husband

245

Replies

  • shadowloss
    shadowloss Posts: 293 Member
    I wouldn't call what my wife does as sabotage or being unsupportive, but not having the family on the same plan does offer "opportunities" for me to test my resolve.
    She still buys "treats" and hasn't changed her shopping patterns at the grocery store, but I'm doing this for me and I usually eat what is prepared, just less, or I fix something different if I feel it is not in my best interest.
  • sherbear702
    sherbear702 Posts: 649 Member
    Sometimes partners (male or female) will act this way because they're insecure about the relationship. If you lose weight, you might start feeling pretty and confident. They think if that happens you might start quesioning how happy you are in your relationship and start looking for something better.

    If he's overweight and you start losing a bunch of weight it might make him feel bad about himself. So he tries to keep you fat to feel better about himself.

    A good partner would support your choice to lose weight. He should be looking forward to a healthy skinny wife. My husband is super stoked on the fact that I'm losing weight. He loves it!
  • ladydianna62
    ladydianna62 Posts: 35 Member
    I'm 63 he's 64 we been married 4 years I just want to be healthy and live longer he's the one whose had heart attacks and such you would think he. Would want to try but nope almost like he's gat a death wish and wants to take me with him
  • sherambler
    sherambler Posts: 303 Member
    I find sabotage or unsupportive behavior (however you want to phrase it) tends to come from a lack of understanding and communication. When I sat down with friends or family and explained in really specific terms what weight loss meant to me, how much I had to lose, and the type of effort that that entailed, I found people would curb some behavior. It also let me know what type of support I couldn't expect, so I could plan ahead and around it. Many people do not know that exercising for 20 minutes is only going to burn so many calories or they don't know how many calories are in certain items of food or how many calories someone trying to lose weight is supposed to consume. If you lay it out for him in that kind of way, he might understand better why that one piece of pie adds up or doesn't fit into your plan.
  • ladydianna62
    ladydianna62 Posts: 35 Member
    OdesAngel wrote: »
    How does he sabotage you? Can you elaborate?

  • ladydianna62
    ladydianna62 Posts: 35 Member
    No he's really not into losing weight and if he don't want I'm not gonna gripe at him I don't have a problem with temptation Mont saying it's not hard just saying I have my ,mind set and I'm gonna see it thru
  • ladydianna62
    ladydianna62 Posts: 35 Member
    I did talk to him but to no avail just the other day we were ordering food he told waitress she's on a diet so she'll be slow about ordering
  • Roxiegirl2008
    Roxiegirl2008 Posts: 756 Member
    I am sorry that you don't have the support at home. I can say that my husband has been super supportive with this journey I am on. Not having support can be very hard. Just keep you mind focus and tell yourself you are doing this for you. If it takes you a long time to order than tell him so be it.
  • GothyFaery
    GothyFaery Posts: 762 Member
    I'm not there and I can't observe the way you two interact but strictly from the examples you posted I don't see him trying to sabotage you. No, he's not becoming your personal cheerleading squad and supporting you every step of the way but I don't think he's trying to stop what you're doing. At most what I see is a man set in his ways throwing a mini hissy fit about change. You are changing and he is not. It's scary for some. My husband went through a similar phase. Give it time and he will most likely come around, he may even join you when he sees how successful you are. Mine did :wink:
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    My hubby doesn't get in the way, which I am grateful for. It sounds like it is time for a conversation.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
    No...my husband is very supportive. I fully admit that, not necessarily intentionally, I sabotage him. I love to bake and I know the things he loves as treats...he had to ask me over the holidays to scale back because he didn't want the temptation of all the sweets in the house. :(

    Sometimes it's not on purpose. I know he loves those things-I express love through food...but I haven't been understanding when he tells me that having that stuff is too much temptation. It almost hurts my feelings because I know he loves those things and I'm trying to show him I love him. It's something I'm working on myself-not using food as much and finding other little ways to show him how much I love him.
  • davis978
    davis978 Posts: 103 Member
    edited January 2015
    It can be really irritating when you are trying to make a change and it seems like the people in your life want everything to stay the same. From your examples, it sounds like that is what's happening. The thing is, it's his right to want everything to stay the same! He might be very happy with things just as they were.

    You can't change him. All you can do is kindly and gently remind him of your goals and what you need to do to meet them, and then hope when he sees you happier and healthier he can get on board at least a little. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. You can't make him. The only person you control is you.
  • MommysLittleMeatball
    MommysLittleMeatball Posts: 2,064 Member
    Sometimes partners (male or female) will act this way because they're insecure about the relationship. If you lose weight, you might start feeling pretty and confident. They think if that happens you might start questioning how happy you are in your relationship and start looking for something better.

    If he's overweight and you start losing a bunch of weight it might make him feel bad about himself. So he tries to keep you fat to feel better about himself.

    People may find this kind of reaction with co-workers, friends, family, or spouses. The saying misery loves company can loosely translate to an unhealthy lifestyle. For example, my co-worker who I would sometimes partake in afternoon coffee/pastry breaks with seems butthurt now that I am not willing to stuff my face with coffee cake or choose fresh fruit instead. I feel like my personal change is making her process her afternoon indulgence has a negative, so she's insecure about it.

