Do you think it's ok to 'love your body' whatever shape?
Replies
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Define 'love' in this case.
If it means stuffing it full of cupcakes and screaming "SO WHAT IF IM FAT, IM FABULOUS" when your genitals are disappearing into the depths of your belly rolls, then no, it's not okay.
If it means "I'm okay with myself, but I need to look after it" then yes.
I agree with this 100%. I would add that the first example (albeit a bit on the extreme side) is someone thumbing their nose at society and I find it hard to believe they are truly happy with themselves. The other option would be someone who has given up and resigned their fate to being obese, so they tell themselves they are happy in hopes that someday they will believe it.
As others have alluded to, I believe it is more important to love yourself first, because without that, nothing else in life really matters. You certainly wouldn't be able to have enough motivation/self-esteem to improve your overall health without loving yourself.0 -
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If your goal is health, your weight is a bad indicador (not consistent by itself). A thing you could "love or hate" is the way you eat, bloodtest results or your body composition (great indicators of health).
Your body perception is irrelevant to the equation of being healthier; why? because you don't need to "hate it or love it" to make a positive change. Change is an attitude. Your body is just a result.0 -
10 years ago, I went from a size 18 to a size 4. Several things happened.
*I started getting attention from thin women, strangers, who didn't know me, that had never happened before
*I started getting attention from men, not in a platonic way.
*I had one man stop me in a store, say "you look exactly like the type of girl I want, you are my fantasy" I looked at him and said "you don't even know me and I'm married" he said "you're perfect" I pulled out a fat picture and asked "is she perfect?" (the picture looked nothing like me as I was fat and my natural hair color is blonde and I had dyed it deep maroon/purple.) he said "uh, no" I said "too bad, that's me, that's who I am. If you don't like me there, you won't like me now, I am the same person just a different size" and walked away. He just stood there and all his buddies started laughing at him for getting denied. I went home and cried. The truth was I was the same person on the inside, the core me was the same, the package was different and the way I was treated as a thin person was so wildly different that I fell into a depression because I didn't understand why I was so much more "liked" by people at work, my boss, men, women, my husband (until I wasn't). I stayed at that weight for a while, I lifted heavy, I ran long distances, I ate well, one day I reached a size 2, I felt strong, happy, confident, I had gotten used to the attention and being seen. One day, I was putting laundry in the washer and my husband looked at me and said "you know, if you get any more muscular you are going to look like a dude and I am not going to be attracted to you anymore" I had girly hair, I was a 34DDD and a size 2, there was no way I looked like a dude, but that one statement stopped me in my tracks. Instead of saying "**** YOU" and leaving (as that should've been the moment I realized it was all downhill from there) I stopped everything. I got fat again, I started smoking and drinking again and he started smiling again and I became invisible again. I hated myself again, still... whatever.
Fast forward 7 years, 3 kids, 1 divorce (from that guy above - he ended up cheating on me when I was pregnant with our third child and that was what gave me the strength to leave a really bad relationship) and four more years to today, today, I am not a size 4, I am a size 12, in November of last year I was a size 18. It took me 3.5 years post divorce to accept myself for the way I was, to like myself and to appreciate my body. To be grateful for all it had done for me to love every stretch mark, wrinkle, and place that looked okay. I spent a long time studying myself in a mirror. I gave up spanx and promised my body I would never make it be anything it wasn't. I wore clothes that fit and that were comfortable. I decided to only eat food I liked and not because of the health or not healthy benefits it had. It took me 3.5 years to just figure out what I liked to eat after cooking for someone else for 17 years. Turns out, I quite a picky eater, who knew?
I have a long journey ahead of me, but this time, it's just every day. Every day is the first day of reclaiming myself. Every day is slow and the process takes as long as it takes. I am a little bit more visible to the public again, I get more smiles and strangers talk to me more again but this time it doesn't shock me because I know that once your outside is not hiding who you are you become visible. Being fat is not just about dietary choices for a lot of people, it's a layer of protection to keep people away, to in fact, be invisible. Becoming visible is a first time process for a lot of people and if you aren't prepared for it, it can be frightening almost because you know you are the same inside.
One of the women at work asked me a week ago "You look great, are you losing weight for any special reason?" She meant well, it was just a conversational question, but I stopped, looked at her and smiled and I said "Yes, I am, I am doing it for my life" She just looked at me confused and said "Oh, I thought maybe you had an event to go to or something" I just smiled and said "I do" My event is every day, my event is my life. Every day I wake up and begin again because every day something could happen that could change the course of my path and whatever today brings I want to know that I am loving myself and living with no regrets.
