Two people with large difference in caloric needs
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L O L !
so you know- i'd be pissed if i found out my SO was sneaking food into my lunch to raise my cal count, even if it was done with good intentions. some people have success with low cal deiting, and 2000 isnt all that low for the majority of people.
Said people that have luck, usually yo-yo. Why wouldn't she want to inform her husband to be doing something sustainable?
to inform is one thing (and a good thing), but she said "sneak" extra cals in which i took to imply it would be without him knowing, reading back now i see she could have meant it just as adding it in
also people usually yo-yo period, i havent really seen anything but anecdotal that says low cal dieting is much less successful long term than a small deficit
Well if he logged the food himself it wouldn't be sneaking. Unless if she crushed up that cookie into other food and didn't log it, that would be sneaking. He would know whether or not he ate the cookie.
OP - You can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink. If he isn't logging then he isn't seeing the warnings or most liking seeing posts in the community forums. He will have to learn on his own why its important he eats more than you if he's not listening to you. He will have to do that part for himself.
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Hubby & I have different schedules. He sometimes get home from work around 10-10:30pm, and I try to have a decent meal ready for him shortly after. Not because I'm his mother, but because its something I want to do to make his day a little easier/better. When it comes to logging, sometimes he'll 'copy' my food diary to his day, then adjust quantities. Some days he'll just hand me his tablet. Obviously if this was a problem for me, I'd tell him so & he would have to deal with his own meal prep & logging. And some nights he gets home late enough that dealing with it himself is his only option.
Other times, he does things for me. I work on Sundays - he doesn't. And you know what? Its very nice to come home around 8pm and he's gotten dinner ready, kept up with nutritional info, etc. Marriage is about give & take and finding that balance. I don't quite get all the attitude directed at someone for trying to help her husband. Keep in mind we only got part of the story - and there are likely many things he does for her, to make her days easier/lighter.0 -
Same thing with my bf but he eats as much as I eat 1200-1300 calories. I just remind him that his muscles are just getting burned off and essentially he's wasting his time at the gym if he's not going to eat right.0
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madhatter2013 wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »The things wives do for there husband and then complain about doing it.
She's not complaining about tracking for her husband. Learn to read. She's asking how she can help him reach his goals. I don't know where you're from, but where I'm from, when you commit to someone for life, you support them in anything they want to achieve no matter what it takes. If that means she takes the more convenient road and logs his meals for him, then that's what she'll do.
OP-I am in the same boat as you. I log everything for my husband. I weigh out his food and tell him what he can and can't eat based on what he's craving that day. I'm not bossy about it and we discuss every meal. I do this because HE asked me to help him and is willing to do whatever it takes to lose the weight and become healthy for his family. I figure, if he can do the work, I can pitch in and help. I have lost 54 lbs over the last year and a half so he feels that I probably have the best advise for him and would know what's best for him in this journey he just started. He's lost over 30 lbs so far in 3 months and is doing great. Neither of us view this as babying him or holding his hand. I would rather help him in any way he asks than have him develop a disease from his weight, or worse...die, and regret never pushing him to do something about it, or "hold his hand", when he asked me to.
Its one thing to make the meals, but to log them for him? No, that's ridiculous. Does she need to cut up his meat and feed it to him too?
Only if he doesn't already know how. I log all my husbands meals because when I make the meals, the barcodes are right there in front of me and usually he isn't. Don't get me wrong, he knows how to do these things all by himself, so yes he can do it himself in case I am no longer around for some reason. It's just easier and faster cleanup for me to do it for now.0 -
madhatter2013 wrote: »madhatter2013 wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »The things wives do for there husband and then complain about doing it.
She's not complaining about tracking for her husband. Learn to read. She's asking how she can help him reach his goals. I don't know where you're from, but where I'm from, when you commit to someone for life, you support them in anything they want to achieve no matter what it takes. If that means she takes the more convenient road and logs his meals for him, then that's what she'll do.
OP-I am in the same boat as you. I log everything for my husband. I weigh out his food and tell him what he can and can't eat based on what he's craving that day. I'm not bossy about it and we discuss every meal. I do this because HE asked me to help him and is willing to do whatever it takes to lose the weight and become healthy for his family. I figure, if he can do the work, I can pitch in and help. I have lost 54 lbs over the last year and a half so he feels that I probably have the best advise for him and would know what's best for him in this journey he just started. He's lost over 30 lbs so far in 3 months and is doing great. Neither of us view this as babying him or holding his hand. I would rather help him in any way he asks than have him develop a disease from his weight, or worse...die, and regret never pushing him to do something about it, or "hold his hand", when he asked me to.
