For a Fat girl, I'm a fox! (apparently.)???

KrysKiss87

I was walking into work this morning and as per the norm, I ended up having to share the elevator with the good looking Lab tech that works on the floor below me. We usually get to work about the same time, so inevitably we end up sharing the elevator. It's almost become part of my morning ritual. Only Today was different.

I shuffle onto the elevator followed shortly by handsome lab guy. The doors slide shut and we start our ascent. Suddenly out of the blue he turns to me and says "Listen, I've been wanting to say something for awhile now but hadn't worked up the nerve. I wanted to know if you would let me take you to coffee sometime. I find you very pretty for a big girl and I think you are really attractive."

Say what?

Though I am flattered that this handsome gentlemen was attracted to my milkshake which does in fact bring all the boys to the yard,(because I'm hella sexy yo) I had to decline.

First things first. I am VERY happily married. I even wear a shiny ring that is an obvious statement of the fact that I am taken, Unavailable, Kitchen is closed. No soup for you.

Secondly, if by some chance I was not married, in what universe would this statement actually make me want to go out with you? Maybe the poor guy didn't know what he was saying, maybe he didn't realize that "pretty for a big girl" is not, in fact, a compliment.

Correct me if I'm wrong, because maybe I'm taking this to heart more than I should, but pointing out the fact that I'm a "big girl" (Which, thanks genius I already knew that) even after a compliment, is a surefire way to make me immediately not find you attractive. "Pretty for a big girl" is like saying "Hey there, I don't think you are sexy in general, but if I have to settle for less than I really want, you aint so bad!"

Why can't I be just pretty? Why can't someone find me attractive in general instead of itemizing me in a list of a particular body type. I am not at all ashamed of how I look, but to try and "Compliment" me by saying I'm not typically pretty, but for a fat girl I'm a fox..... Not really beneficial to my self esteem. Although I appreciate the compliment, pointing out my weight issue right after is kind of lame.

So in conclusion, Handsome Lab guy is kind of a jerk. Or maybe just really socially awkward.

Am I looking at this in completely the wrong way?

I don't really care about the opinion of some random guy because I am married to one who loves me for who I am and I am completely head over heels for him. But for some reason this whole thing just got under my skin.

Comments? questions? Snide remarks?

kristen6350

Boys are so dumb.

jgnatca

You got hit on by the handsome lab guy! Score!
Then he had to open his mouth and ruin it all.
Kind of like seeing Tom Cruise for the first time loose without his publicist. It ruined his movies for me.

Altagracia220

I would feel the same way you do. What an idiot. He probably thought you had no confidence or you had self esteem issues and that you'd go out with the first male to look your way. Obviously wrong.

emdeesea

Yeah.

He COULD have said "You're pretty and I think you're really attractive." But he didn't. He intentionally added the words "...for a big girl."

So what he actually meant was, "fat girls are ugly, but you're not too bad!"

I don't understand why guys think negs work on intelligent, well-adjusted women. They don't. They just show us how juvenile and socially stunted you are.

KrysKiss87

emdeesea wrote: »

Yeah.

He COULD have said "You're pretty and I think you're really attractive." But he didn't. He added the words "...for a big girl."

So what he actually meant was, "fat girls are ugly, but you're not too bad!"

I don't understand why guys think negs work on intelligent, well-adjusted women. They don't. They just show us how juvenile and socially stunted you are.

^^^Truth^^^ I appreciated the compliment, but the negative connotation right afterwards was like throwing a bucketful of water on a cat right after feeding it a bowl of fresh tuna.

Dragn77

Thats a backhanded compliment if I ever heard one... Reminds me of those "dating coach" guys, the slimey ones, who teach this stuff...to give a compliment and then take it back "That dress looks hot on you... My grandmother has curtains that look like that"

Yeah, you're not over reacting, hot lab guy would be jerk lab guy after that LoL Maybe hes just clueless yeah, but...thats a bit much.

