I really, really need help. It's becoming too tough.
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@Of_Monsters_and_Meat @Cookiejo2270 Have you even been reading the thread?0
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Oh, look at all the people who want to help!!
First of all, BE INCREDIBLY HAPPY on losing 35 pounds! That's more than a few sizes - the loss must show all over and you should be very proud !!
Secondly, if you REALLY do not want to see a doctor, call the hotline (a great suggestion!), or find someone you can confide in........believe me, talking HELPS. I know this for a fact. It will ease your pain and get you back on track and focused.
Best of Luck to you !!!! We stress and are so hard on ourselves. We need to be kinder to ourselves.
I asked my husband once (teasingly) who he loved the most in the entire world. He said himself. It took me by surprise, but that is the correct answer. He's not selfish or self-centered at all. We should love ourselves first......the rest will follow.
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Please take a look at these links. There's help out there. I know how scary it can be to admit your disorder to anyone, but if you don't deal with it head on, it will haunt you for the rest of your life. You're ill, and you need help recovering. Your family wants you to be healthy. Be brave and talk to someone.
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/information-referral-helpline
http://www.anad.org/eating-disorders-get-help/eating-disorders-helpline-email/
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/0 -
Mammabear49 wrote: »Oh, look at all the people who want to help!!
First of all, BE INCREDIBLY HAPPY on losing 35 pounds! That's more than a few sizes - the loss must show all over and you should be very proud !!
Secondly, if you REALLY do not want to see a doctor, call the hotline (a great suggestion!), or find someone you can confide in........believe me, talking HELPS. I know this for a fact. It will ease your pain and get you back on track and focused.
Best of Luck to you !!!! We stress and are so hard on ourselves. We need to be kinder to ourselves.
I asked my husband once (teasingly) who he loved the most in the entire world. He said himself. It took me by surprise, but that is the correct answer. He's not selfish or self-centered at all. We should love ourselves first......the rest will follow.
I do feel loved
Thank you. I don't want to see the doctor at all, but I'm guessing I have to so I can recover. I'm going to call a hotline for sure and talk to someone. I've been bottling it all up too much. Thanks for the kind wishes
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Please take a look at these links. There's help out there. I know how scary it can be to admit your disorder to anyone, but if you don't deal with it head on, it will haunt you for the rest of your life. You're ill, and you need help recovering. Your family wants you to be healthy. Be brave and talk to someone.
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/information-referral-helpline
http://www.anad.org/eating-disorders-get-help/eating-disorders-helpline-email/
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
Thank you so much
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iwantoholdon wrote: »I can make the appointment private, that's fine. But my Mom and I have a strong bond and I don't want to destroy it by hiding something like this from her.. And I don't want to destroy it by telling her this either. Sorry, I'm probably coming off as stubborn. I'm just trying to find a way to tell my doctor and not feel guilty
I'll tell you a couple family stories that might release you from some guilt.
When my son was twelve he started to exhibit the first signs of a potentially debilitating mental illness. Being a teen, he desperately wanted to keep his personal stuff private. But I nearly had a mental breakdown from trying to deal on my own. I finally cracked and called in the "troops" to get the help we needed. (I racked up a stack of business cards a half-inch thick). It was two years of hard labour and my daughter put her own teenage angst on hold for those two years, but we got the help we needed. That experience changed me. Nothing is private any more, much to my children's chagrin.
But at the same time I think it is perfectly fine to open up to your doctor about this problem while saying nothing to your mom. I sense you are ready to implode. Call out now.
The other story is about when I was in my late thirties and brought a second kitten home. I was a single parent, independent, and living on my own. Dad, whom I deeply admire, had advised against any more pets, but I got one anyways. When dad came over for a visit and saw a ginger streak go by, he cursed. And then nothing more was said about it. I had this impressive revelation (probably a little late I am sure) that parents ultimately have no control over their adult children's decisions. It's my life. I own it, and I live with the consequences. It was quite a liberating thought.
