How to develop stronger will power? Practical tips needed :D

LazyFoodie

I find it is relatively easy for me comply with my eating plan as long as I don't have have the food I am trying not to eat in the house. However, I have problems with willpower if the food is in front of me. While I can just not buy a box of cookies, I can't stop being social. I do dinner with my parents about once a eat where delicious food is right in front of me and my friends love going out to all you can eat sushi and korean bbq. In these situations, I have no will power and I end up eating until I am stuffed. Unfortunately I can eat a lot and I actually enjoy feeling a bit too full (this is why I easily gain weight in the first place).

I know what I need to do, which is to not eat so much of the food. But it seems like all my good intentions go away each time I try to actually do it. I need suggestions on what I can work on to get to a point where I can stare down a bowl of whatever that's on the table in front of my face for 2 hours while the family chats and NOT eat too much of it. Any tips on increasing will power, even if not diet related, is helpful.

BTW I don't need suggestions as to how to avoid the situation such as don't go to buffets, clean up the food as soon as dinner is done, and boxing half your food to go etc. I want to get to the point where I can have a pretty normal relationship with food where I can hang out with people and enjoy a little bit of things I love or that they cook with love without going overboard just because it is there. I want to go to a buffet and not eat too much. How do I get to the point of actually being able to do that? Anything I can do besides going to a good therapist?

megsta91

i go out to eat at least once a week with my boyfriend. i make sure i eat smart through the week and get all my work outs in so i can have some banked calories, and spend them on that dinner. also, i ALWAYS order water (i would rather eat my calories than drink them) and try to look at the menu nutrition online so i know what im getting myself into. basically, i dont really limit myself from going out to dinner.. i work for it.

SergeantSausage

We can't do it for you. You are looking in the wrong place.

diannethegeek

Practice, practice, practice. I think one thing that should be stressed more about dieting is that willpower is like a skill or a muscle. Every time you use it you'll get a little better at it. It gets a little bit stronger. Sometimes we overwork our willpower (like after a bad day at work or a challenging day with the family) and it fails, like any muscle group can fail. But it will be back once you give it a little break and rest up.

I dieted through what I call my year of weddings. In a 6 month period I attended 4 weddings, plus all of the shower, receptions, bachelorette parties, craft parties, rehearsal dinners, and get-togethers that came along with them. I screwed up a lot and overate. But by the end of it, it was relatively easier for me to say "no thanks" to that extra donut or second helping at dinner. There was nothing magical about it, I just built up the willpower a little at a time until it got stronger for me.

It sounds like you already know the practical strategies (boxing up half, choosing better meals, delaying strategies, etc). The rest of it is just hard work. You go in with a strategy and you practice saying "no thanks" before you get there, even if you have to practice saying it to your cat. Like picking up big, heavy things, you have to trust that the willpower will be there to back you up.

ibamosaserreinas

I am just going to be honest with you - changing the situation is probably the easiest way to do it.

We eat out all of the time. I have started insisting that we go places that have better choices most of the time. If I know we are going somewhere that has a bunch of tempting choices I look at the menu online ahead of time and make my choices ahead of time.

I don't really believe that willpower is something that can be developed very far. (In fact there is a certain amount of science that backs that up.) Habits can override willpower.

lemon629

You can't rely on will power too much because it will break. Instead figure out ways you can change that do not have anything to do with will power.

First, develop new habits. #1 is make sure you are truly hungry when you eat, not just in the mood to eat. #2 is eat slowly.

Then, figure out what triggers your impulse to over eat. Figure out a way another way to deal with your triggers. Make sure your emotional needs are being met-- do you need more alone time? More time with friends? Do you enjoy any hobbies? And yes, this might mean going to a therapist for a while.

tennisdude2004

SergeantSausage wrote: »

We can't do it for you. You are looking in the wrong place.

^^^^ This.

MFP general forums are not the correct place for help and support or even useful or relevant information.

There are probably groups for that sort of stuff.

