Having a treat 1/2x a week and peoples reactions to it
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Steph, I hope you don't mind me asking, but, how bad do you want to lose weight? Do you really really want it? I mean truly, deep down inside, ready to do what it takes, want to lose it? (I ask, because not everyone wants to, some use their weight as a protective measure to keep people away, or as an excuse for why they can't do stuff; work, date, whatever).
If you do, would you be willing to try a one week experiment? I'd love to mentor you through one week of mfp done right. You'd be surprised what you can learn in a week!0 -
How can I get my mum off my back for occasionally having treats? I wanted a caramel sundae from McDonalds the other day (and I had earnt it), but she said it was a waste of a workout and not to.
Sometimes I feel like having a piece or two of pizza (this coming from the girl who used to eat two whole pizzas by herself, plus sides, in one sitting), or a burger or something and I feel like the answer will always be no.
I have an all or nothing kind of personality, and find it hard to balance the good and the naughty. Having someone around that freaks out when I don't eat perfectly 100% of the time isn't helping.
What should I do? I'm kind of scared of her. She is paying for me to go to the gym, and I'm scared she will pull the plug if I don't do things her way.
Heck, if the price of her paying your membership is such that she gets to control what you eat, I'd suggest finding a way to pay for the gym membership yourself, or create your own home gym.
I see by your profile that you're 25 years old. You are an adult and have the right to make your own dietary choices.
I'd tell her that weight control is not about what you eat, but how much.
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Capt_Apollo wrote: »stop eating the treats in front of her
And this.0 -
blankiefinder wrote: »Steph, I hope you don't mind me asking, but, how bad do you want to lose weight? Do you really really want it? I mean truly, deep down inside, ready to do what it takes, want to lose it? (I ask, because not everyone wants to, some use their weight as a protective measure to keep people away, or as an excuse for why they can't do stuff; work, date, whatever).
If you do, would you be willing to try a one week experiment? I'd love to mentor you through one week of mfp done right. You'd be surprised what you can learn in a week!
To be honest, I wasn't ready to lose weight before. That's where all the crazy questions have been coming from! Something clicked in last night and I finally feel ready
(hence the lack of sleep).
Today, I went to the gym and did 20 minutes on the xtrainer plus my program, then I did 60 minutes of walking and brought a whole lot of fruit and veges, and premade some salads, and planned out my meals for the day (which I guess you won't be able to see until tomorrow).
Until yesterday, I wanted to lose weight without doing the work. I wasn't willing to make sacrifices. I've talked to my mentor and some other people and they are trying to help me. I feel anxiety over things like putting on my running shoes, going to the gym etc. I used to go and get fast food 3-4x a week, when I lived by myself, but now that I'm living with my mum again, the cooking gets shared so now getting fast food all the time doesn't seem like an option.
I'm sure my motivation will come and go, but now I have a support system in place that didn't exist before. I have 2 or 3 people that are advising me and helping me get through. Before when I've tried to lose weight, I've tried to do it completely alone.
And the issue with my mum isn't just about the chocolate sundae. I feel like she doesn't want me to ever indulge, or have anything that isn't rabbit food. Growing up, she used to put us on diets, and all we could ever eat was stirfry and salads (the same two salads, rotated). It was miserable, and it made me hate what I thought was healthy food. Now I realise, there are a lot more options out there. My concern is that she is encouraging the all or nothing behaviour by not letting me have the occassional treat, or having something if I have already met all my macros for the day. This means I can't have the occassional chocolate biscuit, or make pikelets or do anything like that.
I would love to take you up on your offer of mentoring.0 -
Once again, you are 25 years old. It's not up to your mum to let you eat a treat or not....0
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You are 25 right? You're not fudging your age??-1
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How can I get my mum off my back for occasionally having treats? I wanted a caramel sundae from McDonalds the other day (and I had earnt it), but she said it was a waste of a workout and not to.
Sometimes I feel like having a piece or two of pizza (this coming from the girl who used to eat two whole pizzas by herself, plus sides, in one sitting), or a burger or something and I feel like the answer will always be no.
I have an all or nothing kind of personality, and find it hard to balance the good and the naughty. Having someone around that freaks out when I don't eat perfectly 100% of the time isn't helping.
What should I do? I'm kind of scared of her. She is paying for me to go to the gym, and I'm scared she will pull the plug if I don't do things her way.
How do you know that she would pull the plug? Did you guys make an agreement that she would pay and that you would abide by specific expectations of hers? Like go to the gym twice a week? That is a lot of pressure but has some sanity to it.
