1st time at the gym: Was that OK behaviour?

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  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,459 Member
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    MikaMojito wrote: »
    levitateme wrote: »
    Had you mentioned to him that you have a past that includes losing weight and gaining it back? He was definitely rude, but I'd like to know if he said this out of nowhere or in response to something you told him. He is correct that 30 minutes cardio is not enough to counterbalance a large caloric surplus. People tend to think they burn way more calories than they actually do.

    He's the manager, but is it a franchised gym or a mom & pop? If it's franchised you can complain to corporate headquarters about his behavior, but if it's the latter, he's pretty much free to be a jerk to everyone it seems.

    The thing about gyms is that they want you to join but ideally, they'd like you to quit. That's how they make money: High membership and less regular users. Maybe he thought by negging you he could get you to give up straight away. He already has your money and a contract I'm assuming. Messed up, but it is what it is. Prove him wrong by going back and losing weight and keeping it off?

    I did tell him that I have a history of losing/gaining. But for all he knows I might have an eating disorder or thyroid problems or whatever. So his comments didn't come out of nowhere but even then they're a bit inappropriate.

    I'm also aware that 30min won't cut it. However, I'm eating at a considerable deficit (and yes, I am logging properly again) and I don't eat the exercise calories back. Plus: when you've been fairly inactive for a while it's not superrealistic to expect to start off with an hour or more. Today I actually managed 45min. I DID tell him it was only to get started...

    It's a franchise but in Germany people don't care that much about complaints, really. The company is one of the biggest in Germany and I think the only reason they'd take action is if he had massively harrassed me.

    Funnily, that first trial training doesn't mean you actually have to sign up. I'm even allowed a second trial training before any money is paid... So there's no contract yet. Which would point towards what somebody else wrote: that he only wants people at the gym who don't look like they need it.

    We'll see. I WILL go back but not to prove him wrong. I'm trying very hard not to care what people like that say.

    That makes it even more awful. He was talking ABOUT you, to you.
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,459 Member
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    carliekitty wrote: »
    That's just rude. I would go there for yourself but just don't waste anymore time or energy on what he thinks. I had a gym manager tell me I was to fat to run because I was "hurting" my joints. It was so embarrassing =( I went home and ran outside and that manager saved me 40$ a month.

    He shouldn't have been rude, if he was, but he's right that running as an overweight person stresses the joints considerably. Every pound of body weight is 3 on the knees and 6 on the hips. A lot of people would agree with him.
  • rjm2280
    rjm2280 Posts: 1 Member
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    Are you sure he's actually a trainer and not just the owner of the business. I think you may have found out why it's cheap as well if that's his way of getting new business.

    I can only reiterate what everyone else has said. The guy was a jerk. I agree that different things motivate different people. A good trainer would take time to find out your past history and what worked for you in the past before suggesting a training plan. And this is especially true when someone is overweight or unfit (or both). I couldn't give a monkeys about a so called trainers view on overweight people - their job is to help me achieve *my* goals.
  • Afura
    Afura Posts: 2,054 Member
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    Well if you can't complain, I'd see if you can switch trainers if you really feel uncomfortable with him because of those comments. We weren't there to take full context and tone it was said in to be able to judge, but I know I would be put off by it. If it asks why you want a different trainer, just tell him/them that you want to try someone else to see the differences in approach. When I had a PT she would hound me about my exercises and about eating right, but she never put me, my past, or my circumstances down.
  • MikaMojito
    MikaMojito Posts: 680 Member
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    From what I can tell he's both the manager and the trainer. Now in Germany to be allowed to call yourself trainer, you do have to go through specific classes that are state-regulated. So it's not like he just doesn't know stuff and that's why the gym is cheap. It's cheap because they don't do classes, they haven't got a sauna, you pay extra for your shower. It's the most basic gym you can imagine. But since I don't want any of the mentioned extras, it suits me ok.

    It also means, he's not my PT, he was only there to introduce me to the machines and explain how everything works. So I won't have to change trainers or anything.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    AllanMisner wrote: »
    Yes, please do go back to the gym, but request a different trainer. A trainer should provide you with a comfortable environment suited to your goals and needs. Unfortunately, people skills aren’t really a part of the curriculum for most personal training certifications.
    AllanMisner wrote: »
    Yes, please do go back to the gym, but request a different trainer. A trainer should provide you with a comfortable environment suited to your goals and needs. Unfortunately, people skills aren’t really a part of the curriculum for most personal training certifications.

    This is a great post ^ I wanted to say the same thing as everyone else and say he was being a jerk but ..it's obvious he was.

    Some gyms sadly you don't have to be anything but an employee of the gym to call yourself a trainer. They just take on members as part of their everyday hours they put in working for the place.

    No one needs to be squashed when they finally get brave enough to hit the gym. I'm so sorry this happened... as @AllanMisner share.. ppl skills don't always come with a certification and that's everywhere in life. Someone could be very educated and have high intelligence but their emotional intelligence is waning greatly.