So do I think it's okay for obese people to love their body, yes I do, because really that is the first step in the process of understanding who you are and being who you are. Once you accept yourself fully then other people can to and that's where you become visible and that's where you find the strength to create the physical appearance that you want to mirror your internal self. Being fat is so much more than calories in vs. calories out.0 -
It's one thing to love your body, but it's another to hurt your health. Sure somebody who is overweight may say something like "Guys like curves" as almost an excuse for their problems but yes I do agree that everybody should pay attention to their health. After all how are those "curves" going to help you when you are in hospital? I also think it's good to love yourself, because sure you may be overweight etc, but loving yourself also means to treat your body properly to respect yourself.0
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Here's an interesting angle:
What if we focused on loving ourselves for what's on the inside instead of outside? I think we are placing too much value on the outside appearance.
Healthy people have a balance between social, physical, emotional and mental health. If we work on adjusting and getting those into homeostasis, then I say things will all balance out in the end.
I believe that extremes (morbid obesity and anorexia) are not caused by someone's eating habits. They are caused by the mental/emotional imbalances and struggles of that person. Based on what is going on inside, they affect the outside (physical) health.
Let's face it -- it's not about what you're eating or not eating, it's about the underlying issues that keep you in that destructive, unhealthy state. The ONLY way to get back into balance is by dealing with the internal struggles that got you there in the first place.
Some people overeat/under eat because they are unhappy, or maybe their lives are spinning out of control, and the only thing they CAN control is the food they consume.
Some people overeat/under eat because they are masking emotional scars from childhood - again, the lack of control over the way they were raised (abuse, molestation, neglect, etc).
ONLY when those issues are dealt with will the healing begin. It's never about the food, it's about the underlying issues that have driven people to over or under consumption.
^^^This0 -
I dont think there is anything wrong with loving your body no matter your shape...in fact I think its important too...BUT....i think its just as important if not more important to recognise health risks, body shape is aesthetics...how your body performs and how healthy it is is more important in my opinion.
Fantastic answer, thank you very much everyone who has taken this seriously - see we can all play nice :-)0 -
Different people have different priorities. If 'love your body' means idealize something that is obviously not ideal in order to mask a feeling of inadequacy, then no, I don't think people should delude themselves. However, if someone's body or health just isn't a priority for him or her, I don't think that's a sufficient basis for evaluating him or her as a person. Really, I'd rather see emotionally and spiritually healthy people walking around in the world than perfect physical specimens.
I just finished listening to a guided meditation. In part, the meditator was told to imagine her/himself "as a mountain, dignified." In meditation, it doesn't matter what you look like. What counts is the quality of your effort. Your body has dignity. When you're done you can decide what action, if any, you will take as to your body in the material world.
I don't believe in judging someone because of their weight. The exception is when they aren't fat because of a medical or genetic condition yet keep insisting that there's nothing they can do and claim that everyone else is persecuting them and the solution is for society to change, not them.0 -
I think people in today's society misconstrue "love yourself/love your body" with being selfish and glutinous (and often time rude).
I think we should go back to living life with respect. Respect for ourselves and those around us.
I think if more people lived in a respectful manner we'd see a shift in weight, both loss for those who would benefit and gain for those who need it.
...and let's not forget skinny fat... there are so many skinny people who are in just as much trouble as far as health and longevity.
(I'm trying hard not to be one of them)0 -
I'm curious to know what everyone thinks of the statements below. Do you agree with the perceptions out there?
If you're morbidly obese, you MUST be very lazy.
If you're extremely scary skinny, you MUST be very driven.
It fascinates me how we can all jump to certain conclusions just based on physical appearance.
If you're morbidly obese (and it's not due to a medical or genetic condition) I assume that weigh loss is not a priority, or you lack resources (time, education, support). Even though I understand the difficulty I myself do not want to be morbidly obese.
I do not assume that "scary skinny" (whatever that means) people are driven. The very thinnest people I see are usually 1) very young and naturally thin, or 2) very obsessive about weight gain (I wish I was a little more like that myself) or 3) on drugs that keep their weight down. I have also met a few people who all their lives have been blessed with the ability to eat anything they please while staying rail thin. Life is unfair.0 -
i think if people loved their own bodies from the get-go, they wouldn't develop food problems at either end of the spectrum. yes, societal pressure is a mind screw.
Yeah I agree.
