between how judgmental you are of yourself and the standards you apply to others, though.
I once had a friend who was slim and athletic say to myself and another overweight woman that she couldn't possibly go to the beach because she had gained five pounds and would be embarrassed to put on a bathing suit, people would think it was disgusting. I asked if she walked along the beach thinking that about other people and she said "Yes, of course!"
Perhaps what she meant was that she couldn't possibly go to the beach with us, but I still choose to believe she had some real issues.
True. And I have female relatives who make statements like that about themselves as a way to shame others. So when someone says that about themselves, I've been hard-wired to think it's a passive-aggressive slight. Whether you mean it that way or not, I assume you're negging me.
As to the mens sizing, let me assure you that a size 32"32" does not mean the same thing from brand to brand. Vanity sizing is alive and well in the mens department too.
When I say that I feel like the ugliest, fattest most unattractive hambeast on the beach - i don't consider others who may weigh more than me to be worse. I don't even think about them. IM the worst, because im the one that has to live in my body. The only thing I really notice on other people is - ooh that pattern is cute, or I wish I could wear that kind of suit, or I wonder if I could get away with that yet. The only time I judge someone's appearance is when they are immodest by my standards and it's not like I'd tell them lol. Other than this, I am too distracted by my own imperfections.
I dont judge others harder than i judge myself. Im a pushover when it comes to other people. The criticizing voice in my head is a skinny shrew-like, bony fingered, bible thumping, cold souled apparition of my mother. And she doesn't know anyone else on that beach lol!that the thing though. you should. i mean if you are talking to someone, you hould consider how your words would affect them. i mean if you give a crap about them. i am not saying you should care about everyone in the universe all the time. but if you are talking to someone, and something you are saying would be indirectly insulting, even if you are directing it to yourself... you should think about them.
my original post was about my mom, who gained a lot of weight suddenly, and now she looks like i looked most of the last say 15 years... she repeatedly tells me she is hideous and horrible, and all i can think is... you have seen me my whole life, i looked almost exactly like you. how can you stand here and tell me you are hideous, and not realize you are telling me that i looked hideous for years.
but it is exactly what you are saying. "i dont even think about them" and "distracted by my own imperfections" and i dont think this has nothing to do with me, if i am part of the conversation. it is a pet peeve of mine that people are careless with their words when putting themsleves down. people SHOULD think of who they are talking to before they open their mouths, otherwise they are not talking to you at all, just bouncing their words off someone whos feelings dont matter.
the funny thing is... over thanksgiving i finally got tired of it and told her how i felt when she said things like that... and she said "but i always thought your were beautiful even when you were bigger" and i said then why cant you feel that about yourself?
its all very complicated though..with moms...
you know what - you are 100 percent right.
those of us that are not overweight, even if we see ourselves as horribly ugly monsters in our own minds long after we lost the weight, have absolutely no right to lean on our friends and family unless they are smaller than us.
If we need to lose less weight than the person we are speaking with, we can't vent about frustration with our own bodies or our own hang-ups.
If we are struggling with self-worth and self-consciousness, we should ONLY find someone skinny and/or fit to complain to.
Because unless we are very overweight, any of our own personal issues are nothing more than a creative way to go about finding new means of insulting the people we love who weigh more than us. It doesn't matter if we are sisters or best friends. Sisters and Best Friends are -N O T- the people we should lean on when we are frustrated or depressed. Only look for fit people.
AND if we are ever in a situation where a beloved family member or friend who is smaller than we are, starts talking about how they feel they are fat or hideous - we should remember that this is actually a comment about our body and not theirs. What they are saying, in all actuality, is that we are even worse than them.
Did I get it right?
If im smaller than my friends, I don't get to talk about my health and fitness? Cool.
Okay, I think it depends how and to whom you talk about it. The normative "fat talk" as in "Does my butt look fat in this?" "I'm so gross", etc., not cool, not good for any one, and yes, hard to listen to when you have a significant weight problem.
If you truly struggle with your body image and want support from someone close, that's a different story. Reach out, but be mindful of the other person. Something like, "I'd really like some help because I am really struggling with negative thoughts about my body"
this is what I was talking about. I was saying how, when Im alone at the beach, Im not judging anyone because all I can see is how awful I look and I don't think ANYONE looks worse - and I was told that those thoughts in my head are inconsiderate to the people around me, because how I look at myself, even when not comparing to them, is inconsiderate and means I dont give a crap about other people.