    Definitely see if there's someone else that can help you and perhaps explain to the new person you work with that you're looking for support not someone to berate you.

    Cheers for a better experience the next visit!
    Hearts <3
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    MikaMojito wrote: »
    Of_Monsters_and_Meat wrote: »
    Weight machine, crunches? Shooting you down.
    Get a different trainer. Sounds like he wants you to pay for your membership and never step foot back in the gym.

    Here, save yourself some grief. Drop $10 and just buy this. Go in armed with a plan.
    http://www.amazon.com/The-New-Rules-Lifting-Women-ebook/dp/B004IE9RGC

    I'm not sure I understand your comment. "Weight machine" is not the term he used - I simply don't know the English terms for the different thingies he showed me how to use. And I was also not precise when it comes to crunches - I asked him to suggest exercises for some back problems (lots of desk work...) and there's a kind of reverse crunch thing where you lie on a bench and lower your legs - he suggested that.

    If what you mean is that he should have sent me straight to the free weights section - he asked if I wanted to try them and I told him I wasn't sure yet and he told me to try the machine thingies and he'd show me how to use the free weights whenever I felt ready.

    I know that heavy lifting for women is a huge thing in the states atm but over here, it's still fairly rare for women to use the free weights. I wouldn't feel comfortable there right now, so I see no harm in starting on the machines.

    The bolded section.. that was decent that he ask you instead of telling you ... so he got a point or two there. I started out on Precor machines and I feel it was a good fit for me. Free weights aren't for everyone the first day at the gym.. do what you feel comfy with and work your way up.

    I do think the book is helpful but if you're not ready ...a person is simply not ready. Share with staff on what you need and accept nothing less! :):)
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    MikaMojito wrote: »
    Kinda glad to see I wasn't just being a wimp!

    I WILL indeed go back to that gym because I'm not doing it for him, I'm doing it for me. So he can go get lost.

    Unfortunately he IS the manager and head trainer of the gym, so I'd have to complain to him which I think would be pointless. However, since it's a cheap-*kitten* gym, I won't have too much contact with him. Once you know how the machines work and you've been given a plan to follow, you can just go do your thing. The trainers do walk around an correct you if you do something wrong but he's not MY personal trainer. If he was I certainly wouldn't go back.

    And to be honest: ONE of the reasons I'm trying to get fit is to have the knowledge that if people talk to me like that I could theoretically (!) punch the in the face really hard. Not that I'd ever do anything like that, I'm usually pretty good at defending myself with words. But I felt so completely out of place there, surrounded by young, slim muscular people (not their fault, they work hard for what they've got) that I let him cow me into silence. It won't happen again.

    Thanks for your support, everybody! I hope you're all doing well with weight and fitness!

    <3

    Good for you!!! I guess I didn't read fully, I apologize, I thought he was your personal trainer. He was merely the person giving you a tour and such of the possible workout machines etc? I had someone do that with me and I was on my way.. I didn't need assistance after the orientation.

    So proud of you for sticking to this despite the first time being less than stellar! :) It being so very close to your BF's house makes it really convenient and sometimes convenient wins..other wise sometimes we don't follow through. :)
  • Peacefulkancer
    Peacefulkancer Posts: 16 Member
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    MikaMojito wrote: »
    Peacefulkancer wrote: »
    I've played, coached and officiated sports quite a bit in my life and I always thought it was interesting of how men and women were motivated. Many men want to be "called out" and thus have to "prove themselves" to their peers that they are "a man." However, women want to be supported even if they are failing - they seem to want to feel like they are succeeding no matter what. That is why on a football sideline you see coaches telling their male players that they don't want to win enough or guys putting each other down in sports to try to make their foe work harder. And inversely you see coaches for women always praising them and telling them that they got it.

    With that said, I think that this particular trainer is way out to lunch - and not just because you are a woman. A trainers job first-and-foremost (regardless of gender) is to try and ensure you that they are there to help you and that they are going to do whatever they have to do to help you meet your goals. If later down the road they learn that "tough love" is what motivates you, then so be it - give it to em hard. But until then they should be the most friendly person in the gym to you.

    I'd talk to their direct manager and ask them if that is how things are done there. Who knows, maybe you walked into a tough love gym and that is their mode of operation. Good luck!

    I've never understood that way of motivating. I'm a teacher and I try to motivate all my students by praising them when they've done well. If somebody starts with a very poor grade but I can see they've worked on it the next time I grade a test, then I will praise them, even if they're still not very good.

    I don't need praise when I know I haven't been doing well. But I would have thought that a "30 minutes is ok for the beginning, but I'm sure you can up it to an hour within the next month - and THAT's really going to help" would have been a better way of motivating anybody.

