How to respond to family members who disagree with weight goal

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elphie754
elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Does anyone else have family members that don't agree with your weight goal? If so, what do you say to them/respond?
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Replies

  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,365 Member
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    Not that BMI is the sole indicator of health, but is your weight goal within the healthy BMI range for your height?
  • meritage4
    meritage4 Posts: 1,441 Member
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    what is your height and weight?
  • iwillsucceed0444
    iwillsucceed0444 Posts: 432 Member
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    Who gives a *kitten* what your family members think. They're not the ones stuck in YOUR body 24/7. Just tell them to pound sand...in a nice way. "Thanks, but you're opinion is not needed."
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
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    tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »
    Not that BMI is the sole indicator of health, but is your weight goal within the healthy BMI range for your height?

    This
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
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    Sorry, it only posted the first paragraph for some reason and I'm on the mobile site so the edit button doesn't always work.

    A little bit more detail:

    When I started my journey I had about 110 lbs to lose until I was considered to be within a "normal" BMI but was/still aiming for 130lb loss to put me in the middle of a healthy BMi. To date I have lost 60 lbs, but still have 50-70 lbs to go. The other night, I had my parents over for dinner. The conversation started out well but then quickly descended into an argument. At first they were "happy and proud" I've lost so much (yay!) but then came the catalyst that started the fight- mom asked how much I've lost and "how much more do you want to lose, only a another 10-20 lbs?" I said no, another 50 would be great. I don't know if it is because they are used to seeing me so big, or I look smaller than I weigh, but my parents freaked out. "Why do you lose so much", "that will be too thin" etc. I didn't really know how to respond to them, so just said "well my MD thinks my weight goal is good" (she actually did say that) and if they don't want to be supportive, the front door is that way".

    Just looking for some other ways people have explained their goal to loved ones. Everyone in my family is pretty "big" so it could just be that. I have 3 food scales (kitchen, travel and back up) and they constantly nag me about being obsessive. It's frustrating. One minute they are proud, the next they start chastising and yelling.
  • imabeevampire
    imabeevampire Posts: 166 Member
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    Yes I've had this! Went to visit my mum and mentioned how much weight I had lost and my dad was like *you don't need to lose weight*
    And I said we'll yes actually I do my BMI is in the overweight range. I'd like to feel hhealthy too.
    His response was *what a load of crap*

    This coming from a man who is very overweight, now disabled, drinks far too much cola when he is diabetic and no longer has a leg due to not looking after his health.

    He is everything I DON'T want to be.
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
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    tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »
    Not that BMI is the sole indicator of health, but is your weight goal within the healthy BMI range for your height?

    Very much so. My goal is weight would have me at 20.6. I would be happy with anything between 20 and 24.9. Going for more of a range then a set number.
    iwillsucceed0444 wrote: »
    Who gives a *kitten* what your family members think. They're not the ones stuck in YOUR body 24/7. Just tell them to pound sand...in a nice way. "Thanks, but you're opinion is not needed."

    Not that easy. Even when they yell I refuse to yell back. They help me with a lot, so I try my best not to be rude to them.

    So sorry guys. I can totally see how my first post can sound like that lol. I'm on mobile, and when I type directly into the "start convo" box, it likes to cover what you are writing so you can see it (like it scrolls). Because of that, I thpically type things out on "notepad" and just c/p. Guess I forgot to hit "select all" lol.
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
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    imabeevampire wrote: »
    Yes I've had this! Went to visit my mum and mentioned how much weight I had lost and my dad was like *you don't need to lose weight*
    And I said we'll yes actually I do my BMI is in the overweight range. I'd like to feel hhealthy too.
    His response was *what a load of crap*

    This coming from a man who is very overweight, now disabled, drinks far too much cola when he is diabetic and no longer has a leg due to not looking after his health.

    He is everything I DON'T want to be.

    Very similar to their response. I even showed them a bmi chart and was told "hogwash, if that is true than your mother and I are overweight as well". I was nice and just said- we'll see what your doctor thinks. What I really wanted to say was- uhhhh yeah you really are.
  • SergeantSausage
    SergeantSausage Posts: 1,673 Member
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    I find a good, terse, "Fark off" gets the point across without much dilly-dally.
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
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    SergeantSausage wrote: »
    I find a good, terse, "Fark off" gets the point across without much dilly-dally.

    If it were anyone else, I would, and would also use the actual profane word, but not with them.
  • Amanda4change
    Amanda4change Posts: 620 Member
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    Honestly with some people it's just not worth the argument. Most people don't have the ability to look at someone who is a healthy weight (especially if they are overweight themselves) and say they weight this amount. Rather than argue with them smile, nod and don't correct their assumptions about how much you've lost, or how much more you plan to. Let your mom believe that 20 more pounds is your end goal, then just keep doing what your doing. If she comments, say those last 10 pounds are hard to get rid of.
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
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    Amanda4change wrote: »
    Honestly with some people it's just not worth the argument. Most people don't have the ability to look at someone who is a healthy weight (especially if they are overweight themselves) and say they weight this amount. Rather than argue with them smile, nod and don't correct their assumptions about how much you've lost, or how much more you plan to. Let your mom believe that 20 more pounds is your end goal, then just keep doing what your doing. If she comments, say those last 10 pounds are hard to get rid of.

    I know. Frustrating though. I have been trying to encourage them to take an interest in their own health. My dad is on board with it (he's been coming out walk/running with me when he can. My mom though has some very inaccurate and sometimes laughable ideas about losing weight. Not sure if she is actively trying, but I heard her say the other day that she was frustrated because she works out 15minutes once a week, and doesn't understand why it hasn't done anything for her (not sure what "thing" she wished to accomplish).
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
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    herrspoons wrote: »
    It depends. Stats plz.

