husband

ladydianna62

Anybody out there whose husband. Is not supportive or tries to sabotage you

Alluminati

How does he sabotage you? Can you elaborate?

AliciaV30

My husband is very supportive but at times he can be annoying like going out to eat I check calories before I order which annoys him he says just get what u want ugh it's annoying but I've been resisting. U can do it. Don't let him push u down.

itsclobberintime

Sabotage is usually only in your own mind.

Alatariel75

Is it that he sabotages you, or are you projecting your change on to him? We have to remember that just because WE make a change, doesn't meanit is fair to expect everyone else to change with us.

Sabotage is a stong word.

goldthistime

Are you trying to lose weight quickly? If you are overly hungry you are going to be overly tempted. If you make your deficit smaller you may not be so bothered by your husband's actions. (Although I sympathize. It IS easier if he is 100% on your side). In the scheme of things, is it not better to take a little longer to get to goal than to risk getting so frustrated you quit?

SandyBVTN

ladydianna62 wrote: »

Anybody out there whose husband. Is not supportive or tries to sabotage you

That must be very frustrating - I'm sorry to hear that you don't feel supported by your husband. I hope you can dig deep and be strong and seek the support you need elsewhere.

MountainMaggie

He should support you. He's your partner in life. That's his job.

Alluminati

goldthistime wrote: »

Are you trying to lose weight quickly? If you are overly hungry you are going to be overly tempted. If you make your deficit smaller you may not be so bothered by your husband's actions. (Although I sympathize. It IS easier if he is 100% on your side). In the scheme of things, is it not better to take a little longer to get to goal than to risk getting so frustrated you quit?

Is there something you know about OP' s situation that we don't?

mustang289

Wife...doesn't seem to 'get it'.

I log food, count calories, watch my carbs and sugars, try to get in more protein and less sodium.
She tries to lose weight by doing fad diets and reading guru books with the latest greatest ideas of the secret to losing weight.

I try walking and she says she wants to walk with me, but then she always has a reason not to go. Then if I go ahead and walk a mile she seems put off when I get back. "I didn't know you were going out...I thought we were going to walk together". Yeah, that's why I asked you 6 times if you wanted to go for a walk tonight...

I understand its usually easier for men to see results, but I think she would see results too if she would monitor what and how much she is eating, instead of just saying "I know what I need to eat"

Its no secret....eat less, move more.

Codilee87

Yes. He brings home pizza, chips, ice cream, etc when he knows that I'm working very hard to avoid those types of food. He will try to talk me out of doing a workout so that he can spend more time with me. He tells me that my workouts are just gonna make me look bigger.

To be fair, he has been much better this time around (so far) Yes, he has brought home junk food but he has refrained from waving it under my nose and deliberately teasing me with it. And he's been more supportive of my workouts. Hopefully he continues in this positive trajectory.

CaffeinatedConfectionist

Does the lack of support/sabotage take the form of him simply continuing to practice the same behaviors that he always has, e.g., eating the same foods and continuing to maintain the same activity level?

As others have said, just because we change, that doesn't mean others around us automatically do, nor should they have to. If he always ate chips, sweets, etc, it's no more fair to expect him to suddenly adopt your new habits than it would be fair for him to actually sabotage you (although I'm having a hard time thinking of examples of actual sabotage, aside from force feeding or something extreme).

I see a lot of posts with people requesting their significant others to not buy certain foods, to leave them in the car or at work, etc, because their SO continuing to purchase and eat these foods (the way they typically always have, it had just never been an issue until the other person made it one) constitutes sabotage or a lack of support. To me it's just someone continuing to live their life the way they always have, and has absolutely nothing to do with the other person's decision to change their habits. I never understood this; it seems like a really surefire way to build resentment in a relationship.

Of course, without any details in the OP, it's really hard to tell if this is the case or if I'm way off base.

goldthistime

OdesAngel wrote: »

goldthistime wrote: »

Are you trying to lose weight quickly? If you are overly hungry you are going to be overly tempted. If you make your deficit smaller you may not be so bothered by your husband's actions. (Although I sympathize. It IS easier if he is 100% on your side). In the scheme of things, is it not better to take a little longer to get to goal than to risk getting so frustrated you quit?

Is there something you know about OP' s situation that we don't?

@OdesAngel No, I was just guessing that she is upset because the weight loss process feels too difficult to do without support. I have felt that way when I try for a big deficit.

wizzybeth

I buy junk food for the hubby and kids that they like but which I do not care for. That makes things much easier.

Aemely

Does he dangle food over your head on a string? Or, possibly, leave yummy cupcakes in various spots throughout the house?

I can resist treats, but I'd really hate it if my hubby didn't accept me and love me in sickness and in health, in chubbiness and in not-as-chubbiness.

ladygi19

My husband is immensely supportive... He eats anything I cook and never complains. He always gives me encouragement and works out with me sometimes. Although he is annoying when he corrects my form over and over, but that's still supportive though. What is it exactly that makes you feel like he is trying to sabotage you?

DvrDawg

For all of the folks getting hung up on the word "Sabotage" -stand down already - either her spouse is not actively supporting her and you are hung up on semantics or her spouse could be consciously or subconsciously inhibiting her progress. There are many studies about spouses of those that are trying to lose weight or have lost a lot of weight - many struggle with their spouse getting healthier and in some cases they can't cope and either feel resentment or try to get them to go off track.