Its one thing to make the meals, but to log them for him? No, that's ridiculous. Does she need to cut up his meat and feed it to him too?
Only if he doesn't already know how. I log all my husbands meals because when I make the meals, the barcodes are right there in front of me and usually he isn't. Don't get me wrong, he knows how to do these things all by himself, so yes he can do it himself in case I am no longer around for some reason. It's just easier and faster cleanup for me to do it for now.
That was my concern is that without you, he doesn't know what is going into it and he isn't learning on his own these methods.0 -
madhatter2013 wrote: »madhatter2013 wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »The things wives do for there husband and then complain about doing it.
She's not complaining about tracking for her husband. Learn to read. She's asking how she can help him reach his goals. I don't know where you're from, but where I'm from, when you commit to someone for life, you support them in anything they want to achieve no matter what it takes. If that means she takes the more convenient road and logs his meals for him, then that's what she'll do.
OP-I am in the same boat as you. I log everything for my husband. I weigh out his food and tell him what he can and can't eat based on what he's craving that day. I'm not bossy about it and we discuss every meal. I do this because HE asked me to help him and is willing to do whatever it takes to lose the weight and become healthy for his family. I figure, if he can do the work, I can pitch in and help. I have lost 54 lbs over the last year and a half so he feels that I probably have the best advise for him and would know what's best for him in this journey he just started. He's lost over 30 lbs so far in 3 months and is doing great. Neither of us view this as babying him or holding his hand. I would rather help him in any way he asks than have him develop a disease from his weight, or worse...die, and regret never pushing him to do something about it, or "hold his hand", when he asked me to.
Its one thing to make the meals, but to log them for him? No, that's ridiculous. Does she need to cut up his meat and feed it to him too?
Only if he doesn't already know how. I log all my husbands meals because when I make the meals, the barcodes are right there in front of me and usually he isn't. Don't get me wrong, he knows how to do these things all by himself, so yes he can do it himself in case I am no longer around for some reason. It's just easier and faster cleanup for me to do it for now.
That was my concern is that without you, he doesn't know what is going into it and he isn't learning on his own these methods.
Oh no, I make sure he knows how to do these things. I am going to study abroad over spring break, so that'll be the real test.
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MissyMissy18 wrote: »Why are you even worrying about his calories? He's a big boy. Let him worry about it.
That's what I'm thinking too. He needs to be in charge of his weight loss journey, including tracking, even though it sounds like you are the wonderful cook and do the lunch preparations. 0 -
My husband is 6'4 and I'm 5'0, it's hard, but I only worry about what goes in my body, I try to cook healthy dinners, and eat my calories I need and track everything, he eats what he wants, ice cream everyday. I live vicariously thru him and enjoy watching him eat all the calories I'm not eating.0
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MissyMissy18 wrote: »Why are you even worrying about his calories? He's a big boy. Let him worry about it.
That's what I'm thinking too. He needs to be in charge of his weight loss journey, including tracking, even though it sounds like you are the wonderful cook and do the lunch preparations.
I agree.
Although its nice to have a weight loss partner, weight loss and maintenance is really an individual effort. The motivation and consistency has to come from within, not from another person. Too often do people rely on someone else, then fail because that person gets to their goal weight faster, or more often, quits. It needs to be about personal accountability.0 -
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You're not doing your husband any favor. He is not learning to eat properly if you are the one logging for him. He just has to eat what you give him. It's not really better than programs like Jenny Craig, isn't it? Let him take care of his food and learn how many calories goes in his mouth.0
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So first off my question had to do with how to get more calories into a diet. Secondly I asked if you have to eat all your calories. At no point did I ask people to comment on my relationship. You have no idea what our circumstance is. Possibly he is disabled. Possibly he is an idiot. Possibly it is easier for me to make lunch while I am making dinner and since the barcode is in front of me it makes more sense to log as the lunch is made. Possibly while I am making lunch he is caring for his invalid mother who lives with us. You do not know and really shouldn't judge.
I didn't say he doesn't ever track. I said I track when I am making lunches. That is one meal in a 2400 calorie day. Two meals if I stick dinner in too. But still a 2400 calorie day. He still has breakfast. He still has snacks. He still has a lot of calories to eat and Little Debbie is more involved in that than I am.
As for 'sneaking' I meant adding it in. I did not mean I am going to start doing something ridiculous like adding cake batter to the meatloaf or something equally as outrageous.
I came here for support not judgement. Thank you to the people who offered me good suggestions.