What is creepy- weird about her is that she felt free to talk about what you put in your mouth.
I hope that you can get on track with what you want. (*)
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To be honest, I wasn't ready to lose weight before. That's where all the crazy questions have been coming from! Something clicked in last night and I finally feel ready (hence the lack of sleep).
Good for you Steph
Sounds like your mum has a very old school mentality when it comes to weight loss unfortunately![:\](https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
. Maybe give yourself a couple of weeks to get your logging sorted with help from your mentors, then you will have a better idea of where you can fit 'treat' stuff in, and be able to show her that you can have your cake and eat it too 
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If you need any NZ-specific help, just sing out. I'm 'down the road' in Welly.0 -
I sent you a friend request, Steph0
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Your diary for today looks great btw. Highly approve of your bread choice, I love that stuff! 0
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Haha, omg I hate how when I post on here, people seem to read all of my other threads on the same day and judge me. I know I'm shocking and sound terrible, it's so hard to be honest and open and put yourself out there when you are just starting out, and don't really know what you are doing. I have a very disordered way of looking at weightloss (I used to look at thinspo and only eat one meal a day) and have a really bad body image. It sucks having people analyse everything you do and make you sound like an idiot, even if you did a good job of that yourself. I wish I could post anonymously so that people wouldn't realise it was me posting all the crazy threads.
If I wasn't so embarrassed, ashamed of myself, scared etc, maybe I would log everyday. What I post is based on past entries. I have logged my food a few times.
Thanks for the help though. I feel like I am learning some stuff, and most of the support means the world to me.
It makes me laugh how so many of you are talking about me like I'm not here. I am reading all of the replies.
Its a forum people are boun to form an opinion based on what you post, thats just the nature of forums. If people disagree with you, then feel free to ignore and just talk to your mentors. but ofc you could just be sticking your head in the sand.
As you say your thinking and approach to losing weight is very disjointed. Your mind seems to be worrying about and dwelling on loads of things, which may just be a symptom of your anxiety.- Keep it simple, because weight loss is simple.
- Weigh and log your food every day. Knowing how much, when and what you are eating is very important if not essential. Make your diary closed or password it if you only want your mentors to look and cant deal with it being public. If you dont log your food, then you are decreasing your chances of succeeding significantly.
- Set a reasonable calorie target- just record, then slowly reduce it so you get to -500.
- If you do this, then you can show or explain to your mum that you are at a deficit and you will lose weight. Shes going to be more reassured if she sees you losing weight consistently.
- Work with your mentors so you have a clear plan that you know will work, is sustainable and you are sticking to. Start with understanding how much you need to maintain your body and look at what you are actually eating. That will help you get an understanding and will also help your mentors. People want to help and they are supportive, but they are going to say if they disagree with some of your views or understanding becayse it goes against what works for them and their understanding.
- Treats arent bad and they have their place, fit them into your calorie allowance.
0 - Keep it simple, because weight loss is simple.
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Tell her that you are going to be eating this new way for the rest of your life. It needs to include normal food too, or you are restricting too much and will end up bingeing.
Draw a pretty graph up of your weight loss and your net calories next to it.
Silence her with science.0 -
blankiefinder wrote: »Steph, I hope you don't mind me asking, but, how bad do you want to lose weight? Do you really really want it? I mean truly, deep down inside, ready to do what it takes, want to lose it? (I ask, because not everyone wants to, some use their weight as a protective measure to keep people away, or as an excuse for why they can't do stuff; work, date, whatever).
If you do, would you be willing to try a one week experiment? I'd love to mentor you through one week of mfp done right. You'd be surprised what you can learn in a week!
To be honest, I wasn't ready to lose weight before. That's where all the crazy questions have been coming from! Something clicked in last night and I finally feel ready (hence the lack of sleep).
Today, I went to the gym and did 20 minutes on the xtrainer plus my program, then I did 60 minutes of walking and brought a whole lot of fruit and veges, and premade some salads, and planned out my meals for the day (which I guess you won't be able to see until tomorrow).
Until yesterday, I wanted to lose weight without doing the work. I wasn't willing to make sacrifices. I've talked to my mentor and some other people and they are trying to help me. I feel anxiety over things like putting on my running shoes, going to the gym etc. I used to go and get fast food 3-4x a week, when I lived by myself, but now that I'm living with my mum again, the cooking gets shared so now getting fast food all the time doesn't seem like an option.