I have the same issue as Mustang and OP with my spouse. I tell her I don't want pasta -she makes spaghetti. I say I don't want Pizza once a week, she gets takeout pizza every Friday. She certainly doesn't force anything down my throat but she doesn't support my effort. The reality is that she doesn't want to change. And, she gets upset if I don't eat what she cooks. But, I stopped. I might get a small portion but balance it with something healthy. It creates some friction -but, I have to be committed. Over the last 3 months, she has gotten the message. Now, we eat whole wheat pasta or have Spaghetti squash. But, she still gets Pizza almost every Friday (so, that has become my "cheat meal". I just have to plan for it - a little give and take. Take care!!

Codilee87

chgodvr wrote: »

I tell her I don't want pasta -she makes spaghetti. I say I don't want Pizza once a week, she gets takeout pizza every Friday. She certainly doesn't force anything down my throat but she doesn't support my effort. [\quote\]


That's exactly the kind of thing that my husband does. And the thing is, we have never been the type of family who always has junk food in the house or who goes out for fast food - the only time he ever *insists* on having those type of things is when he knows that I'm trying to lose weight. I don't know if he thinks that, since I'm eating healthier, he won't have to share and can have more to himself or if he is deliberately trying to tempt me off-course. Either way, its inconsiderate at best.

ladydianna62

No it's not in my mind,yesterday we went out to eat it was a catfish buffet ok I ate mine grilled ,salad and mixed veggies then eat this unhappily it's really good and one ain't gonna hurt me also they got coconut pie over its your favorite and when I walk it's it took you a long time today I brought my stationary bike inside ,no matter where I put it it's in his way

ladydianna62

ladydianna62 wrote: »

No it's not in my mind,yesterday we went out to eat it was a catfish buffet ok I ate mine grilled ,salad and mixed veggies then eat this unhappily it's really good and one ain't gonna hurt me also they got coconut pie over its your favorite and when I walk it's it took you a long time today I brought my stationary bike inside ,no matter where I put it it's in his way

Hushpuppy not unhappily

ladydianna62

No mot trying to loose quickly and yes he will dangle that carrot bad thing is he is at least 60 pounds over weight just yesterday it's is 15 min all you gonna do on bike I can do more guess what never happens

shadowloss

I wouldn't call what my wife does as sabotage or being unsupportive, but not having the family on the same plan does offer "opportunities" for me to test my resolve.
She still buys "treats" and hasn't changed her shopping patterns at the grocery store, but I'm doing this for me and I usually eat what is prepared, just less, or I fix something different if I feel it is not in my best interest.

sherbear702

Sometimes partners (male or female) will act this way because they're insecure about the relationship. If you lose weight, you might start feeling pretty and confident. They think if that happens you might start quesioning how happy you are in your relationship and start looking for something better.

If he's overweight and you start losing a bunch of weight it might make him feel bad about himself. So he tries to keep you fat to feel better about himself.

A good partner would support your choice to lose weight. He should be looking forward to a healthy skinny wife. My husband is super stoked on the fact that I'm losing weight. He loves it!

ladydianna62

I'm 63 he's 64 we been married 4 years I just want to be healthy and live longer he's the one whose had heart attacks and such you would think he. Would want to try but nope almost like he's gat a death wish and wants to take me with him

sherambler

I find sabotage or unsupportive behavior (however you want to phrase it) tends to come from a lack of understanding and communication. When I sat down with friends or family and explained in really specific terms what weight loss meant to me, how much I had to lose, and the type of effort that that entailed, I found people would curb some behavior. It also let me know what type of support I couldn't expect, so I could plan ahead and around it. Many people do not know that exercising for 20 minutes is only going to burn so many calories or they don't know how many calories are in certain items of food or how many calories someone trying to lose weight is supposed to consume. If you lay it out for him in that kind of way, he might understand better why that one piece of pie adds up or doesn't fit into your plan.

ladydianna62

OdesAngel wrote: »

How does he sabotage you? Can you elaborate?

ladydianna62

No he's really not into losing weight and if he don't want I'm not gonna gripe at him I don't have a problem with temptation Mont saying it's not hard just saying I have my ,mind set and I'm gonna see it thru

ladydianna62

I did talk to him but to no avail just the other day we were ordering food he told waitress she's on a diet so she'll be slow about ordering

Roxiegirl2008

I am sorry that you don't have the support at home. I can say that my husband has been super supportive with this journey I am on. Not having support can be very hard. Just keep you mind focus and tell yourself you are doing this for you. If it takes you a long time to order than tell him so be it.

GothyFaery

I'm not there and I can't observe the way you two interact but strictly from the examples you posted I don't see him trying to sabotage you. No, he's not becoming your personal cheerleading squad and supporting you every step of the way but I don't think he's trying to stop what you're doing. At most what I see is a man set in his ways throwing a mini hissy fit about change. You are changing and he is not. It's scary for some. My husband went through a similar phase. Give it time and he will most likely come around, he may even join you when he sees how successful you are. Mine did

jgnatca

My hubby doesn't get in the way, which I am grateful for. It sounds like it is time for a conversation.