    Already stated in terms of bmi.
  • kcd1961
    kcd1961 Posts: 126 Member
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    It depends if this is a one-off, or is it indicative of a long-term pattern of controlling and possibly abusive behaviour? If it's one-off, it's probably just parental concern and a bit of shame expressed badly, if it's a pattern...then that is another, rather complex ball game.
  • Lola3009
    Lola3009 Posts: 10 Member
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    They're probably mostly worried about the visual aspect. To them 50-60 pounds (gotta convert to kilos for a sec..aah ok) is like a small child. You could explain that it's not all going to be that literal and that it's impossible to visualise 50 pounds like that, it doesn't work that way in losing weight.

    My parents are supportive, but also gawked when my mum asked me if I was nearly finished and I said I still had 40 or so pounds to go. People carry weight differently. It was clear I was overweight, but nobody would have guessed it was actually morbidly obese. I've seen pictures of people with my height and weight who looked way bigger than I did. So they'll just have to wait and see the end result and trust in your doctor!
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
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    kcd1961 wrote: »
    It depends if this is a one-off, or is it indicative of a long-term pattern of controlling and possibly abusive behaviour? If it's one-off, it's probably just parental concern and a bit of shame expressed badly, if it's a pattern...then that is another, rather complex ball game.

    What? How is anything I write an insi action of abuse? You're going to have to spell that one out for me because I don't see it that way at all.

    Was it a one time comment? Nope, and I'll likely hear it again the next time I'm with them. It's funny though because when I was overweight the nagged and said I should lose weight; I lose weight and suddenly it's too much.
    Lola3009 wrote: »
    They're probably mostly worried about the visual aspect. To them 50-60 pounds (gotta convert to kilos for a sec..aah ok) is like a small child. You could explain that it's not all going to be that literal and that it's impossible to visualise 50 pounds like that, it doesn't work that way in losing weight.

    My parents are supportive, but also gawked when my mum asked me if I was nearly finished and I said I still had 40 or so pounds to go. People carry weight differently. It was clear I was overweight, but nobody would have guessed it was actually morbidly obese. I've seen pictures of people with my height and weight who looked way bigger than I did. So they'll just have to wait and see the end result and trust in your doctor!

    That sound so similar to me. While obvious I'm overweight, I guess my body just distributes it fairly well so that no one body part is out of proportion.
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
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    elphie754 wrote: »
    Amanda4change wrote: »
    Honestly with some people it's just not worth the argument. Most people don't have the ability to look at someone who is a healthy weight (especially if they are overweight themselves) and say they weight this amount. Rather than argue with them smile, nod and don't correct their assumptions about how much you've lost, or how much more you plan to. Let your mom believe that 20 more pounds is your end goal, then just keep doing what your doing. If she comments, say those last 10 pounds are hard to get rid of.

    I know. Frustrating though. I have been trying to encourage them to take an interest in their own health. My dad is on board with it (he's been coming out walk/running with me when he can. My mom though has some very inaccurate and sometimes laughable ideas about losing weight. Not sure if she is actively trying, but I heard her say the other day that she was frustrated because she works out 15minutes once a week, and doesn't understand why it hasn't done anything for her (not sure what "thing" she wished to accomplish).

    If your goal is to get them on board, then of course you are opening yourself to unhelpful input from them.
    Walk with your dad. Leave mom out of this completely.
    And stop talking about your weight/bmi with both of them.
    If you need to discuss what is going on with your weight loss, find people who are not your parents/relatives.
  • amehh91
    amehh91 Posts: 1,282 Member
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    I am currently experiencing this also, I have lost 44lbs now with another 26-33lbs to go which will take me smack bang in the middle of BMI, although if I got to a UK size 10 before that then I would stop I think as I've imagined being smaller than an 10. However my mum, who is my best friend, keeps putting an absolute downer on it, telling me never to shop in certain shops as they come up small so I have no hope to fit and looking genuinely horrified when I said ideally I am aiming for a size 10 saying that is too thin for someone of 5'6 and I should be at least a curvy size 12, I'm going to have an eating disorder etc, I'm being ridiculous with this now, should max lose another 10lbs etc. The real kicker is that she is 5'4 and has always strived for a UK 10! Doh!
    I bite my tongue with her because I don't want to fall out but it has gotten me really upset at times like she doesn't believe I can do it, but I'm also more determined. I suspect she may be jealous and a little afraid of change as I am not too far off her weight and she has been yo yo dieting ever since I can remember (she is off the wagon now) so in some strange way it might make her look bad?
    I don't have much advice on how to tackle things as I am keeping quiet to save an argument but just wanted to let you know you're not alone!

    P.s. last time she started my step dad chimed in and told her to stop and that it was up to me what I want to do and she did stop...so I could lend you my stepdad? Haha
  • maccarossi1
    maccarossi1 Posts: 58 Member
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    elphie754 wrote: »
    Does anyone else have family members that don't agree with your weight goal? If so, what do you say to them/respond?

    "You worry about your body and I'll worry about mine"
  • obscuremusicreference
    obscuremusicreference Posts: 1,320 Member
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    I don't need my parents to co-sign my decisions. When I've made decisions they haven't supported, I haven't tried to push them for their support (my dad tried to talk me out of finishing my bachelor's degree, for goodness sake).

    I don't know if you live with them or they support you financially or what, but I would try to extract myself from a situation in which I was being yelled at and did not feel as though I could push back.

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