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I think what he's doing is fine and what you're doing is fine. If everyone had to make sure they ate enough by using an app, we would've been extinct long ago.0
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My husband eats tons more calories than I do and eats some things I don't (I am GF), but it's no problem for me to make just one dinner. He picks at one or two bites of the vegetables, I have a much larger portion of those. For the main dish and sides, I eat smaller quantities than he does. It's really no problem and I don't have to be cooking separate meals or anything.
He goes ahead and makes his own decisions. I don't make them for him, I don't nag him and so on. If he wants to lose weight, he'll do the math for his calories and will control his own portions.0 -
Unless he's feeling negative effects from what he's eating, I wouldn't worry about it.
I have to shove calories at my boyfriend some days...seriously...he just "forgets" to eat and then at the end of the day he's exhausted, trying to work out but getting dizzy, lifting weights and injuring himself. He's like "i don't know what's wrong, I think I'm sick." I'm like "well...you only eat that sandwich I made you...which was 400 calories...and you weight 190...so..." He'll balance out some times with a heavier calorie day the next but a few of those low cal days in a row and he's all out of whack.
So yeah, unless there's a physical issue going on and it's under eating, I wouldn't worry.0 -
Is he losing weight?
To be honest, I don't really know what it is you're asking for....you can't meaningfully track someone else's food unless you're with them all the time, so the reality is you don't know how much he's eating. Which means you have no idea whether he needs "extra calories" or not.
So...what exactly are you looking for help with...?
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madhatter2013 wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »The things wives do for there husband and then complain about doing it.
She's not complaining about tracking for her husband. Learn to read. She's asking how she can help him reach his goals. I don't know where you're from, but where I'm from, when you commit to someone for life, you support them in anything they want to achieve no matter what it takes. If that means she takes the more convenient road and logs his meals for him, then that's what she'll do.
OP-I am in the same boat as you. I log everything for my husband. I weigh out his food and tell him what he can and can't eat based on what he's craving that day. I'm not bossy about it and we discuss every meal. I do this because HE asked me to help him and is willing to do whatever it takes to lose the weight and become healthy for his family. I figure, if he can do the work, I can pitch in and help. I have lost 54 lbs over the last year and a half so he feels that I probably have the best advise for him and would know what's best for him in this journey he just started. He's lost over 30 lbs so far in 3 months and is doing great. Neither of us view this as babying him or holding his hand. I would rather help him in any way he asks than have him develop a disease from his weight, or worse...die, and regret never pushing him to do something about it, or "hold his hand", when he asked me to.
Its one thing to make the meals, but to log them for him? No, that's ridiculous. Does she need to cut up his meat and feed it to him too?
And your husband isn't doing the work...all he is doing is eating what is set in front of him. He's losing weight because he apparently only eats the food you give him.
I can see logging for your SO if you cooked the meal, especially if you've made a recipe in the recipe builder. I don't. I just tell him how many calories a serving of dinner was and he logs them with quick add. But it would be just as easy to log in as him.0 -
I don't get logging for someone else. I find it tedious enough to log for myself some days. To me, if a person cares about keeping track of their calories, they will keep track of them on their own. Since your husband is naturally eating at a deficit already, do you really need to be managing his app for him? Enjoy the free minutes you just found!0
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You do what works for you. I do what works for me. OP does what works for her situation. Etc., etc...
Simple solution: each person chooses what is right for their own circumstances. Its not 'wrong' just because someone does things differently.
Bottom line to the original question, I think, is don't be concerned if there are no signs that there is anything wrong. And trust the spouse to be able to identify (by lack of energy, or some other indication) if something needs to change.berlynnwall wrote: »I don't get logging for someone else. I find it tedious enough to log for myself some days. To me, if a person cares about keeping track of their calories, they will keep track of them on their own. Since your husband is naturally eating at a deficit already, do you really need to be managing his app for him? Enjoy the free minutes you just found!
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So first off my question had to do with how to get more calories into a diet. Secondly I asked if you have to eat all your calories. At no point did I ask people to comment on my relationship. You have no idea what our circumstance is. Possibly he is disabled. Possibly he is an idiot. Possibly it is easier for me to make lunch while I am making dinner and since the barcode is in front of me it makes more sense to log as the lunch is made. Possibly while I am making lunch he is caring for his invalid mother who lives with us. You do not know and really shouldn't judge.
I didn't say he doesn't ever track. I said I track when I am making lunches. That is one meal in a 2400 calorie day. Two meals if I stick dinner in too. But still a 2400 calorie day. He still has breakfast. He still has snacks. He still has a lot of calories to eat and Little Debbie is more involved in that than I am.