The thread is too long to go back to it now, but my memory is that the genesis of this discussion is about someone going on to her fatter friend or daughter or sister (although I'd amend it to anyone else) about how monstrously fat she is and how anyone looking at her would want to vomit and how gross fat is, etc., and the fat friend/sister/daughter feeling bad and judged and then various people (including you?) jumping in and saying it's not about you, how dare you not sympathize with the thinner person feeling bad.
IMO, the speaker in that scenario (the thinner complainer) was being rude, and it's not about the other being fatter (although that does make it more obviously thoughtless), and it's not less rude if you are insecure. Among other reasons, it's not less rude if your friend is average weight or thinner than you either, maybe she's also insecure and just less prone to talk about (lots of people are insecure, after all). To say that your feeling bad about yourself gives you a free pass to ignore her feelings would be wrong and inconsiderate.
Obviously, however, thinking stuff to yourself isn't the issue, and I don't think anyone raised that.
But, in fact, I do think that people inclined to be quite judgmental with themselves about their bodies also tend to be focused on the bodies of others as something to be critical of. If you don't feel compelled to say that, I don't think it's rude (nor do I care), and I'm sure there are exceptions, but I have noticed it to be true. (Similarly, people who think it's important to dress well often are more apt to notice or be bothered by people who are slobs in their fashion choices, people who keep their houses really clean, are more likely to judge other's housekeeping, etc.) If you don't think it's terrible to have an imperfect body, that's something to take to heart with respect to yourself, though.
this is yes what i meant. i like to think of it this way.
if i wouldnt say something about a random strangers looks... like if a larger person walked past me and a friend... i wouldnt turn to my friend and say what a fat cow. because it would be rude. and i dont talk about people like that. and if my friend has extra weight even worse because of course she/he will think i think the same about them.
so why would i say it to my friend about myelf. "i am a fat cow" it is equally rude.
and really it does nobody any good anyway. if you want to talk to me about your weight or mine i am happy to talk about it in a constructive way without any fat shaming of either yourself or someone else... its not about not talking about problems. its about talking about problems without shaming people.
sometimes a dear friend's problem is that she shames herself because she feels she has no worth whatsoever because of where her experiences in life have landed her, sometimes shaming yourself out loud is a cry for help, even if passive aggressively done. If she feels she can't talk to her best friend about her struggles because her best friend is too sensitive about her own weight - how are they being friends other than in name?
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0somuchbetter0 wrote: »I ran into someone I hadn't seen in a long time and he remarked on my weight loss. He patted his belly and said "I should do that too, but I like food." It wasn't annoying so much as funny and a little sad. I just laughed and said "I like food too!"
That irks me too- it's like people assume b/c you aren't over weight- or you have discipline- you don't like food.
Being a foodie is NOT an excuse for your shape.... most of us REALLY like food. We just manage it better than other people- but it is a little besmirching when people assume that some how you eat a boring diet and don't care that your food is "bad" or some such assumption.
Ridiculous. LOL
I do love good food...and good wine...and I'm a good cook, to boot.
But I get the other type of reaction to my weight too. I'm still fat - 5'3" and 175lbs. I have about 45 lbs to lose. So often times, people who are meeting me for the first time assume I'm just a fat slob who doesn't have a clue. One time I was running at a pretty good clip on the treadmill at the gym (it was nasty cold and wet outside...normally hate the treadmill), and a trainer I'd never met before came up and suggested I slow down because at my weight I could hurt myself. I just laughed at him and increased my speed. a**hole.0 -
0somuchbetter0 wrote: »0somuchbetter0 wrote: »I ran into someone I hadn't seen in a long time and he remarked on my weight loss. He patted his belly and said "I should do that too, but I like food." It wasn't annoying so much as funny and a little sad. I just laughed and said "I like food too!"
That irks me too- it's like people assume b/c you aren't over weight- or you have discipline- you don't like food.
Being a foodie is NOT an excuse for your shape.... most of us REALLY like food. We just manage it better than other people- but it is a little besmirching when people assume that some how you eat a boring diet and don't care that your food is "bad" or some such assumption.
Ridiculous. LOL
I do love good food...and good wine...and I'm a good cook, to boot.