Good luck OP!

ogmomma2012

The more you refuse temptation, the more your willpower grows. Start saying no to little things, co-workers snacks or party trays, take mayo and cheese off your burger. And say it all before you have time to think about it. That way you will feel that you need to stick to your word.

mbcieslak87

I too am unwilling to give up my social life to be thin - and you really don't have to. I still love to eat and drink and sometimes have a hard time practicing moderation when I go out with family or friends, but I have managed.
I find that logging what I plan on eating ahead of time helps me stick to that; of course I go over sometimes, but at least when I log ahead I can see what calories are in what, and that sometimes make me have an 'Oh s*@!' moment where I think, maybe all that stuff isn't worth it. Of course you can't log every calorie when you go out to eat but you can get the gist.
Also, on days I know I'm going to be going out I will usually let myself eat at maintenance instead of at my deficit. This took me a long time to come to terms with because I would see red in my log and just feel awful about myself, when really going over by a few hundred calories, if you're set at a deficit, is probably still in a deficit.... so let yourself have maintenance on days when you're eating out; at least you're not gaining.
Also,if you know you're going out to eat that day, eat a little less during the day and workout more - go to the gym that morning, go for a walk at lunch, park far from work, close your office door and do crunches, whatever.
Finally - don't go to buffets if at all possible! I know you said not to tell you that, but dang, that's like begging to massively overeat and is a test for even a person with fantastic self-control! There are so many excellent restaurants that don't involve buffets...
(I said finally, but one more) - remember that self-control and moderation is a learning process - celebrate the times where you exercise it and don't berate yourself when you slip. Just try to do better the next time... nearly everyone struggles with it sometimes.

ibamosaserreinas

I read this a few weeks ago.

http://blog.ted.com/2014/01/08/the-science-of-willpower-kelly-mcgonigal-on-why-its-so-dang-hard-to-stick-to-a-resolution/

There are several tips in the article:

Get friends and family involved with your goals.
Bribe yourself.
Make sure your goal is something you actually want.

LazyFoodie

tennisdude2004 wrote: »

SergeantSausage wrote: »

We can't do it for you. You are looking in the wrong place.

^^^^ This.

MFP general forums are not the correct place for help and support or even useful or relevant information.

There are probably groups for that sort of stuff.

Good luck OP!

Haha. Yea. This is probably true. But I never learn.

I do like that article on the science of willpower.

Anyway, what I'm doing now is trying to say no to over consumption each time I am in the situation. I thought there might be little things I can work on the way to actually be successful. Oh well.

MoiAussi93

The only thing I can suggest is to practice it on your own first. Practice self control when you are eating alone. Cook enough for two or three meals and practice just eating enough to be full but not stuffed and leaving the rest for the next day or two.

I have certain foods I avoid almost completely because I tend to get strong cravings for more as soon as I have a little...sweets and bread. So while I never buy them, a side benefit is I now have no problem with eating too much of other things. For me, removing the "trigger" foods has given me better control with all the other foods. I can now have just a dozen almonds instead of half the bag. I can now eat just a cup of yogurt, or just a square of dark chocolate and leave the rest for another day. I don't know if this would be the case for everyone, but it was great for me.

And eating all the other foods in normal amounts has over time helped train my self control for the rare occasions that I indulge in sweets or bread I normally don't eat. Now, if I occasionally go to a restaurant with a really good artisanal bread basket, I can have just a small piece and not eat more even if there is bread left. On Christmas, I had one small slice of cake and one small piece of baklava (which was excellent) and didn't feel the need to eat more. In fact, I turned down the opportunity to take the rest of the baklava home with me. It was easy to do. So you can learn it, but it takes a lot of practice.

Finally, I know you don't want to hear this but avoid the buffets....or at least greatly reduce the frequency you eat at them. Everybody wants a good deal and there is a sense of wanting to get your money's worth that often creeps in. It's stupid, but true. They are your friends. They should be willing to occasionally pick a restaurant that doesn't provide such a strong incentive to overeat.

So while you can strengthen self control, there are limits. I find it is easier to not live in a constant state of temptation. Avoid doing that and you will find it much easier to exert self control on the rare occasions when you can't avoid it. Self control is best used in moderation...not as a 24/7 strategy.

LazyFoodie

Thanks Moi... I usually have no problems as long as it is not right in front of my face for instance I can cook extra for tomorrow and not eat it as long as I step away from it. I might practice putting some extra food on my plate at dinner today...

rosiorama

Buffets are the worst and I avoid them. I drink water except my morning coffee because I prefer to eat my calories. I don't think there is a way of getting better willpower. Not having cake last night for dessert was an agonizing decision but I said NO because losing weight and not feeling like I do is a more powerful motivator than whatever pleasure I get from overindulging. For me, I constantly remind myself what is more important: the food or the weight? I guess when the food wins, I will fall off or step off the wagon.

Since I want a lower weight and fitness level to be realistic in the long term, I also make sure there are times when I DOsay yes to cake. For example? This week we are hosting a potluck where I am sure I will go over my calories... Especially since I am baking an amazing cake! Therefore, during the week I am making sure I do my exercises and eat within my limits.

