Fining Parents of Bullies
wineplease
Posts: 469 Member
Do you think fining the parents of bullies will stop kids from bullying?
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/parents-bullies-fined-kids-behavior-article-1.1363172
Here's a snip from the story:
Raising a bully in Monona, Wisc., can cost parents a pretty penny.
Police in the town are now holding parents liable for failing to address their kids' bad behavior. Bullying fines start at $114 and repeat offenses can cost parents up to $177 every time.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/parents-bullies-fined-kids-behavior-article-1.1363172
Here's a snip from the story:
Raising a bully in Monona, Wisc., can cost parents a pretty penny.
Police in the town are now holding parents liable for failing to address their kids' bad behavior. Bullying fines start at $114 and repeat offenses can cost parents up to $177 every time.
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Replies
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But how do you define bullying? That's a rampant issue here on the forums, and also in real life. Yes, it's a little more obvious in real life, with children. But again, suppose it's mild teasing or ribbing, but you have an uber sensitive child. Is it bullying b/c the sensitive child is easily offended? Is that fair to the kid who really isn't malicious? And if you do have a true bully child b/c they learned it at home, fining isn't going to accomplish anything
<playing devil's advocate here>0 -
I think putting them in jail or threatening to send their kids to juvenile detention might work better. They will be no more afraid of a $100-$200 fine than most people are of speeding tickets.0
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But how do you define bullying? That's a rampant issue here on the forums, and also in real life. Yes, it's a little more obvious in real life, with children. But again, suppose it's mild teasing or ribbing, but you have an uber sensitive child. Is it bullying b/c the sensitive child is easily offended? Is that fair to the kid who really isn't malicious? And if you do have a true bully child b/c they learned it at home, fining isn't going to accomplish anything
<playing devil's advocate here>
"The ordinance defines bullying as "an intentional course of conduct which is reasonably likely to intimidate, emotionally abuse, slander, threaten or intimidate another person and which serves no legitimate purpose."0 -
First of all, that picture of the police sergeant in the article is WAY too big.0
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I raise my kids to defend themselves whenever possible. With that being said, if they grow up to be bullies, I pray they get the *kitten* whooping they deserve.0
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First of all, that picture of the police sergeant in the article is WAY too big.
It really is.0 -
"reasonably likely" is still vague, and up for interpretation.
A boy pulling a girls hair b/c he likes her. She doesn't like him, it's bullying. She does like him, it's cute and she giggles.
Yes, that's a really mild example, but my point being that depending on the recipients reaction, sensitivity and interpretation, this could open up a bigger can of worms.0 -
I don't think it will really stop the kids from doing it, especially if they're young. If the kid is young, the parents would have to pay the fine all by themselves. However I think if the kid is older, if the parents make them pay them back, it might be more effective.0
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My oldest is taking MMA lessons. My youngest will do so as well when he turns 8. I have already told my boy that if he ever bullies anyone, or if I even hear about it; 1) he will have to deal with me, 2) if he gets his *kitten* handed to him, don't come crying to me. So far, no complaints. Other than from his bro. So fining a paren't, I'm sure it would deter some, but what if you have the he said he said game and one claims self defense. It's a hard thing to prove IMO.0
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Yes, that's a really mild example, but my point being that depending on the recipients reaction, sensitivity and interpretation, this could open up a bigger can of worms.
I agree. I don't know how you'd keep it consistent.0 -
I raise my kids to defend themselves whenever possible. With that being said, if they grow up to be bullies, I pray they get the *kitten* whooping they deserve.
I agree. I think that what Susie Q said also holds some validity. There's a fine balance, especially among guys, where light teasing and grazing is pretty much the social norm. Sometimes it's how we show affection to one another. I'd hate to see behavior like that receive a fine.
On the other hand it's probably quite a common excuse for bullies who say to their parents 'I was just poking fun at him a little. If he wasn't such a ****** we wouldn't pick on him so much.
It's an interesting topic.0 -
OP phrased the question "Do you think fining the parents of bullies will stop kids from bullying?"
Really great question. I love that you didn't ask whether the fines were right/wrong/etc.
I don't know. I think it depends on too many things to align in order to effectively stop kids from bullying. Seems like it would require the following to work:
1) parents accept their kid is a bully (or at least being a bully in a the incident that triggered the fine)
2) parents accept responsibility for their kids actions, accept the fine
3) parents change their behavior
4) kid changes his/her behavior
That's a lot of "depends" <insert old folk's home joke>
I suspect a lot of parents will not like this. And some may just get mad at their kids, with some of those possibly just perpetuating the bullying. So, there is potential that this could actually make the situation worse.
I guess the threat of fines could be a deterrent in the same way that way the threat of jail is a deterrent. So technically, fining parents of bullies may stop kids from bullying, but that could simply be delaying the bullying behavior. I doubt this solution is going to fundamentally change the parenting skills and/or the social skills of the child.
And I haven't even touched the issue of defining what "bullying" means. As Susie pointed out, "reasonably likely" is still vague.0 -
How many real bullies do you think get "bullied" in their own homes? I bet a lot. It's often a learned behavior. So, fine the people who are at the root cause and maybe it will stop. Maybe?
I still agree there would have to be specific examples of what is considered bullying if this is going to work. I like the idea of the parents being notified every time their child is considered to be bullying someone.0 -
I think putting them in jail or threatening to send their kids to juvenile detention might work better. They will be no more afraid of a $100-$200 fine than most people are of speeding tickets.
