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I don't trust myself anymore

marinand23marinand23 Member Posts: 2 Member Member Posts: 2 Member
I know this sounds silly but I feel like every time I say I'm going to lose weight, deep down I'm so aware that so soon I'm going to eat so much sugar and be out of shape and quit. In my head I've labelled myself a quitter and I can't un-think it. I've tried Atkins, and Weight Watchers ...and now every time I start (and it's almost monthly), I start with a thought at the back of my head like : "there's no way you're keeping this up, you will fail..." I don't know how to trust myself again and know that I CAN'T do this since I've been struggling with on again off again diets for 8 years ...how does one re-gain self-trust and self-belief?
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  • editorgrrleditorgrrl Member Posts: 7,130 Member Member Posts: 7,130 Member
    Stop going on (and eventually off of) diets. Instead, make sustainable lifestyle changes. You don't have to be perfect to lose weight—just make some better choices today than you did yesterday.

    Learn to log everything you eat & drink accurately & honestly. Logging is simple, but it ain't easy. Logging works.

    Eat "good" 80% of the time, and fit yummy, portion-controlled treats into your calorie goal. Deprivation can lead to bingeing.

    Please be kind to yourself. Negative self-talk, shame, and guilt are all counterproductive. It sounds naff (cheesy), but treat yourself the way you would a friend. You deserve to be healthy & happy in 2015.
  • brenn24179brenn24179 Member Posts: 1,935 Member Member Posts: 1,935 Member
    start talking to yourself in a positive way. You can do this. You are young, this is a lifestyle. Log your calories, if you want something fattening, eat it and eat less at the next meal. It is definitely a math thing. Set boundaries with yourself at times and say No. Basically believe in yourself, I have had this weight off for 4 years, if I can do it you can.
  • lsgibbs83lsgibbs83 Member Posts: 254 Member Member Posts: 254 Member
    editorgrrl wrote: »
    Stop going on (and eventually off of) diets. Instead, make sustainable lifestyle changes. You don't have to be perfect to lose weight—just make some better choices today than you did yesterday.

    Learn to log everything you eat & drink accurately & honestly. Logging is simple, but it ain't easy. Logging works.

    Eat "good" 80% of the time, and fit yummy, portion-controlled treats into your calorie goal. Deprivation can lead to bingeing.

    Please be kind to yourself. Negative self-talk, shame, and guilt are all counterproductive. It sounds naff (cheesy), but treat yourself the way you would a friend. You deserve to be healthy & happy in 2015.

    This...exactly!

    I started the summer needing to lose at least 65lbs. I doubted if I could really do it but in a little over 6 months I am just 10lbs from my goal. If I can do this, you can.
  • debubbiedebubbie Member Posts: 767 Member Member Posts: 767 Member
    I think the best way is to set small and attainable goals for yourself. Keep track of those goals and how you were able to reach them. When the thoughts of self doubt become great look back through your journal to see all the accomplishments you have made and you can say to that voice, "well I walked for one mile every day for two weeks and was under my calorie goal for 10 of those 14 days, and the other 4 days I was only 100 calories over my goal so there!"

    It may sound crazy, but you would have a written record of all the times that you have succeeded and didn't quit. You may find it easier to focus on how your clothes fit, inches lost, improved eating habits, or improved fitness instead of focusing on a number on the scale. I think that number can help to feed the strength of your doubting inner voice. I became too focused on that number and it messed me up for the last two months. I decided to hide the scale and other than doctor visits or the monthly log in for the weight management program I am in I do not use the scale. I take my victories from each day that I stay under calorie goal or close to it if I go over, the fact that I need to buy new clothes because my other clothes hang off of me, and my ability to walk-jog farther distances in less amount of time than I did before. I am starting to believe that if I worry about those things more then my weight will eventually come down to a healthy range.

    On the days that I want to quit I try to remind myself that ever choice that I make to improve my health is a small victory and is moving me slowly towards my ultimate goal. I also look back in my journal and see how much weight I have lost in the last year, the way my body has changed in looks, and how I am able to complete fitness related goals that I couldn't even a year ago. I did not stick to it like I wanted to over the past year, but I have lost 40-some pounds and can walk-jog five miles in less than 90 minutes which a year ago I never would have had the confidence in my abilities to consider entering a race of that distance.

    Also, I haven't really cut anything out of my diet (well Dr. Pepper and juices are about gone) but eat things in moderation. For example, instead of eating four slices of a large pizza piled high with meats and extra cheeses I may eat two slices of thin crust pizza that has one meat, some veggies, and normal cheese with some flavored water and chicken tenders. I may pass on the molten lava cake and eat a few mini rolos for dessert. I can save a bunch of calories but still eat foods that I enjoy without feeling miserable about it. Another thing that has helped me is I realized how much exercise it would take to burn off the calories from foods or drinks, and that has helped me to make better food choices.

    I think one of the best pieces of advice that I have seen on here is, "Each day is a new day for you to make healthy choices and yesterday is in the past. Basically consider each day as your starting over day and make the best choices that you can make for yourself as the day progresses. After awhile the healthier choices that you are making become habits and you no longer have to "think" about what you need to do."