I don't think it is a betrayal in any sense of the word to get help on your own and keep your mom out of it for now. She will have to accept your reasons because you are an adult now. And I don't think it will destroy your bond. Moms are forever. I know this on experience.0 -
iwantoholdon wrote: »I can make the appointment private, that's fine. But my Mom and I have a strong bond and I don't want to destroy it by hiding something like this from her.. And I don't want to destroy it by telling her this either. Sorry, I'm probably coming off as stubborn. I'm just trying to find a way to tell my doctor and not feel guilty
I'll tell you a couple family stories that might release you from some guilt.
When my son was twelve he started to exhibit the first signs of a potentially debilitating mental illness. Being a teen, he desperately wanted to keep his personal stuff private. But I nearly had a mental breakdown from trying to deal on my own. I finally cracked and called in the "troops" to get the help we needed. (I racked up a stack of business cards a half-inch thick). It was two years of hard labour and my daughter put her own teenage angst on hold for those two years, but we got the help we needed. That experience changed me. Nothing is private any more, much to my children's chagrin.
But at the same time I think it is perfectly fine to open up to your doctor about this problem while saying nothing to your mom. I sense you are ready to implode. Call out now.
The other story is about when I was in my late thirties and brought a second kitten home. I was a single parent, independent, and living on my own. Dad, whom I deeply admire, had advised against any more pets, but I got one anyways. When dad came over for a visit and saw a ginger streak go by, he cursed. And then nothing more was said about it. I had this impressive revelation (probably a little late I am sure) that parents ultimately have no control over their adult children's decisions. It's my life. I own it, and I live with the consequences. It was quite a liberating thought.
I don't think it is a betrayal in any sense of the word to get help on your own and keep your mom out of it for now. She will have to accept your reasons because you are an adult now. And I don't think it will destroy your bond. Moms are forever. I know this on experience.
Thank you very much. I agree, I hope I can do this.
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iwantoholdon wrote: »I hope you will see that by writing it down in an anonymous forum like this that you have permission to call your doctor. Can you work it out so this treatment is private, only between you and your doctor? Every patient has privacy rights. Unless the doctor's receptionist is your mother.
I can make the appointment private, that's fine. But my Mom and I have a strong bond and I don't want to destroy it by hiding something like this from her.. And I don't want to destroy it by telling her this either. Sorry, I'm probably coming off as stubborn. I'm just trying to find a way to tell my doctor and not feel guilty
Talk to your mom. Tell her what you have said here. "Mom, you and I have a strong relationship and I value that so much. I have something to tell you but I'm afraid you will be disappointed in me, but I don't want to keep a secret from you."
If my daughter came to me like that, there is no way I would be upset with her.0 -
We know you can do this! Look how far you've come just by opening up on here! That's a big step, and you should be proud.
You've got this, and we've got your back.0 -
Calliope610 wrote: »iwantoholdon wrote: »I hope you will see that by writing it down in an anonymous forum like this that you have permission to call your doctor. Can you work it out so this treatment is private, only between you and your doctor? Every patient has privacy rights. Unless the doctor's receptionist is your mother.
I can make the appointment private, that's fine. But my Mom and I have a strong bond and I don't want to destroy it by hiding something like this from her.. And I don't want to destroy it by telling her this either. Sorry, I'm probably coming off as stubborn. I'm just trying to find a way to tell my doctor and not feel guilty
Talk to your mom. Tell her what you have said here. "Mom, you and I have a strong relationship and I value that so much. I have something to tell you but I'm afraid you will be disappointed in me, but I don't want to keep a secret from you."
If my daughter came to me like that, there is no way I would be upset with her.
I think I should.. The thing stopping me is, " Oh I'm a few months clean why don't I just recover on my own without telling anyone? " So it's making this hard. Thank you though.
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PeachyPlum wrote: »We know you can do this! Look how far you've come just by opening up on here! That's a big step, and you should be proud.
You've got this, and we've got your back.
Thank you so much that's so sweet of you I do feel very different..
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Hon--you are by far not the first person to have a relapse. It'll take some courage to admit it to your mother, but you need help. A mother wants the best for her children, and I'd be relieved if my daughter confided in me. You are not a failure because you need help. We all do, sooner or later. Wishing you the best of luck--make the right decisions. 0
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snowflake954 wrote: »Hon--you are by far not the first person to have a relapse. It'll take some courage to admit it to your mother, but you need help. A mother wants the best for her children, and I'd be relieved if my daughter confided in me. You are not a failure because you need help. We all do, sooner or later. Wishing you the best of luck--make the right decisions.
