husband

Anybody out there whose husband. Is not supportive or tries to sabotage you
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Replies

  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    How does he sabotage you? Can you elaborate?
  • AliciaV30
    AliciaV30 Posts: 147 Member
    My husband is very supportive but at times he can be annoying like going out to eat I check calories before I order which annoys him he says just get what u want ugh it's annoying but I've been resisting. U can do it. Don't let him push u down.
  • itsclobberintime
    itsclobberintime Posts: 164 Member
    Sabotage is usually only in your own mind.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,939 Member
    Is it that he sabotages you, or are you projecting your change on to him? We have to remember that just because WE make a change, doesn't meanit is fair to expect everyone else to change with us.

    Sabotage is a stong word.
  • goldthistime
    goldthistime Posts: 3,214 Member
    edited January 2015
    Are you trying to lose weight quickly? If you are overly hungry you are going to be overly tempted. If you make your deficit smaller you may not be so bothered by your husband's actions. (Although I sympathize. It IS easier if he is 100% on your side). In the scheme of things, is it not better to take a little longer to get to goal than to risk getting so frustrated you quit?
  • SandyBVTN
    SandyBVTN Posts: 367 Member
    Anybody out there whose husband. Is not supportive or tries to sabotage you

    That must be very frustrating - I'm sorry to hear that you don't feel supported by your husband. I hope you can dig deep and be strong and seek the support you need elsewhere.
  • MountainMaggie
    MountainMaggie Posts: 104 Member
    He should support you. He's your partner in life. That's his job.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    Are you trying to lose weight quickly? If you are overly hungry you are going to be overly tempted. If you make your deficit smaller you may not be so bothered by your husband's actions. (Although I sympathize. It IS easier if he is 100% on your side). In the scheme of things, is it not better to take a little longer to get to goal than to risk getting so frustrated you quit?
    Is there something you know about OP' s situation that we don't?
  • mustang289
    mustang289 Posts: 299 Member
    Wife...doesn't seem to 'get it'.

    I log food, count calories, watch my carbs and sugars, try to get in more protein and less sodium.
    She tries to lose weight by doing fad diets and reading guru books with the latest greatest ideas of the secret to losing weight.

    I try walking and she says she wants to walk with me, but then she always has a reason not to go. Then if I go ahead and walk a mile she seems put off when I get back. "I didn't know you were going out...I thought we were going to walk together". Yeah, that's why I asked you 6 times if you wanted to go for a walk tonight...

    I understand its usually easier for men to see results, but I think she would see results too if she would monitor what and how much she is eating, instead of just saying "I know what I need to eat"

    Its no secret....eat less, move more.
  • Codilee87
    Codilee87 Posts: 509 Member
    Yes. He brings home pizza, chips, ice cream, etc when he knows that I'm working very hard to avoid those types of food. He will try to talk me out of doing a workout so that he can spend more time with me. He tells me that my workouts are just gonna make me look bigger.

    To be fair, he has been much better this time around (so far) Yes, he has brought home junk food but he has refrained from waving it under my nose and deliberately teasing me with it. And he's been more supportive of my workouts. Hopefully he continues in this positive trajectory.
  • Does the lack of support/sabotage take the form of him simply continuing to practice the same behaviors that he always has, e.g., eating the same foods and continuing to maintain the same activity level?

    As others have said, just because we change, that doesn't mean others around us automatically do, nor should they have to. If he always ate chips, sweets, etc, it's no more fair to expect him to suddenly adopt your new habits than it would be fair for him to actually sabotage you (although I'm having a hard time thinking of examples of actual sabotage, aside from force feeding or something extreme).

    I see a lot of posts with people requesting their significant others to not buy certain foods, to leave them in the car or at work, etc, because their SO continuing to purchase and eat these foods (the way they typically always have, it had just never been an issue until the other person made it one) constitutes sabotage or a lack of support. To me it's just someone continuing to live their life the way they always have, and has absolutely nothing to do with the other person's decision to change their habits. I never understood this; it seems like a really surefire way to build resentment in a relationship.