But I get the other type of reaction to my weight too. I'm still fat - 5'3" and 175lbs. I have about 45 lbs to lose. So often times, people who are meeting me for the first time assume I'm just a fat slob who doesn't have a clue. One time I was running at a pretty good clip on the treadmill at the gym (it was nasty cold and wet outside...normally hate the treadmill), and a trainer I'd never met before came up and suggested I slow down because at my weight I could hurt myself. I just laughed at him and increased my speed. a**hole.
oh wow- that was douchey.
Good on you for your hard work!!!0 -
You're completely right, a pound of lead weighs more than a pound feathers. Thanks for educating me. gg. gj.Carlos_421 wrote: »
Poster stated that a pound of feathers is lighter than a pound of lead, and that it's perfectly valid.
Where I come from, that's called stupid. However, now that I live in the pac northwest, I'll go with it.
Bigfoot is real.
No, you're just taking what you want from what was said. Their point was that if I say "Lead weighs more than feathers" you wouldn't fuss about "only by volume!" It's beyond obvious that a pound of feathers will have much greater volume than a pound of lead and that equal amounts of the two, by volume, will not weigh the same.
To say, "Muscle doesn't weigh more than fat because a pound of muscle and a pound of fat weigh the same" is indeed a true statement. However, it's also so blatantly obvious and so incredibly far away from the point of "muscle weighs more than fat" that it makes you sound ridiculously silly.
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She turned me in to a newt!0
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Groups of teenagers at the gym who apparently only go there to flex a muscle once every 15 minutes and then sit on all the benches to chat.0
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when the music at the gym is taylor swift or one direction and the tv remote is locked in the staff room and they have all gone home for the day.
people who go on some extreme diet and then wonder why they cant keep to it for more than a week.
WHEN IT'S ADELE....
I go to the gym to improve my health and my life and I gotta hear some woman crying because there is no reason to live if you don't have the man you want when you want him and the rain aint flammable and in the UK Im pretty sure that chasing pavement means working the street, in some circles.
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Best. Evar.when the music at the gym is taylor swift or one direction and the tv remote is locked in the staff room and they have all gone home for the day.
people who go on some extreme diet and then wonder why they cant keep to it for more than a week.
WHEN IT'S ADELE....
I go to the gym to improve my health and my life and I gotta hear some woman crying because there is no reason to live if you don't have the man you want when you want him and the rain aint flammable and in the UK Im pretty sure that chasing pavement means working the street, in some circles.
I
my earbuds. I'll cancel a workout if I forget them, the gym plays such heinous stuff. Fridays is hair metal. Not even kidding.
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pincushion14 wrote: »
Best. Evar.when the music at the gym is taylor swift or one direction and the tv remote is locked in the staff room and they have all gone home for the day.
people who go on some extreme diet and then wonder why they cant keep to it for more than a week.
WHEN IT'S ADELE....
I go to the gym to improve my health and my life and I gotta hear some woman crying because there is no reason to live if you don't have the man you want when you want him and the rain aint flammable and in the UK Im pretty sure that chasing pavement means working the street, in some circles.
I my earbuds. I'll cancel a workout if I forget them, the gym plays such heinous stuff. Fridays is hair metal. Not even kidding.
At my gym I swear they seem to have Darude - Sandstorm, Marilyn Manson - Fight song and Nikki Minaj - Anaconda on repeat.0 -
0somuchbetter0 wrote: »But I get the other type of reaction to my weight too. I'm still fat - 5'3" and 175lbs. I have about 45 lbs to lose. So often times, people who are meeting me for the first time assume I'm just a fat slob who doesn't have a clue. One time I was running at a pretty good clip on the treadmill at the gym (it was nasty cold and wet outside...normally hate the treadmill), and a trainer I'd never met before came up and suggested I slow down because at my weight I could hurt myself. I just laughed at him and increased my speed. a**hole.
Dear God, save me from concern trolls!
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You're completely right, a pound of lead weighs more than a pound feathers. Thanks for educating me.Carlos_421 wrote: »
No, you're just taking what you want from what was said. Their point was that if I say "Lead weighs more than feathers" you wouldn't fuss about "only by volume!" It's beyond obvious that a pound of feathers will have much greater volume than a pound of lead and that equal amounts of the two, by volume, will not weigh the same.
To say, "Muscle doesn't weigh more than fat because a pound of muscle and a pound of fat weigh the same" is indeed a true statement. However, it's also so blatantly obvious and so incredibly far away from the point of "muscle weighs more than fat" that it makes you sound ridiculously silly.
Again, no one has made that claim.