LazyFoodie

HappyCampr1 wrote: »

The only thing that works for me is logging it before I eat it. Even if I have the food in my hand...I'll take out my phone and log it before I eat it. Once it's in the mouth, it's too late to undo it. The numbers help shock me back to reality, or they don't. But, at least I'm then making a conscious decision to eat that item. Then there's no regrets later such as "what did I do?" I know I made the decision to go over my calories. You'll find some things are worth it and some things aren't and you'll be like "Next time, I'm not eating that <insert item> because it was so not worth those calories." It's not much help, but that's what works for me.

I've always try to pre-log but unfortunately the amount of calories do not do enough to shock me enough to not eat it. I end up doing a 3,500 calorie day and then make up for it the next two days by eating very little. I don't find that particularly healthy or sustainable long term so I am trying to work on those 3,000 cal meals.

LazyFoodie

double post

jgnatca

In these situations, I have no will power and I end up eating until I am stuffed.

This reminds me of when my fitness instructor would put me on a piece of equipment and I would cry that I had NO MUSCLE left there. She would patiently explain that I indeed do have them there, otherwise my arms would fall off. The truth is that they were woefully undeveloped. I would say the same about willpower. In controlled environments, you display willpower. But this is an easily exhausted resource, that takes a lot of work to develop.

..work on to get to a point where I can stare down a bowl of whatever that's on the table in front of my face for 2 hours while the family chats and NOT eat too much of it.

Slowly, slowly grasshopper. Start with a small treat at home and give yourself ten minutes, then twenty. Work up to it. Then reward yourself by eating a controlled amount!

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10024090/willpower-is-overrated/p1


http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/jgnatca/view/halting-a-binge-session-715131


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_marshmallow_experiment

When it comes to garlic bread, I have the willpower of a starving hyperactive three-year-old. I have my piece and instruct my husband to put the rest out of my reach. I know my limits.

lemurcat12

lemon629 wrote: »

You can't rely on will power too much because it will break. Instead figure out ways you can change that do not have anything to do with will power.

This.

For the situation you are talking about, can you try to select restaurants that aren't family style or all you can eat? That would make it a lot easier, and there's no reason you need to be social at restaurants where it is going to be harder for you.

If not, what I would do is make sure that you have enough calories available to be able to splurge some (what I do if going out for Ethiopian where we always do family style and I tend to overeat) and make sure there are plenty of dishes that are consistent with what you want to be eating. It's like my friend who is a vegetarian always makes sure there are a good selection of vegetarian dishes, you make sure to get some tasty-looking dishes that are more similar to what you would order yourself. And then go for them first.

This situation comes up for me when I'm hungry for dinner and they have some good-looking bread on the table. My friends are people who want the bread, so asking that they not bring it isn't an option, but I'm not interested in wasting my calories on the bread, so I don't eat it. I just think about how I'm going to enjoy the food that I am planning to eat. (But I've found that this is a LOT easier if I'm not TOO hungry when we go out--skipping meals beforehand didn't work for me, I ended up overeating whereas I normally would have eaten more moderately.) Similarly, I decide in advance that I'm only eating one-half or one third of my meal and I do that. I eat slowly so I will realize it was plenty. (This is another reason why family style is much harder.)

LazyFoodie

Haha. Thanks jgnatca! Exactly what i was looking for. These is hope for the general forums.

LazyFoodie

lemurcat12 wrote: »

lemon629 wrote: »

You can't rely on will power too much because it will break. Instead figure out ways you can change that do not have anything to do with will power.

This.

For the situation you are talking about, can you try to select restaurants that aren't family style or all you can eat? That would make it a lot easier, and there's no reason you need to be social at restaurants where it is going to be harder for you.

If not, what I would do is make sure that you have enough calories available to be able to splurge some (what I do if going out for Ethiopian where we always do family style and I tend to overeat) and make sure there are plenty of dishes that are consistent with what you want to be eating. It's like my friend who is a vegetarian always makes sure there are a good selection of vegetarian dishes, you make sure to get some tasty-looking dishes that are more similar to what you would order yourself. And then go for them first.

This situation comes up for me when I'm hungry for dinner and they have some good-looking bread on the table. My friends are people who want the bread, so asking that they not bring it isn't an option, but I'm not interested in wasting my calories on the bread, so I don't eat it. I just think about how I'm going to enjoy the food that I am planning to eat. (But I've found that this is a LOT easier if I'm not TOO hungry when we go out--skipping meals beforehand didn't work for me, I ended up overeating whereas I normally would have eaten more moderately.) Similarly, I decide in advance that I'm only eating one-half or one third of my meal and I do that. I eat slowly so I will realize it was plenty. (This is another reason why family style is much harder.)