This is what I'm thinking.0 -
What do you think will happen to the children whose parents just got fined the 2nd time for $177 because Jimmy/Molly etc... doesn't "play well with others"?
You think a stern talking to is all they'll get? If I cost my parents hundreds of dollars for all the fights I got into in school, you better believe some serious child abuse would have taken place at home.
I fail to see how this will do anything "positive" towards bullying...if anything, I think it'll cause more domestic issues at home.0 -
This sounds like a lift your fist in the air and "YEAH" kind of thing that sounds cool to talk about but sounds like a legal nightmare on paper.0
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I really think that this is not appropriate. Despite popular belief, children are humans like everyone else. No one person can be held accountable for the actions of another. If you can't make the bully accountable for their own actions, then they will never learn anything, no matter how hard you come down on the parents.
This would be like prosecuting Adolf Hitler's mom.0 -
There's alot of assumptions going on that every bully is abused at home. Bullying can be a result of MANY things. Divorce, alcoholism, a close family member passing . . . .
Still I think eyelikepie brings up some very valid points. There are alot of variables to consider but perhaps it will encourage parents who tend to look the other way to pay a bit more attention to the child's school problems.0 -
Oh yeah, sounds like a great idea. Let's fine the parents and cause some of these kids to be viciously beaten or emotionally abused by their parents as retaliation for costing them money. Sounds really effing dandy.
I hate stupid ***, short sighted people.0 -
No. Put the kids in jail.0
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I really think that this is not appropriate. Despite popular belief, children are humans like everyone else. No one person can be held accountable for the actions of another. If you can't make the bully accountable for their own actions, then they will never learn anything, no matter how hard you come down on the parents.
Parents are held accountable when their children skip school. Parents pay fines when children get their cell phones confiscated. Parents pay fines when their children lose school books or damage property. Many times, holding the parent liable will have a trickle down effect on the child.0 -
I really think that this is not appropriate. Despite popular belief, children are humans like everyone else. No one person can be held accountable for the actions of another. If you can't make the bully accountable for their own actions, then they will never learn anything, no matter how hard you come down on the parents.
Parents are held accountable when their children skip school. Parents pay fines when children get their cell phones confiscated. Parents pay fines when their children lose school books or damage property. Many times, holding the parent liable will have a tricke down effect on the child.
And some kids behave the way the do because of biology and not home-training!0 -
There's alot of assumptions going on that every bully is abused at home. Bullying can be a result of MANY things. Divorce, alcoholism, a close family member passing . . . .
Still I think eyelikepie brings up some very valid points. There are alot of variables to consider but perhaps it will encourage parents who tend to look the other way to pay a bit more attention to the child's school problems.
And what do you say to the parents who don't condone that activity, and don't "teach" it to their kids, but they act that way anyhow? are you going to "exclude" them somehow from the fine?
This whole notion is ridiculous....too many variables,and way too many assumptions about the "root" cause. Kids are kids, people are people, everyone has their own personality, some are simply meaner than others...that doesn't mean the "parents" are to blame, or did a bad job.0 -
On the other hand it's probably quite a common excuse for bullies who say to their parents 'I was just poking fun at him a little. If he wasn't such a ****** we wouldn't pick on him so much.
Absolutely this. Which validates my point of interpretation being a problem.0 -
Oh yeah, sounds like a great idea. Let's fine the parents and cause some of these kids to be viciously beaten or emotionally abused by their parents as retaliation for costing them money. Sounds really effing dandy.
My kids have cost me money with their bad decisions and never once have I visciously beaten or emotionally abused them. They have consequences and are made aware of what will happen next time, but never beaten or abused.0 -
Oh yeah, sounds like a great idea. Let's fine the parents and cause some of these kids to be viciously beaten or emotionally abused by their parents as retaliation for costing them money. Sounds really effing dandy.
My kids have cost me money with their bad decisions and never once have I visciously beaten or emotionally abused them. They have consequences and are made aware of what will happen next time, but never beaten or abused.
Well, if you don't do it, then I'm sure it don't happen!0 -
Oh yeah, sounds like a great idea. Let's fine the parents and cause some of these kids to be viciously beaten or emotionally abused by their parents as retaliation for costing them money. Sounds really effing dandy.
My kids have cost me money with their bad decisions and never once have I visciously beaten or emotionally abused them. They have consequences and are made aware of what will happen next time, but never beaten or abused.
Why would you take that statement personally? Just because you wouldn't beat your children, doesn't mean somebody else wouldn't.0 -
Well, if you don't do it, then I'm sure it don't happen!
No, I didn't intend for it to sound like that. I was just saying that's not always going to be the case.0 -
Why would you take that statement personally? Just because you wouldn't beat your children, doesn't mean somebody else wouldn't.
I didn't take it personally. I was just saying that wouldn't necessarily happen in everyone's home.0 -
Oh yeah, sounds like a great idea. Let's fine the parents and cause some of these kids to be viciously beaten or emotionally abused by their parents as retaliation for costing them money. Sounds really effing dandy.
My kids have cost me money with their bad decisions and never once have I visciously beaten or emotionally abused them. They have consequences and are made aware of what will happen next time, but never beaten or abused.
That is because you aren't a horrible parent. Not everyone else is so lucky.
And let's say that most parents are like you. What about the ones that are already on budgets that are stretched to their limit? $100-200 means utilities and food to these families.0
This discussion has been closed.
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