Daughter-father relationship
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Now that I'm older than a emotional wreck of an adolescent, I'm close to both of my parents. I think I'll always understand my dad more because we have the same thought processes (logical, analytical, black and white etc) and some of the same personality traits (stubborn mostly) but my mom is my best friend. She's who I want to be when I break out of my shell so to speak. Social with everyone, understanding, always there, etc. I had one guy who seriously broke my heart a few years ago and my mom only recently told me, "That absolutely crushed your father. He was very hurt by what that guy did to you and if that kid stayed in the same city he would have been in troubleeee" and that really made me realize a few things. :P Dads are definitely protective of their children. I'm also the only, so I think my situation is different than some.0
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I am very close to my daughters. Here is a Letter I sent my youngest when she left for college:
Dear Holland,
Mom says you feel like I’ve been a little cranky lately. Judgmental, maybe. I don’t mean to be. It’s just me and my inability to adjust with this new relationship that is developing between you and me. The fact is that I couldn’t be prouder of you and I couldn’t love anyone more completely.
When I met your Mom she was part of a package deal. Nikki and Tara were part of that deal. I wasn’t the best person at the time. I had no business being a father. I was still trying to figure out how to be a better person than I had been. Because of Lennie being in the picture and both of the girls being older and your Mom being such a good mom with the girls, I took a much less “hand’s on” approach. I was also sharing father duties with Lennie. When they became adults and moved out, it was a much easier transition to relate to them as adults.
When you were born, my role as a father became much more complicated; I was no longer able to sit on the sidelines and watch. I became much more involved. The best part of my life has been the last 20 years.
Your Mom has always been the strong person. The one that keeps things moving smoothly. The best example for Nikki, Tara and you. They, just like you, always butted heads at home, but an interesting phenomenon takes place when you girls moved out. You girls and your Mom became very good friends and confidantes. My role has not been so well defined. My skill set is much more limited than your mother’s and now I am trying to relate to you as an adult without having as much to offer. I feel like I played a significant role in helping you be an independent, self-sufficient person. I know that I helped create a robust, type A personality. You got the best qualities of both your Mom and I. Unfortunately, the qualities that I contributed are the very qualities that make you independent of me. They are the qualities that make you much less likely to need my help and guidance.
So, now I am stuck trying to relate to you as an adult. That means sometimes I want to give advice or guidance and don’t know how. I know that you are going to be capable of taking care of yourself and doing the right thing as you go forward, but I will never stop worrying. I just have a difficult time putting things into words. The last 20 years may have been the best time of my life and I may be getting better at expressing myself, but every once in a while the previous version of myself bubbles to the surface. And he reacts differently when I can’t suppress him.
I love you with all my heart and will always be there in the background, waiting to jump in and help when I can.
I love you,
Dad
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@TheRoadDog: I might be a way too much of an emotional person (actually...I am) but that put tears in my eyes. Very sweet.0
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It seems to be true as is the Mother Son Bond. As the Mother of four I can say it's Totally Natural!
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darkrose20 wrote: »eh... Freud was a fraud. for the record: NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE.
Freud was not a fraud. What he said about his Oedipus/Elektra complex was misunderstood by many, and in his much later years in life he said that he wished he had never put those theories out there.0 -
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NO0
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Is it true that girls have more concern and caring for their father rather than mother?
I am more bonded to my father because my mother is a narcissistic b word haha.
Freud.... I cannot dab into because well, I ended up being a lesbian haha. But then again, you could say this is because my mother sucks and I need women's approval.0 -
Not in my case! If you mess with my dad, I'll feel a little sorry for him, but if you mess with my mom, you will never be on good terms with me again. My dad has always tried to use me to dump his baggage on. Trouble at work? He'll try to make me feel sorry for him. Any time I'm sick, I get treated like an untouchable, if I come with in 5 feet of him I get scolded, it was like this ever since I was a toddler. We get along ok when we're working on a job together (my family runs a milk hauling business), but if he's just hanging around the house, he drives me crazy.Is it true that girls have more concern and caring for their father rather than mother?
My mom, on the other hand has always fought tooth and nail for me. She went through a painful church separation for me when I was 10, and I have always, always known that I could count on her. She made mistakes, but always loved me unconditionally. She's like my mom, grandma, and only best friend all rolled into one. We still cuddle on a daily basis. (I'm 18)
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I don't think you can generalize, or that it is a competition.0
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Is it sort of related to ''opposite sex'' attraction whatsoever?
Are you asking because of what they mentioned on the news about that one girl wanting to marry her father? :huh:
SERIOUSLY EW!!0 -
TheRoadDog wrote: »I am very close to my daughters. Here is a Letter I sent my youngest when she left for college:
Dear Holland,
Mom says you feel like I’ve been a little cranky lately. Judgmental, maybe. I don’t mean to be. It’s just me and my inability to adjust with this new relationship that is developing between you and me. The fact is that I couldn’t be prouder of you and I couldn’t love anyone more completely.
When I met your Mom she was part of a package deal. Nikki and Tara were part of that deal. I wasn’t the best person at the time. I had no business being a father. I was still trying to figure out how to be a better person than I had been. Because of Lennie being in the picture and both of the girls being older and your Mom being such a good mom with the girls, I took a much less “hand’s on” approach. I was also sharing father duties with Lennie. When they became adults and moved out, it was a much easier transition to relate to them as adults.