I understand all of this and to a certain extent I could and do avoid these situations and buffets etc. Sometimes I can't though and I would like to not have to avoid them for the rest of my life. I am losing weight okay because I do avoid and I do do things to make up for the over indulgences. That is not the problem. It is just that my goal at the end of this is to be able to eat family style and go to buffets and be a normal person that does not overeat. I'd like to practice doing this.

MoiAussi93

nancy274 wrote: »

Thanks Moi... I usually have no problems as long as it is not right in front of my face for instance I can cook extra for tomorrow and not eat it as long as I step away from it. I might practice putting some extra food on my plate at dinner today...

Me too...it's much easier when it's not right there!

Just thought of something that may be a temporary help. I take psyllium husk because I don't get enough fiber in my diet. I quickly realized that it makes me feel full. If I take it before a meal, I can't eat as much. If I take it after dinner, I don't get hungry later in the evening and won't want a snack. Maybe if you take some an hour before your social meal you will have one less serving. Then perhaps if you get used to just eating less, eventually you will be able to do so without the fiber. Just an idea...

wkwebby

I would think that sushi is fine...just change the sushi to sashimi (no rice). If you stuff yourself to a point of being uncomfortable, you will be in sorry shape later (but that might help with the mental association to stuffing yourself too much).

Other tips include eat a TON of veggies and drink LOTS of water during your social outings. Eat the veggies first to the point of almost fullness and then dig into the good stuff. You won't have much room for it, so just take little bites and enjoy all of it (well, however much you can if you can still eat after all the veggies).

Francl27

Eat less the rest of the week to make room for it. It's all I can tell you, as I'm the same way. For regular restaurants, it's fine, I know that the lower calorie stuff is just as good as the fried stuff, frankly, but I avoid all you can eat buffet like the plague, lol. I guess if you just like being full, eat a huge portion of veggies first, then at least you'll have less room for the rest...

LazyFoodie

Fiber is a good idea actually. I don't eat a lot of grains or beans so if I'm a bit low on veggies on any day then I get like no fiber.

jgnatca

I permanently changed my perception of food many years ago when I was first diagnosed diabetic. I diarized for three months and religously tested my blood sugar. I soon learned to associate the logy feeling in the afternoon to too many carbs a couple hours before. All of a sudden, that birthday cake dripping with icing just didn't have the same appeal. I now imagined how I would feel in a couple hours. Ick.

With training, I am now aware of the difference between mindless boredom snacking, true hunger, sweet/savoury craving, empty, and full. I pay attention to the whole body response to the foods I eat. I equate a great meal to a good long slow burn through my gut, giving me extended energy. I think that's called satiation, right?

So here's a glorious meal with a long burn:

LuckyMe2017

Eat before you go. Munch while there. A bite or two of something I'm craving makes the craving go away. And also self talk-telling myself I can have more another day or that I am not going to die if I don't have it. Also I log everything before I eat and monitor my thoughts. Have a go to. For example, carry nuts or other munchables with you. In short, develop new habits and increased willpower will follow.

jasmall1203

I have very bad willpower. I just started this yesterday and I tried to not finish my dinner, but I ended up eating all of it. The thing is I'm sixteen, so I don't buy the food and I don't put it on my plate. I'm 130lbs. Is that healthy?

bonniedalberg

This may sound ridiculous, but I saw both of these tricks on shows where they are trying to teach serious over eaters how to slow down and become aware of the "I'm full" signals.

1) eat with your non dominant hand. it's like learning how to eat all over again so it takes time and concentration.

2) eat with a toothpick as your utensil! Yeah, I know you'll get looks, but this will force you to slow down. It'll take about 20 minutes to finish just a plate of food which is when our brains are supposed to tell us "I'm full". Of course, if you do go for that second plate, it'll be that much longer to try and finish it

I wouldn't give up being social either, but I would share suggestions for changing things up once in a while. Still go to those yummy buffets, but once in a while, why not meet at a salad bar buffet? Or doing a social event without food like a golf outing? Just ideas to share

Ellaskat

Change your perspective. Them you won't need willpower. You need willpower to stop doing something you want to do. So if you stop wanting to overeat, you won't. I used to struggle this way with sweets- because I wanted to eat them. Now, I've changed my perspective, and it's no longer an issue. I started by reminding myself this isn't the last cupcake ever. I used to eat every cupcake in front of me, like there would never be another. Now I remind myself I can buy a cupcake whenever I want one, so I don't need to eat this one now....really helped me. That's how I started. Then I really started focusing on cal countng. I love reaching my cal goals, because when I do, I lose weight. S I ask myself, is this cupcake worth it? The calorie sacrifice for the rest of the day or week? Sometimes the answer is yes, but not often.