I think we should generally try to eat healthy 80/20, get a little exercise and let our weight fall where it does naturally instead of forcing our bodies to weigh X lbs.0 -
I think you should love YOURSELF no matter what. That being said if you love yourself, you should take care of your body and do what's best for it. Do not "settle" with your body just like you wouldn't in a relationship (i'd hope
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i think if people loved their own bodies from the get-go, they wouldn't develop food problems at either end of the spectrum. yes, societal pressure is a mind screw.
The turn of the screw might loosen as we age, but don't stop twisting until we're dead or move to a desert island.
I love discussions like this. They always assume that there will be a blinding insight, an answer that will resolve everything when all you really can do is manage the best you can.0 -
It is perfectly possible to be "conscious of your health" and still love your body. I'm extremely health-conscious but I still focus on body positivity.
Of course I think obese people should take control of their health, but it doesn't mean they should love themselves any less in the process. In fact, they should take control of their health BECAUSE they love themselves. "I love my body, so I'm going to treat it well like it deserves."
If you don't love yourself at any size, you will NOT start loving yourself once you lose weight. I learned that the hard way. I know MANY people (including myself) who were miserable in their body, lost weight, and surprise, were still miserable. It's about attitude and self-image, not weight. Learn to love yourself and the rest will follow.
I completely agree with this.
I also want to mention that judging runs both ways. The thin, healthy and fit society may judge the obese and overweight but the same is true with the overweight/obese judging thin & healthy people.0 -
Here's an interesting angle:
What if we focused on loving ourselves for what's on the inside instead of outside? I think we are placing too much value on the outside appearance.
Healthy people have a balance between social, physical, emotional and mental health. If we work on adjusting and getting those into homeostasis, then I say things will all balance out in the end.
I believe that extremes (morbid obesity and anorexia) are not caused by someone's eating habits. They are caused by the mental/emotional imbalances and struggles of that person. Based on what is going on inside, they affect the outside (physical) health.
Let's face it -- it's not about what you're eating or not eating, it's about the underlying issues that keep you in that destructive, unhealthy state. The ONLY way to get back into balance is by dealing with the internal struggles that got you there in the first place.
Some people overeat/under eat because they are unhappy, or maybe their lives are spinning out of control, and the only thing they CAN control is the food they consume.
Some people overeat/under eat because they are masking emotional scars from childhood - again, the lack of control over the way they were raised (abuse, molestation, neglect, etc).
ONLY when those issues are dealt with will the healing begin. It's never about the food, it's about the underlying issues that have driven people to over or under consumption.
^^^This
Agreed!0 -
Yes, just because society does not love you, does not mean you don't love yourself....I hate when i hear weight loss leads to better self esteem. That's for some, my self esteem is not from my size, clothing, or hair. I love every aspect me, every flaw. I honestly don't understand self esteem issues. Even my decision to lose weight I had nothing to do with self esteem..I wanted to lose it for me. So feeling like if you're fat hate yourself until you look better is shallow.....0
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I think it's definitely ok to to love your body no matter what size and shape. The real issue is the fact that there are a lot of health problems that go along with being overweight. If one loves themselves enough they will make changes to help their health therefore helping their body. As long as they are healthy and feel great then there should be no problem
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10 years ago, I went from a size 18 to a size 4. Several things happened.
*I started getting attention from thin women, strangers, who didn't know me, that had never happened before
*I started getting attention from men, not in a platonic way.
*I had one man stop me in a store, say "you look exactly like the type of girl I want, you are my fantasy" I looked at him and said "you don't even know me and I'm married" he said "you're perfect" I pulled out a fat picture and asked "is she perfect?" (the picture looked nothing like me as I was fat and my natural hair color is blonde and I had dyed it deep maroon/purple.) he said "uh, no" I said "too bad, that's me, that's who I am. If you don't like me there, you won't like me now, I am the same person just a different size" and walked away. He just stood there and all his buddies started laughing at him for getting denied. I went home and cried. The truth was I was the same person on the inside, the core me was the same, the package was different and the way I was treated as a thin person was so wildly different that I fell into a depression because I didn't understand why I was so much more "liked" by people at work, my boss, men, women, my husband (until I wasn't). I stayed at that weight for a while, I lifted heavy, I ran long distances, I ate well, one day I reached a size 2, I felt strong, happy, confident, I had gotten used to the attention and being seen. One day, I was putting laundry in the washer and my husband looked at me and said "you know, if you get any more muscular you are going to look like a dude and I am not going to be attracted to you anymore" I had girly hair, I was a 34DDD and a size 2, there was no way I looked like a dude, but that one statement stopped me in my tracks. Instead of saying "**** YOU" and leaving (as that should've been the moment I realized it was all downhill from there) I stopped everything. I got fat again, I started smoking and drinking again and he started smiling again and I became invisible again. I hated myself again, still... whatever.