    I hope this helps and remember that you are not alone. You can add me as a friend if you would like.
  • pocketrocket42pocketrocket42 Member Posts: 13 Member Member Posts: 13 Member
    I lost about 80 lbs which sounds impressive, but I did that over a period of 5 years, mostly in dribs and drabs. I found it was easier to lose 10-15 pounds at a time than a big number. Maybe you should try that.

    Also, seconding what people say about diets. You need to make a permanent lifestyle change that you can keep up with.
  • LAMCDylanLAMCDylan Member Posts: 1,214 Member Member Posts: 1,214 Member
    You have to want the weight loss really bad. Think about why you want to lose weight in the first place. If is it simply to look better then you won't go far. People often think weight loss and being thin equals beauty. You need to have more reasons that come from deep within you. You have to be doing it for YOU. Attempting to make changes and failing is a normal process. Everything that everyone tries has potential to fail. But you learn and you try again. Just because you fail or quit doesn't mean you are a quiter or a failed person. You try again but with a different approach/plan. I suggest you write out pros and cons to losing weight and getting in shape. And see if those pros outweigh those cons. And when you feel like giving up look at that list again. Believe in it, know you can do it, and know that no one can stop you if you are determined. Really, the only one stopping you from succeeding is you.
  • amy_lynn007amy_lynn007 Member Posts: 48 Member Member Posts: 48 Member
    I just started reading a book called "The Beck Diet Solution" that I'm finding extremely helpful. My mindset was similar to yours recently, and I decided to do something about it. Its a great book because it doesn't tell you how to eat, it tells you how to think regarding food.
  • mrsKOrtizmrsKOrtiz Member Posts: 951 Member Member Posts: 951 Member
    I normally have the same issue. What you are doing right now is that you are sabotaging your beginnings by dreading on the past. You need to let your mistakes go. You are not a quitter because if you were why do would you keep trying?
  • dawn0293dawn0293 Member Posts: 115 Member Member Posts: 115 Member
    I stopped thinking of it as something I could quit if I really wanted to and started thinking of it as a permanent dietary change that I had to make for the sake of my health and betterment of my family. To me, being morbidly obese was really no different than if I had diabetes or some other serious ailment. I was literally killing myself with food. I do not want to die young and leave my kids motherless. Therefore, I got serious.
  • blankiefinderblankiefinder Member Posts: 3,599 Member Member Posts: 3,599 Member
    No more diets, for starters!

    And secondly, set yourself up for success. You know yourself better than anyone. For myself, that meant setting my goal weight loss at only .5 lbs per week. I knew that personally, I couldn't maintain a 1200 calorie per day lifestyle, and I also knew that if I kept seeing that I was over my calories all the time, that I might give up with the changes I was making. By setting my goal loss at -.5 per week, it gave me just over 1500 calories a day to eat, much more sustainable. To lose 1.5 would put me at 1200, to lose 2 would put me at 950 (mfp wouldn't allow that even if I wanted). It was a huge motivator for me to know that I have been under my calorie allowance almost every single day since I started in August, and have logged all my food every day. I'm now down 28 lbs and am 5 lbs from goal weight, and I wouldn't have believed it possible.
  • lemurcat12lemurcat12 Member Posts: 30,886 Member Member Posts: 30,886 Member
    You've gotten great comments. I agree that the trick is to stop thinking of it as being on a diet that you can then fall off of, but instead as making sustainable changes. And in particular not thinking of it as an all or nothing thing, so that one screw up becomes an excuse to chuck everything until you decide to start over.

    For me what helped was just to set some long term goals to look toward and then smaller goals on a weekly basis to work on (and if I wasn't perfect that was why I needed to keep working). It started small--getting back to cooking very regularly and planning for that, and to walking a lot (as many daily trips as possible by walking). Then I expanded from there and made additional small changes. One of these (of course) was using MFP to stick to a particular calorie level.
  • marinand23marinand23 Member Posts: 2 Member Member Posts: 2 Member
    Thank you all so much. This has been the greatest support system I've ever encountered!!! I am currently making a written plan, outweighing pros and cons and put the book recommended above on hold!!
  • UnicornAmandaUnicornAmanda Member Posts: 294 Member Member Posts: 294 Member
    editorgrrl wrote: »
    Stop going on (and eventually off of) diets. Instead, make sustainable lifestyle changes. You don't have to be perfect to lose weight—just make some better choices today than you did yesterday.

    Learn to log everything you eat & drink accurately & honestly. Logging is simple, but it ain't easy. Logging works.

    Eat "good" 80% of the time, and fit yummy, portion-controlled treats into your calorie goal. Deprivation can lead to bingeing.

    Please be kind to yourself. Negative self-talk, shame, and guilt are all counterproductive. It sounds naff (cheesy), but treat yourself the way you would a friend. You deserve to be healthy & happy in 2015.