I'm sure my motivation will come and go, but now I have a support system in place that didn't exist before. I have 2 or 3 people that are advising me and helping me get through. Before when I've tried to lose weight, I've tried to do it completely alone.
And the issue with my mum isn't just about the chocolate sundae. I feel like she doesn't want me to ever indulge, or have anything that isn't rabbit food. Growing up, she used to put us on diets, and all we could ever eat was stirfry and salads (the same two salads, rotated). It was miserable, and it made me hate what I thought was healthy food. Now I realise, there are a lot more options out there. My concern is that she is encouraging the all or nothing behaviour by not letting me have the occassional treat, or having something if I have already met all my macros for the day. This means I can't have the occassional chocolate biscuit, or make pikelets or do anything like that.
I would love to take you up on your offer of mentoring.
A lot of people do tend to think of food as good or bad. It probably wouldn't matter how nicely you're staying within your calories, she would probably call you out on eating icecream. I don't know if you're hoping for validation from your Mom, but I really just recommend that you execute your plan and start shrinking. It'll communicate way more than any fighting ever will
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To be honest, I wasn't ready to lose weight before. That's where all the crazy questions have been coming from! Something clicked in last night and I finally feel ready (hence the lack of sleep).
Today, I went to the gym and did 20 minutes on the xtrainer plus my program, then I did 60 minutes of walking and brought a whole lot of fruit and veges, and premade some salads, and planned out my meals for the day (which I guess you won't be able to see until tomorrow).
Until yesterday, I wanted to lose weight without doing the work. I wasn't willing to make sacrifices. I've talked to my mentor and some other people and they are trying to help me. I feel anxiety over things like putting on my running shoes, going to the gym etc. I used to go and get fast food 3-4x a week, when I lived by myself, but now that I'm living with my mum again, the cooking gets shared so now getting fast food all the time doesn't seem like an option.
I'm sure my motivation will come and go, but now I have a support system in place that didn't exist before. I have 2 or 3 people that are advising me and helping me get through. Before when I've tried to lose weight, I've tried to do it completely alone.
And the issue with my mum isn't just about the chocolate sundae. I feel like she doesn't want me to ever indulge, or have anything that isn't rabbit food. Growing up, she used to put us on diets, and all we could ever eat was stirfry and salads (the same two salads, rotated). It was miserable, and it made me hate what I thought was healthy food. Now I realise, there are a lot more options out there. My concern is that she is encouraging the all or nothing behaviour by not letting me have the occassional treat, or having something if I have already met all my macros for the day. This means I can't have the occassional chocolate biscuit, or make pikelets or do anything like that.
I would love to take you up on your offer of mentoring.
Good for you!!0 -
OMG my fiance sounds like your mum (thats a terrifying sentence!! haha) Ive been "healthy" now for only a few years, where he has been so for a lot longer. However he is very antiquated with his beliefs about fitness (i.e. MUST have protein WITHIN 20 mins of working out, timings of meals throughout the day MATTER ABOVE ALL ELSE etc etc.) basically he just doesnt keep up with science. The other day, i seriously just wanted ice cream for dinner, i had more than enough cals to do it (i was gonna have light ice cream etc) but he went mental at me! haha. in the end i had some chicken (only cos we ended up getting super tasty chicken) PLUS a load of ice cream, and sat there smugly eating it all while still being under my cals. of course, ice cream for dinner every night would be silly....!!
totally agree with everyone above though, you just need to explain it properly to her, like ive eaten this many cals today, ive burnt this many cals, therefore i have like 500 cals spare, below my already reduced calorie target, so im gonna have a damn sundae! haha.0 -
Two things OP:
1) First if you do want to lose weight, look at your diary for today. If you can fit in there whatever extra you want (and it looks like you can) then do not see a treat as cheating or something to be justified, just log it, enjoy it and move on with your day, without second thoughts. Just try to at least log for a few weeks, so you can get into a routine and start being better at judging calories of different foods, portions etc.
2) Stand up to your mother, which unfortunately means stop accepting gifts if you are not ok with her rules. I imagine that she means well, but this does not mean that what she wants will work for you. If you want to get fitter and appreciate her paying for the gym, great. If you are doing it to please her, it will not work and will make both of you miserable. And even if you do have the same goals in mind, it cannot work by her controlling your meals, and for this you do need to stand up to her. You are not a toddler, she cannot make your choices for you. She can hate certain foods, and she has a right to disapprove of your choices, we all have diffrent preferences. But she needs to understand you are an adult, and you need to stand up to her and let her know this is not working.0
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