Fast forward 7 years, 3 kids, 1 divorce (from that guy above - he ended up cheating on me when I was pregnant with our third child and that was what gave me the strength to leave a really bad relationship) and four more years to today, today, I am not a size 4, I am a size 12, in November of last year I was a size 18. It took me 3.5 years post divorce to accept myself for the way I was, to like myself and to appreciate my body. To be grateful for all it had done for me to love every stretch mark, wrinkle, and place that looked okay. I spent a long time studying myself in a mirror. I gave up spanx and promised my body I would never make it be anything it wasn't. I wore clothes that fit and that were comfortable. I decided to only eat food I liked and not because of the health or not healthy benefits it had. It took me 3.5 years to just figure out what I liked to eat after cooking for someone else for 17 years. Turns out, I quite a picky eater, who knew?
I have a long journey ahead of me, but this time, it's just every day. Every day is the first day of reclaiming myself. Every day is slow and the process takes as long as it takes. I am a little bit more visible to the public again, I get more smiles and strangers talk to me more again but this time it doesn't shock me because I know that once your outside is not hiding who you are you become visible. Being fat is not just about dietary choices for a lot of people, it's a layer of protection to keep people away, to in fact, be invisible. Becoming visible is a first time process for a lot of people and if you aren't prepared for it, it can be frightening almost because you know you are the same inside.
One of the women at work asked me a week ago "You look great, are you losing weight for any special reason?" She meant well, it was just a conversational question, but I stopped, looked at her and smiled and I said "Yes, I am, I am doing it for my life" She just looked at me confused and said "Oh, I thought maybe you had an event to go to or something" I just smiled and said "I do" My event is every day, my event is my life. Every day I wake up and begin again because every day something could happen that could change the course of my path and whatever today brings I want to know that I am loving myself and living with no regrets.
So do I think it's okay for obese people to love their body, yes I do, because really that is the first step in the process of understanding who you are and being who you are. Once you accept yourself fully then other people can to and that's where you become visible and that's where you find the strength to create the physical appearance that you want to mirror your internal self. Being fat is so much more than calories in vs. calories out.
Thank you for sharing your story. Your personality and outlooks are motivating and encouraging! Strong woman!! Go you!! 0 -
Loving your body and loving the state it's in are two different things. How can you not love your body? It's a vessel that carries your soul, gives you pleasure, and takes you places. However, it's entirely reasonable to dislike the state it's in, like dirty (after a hard workout), smelly (after a couple of days without shower), ill (due to disease), obese, etc.
Sure you love your body, but if you also love the smelly state it's currently in, then don't be surprised if people dislike you. The same thing with being obese. Of course, getting rid of sweat is much easier than shedding fat, but they are both about taking care of yourself.
I can hear from a mile away the crowd chanting "but some fat people are that way due to genetics, not because they don't take care of themselves". Sure, a small minority of people are predisposed to be obese, but the rest of us got fat because we don't take enough care of our body. I had a friend with a medical condition that made him stink. He wasn't dirty or unhygienic, his body just naturally stinks. He gets a pass for being stinky, but others have no excuse.
People don't make excuses for being dirty or smelly by saying "I love my body the way it is", they take a shower. The only reason they make excuses for being fat is because diet and exercise are much harder and take longer to do than a shower.0 -
I love myself, but I do not love my body because I know I am not as healthy as I could be. That being said I love myself enough to fix it, so I will one day love my body.
You should love yourself, always. No matter your size or shape.0 -
Yes I think everyone should love their body, whatever their shape or size. However, my definition of "love your body" includes "do right by it" which includes "keep it healthy". So if someone truly loves their morbidly obese body then they will do right by it and get healthy. Even if they are focused on being healthy rather than thin (which IMO they should be) they will at least not end up being morbidly obese. Even if they don't want to be as thin as some sections of society would want them to be, they will at least end up healthy and accepting themselves for who they are, which is a lot more likely to lead to being happy as well as healthy.
Self hatred is a very negative place to start trying to get your body fat percentage into the healthy range, and if you hate yourself, I don't see how it's going to be easy to motivate yourself to become healthy. On the other hand, if you truly like and accept yourself, you have the motivation there already to get healthy. You wouldn't want anyone else that you love to carry on being unhealthy, so why do that to yourself? You don't... you love yourself enough to look after yourself properly and get healthy. I've come across many people who are very obese, hate themselves, and have no motivation to change because they hate themselves. Maybe they have to learn how to love themselves to be able to find the motivation to make whatever changes they need to to be able to get healthy.