WickedPineapple

Yeah, telling someone they're attractive *in spite of something else* is not really a compliment. I'm curious, what did you say to him?

emdeesea

Dragn77 wrote: »

Thats a backhanded compliment if I ever heard one... Reminds me of those "dating coach" guys, the slimey ones, who teach this stuff...to give a compliment and then take it back "That dress looks hot on you... My grandmother has curtains that look like that"

Yeah, you're not over reacting, hot lab guy would be jerk lab guy after that LoL Maybe hes just clueless yeah, but...thats a bit much.

Definitely Pick Up Artists tactics. They're for guys who lack personality.

And if it's because he's just stupid, well, that's his problem. At some point he should learn how to speak to other people without being an *kitten*.

KrysKiss87

WickedPineapple wrote: »

Yeah, telling someone they're attractive *in spite of something else* is not really a compliment. I'm curious, what did you say to him?

I flashed him my rings and politely told him that I am married and though I appreciated that he "got the nerve" to say something I would have to pass. He said that was a major bummer and my husband is a lucky guy. Which was kinda nice... i guess....

AbsoluteTara79

My guess is that he didn't intend for it to come out the way he did. People say stupid *kitten* sometimes- especially when nervous around a pretty gal.

techgal128

He honestly sounds socially awkward to me. Especially if he's been holding back saying something to you for awhile. I'd take the (partial) compliment and go with it.

girlviernes

Probably really finds you attractive and then on top of that either a) socially inept b) not yet totally comfortable with seeing himself as someone who can like bigger girls since that is not socially rewarded c) trying pickup artist tactics or some combo of all of the above. Definitely does not have game!!

yopeeps025

From a single guy, the ring on some women mean absolutely nothing.

"I find you very pretty for a big girl and I think you are really attractive."

This should never be said together. Now why some men say this crap is mind boggling to me?

Why can't she be pretty for a Girl?

999tigger

techgal128 wrote: »

He honestly sounds socially awkward to me. Especially if he's been holding back saying something to you for awhile. I'd take the (partial) compliment and go with it.

This +1. You can choose what you want to make of it and id just be taking the positives from it. In any event I wouldnt dwell or waste any energy on it.

Pupslice

Sounds like he was negging you, tbh.

peachyfuzzle

I don't think most females understand exactly how scary it can be to ask someone out (because our society deems that it is nearly always the male who has to take the lead in courtship), and how that fear will nearly always force you to put your foot in your mouth when you finally work up the courage to do so. This is exponentially more true relative to one's own social awkwardness.

It sounds to me like he meant to say something completely different, and it came out extraordinarily wrong.

yopeeps025

peachyfuzzle wrote: »

I don't think most females understand exactly how scary it can be to ask someone out (because our society deems that it is nearly always the male who has to take the lead in courtship), and how that fear will nearly always force you to put your foot in your mouth when you finally work up the courage to do so. This is exponentially more true relative to one's own social awkwardness.

It sounds to me like he meant to say something completely different, and it came out extraordinarily wrong.

Yeah it was hard asking out women when I was 14. Not since I turned 18 LOL.

DayByDayGetStronger

The biggest back-handed compliment a person can get. Ugghh. The other favorite is "you have such a pretty face, now if you could just lose the weight". My goal is to NEVER hear this ever again!

peachyfuzzle

yopeeps025 wrote: »

peachyfuzzle wrote: »

I don't think most females understand exactly how scary it can be to ask someone out (because our society deems that it is nearly always the male who has to take the lead in courtship), and how that fear will nearly always force you to put your foot in your mouth when you finally work up the courage to do so. This is exponentially more true relative to one's own social awkwardness.

It sounds to me like he meant to say something completely different, and it came out extraordinarily wrong.

Yeah it was hard asking out women when I was 14. Not since I turned 18 LOL.

I'm 32, have been through dozens of relationships since the age of 18, and still have issues courting women. You might not have any social hindrances, but a lot of people do.