As for 'sneaking' I meant adding it in. I did not mean I am going to start doing something ridiculous like adding cake batter to the meatloaf or something equally as outrageous.
I came here for support not judgement. Thank you to the people who offered me good suggestions.
Hahaha! That made me laugh! Sorry, jtompsn, but no matter what you post around here someone is going to critique something you didn't even remotely ask! Just ignore and move on. All I'd say for your DH is it depends on how he feels. If he feels good and has enough energy, then I wouldn't worry about hitting that calorie number exactly every day. Every human body is different and some people do not need as much fuel as others.0 -
So first off my question had to do with how to get more calories into a diet. Secondly I asked if you have to eat all your calories. At no point did I ask people to comment on my relationship. You have no idea what our circumstance is. Possibly he is disabled. Possibly he is an idiot. Possibly it is easier for me to make lunch while I am making dinner and since the barcode is in front of me it makes more sense to log as the lunch is made. Possibly while I am making lunch he is caring for his invalid mother who lives with us. You do not know and really shouldn't judge.
I didn't say he doesn't ever track. I said I track when I am making lunches. That is one meal in a 2400 calorie day. Two meals if I stick dinner in too. But still a 2400 calorie day. He still has breakfast. He still has snacks. He still has a lot of calories to eat and Little Debbie is more involved in that than I am.
As for 'sneaking' I meant adding it in. I did not mean I am going to start doing something ridiculous like adding cake batter to the meatloaf or something equally as outrageous.
I came here for support not judgement. Thank you to the people who offered me good suggestions.
^^This LOL0 -
madhatter2013 wrote: »madhatter2013 wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »The things wives do for there husband and then complain about doing it.
She's not complaining about tracking for her husband. Learn to read. She's asking how she can help him reach his goals. I don't know where you're from, but where I'm from, when you commit to someone for life, you support them in anything they want to achieve no matter what it takes. If that means she takes the more convenient road and logs his meals for him, then that's what she'll do.
OP-I am in the same boat as you. I log everything for my husband. I weigh out his food and tell him what he can and can't eat based on what he's craving that day. I'm not bossy about it and we discuss every meal. I do this because HE asked me to help him and is willing to do whatever it takes to lose the weight and become healthy for his family. I figure, if he can do the work, I can pitch in and help. I have lost 54 lbs over the last year and a half so he feels that I probably have the best advise for him and would know what's best for him in this journey he just started. He's lost over 30 lbs so far in 3 months and is doing great. Neither of us view this as babying him or holding his hand. I would rather help him in any way he asks than have him develop a disease from his weight, or worse...die, and regret never pushing him to do something about it, or "hold his hand", when he asked me to.
Its one thing to make the meals, but to log them for him? No, that's ridiculous. Does she need to cut up his meat and feed it to him too?
Only if he doesn't already know how. I log all my husbands meals because when I make the meals, the barcodes are right there in front of me and usually he isn't. Don't get me wrong, he knows how to do these things all by himself, so yes he can do it himself in case I am no longer around for some reason. It's just easier and faster cleanup for me to do it for now.
Exactly, I don't want him hovering over my shoulder while I'm cooking, scanning bar codes and entering ingredients just so he's logging for himself, especially since I'm already doing it for myself. So I make note of it for him while he keeps the kids out of my hair.0 -
I wouldn't be counting anyone else's calories. Period. He needs to take some initiative.0
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herrspoons wrote: »
My guess is couch potato.0 -
put some more calorie dense foods in his lunch, nuts, extra cheese, put higher fat meats on his sandwich, or make him a nice big PB&J with and extra emphasis on the PB! Be the best wife ever and cook him some bacon!0
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but I don't know why you're babying him but thats your relationship
thats kinda how i view it...
my husband eats way more than me. i dish up his dinner plate (hes partially paralyzed and cant otherwise hed be serving himself LOL). he eats it all, or not, or asks for more.... either way, hes in charge of what goes in his mouth.0 -
Your husband is a big boy, he can handle himself. I tried logging for my husband too, but I mean... he doesn't care! He's still losing weight simply by not stuffing himself to the brim.
If your husband doesn't feel hungry, don't force feed him. My husband can eat twice what I eat and lose as well, but I'm not going to hover over him to make sure he eats every single calorie that is allotted to him.0 -
Well, my portions are bigger than my wife's and I eat more snacks. It's not really very hard.
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Is he losing weight too fast the drs are concerned? Is he fainting from hunger? Is he showing signs of malnutrition? Is he underweight? Does he suffer from an eating disorder? If not, then trying to force a grown up to eat his food makes absolutely no sense. Try to worry less People survive without counting calories. 0
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