Also I've lost count of how many people get to their goal weight and find that the body hatred doesn't go away. So they end up thinking I'll just make this change and that change, lose another 5kg and *then* I'll be happy, and *then* I'll like myself.... but it doesn't happen. And if this kind of thinking goes on indefinitely, it can lead to eating disorders and other health problems.
Many thin people are not healthy or happy, yet no-one tells them they're not allowed to love their bodies until they're healthy.
The sooner everyone learns to love their body and also to look after them well and stay healthy, the better.
Perfection. This!0 -
someone on my facebook shared this, and i thought it was pretty appropriate for this topic
http://www.rxmuscle.com/rx-girl-articles/8342-real-women.html0 -
Love whats on the inside... and take care of yourself both inside and out. :flowerforyou:0
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I think loving yourself just as you are, and continuing an unhealthy lifestyle are two different things entirely.
OP claims to not be hating on fat people but it is exactly the argument and the view she is talking about that is harmful and has totally stemmed from fat hate.
To say to someone that they aren't allowed to love themselves until they reach an allowed weight is frankly horrifying because you do realise that even if they change their habits and try to become a healthier person THEY STILL HAVE TO BE THAT OVERWEIGHT PERSON while they get there. So they have to try and look after themselves, while hating themselves until they get to a bodyweight that is acceptable. Only then can you love yourself
Can you see how ridiculous that sounds? How awful? How impossible that seems?
Nicely said!
You can totally love and accept your body, but that doesn't mean you cant also try and be healthier or try and lose weight. It is still your body regardless so love it always and try to promote living healthily as loving your body, not loving it based on aesthetics.0 -
This is a very complex issue, and really comes down to how you want to define a lot of terms.
I think most people regardless of shape or size have a slightly skewed view of thier own bodies. It's just a matter of how that manifests itself and whether it leads to destructive behaviors/habits or not. Or if it leads to total apathy and neglect.
You only get one ride on this rock and different people decide to spend it with an infinite number of different priorities. Not every one can understand some one else's priorities. Not everyone is successful at making things they want into a reality.0 -
I think 'loving your body' and 'loving yourself' are too tangled up.
I agree. There's a HUGE difference between loving yourself and your body; two totally separate things. It's awesome to have confidence, but if you are faced with health problems due to weight then you need to not be ignorant.
I watched this show about an obese girl who 'loved her body' but her family/friends were encouraging her to go to the doctor and lose weight. She finally agreed, and found out she had diabetes, high cholesterol and blood pressure, and was dangerously overweight. By the time the show was over she said, "I don't think my health problems are that bad. I get more attention from guys being bigger so I don't want to lose weight. I'm scared they won't be attracted to a skinny girl." People like that need to get a reality check.0 -
If you so overweight or underweight that it affects your health then HELL NO u must not like your body at all , its good to be happy but without health u can kiss life good bye0
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in....for the *kitten* storm to follow....0
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All I know is when I look at my pictures from six years ago I am like ughhhhh, who the hell is that guy? Thinking back I did not think of myself as out of shape, but I definitely knew that I was heading in the wrong direction and needed to make some changes...I guess it depends on the person. Some people can be obese and be "happy" I suppose, not sure how they could be but they really do not seem to care about body appearance or over all health ...or maybe they do not understand it...0
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I think loving yourself just as you are, and continuing an unhealthy lifestyle are two different things entirely.
OP claims to not be hating on fat people but it is exactly the argument and the view she is talking about that is harmful and has totally stemmed from fat hate.
To say to someone that they aren't allowed to love themselves until they reach an allowed weight is frankly horrifying because you do realise that even if they change their habits and try to become a healthier person THEY STILL HAVE TO BE THAT OVERWEIGHT PERSON while they get there. So they have to try and look after themselves, while hating themselves until they get to a bodyweight that is acceptable. Only then can you love yourself
Can you see how ridiculous that sounds? How awful? How impossible that seems?
Nicely said!
You can totally love and accept your body, but that doesn't mean you cant also try and be healthier or try and lose weight. It is still your body regardless so love it always and try to promote living healthily as loving your body, not loving it based on aesthetics.
ok but about what about folks that are 350+ pounds...is that loving your body when you have so much extra stress on your heart that your age is 30 but your "real age" is like 50....Just throwing that out there but I dont see how force feeding yourself 5000 calories a days showing love for yourself....maybe they just really do not notice, but it seems strange to me....0
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