If you have an intelligent response, make it known. Otherwise, making false claims about what we're saying only delegitimizes your own argument.0 -
My pet peeve about the whole fat vs. muscle debate is when people use it to justify their weight. Having lunch with a friend, we were talking about how hard it is to keep weight down at our advanced age, then she says "but muscle weighs more than fat, right?" This from someone that doesn't lift, doesn't even do body weight exercises. How do you respond to that?0
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- Yummly
- Superfood
- Blast Fat (lard all over the wall? Eeew)
- Women's mags with both brownies on the cover and "How to lose 10 pounds!"
- Yummly
- Any women's mag. They all have photoshopped models
- Any men's bodybuilding mag. They encourage steroid drug use.
Quotes:- "Anyone can do it" (darn, mentioned on the first page)
- "All you have to do is..."
- "It's easy"
- "Yes, you can bulk up" (Like that? I don't THINK so without 'roids)
- "Start with pull ups and push ups" (EVERYONE can do this, right?)
- "Lose tummy fat" along with spot reducing
- "It's because you don't want to"
This whole thing is a psychological issue and is usually treated like a toy project. Head work is not easy and is usually stigmatized or thought to be trivial.
I am not including those few people that truly have genetic predisposition or meds that cause weight gain.0 -
NoelFigart1 wrote: »0somuchbetter0 wrote: »But I get the other type of reaction to my weight too. I'm still fat - 5'3" and 175lbs. I have about 45 lbs to lose. So often times, people who are meeting me for the first time assume I'm just a fat slob who doesn't have a clue. One time I was running at a pretty good clip on the treadmill at the gym (it was nasty cold and wet outside...normally hate the treadmill), and a trainer I'd never met before came up and suggested I slow down because at my weight I could hurt myself. I just laughed at him and increased my speed. a**hole.
Dear God, save me from concern trolls!
That was a great blog post!0 -
Yakelmeyer wrote: »People who hold themselves up on the stair master putting all the weight into their arms and none in their legs.
Haha there's that woman at the gym who's always running while holding for deal life to the treadmill bars next to her. WTF? I swear every time I go there, at least half the people are holding the bar. Makes me shake my head, really. Only assuming that they don't know that you burn way less calories that way, but my gym has free sessions with a personal trainer and it's pretty much the first thing they tell you, so... I don't get it.
I sometimes have to hold the bars and it's because I have major issues with shin splints. I do everything I'm supposed to do to prevent them but some days I still have some pain, even when just walking. Holding the bars helps with it a lot, so the days they hurt, I hold on.0 -
NoelFigart1 wrote: »0somuchbetter0 wrote: »But I get the other type of reaction to my weight too. I'm still fat - 5'3" and 175lbs. I have about 45 lbs to lose. So often times, people who are meeting me for the first time assume I'm just a fat slob who doesn't have a clue. One time I was running at a pretty good clip on the treadmill at the gym (it was nasty cold and wet outside...normally hate the treadmill), and a trainer I'd never met before came up and suggested I slow down because at my weight I could hurt myself. I just laughed at him and increased my speed. a**hole.
Dear God, save me from concern trolls!
trolls actually dont bother with the effort that would be needed to go over to someone and ask if they were okay.
I don't like it when someone assumes what I am and am not capable of in the gym if they don't know me, but asking me if Im okay is just common decency and probably the prelude to smiles and a new gym contact that you can smile and nod at when you arrive. Which is always nice on a crappy day
seeing someone smile regularly at the gym.
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Carlos_421 wrote: »
You're completely right, a pound of lead weighs more than a pound feathers. Thanks for educating me.Carlos_421 wrote: »
No, you're just taking what you want from what was said. Their point was that if I say "Lead weighs more than feathers" you wouldn't fuss about "only by volume!" It's beyond obvious that a pound of feathers will have much greater volume than a pound of lead and that equal amounts of the two, by volume, will not weigh the same.
To say, "Muscle doesn't weigh more than fat because a pound of muscle and a pound of fat weigh the same" is indeed a true statement. However, it's also so blatantly obvious and so incredibly far away from the point of "muscle weighs more than fat" that it makes you sound ridiculously silly.
Again, no one has made that claim.
If you have an intelligent response, make it known. Otherwise, making false claims about what we're saying only delegitimizes your own argument.
what you're saying or what you are implying with an assumption that your audience will fill in the rest of your sentence?
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Oh, I smiled at her. Bless her heart...0
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