JoRocka

peachyfuzzle wrote: »

I don't think most females understand exactly how scary it can be to ask someone out (because our society deems that it is nearly always the male who has to take the lead in courtship), and how that fear will nearly always force you to put your foot in your mouth when you finally work up the courage to do so. This is exponentially more true relative to one's own social awkwardness.

It sounds to me like he meant to say something completely different, and it came out extraordinarily wrong.

having walked into a shop- grabbed a a sharpie and straight up wrote my number on the I liked guys hand- yeah- I know "how scary" it can be.- it's not.

it's not that scary. worst she says is no- okay- worst she says is no you're ugly go away... so what- we are judged constantly as fkable pieces of meat- EVERY DAY. Our value is based on how good we might be at having sex.


Get over yourselves- we aren't that intimidating- we are just people- stop putting us on some dias and just strike up a damn conversation.

OP- guy is a douche- even if a socially awkward- unknowing douche. Should have told him way to shoot himself in the foot on that one.

You're beautiful just the way you are.

yopeeps025

peachyfuzzle wrote: »

yopeeps025 wrote: »

peachyfuzzle wrote: »

I don't think most females understand exactly how scary it can be to ask someone out (because our society deems that it is nearly always the male who has to take the lead in courtship), and how that fear will nearly always force you to put your foot in your mouth when you finally work up the courage to do so. This is exponentially more true relative to one's own social awkwardness.

It sounds to me like he meant to say something completely different, and it came out extraordinarily wrong.

Yeah it was hard asking out women when I was 14. Not since I turned 18 LOL.

I'm 32, have been through dozens of relationships since the age of 18, and still have issues courting women. You might not have any social hindrances, but a lot of people do.

So would you say it is the fear of rejection?

terem00

Honestly..if it was me I'd take the compliment, back handed or not!
When I was fat..I didn't get any compliments.
Now today.. I am small and petite and I still don't get any compliments (except for on here and those are still rare)!

yopeeps025

JoRocka wrote: »

peachyfuzzle wrote: »

I don't think most females understand exactly how scary it can be to ask someone out (because our society deems that it is nearly always the male who has to take the lead in courtship), and how that fear will nearly always force you to put your foot in your mouth when you finally work up the courage to do so. This is exponentially more true relative to one's own social awkwardness.

It sounds to me like he meant to say something completely different, and it came out extraordinarily wrong.

having walked into a shop- grabbed a a sharpie and straight up wrote my number on the I liked guys hand- yeah- I know "how scary" it can be.- it's not.

it's not that scary. worst she says is no- okay- worst she says is no you're ugly go away... so what- we are judged constantly as fkable pieces of meat- EVERY DAY. Our value is based on how good we might be at having sex.


Get over yourselves- we aren't that intimidating- we are just people- stop putting us on some dias and just strike up a damn conversation.

OP- guy is a douche- even if a socially awkward- unknowing douche. Should have told him way to shoot himself in the foot on that one.

You're beautiful just the way you are.

You will be surprise that some men just don't know how to talk to women. I don't understand why it is so hard either.

wolfsbayne

I wouldn't have been offended, but to be fair, not much offends me, anyway. Whether he meant it to come out that way or not, I find the awkwardness rather endearing. Then again, I'm not like most women.

Carry on.

enterdanger

Comments like that are the reason I tried to date guys that only spoke foreign languages for a short time frame in college. Mute is better.

sjadev1108

Ahhhh should've been quicker and said "you're really cute too, for a moron"......screw that dude, he obviously has issues and I feel bad for the girl that feels bad enough about herself to go for coffee with him

triciab79

Poor guy! That is an epic fail. I feel bad for him. I don't think he was trying to be a jerk. My poor hubby says stupid stuff all the time. I remember once when we had first started dating he said he wanted to take me out but didn't have a lot of cash so he wanted to see if just fast food and renting a movie would be ok. I said of course it would and I would just be happy to spend time with him. He said " Oh good! I am so glad you are a cheap date!" He makes less than smooth (foot in the mouth) statements about 3-4 times a month and I actually find them kind of endearing now.