    Of course, without any details in the OP, it's really hard to tell if this is the case or if I'm way off base.
  • goldthistime
    goldthistime Posts: 3,214 Member
    OdesAngel wrote: »
    Are you trying to lose weight quickly? If you are overly hungry you are going to be overly tempted. If you make your deficit smaller you may not be so bothered by your husband's actions. (Although I sympathize. It IS easier if he is 100% on your side). In the scheme of things, is it not better to take a little longer to get to goal than to risk getting so frustrated you quit?
    Is there something you know about OP' s situation that we don't?

    @OdesAngel No, I was just guessing that she is upset because the weight loss process feels too difficult to do without support. I have felt that way when I try for a big deficit.

  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,573 Member
    I buy junk food for the hubby and kids that they like but which I do not care for. That makes things much easier.
  • Aemely
    Aemely Posts: 694 Member
    edited January 2015
    Does he dangle food over your head on a string? Or, possibly, leave yummy cupcakes in various spots throughout the house?

    I can resist treats, but I'd really hate it if my hubby didn't accept me and love me in sickness and in health, in chubbiness and in not-as-chubbiness. :lol:
  • ladygi19
    ladygi19 Posts: 36 Member
    My husband is immensely supportive... He eats anything I cook and never complains. He always gives me encouragement and works out with me sometimes. Although he is annoying when he corrects my form over and over, but that's still supportive though. What is it exactly that makes you feel like he is trying to sabotage you?
  • DvrDawg
    DvrDawg Posts: 88 Member
    For all of the folks getting hung up on the word "Sabotage" -stand down already - either her spouse is not actively supporting her and you are hung up on semantics or her spouse could be consciously or subconsciously inhibiting her progress. There are many studies about spouses of those that are trying to lose weight or have lost a lot of weight - many struggle with their spouse getting healthier and in some cases they can't cope and either feel resentment or try to get them to go off track.

    I have the same issue as Mustang and OP with my spouse. I tell her I don't want pasta -she makes spaghetti. I say I don't want Pizza once a week, she gets takeout pizza every Friday. She certainly doesn't force anything down my throat but she doesn't support my effort. The reality is that she doesn't want to change. And, she gets upset if I don't eat what she cooks. But, I stopped. I might get a small portion but balance it with something healthy. It creates some friction -but, I have to be committed. Over the last 3 months, she has gotten the message. Now, we eat whole wheat pasta or have Spaghetti squash. But, she still gets Pizza almost every Friday (so, that has become my "cheat meal". I just have to plan for it - a little give and take. Take care!!
  • Codilee87
    Codilee87 Posts: 509 Member
    edited January 2015
    chgodvr wrote: »
    I tell her I don't want pasta -she makes spaghetti. I say I don't want Pizza once a week, she gets takeout pizza every Friday. She certainly doesn't force anything down my throat but she doesn't support my effort. [\quote\]


    That's exactly the kind of thing that my husband does. And the thing is, we have never been the type of family who always has junk food in the house or who goes out for fast food - the only time he ever *insists* on having those type of things is when he knows that I'm trying to lose weight. I don't know if he thinks that, since I'm eating healthier, he won't have to share and can have more to himself or if he is deliberately trying to tempt me off-course. Either way, its inconsiderate at best.
  • ladydianna62
    ladydianna62 Posts: 35 Member
    No it's not in my mind,yesterday we went out to eat it was a catfish buffet ok I ate mine grilled ,salad and mixed veggies then eat this unhappily it's really good and one ain't gonna hurt me also they got coconut pie over its your favorite and when I walk it's it took you a long time today I brought my stationary bike inside ,no matter where I put it it's in his way
  • ladydianna62
    ladydianna62 Posts: 35 Member
    No it's not in my mind,yesterday we went out to eat it was a catfish buffet ok I ate mine grilled ,salad and mixed veggies then eat this unhappily it's really good and one ain't gonna hurt me also they got coconut pie over its your favorite and when I walk it's it took you a long time today I brought my stationary bike inside ,no matter where I put it it's in his way
    Hushpuppy not unhappily
  • ladydianna62
    ladydianna62 Posts: 35 Member
    No mot trying to loose quickly and yes he will dangle that carrot bad thing is he is at least 60 pounds over weight just yesterday it's is 15 min all you gonna do on bike I can do more guess what never happens