When you were born, my role as a father became much more complicated; I was no longer able to sit on the sidelines and watch. I became much more involved. The best part of my life has been the last 20 years.
Your Mom has always been the strong person. The one that keeps things moving smoothly. The best example for Nikki, Tara and you. They, just like you, always butted heads at home, but an interesting phenomenon takes place when you girls moved out. You girls and your Mom became very good friends and confidantes. My role has not been so well defined. My skill set is much more limited than your mother’s and now I am trying to relate to you as an adult without having as much to offer. I feel like I played a significant role in helping you be an independent, self-sufficient person. I know that I helped create a robust, type A personality. You got the best qualities of both your Mom and I. Unfortunately, the qualities that I contributed are the very qualities that make you independent of me. They are the qualities that make you much less likely to need my help and guidance.
So, now I am stuck trying to relate to you as an adult. That means sometimes I want to give advice or guidance and don’t know how. I know that you are going to be capable of taking care of yourself and doing the right thing as you go forward, but I will never stop worrying. I just have a difficult time putting things into words. The last 20 years may have been the best time of my life and I may be getting better at expressing myself, but every once in a while the previous version of myself bubbles to the surface. And he reacts differently when I can’t suppress him.
I love you with all my heart and will always be there in the background, waiting to jump in and help when I can.
I love you,
Dad
**thumbs up**0 -
@TheRoadDog, that is a beautiful letter. I experienced something similar with my grandfather (he raised me) that day he walked me down the aisle.
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TheRoadDog wrote: »I am very close to my daughters. Here is a Letter I sent my youngest when she left for college:
Dear Holland,
Mom says you feel like I’ve been a little cranky lately. Judgmental, maybe. I don’t mean to be. It’s just me and my inability to adjust with this new relationship that is developing between you and me. The fact is that I couldn’t be prouder of you and I couldn’t love anyone more completely.
When I met your Mom she was part of a package deal. Nikki and Tara were part of that deal. I wasn’t the best person at the time. I had no business being a father. I was still trying to figure out how to be a better person than I had been. Because of Lennie being in the picture and both of the girls being older and your Mom being such a good mom with the girls, I took a much less “hand’s on” approach. I was also sharing father duties with Lennie. When they became adults and moved out, it was a much easier transition to relate to them as adults.
When you were born, my role as a father became much more complicated; I was no longer able to sit on the sidelines and watch. I became much more involved. The best part of my life has been the last 20 years.
Your Mom has always been the strong person. The one that keeps things moving smoothly. The best example for Nikki, Tara and you. They, just like you, always butted heads at home, but an interesting phenomenon takes place when you girls moved out. You girls and your Mom became very good friends and confidantes. My role has not been so well defined. My skill set is much more limited than your mother’s and now I am trying to relate to you as an adult without having as much to offer. I feel like I played a significant role in helping you be an independent, self-sufficient person. I know that I helped create a robust, type A personality. You got the best qualities of both your Mom and I. Unfortunately, the qualities that I contributed are the very qualities that make you independent of me. They are the qualities that make you much less likely to need my help and guidance.
So, now I am stuck trying to relate to you as an adult. That means sometimes I want to give advice or guidance and don’t know how. I know that you are going to be capable of taking care of yourself and doing the right thing as you go forward, but I will never stop worrying. I just have a difficult time putting things into words. The last 20 years may have been the best time of my life and I may be getting better at expressing myself, but every once in a while the previous version of myself bubbles to the surface. And he reacts differently when I can’t suppress him.
I love you with all my heart and will always be there in the background, waiting to jump in and help when I can.
I love you,
Dad
You Sir, are awesome! Dads who can communicate their thoughts and feelings, even just in written form, will always be ace in my book. I'm sure your daughter will treasure this letter forever.
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I think it probably depends on the situation to a large degree. My daughter and I have a... tempestuous relationship I suppose you could say. But there were a LOT of outside and internal pressures that contributed, and continue to contribute, to that. I basically raised her by myself from 4 to about 10 with my ex trying to sabotage my relationship with my daughter the whole time. My daughter is diagnosed bipolar so there's a lot that happened because of that, etc, etc, etc, etc.
Even with all that, these days she spends more time with her mom but I think she values her relationship with me more. But who knows.
it's sad when exs do that... they don't realize it has a huge impact on the child more than it will on the ex they are trying to sabotage the relationship with.....
she should be thanking and praising you for looking after your daughter. believe it or not your daughter will realize as she gets older who was there for her... even if they look like they're closer... she will no doubt respect you more. I wasn't so lucky with my childrens father... he doesn't bother, but I would never tell my kids he's awful or anything, as I know this will only do harm to them, thinking maybe they did something wrong etc...
but as for my dad, we get on so well, never had one argument or disagreement! I think it's his relaxed approach to life...talk about anything! and the fact there's no drama, which I love! my mother is my best friend however... very much like me.... we can talk about anything, also quite stubborn so we kinda clash often
maybe it's the tough exterior ( but you know that he's a softy! )
and for mothers we show our softer side? so we kind of take it for granted more?
I have no idea lol
I'm a bit of a daddy's girl but my mothers my best friend ...
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It seems most girls are daddy girls but they confide their secrets to their mother. That is weird. Isn't it?0
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Not in my case. My "father" was never there for any of us, so we do not consider him our father. He was just the donor. Our mothers could have done better......0
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