    But then the men I hang out with have never been the type that feel they have to prove their manliness to anybody.
    What I spoke on was more about sports/exercise motivation. Men don't go to work hoping that they are berated by their boss. So it isn't about proving your manliness on a general or daily basis. Maybe your male friends aren't like that - or maybe you haven't been around them when it is "just the guys" doing "guy things" where they may feel obligated to "one-up" their counterpart. Furthermore, in your schoolroom example you are grading children - I don't think my example of men applies to children.

    As I said, this is what I've seen in my experience as a player, a coach, and a ref. We are simply competitive creatures and we don't like to be the "lesser man." I'm certainly not saying this is how all men are in sports/exercise - it is just my experience that men are far more likely to use put-downs as motivation than women are. I could be wrong on all this as well - as this is just my own personal experiences both personally and professionally.
  • erinelizabeth882
    erinelizabeth882 Posts: 102 Member
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    MikaMojito wrote: »
    And I was also not precise when it comes to crunches - I asked him to suggest exercises for some back problems (lots of desk work...) and there's a kind of reverse crunch thing where you lie on a bench and lower your legs - he suggested that. .

    I would be careful with those kind of exercises for your back. I also have a bad back and that's a pretty advanced ab exercise. If your abs aren't strong enough for it, the pressure goes to your low back where you're trying to relieve it. Consider trying supermans (on all fours, lift right leg and left arm, lower, then lift left leg and right arm, keeping core engaged).

  • noclady1995
    noclady1995 Posts: 452 Member
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    Interesting how they do things in Europe in the retail/service industry. I've had to work there for weeks at a time and I definitely didn't have the warm and fuzzies there compared to how things are done here in the US. Yeah, if you were to go back and he kept saying that kind of stuff to you, I'd definitely feel like I was being harassed. But good for you for not caring and just pushing through with your goals. You've got plenty of support on here to help you anyway.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,710 Member
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    MikaMojito wrote: »
    levitateme wrote: »
    Had you mentioned to him that you have a past that includes losing weight and gaining it back? He was definitely rude, but I'd like to know if he said this out of nowhere or in response to something you told him. He is correct that 30 minutes cardio is not enough to counterbalance a large caloric surplus. People tend to think they burn way more calories than they actually do.

    He's the manager, but is it a franchised gym or a mom & pop? If it's franchised you can complain to corporate headquarters about his behavior, but if it's the latter, he's pretty much free to be a jerk to everyone it seems.

    The thing about gyms is that they want you to join but ideally, they'd like you to quit. That's how they make money: High membership and less regular users. Maybe he thought by negging you he could get you to give up straight away. He already has your money and a contract I'm assuming. Messed up, but it is what it is. Prove him wrong by going back and losing weight and keeping it off?

    I did tell him that I have a history of losing/gaining. But for all he knows I might have an eating disorder or thyroid problems or whatever. So his comments didn't come out of nowhere but even then they're a bit inappropriate.

    I'm also aware that 30min won't cut it. However, I'm eating at a considerable deficit (and yes, I am logging properly again) and I don't eat the exercise calories back. Plus: when you've been fairly inactive for a while it's not superrealistic to expect to start off with an hour or more. Today I actually managed 45min. I DID tell him it was only to get started...

    It's a franchise but in Germany people don't care that much about complaints, really. The company is one of the biggest in Germany and I think the only reason they'd take action is if he had massively harrassed me.

    Funnily, that first trial training doesn't mean you actually have to sign up. I'm even allowed a second trial training before any money is paid... So there's no contract yet. Which would point towards what somebody else wrote: that he only wants people at the gym who don't look like they need it.

    We'll see. I WILL go back but not to prove him wrong. I'm trying very hard not to care what people like that say.

    Sounds like he's aware of this and is using it to his advantage. You also said, "From what I can tell he's both the manager and the trainer." Just an assumption on my part but sometimes people are interested in fitness (i.e. owning a gym and being a personal trainer) because they only like healthy, fit people. It's a common discrimination IMHO.

    Or, possibly he just had a bad day? No excuse and it sounds like you have the correct mindset and aren't afraid to tell him what you think. Just keep doing that. See how the next session goes. Maybe keep the talking to a minimum and use him only to learn the machines, form, and technique. Sounds like you can succeed on your own just fine!
  • runner475
    runner475 Posts: 1,236 Member
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    @MikaMojito - Not related to your thread but since you are from Germany I have a question for you.

    I have heard/read that people don't talk much to each other @ gyms in Germany even if one sees them day in and day out, let's say at spin class or Yoga class or even in weight rooms.

    Is this true?
  • MikaMojito
    MikaMojito Posts: 680 Member
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    runner475 wrote: »
    @MikaMojito - Not related to your thread but since you are from Germany I have a question for you.

    I have heard/read that people don't talk much to each other @ gyms in Germany even if one sees them day in and day out, let's say at spin class or Yoga class or even in weight rooms.

    Is this true?

    I have no clue, Sry. Never went for long enough to regularly see people there. I did see the trainer greeting many customers and I have seen people waving or briefly chatting. But l haven't done classes or weight room.

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