    This!!! I was the same exact way and eventually trusted myself again by consistent logging.... no diets. Just being healthy helped me.
  • 999tigger999tigger Member Posts: 5,252 Member Member Posts: 5,252 Member
    Prepare, plan and identify the attitude you need.
    Look at why you have failed before then get help to identify a stratey to deal with it.
    I would really start by breaking it all down into easily managed timeframes and targets that can give you some early successes, are achieveable, but will help you build some momentum and confidence.
    Log for a week, record your food for a week, go for a walk 3 x a week for ten minutes, then when you are ready hit calorie target 1,3,7 times a week. Lose your first pound. Be patient kind and supportive to yourself. Once you make progress then you will start to gain some self belief. Fresh start and dont let the past weigh you down.
  • KalikelKalikel Member Posts: 9,626 Member Member Posts: 9,626 Member
    You don't have to trust yourself. You can eat junk anytime you wish. It's not a matter of trust. Nits a matter of choices.

    Buy healthy food and eat it.

    Exercise.

    Be proud of yourself. Every day, be proud of what you accomplished. If you had a setback, think it over, learn from it and be proud of what you learned.

    If you don't take pride in being you, what's the point, anyway?
  • DerpesDerpes Member Posts: 2,020 Member Member Posts: 2,020 Member
    Try to take it one day at a time. If you go over your calories, just brush it off and focus on the next day.
  • loveliftlaughxoloveliftlaughxo Member Posts: 72 Member Member Posts: 72 Member
    Since you struggle with negative self talk, try reading Michael Losier's Law of Attraction. It is great and can totally assist you in getting in the right frame of mind to start a healthier life style.
  • LounmounLounmoun Member Posts: 8,433 Member Member Posts: 8,433 Member
    Doesn't matter what you did or didn't do last week or last yearor tomorrow...what matters is today.
    You will restart every single day of your life and that is a positive thing. You are not stuck.
    Put your numbers in my fitness pal. Choose a realistic goal like 1 pound a week. Eat whatever you want. You will probably have to choose smaller portions of some things. Log it as accurately as you can and don't exceed your daily calorie goal. Exercise is good for you but doesn't matter if you go over your calories all the time.
    I've found it really helpful to log my whole day in advance. I usually plan out 3 meals and 1 snack the night before or that morning. I can see how my choices would work out. I drink mostly water or unsweetened tea so my calories are from food not drinks.
    Don't think about giving up stuff. Think about what you are adding to your life. You are adding healthy tasty foods. You are adding exercise that leads to greater strength and flexibility. You are managing your stress in a healthy way.
    Think about non scale victories(NSV). I am super happy to be able to bend over to tie my shoes instead of raising my foot up to do it. I'm happy that my clothes are getting looser. I'm happy that I can complete a workout that I had trouble finishing a few months ago.
    Good luck!
  • sheramblersherambler Member Posts: 321 Member Member Posts: 321 Member
    marinand23 wrote: »
    In my head I've labelled myself a quitter and I can't un-think it.... I don't know how to trust myself again and know that I CAN'T do this since I've been struggling with on again off again diets for 8 years ...how does one re-gain self-trust and self-belief?

    I totally get this. This is exactly what I'm struggling with. I've never been a "dieter", but I fall into the same patterns of stopping and starting and self-doubting headspace you describe here. I tend to quit at the first signs of discomfort or challenge. For a long time I think I was afraid to lose weight. I couldn't fathom what a life like that would be like, and it scared me just how different my world might be. So, like you, I'd be on track for a few days or weeks only to give up and then start again later.

    I try to remind myself that, even though I've never fully reached my goal weight, I can do this because I have lost weight, even just a pound or two here or there is proof positive that I'm able to make changes and see results. I keep telling myself that the only thing getting in my way is me. I'm lucky enough to not have any health issues that impact my ability to lose weight (like thyroid problems, insulin resistance, knee or joint problems, etc.), so when I'm not losing weight, it's only because I haven't done the work. I've also starting thinking of my false starts not as multiple isolated unsuccessful journeys but as bumps on an even longer journey, like battles in a long war. Weight loss is not linear, but I thought it should be. And I think that false expectation led me to feel like a failure before I'd even actually failed. Not losing weight one week is a hiccup, not a failure. But I would see it as one. Just being able to shift that thinking just a little bit has started to help me see light at the end of the tunnel.

    It was easy to write off each time I "fell off the wagon" as a failure, but when I examined each more closely I found that while some times I'd only last for days, there were times when I would stay on track for a month or even longer. So when I start a new phase, or whatever you want to call it, my main goal is just to do better and stick to it longer this time than the time before and decrease my days to recover between stopping and restarting. I don't set like an actual number or days or anything, I just try to go as long as I can. The goal is to eventually get to a point when I'm not stopping, but just recovering the same day or even in the same meal. When I look at my journey this way, it doesn't seem so much like a failure because I am making progress. It might be slow progress, but it's my progress.
  • mfelix22276mfelix22276 Member Posts: 2 Member Posts: 2
    I understand completely! Have you heard of Geneen Roth? She has several books. I completely identify with so many of the thoughts she expresses. (Thoughts I'm to embarassd to express outwardly)I want to trust myself too!
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