vanessangonzalez

I think he probably meant it as a compliment. He did ask to take you out. He's probably just awkward. Lol.

peachyfuzzle

JoRocka wrote: »

peachyfuzzle wrote: »

I don't think most females understand exactly how scary it can be to ask someone out (because our society deems that it is nearly always the male who has to take the lead in courtship), and how that fear will nearly always force you to put your foot in your mouth when you finally work up the courage to do so. This is exponentially more true relative to one's own social awkwardness.

It sounds to me like he meant to say something completely different, and it came out extraordinarily wrong.

having walked into a shop- grabbed a a sharpie and straight up wrote my number on the I liked guys hand- yeah- I know "how scary" it can be.- it's not.

it's not that scary. worst she says is no- okay- worst she says is no you're ugly go away... so what- we are judged constantly as fkable pieces of meat- EVERY DAY. Our value is based on how good we might be at having sex.


Get over yourselves- we aren't that intimidating- we are just people- stop putting us on some dias and just strike up a damn conversation.

OP- guy is a douche- even if a socially awkward- unknowing douche. Should have told him way to shoot himself in the foot on that one.

You're beautiful just the way you are.

Yeah, go ahead, and get not only rejected, but laughed at to the point of tears by every single romantic interest you've ever had, and then tell me how easy it is.

Being told "no" is nothing, but being laughed at as though you were lower than dirt, and so unattractive that the thought of you in a romantic sense is literally laughable... that is pretty scary, and vastly most often not worth the headache.

Your whole "fkcable piece of meat" thing just serves to exaggerate my point. If you truly believe that you're only looked at as such, then it doesn't matter what you look like as long as you're a warm hole. In such a case, looking better than a troll is only a bonus.

I don't think I'm the one who has to get over himself.

yopeeps025

peachyfuzzle wrote: »

JoRocka wrote: »

peachyfuzzle wrote: »

I don't think most females understand exactly how scary it can be to ask someone out (because our society deems that it is nearly always the male who has to take the lead in courtship), and how that fear will nearly always force you to put your foot in your mouth when you finally work up the courage to do so. This is exponentially more true relative to one's own social awkwardness.

It sounds to me like he meant to say something completely different, and it came out extraordinarily wrong.

having walked into a shop- grabbed a a sharpie and straight up wrote my number on the I liked guys hand- yeah- I know "how scary" it can be.- it's not.

it's not that scary. worst she says is no- okay- worst she says is no you're ugly go away... so what- we are judged constantly as fkable pieces of meat- EVERY DAY. Our value is based on how good we might be at having sex.


Get over yourselves- we aren't that intimidating- we are just people- stop putting us on some dias and just strike up a damn conversation.

OP- guy is a douche- even if a socially awkward- unknowing douche. Should have told him way to shoot himself in the foot on that one.

You're beautiful just the way you are.

Yeah, go ahead, and get not only rejected, but laughed at to the point of tears by every single romantic interest you've ever had, and then tell me how easy it is.

Being told "no" is nothing, but being laughed at as though you were lower than dirt, and so unattractive that the thought of you in a romantic sense is literally laughable... that is pretty scary, and vastly most often not worth the headache.

Your whole "fkcable piece of meat" thing just serves to exaggerate my point. If you truly believe that you're only looked at as such, then it doesn't matter what you look like as long as you're a warm hole. In such a case, looking better than a troll is only a bonus.

I don't think I'm the one who has to get over himself.

How did I know it was fear of rejection? Because I have been there before. That is almost the reason why some men are afraid.

Look man I get it. I had girls make fun of how my chest is so big which is my most self conscious area. Does that stop me from still trying to meet new women?:noway: I would also think that everyone has been rejected at some point in life.