    My husband is supportive at times and other times he doesn't get it or seems annoyed. That's ok, he hasn't committed to a change of lifestyle like I have, so I am not looking for him to be my full support on this. First of all, I need to rely on myself and motivate myself. Second, that's part of why I joined MFP - lots of people on the same journey.

    At times the situation with my husband can be frustrating, but that can be anything in a marriage, you work through it. He has expressed wanting to lose weight numerous times, but won't put forth the effort, but I've been there, he'll reach his breaking point with it eventually.

    He used to bust my chops about not being active, now I am more active than him and I know he is proud of my accomplishments, he tells me so, but I think he gets annoyed when my workout schedule conflicts with activities he may want to do together. And as above, I used to be the couch potato, but now he's sitting on the couch more than me, so maybe he is processing it eternally and feeling insecure - like he's feeling bad about not being the active one.

    I cook everything (I love to cook) and he will eat anything I make, but now I have extra veggies and log all my calories. I know he thinks counting calories is a ton of stupid work (which it is not). Also, I'm not so thrilled to go out and drink, so that can seem like I'm a party pooper. It is a challenge when we go out to eat because I have to exercise my personal willpower. He will order a delicious dark beer that I love and a meal with a million calories I could devour in one sitting, but I won't, it's not easy. Sometimes impossible, but willpower is a great "muscle" to build up. I used to eat more than him, way more, so, if I look at it from his point of view I can see how it's something to adjust to.

    Overall, he's proud of my hardwork and is happy I am feeling good. That's enough for me even if at times I want to throw laser beams from my eyes at him for scoffing at my calorie input.

    (Sorry for the novel!)
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,771 Member
    I'm 63 he's 64 we been married 4 years I just want to be healthy and live longer he's the one whose had heart attacks and such you would think he. Would want to try but nope almost like he's gat a death wish and wants to take me with him

    My husband is older than I, in worse health (several chronic health issues) and has no interest in eating better or exercising. I quit trying to fix him years ago (we have been married 12yrs). All I know is that if and when he dies, I'm gonna be the hottest widow in town!
  • ashleycde
    ashleycde Posts: 622 Member
    My boyfriend will tease me about weighing vegetables while I make a salad, or will suggest take-out chicken wings or fish and chips for dinner when I just want to make a healthy dinner, but I don't really consider this anything beyond testing my resolve. Not everyone counts calories, so most people you interact with won't be conscious of the fact that you are. He's very supportive of me working out though, I think he just can't wrap his head around the monotony of calorie counting because he has a very physically demanding job so he can afford to eat a lot more than me. Your husband will likely come around more as your resolve becomes stronger and you say no to him when he offers you something you don't want to eat. My boyfriend has... in little ways, like ordering toppings I hate on pizza just so I won't be tempted to eat it, or not making extra when he cooks certain foods for himself. Your husband will adapt to the change, just give him a little time.
  • MagJam2004
    MagJam2004 Posts: 651 Member
    Jackie, well said.
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,598 Member
    My hubby was negative about the whole thing for a long time. First it was trying to get me to eat things I refuse to eat. Then it was trying to lure me out of gym sessions. Then he quit trying those bc they wouldn't work, but he would make a point of eating junk in front of me and all that. Still didn't work. I still ate healthy at my calorie level, still went to the gym. Gripes like "will we ever have pizza again" were met with "who cares?" lol so when it turned out that I was NOT to be moved, and I started gaining muscle definition he finally turned a corner and decided he would like to have muscle definition as well and started working out for real, not just moseying on the treadmill, and quit eating crap. Now, that said, it has taken a little work for me to provide him with healthy foods that fit into his calorie count. I took him to see the nutritionist. She told him, eat 1800-2000 and work out at least every other day. So that means I am preparing work lunches for both of us. His are twice the food of mine, sigh... but I make sure it's all high nutrition food with good flavor as well. If the flavor isn't good, u know it will end up in the trash. It really sux ur husband is being such an obstacle. It's very angrymaking. The best thing u can do is refuse to be moved. Follow ur plan. If he doesn't like it he can sit and spin basically.
  • AmandaHugginkiss
    AmandaHugginkiss Posts: 486 Member
    BFDeal wrote: »
    My wife has cut my brake line a few times and I think she's been slowly poisoning me but she's pretty good about not bringing home pizza or ice cream. So I guess I'm good.

    I kind of know what you mean. Mine is out of town now, but before he left, he locked me in the bedroom with 36 bags of Doritos, a large pepperoni pizza, a peanut butter cake with chocolate frosting, three tubs of ice cream in a cooler (with a note telling me to eat it before it melts), and a head of kale. He gets back on Sunday.
  • NewMeSM75
    NewMeSM75 Posts: 971 Member
    When I first began, my husband tried to tempt me, especially with alcohol but it didn't bother me. Why? Because I had my mind set. I was doing this period.... There was nothing he could had tempt me with because I was doing this for me... He wasn't necessarily being unsupportive. He just didn't see it as a problem.

    Temptation is everywhere. I have teenage kids. I still buy them treats. I still cook foods they love. I know some don't have the willpower. I'm not dismissing it. I just think once you have your mind set to do something, you do it. Or that is how it was with me...

    But overall, my husband is very supportive.