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We broke up because...
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I was the mistress and left when the little blue Tums went away0
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The little blue Tums went away because I ended up with little white cold sores...0
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Cried after sexy time..sheeesh ..1
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Oh no we're still together0
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0
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Her tongue no longer worked on me0
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Her costume caused some bruises0
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I couldn't handle an older woman , she was too experienced0
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She wanted to have sex in the back seat of the car and wanted me to drive.1
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True story ^^ lol1
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She didn't show up for date because she was in someone else's car.0
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She wanted sex in the back of a car...Uber!!0
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He said I was fugly
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I told her she was fudgly... like heavenly fudge that tasted incredible... she totally misunderstood!!0
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He was upset that I had a weenie0
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She was shemale0
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She made me feed her baby food since she didn't have teeth0
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She had a really bad dental plan!0
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He got footrot0
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I was always doing the wrong things and having to apologize all the time0
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She was always complaining about something petty.0
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He wouldn't let me tweak his nips0
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She was always sticking her tongue out but never let me put it to use0
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Only loved me for my tongue
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All she ever wanted to do was lick my nipples. She never let me do it to her.0
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Every time we were having a serious conversation I'd always have to say "Hey!!!! My eyes are up here!"0
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She was obsessed with eyes0
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She stole my clothes.0
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I liked his dad more.0
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She liked my dad more.0
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