Thank you, I'm overwhelmed and I hope that I can do this..
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iwantoholdon wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Hon--you are by far not the first person to have a relapse. It'll take some courage to admit it to your mother, but you need help. A mother wants the best for her children, and I'd be relieved if my daughter confided in me. You are not a failure because you need help. We all do, sooner or later. Wishing you the best of luck--make the right decisions.
Thank you, I'm overwhelmed and I hope that I can do this..
YOU CAN...... 0 -
PeachyPlum wrote: »@Of_Monsters_and_Meat @Cookiejo2270 Have you even been reading the thread?
Yup. she wants to hit 130lbs at all costs. I don't think that is a dangerously low weight. She is 171lbs right now. Has had anorexia and bulimia is the past. No idea about bodyfat %.
This means she is eating 1585 calories to maintain that weight. I punched it into IIFIYM calculator.
She would need to eat 1368 calories to have a recommended 15% cut.
I'm suggesting she gets a food scale to be accurate.
What would you recommend?0 -
snowflake954 wrote: »iwantoholdon wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Hon--you are by far not the first person to have a relapse. It'll take some courage to admit it to your mother, but you need help. A mother wants the best for her children, and I'd be relieved if my daughter confided in me. You are not a failure because you need help. We all do, sooner or later. Wishing you the best of luck--make the right decisions.
Thank you, I'm overwhelmed and I hope that I can do this..
YOU CAN......
And you don't have to do it all at once. Little steps in the right direction are better than being frozen in fear.
Today, the forums. Tomorrow the hotline. When you're ready, your doctor and/or your family.0 -
I read an article on how to measure your portions with your hands when you are logging. I always keep this in mind. I do mindfully still go over what the portion is sometimes because my body wants more but I try to be very honest when I log the calories (so maybe I will do another half more and go over......still better then eating way, way more then that). So here is the hand advice for portion control:
A closed fist is equal to one medium fruit or one cup of food.
Your entire thumb is equal to one ounce of cheese or meat.
Just your thumb tip (the tip down to the first joint), is equal to one tablespoon. A typical serving size of salad dressing is two tablespoons.
The tip of a finger is equal to one teaspoon.
A cupped hand is equal to one to two ounces of pretzels or nuts.
The palm of your hand is equal to three ounces of poultry, meat, or fish. Look at just the palm of your hand, not including your fingers.
Maybe that will help you in your everyday portion decisions because in my opinion its way too easy to put more on the plate. But its totally true, calories in, calories out. Unless you are just talking a week or two of a plateau. Real plateaus last longer then that. I always tell myself "Just keep swimming!"
Hope you feel better soon. Your major goal should be to be "healthy" more then any number on a scale
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Michaela...who is anyone to tell you that you are not going to find the help you need on here...sometimes you just need someone that can understand what your going though. Like some have said you HAVE to let yourself eat whatever it is what you want...its ALL ABOUT portion control. I know its hard to stop yourself when all you want is food in your mouth...but its the only thing that helped me lose the 30 pounds initially...add me if you ever want to talk more...<3 one love0
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Even if you keep getting help from your mother I promise you she'd rather you do it without her than not at all.0
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PeachyPlum wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »iwantoholdon wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Hon--you are by far not the first person to have a relapse. It'll take some courage to admit it to your mother, but you need help. A mother wants the best for her children, and I'd be relieved if my daughter confided in me. You are not a failure because you need help. We all do, sooner or later. Wishing you the best of luck--make the right decisions.
Thank you, I'm overwhelmed and I hope that I can do this..
YOU CAN......
And you don't have to do it all at once. Little steps in the right direction are better than being frozen in fear.
Today, the forums. Tomorrow the hotline. When you're ready, your doctor and/or your family.
Yes, this is even more helpful!
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chelsy0587 wrote: »Even if you keep getting help from your mother I promise you she'd rather you do it without her than not at all.
Very true..
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Of_Monsters_and_Meat wrote: »PeachyPlum wrote: »@Of_Monsters_and_Meat @Cookiejo2270 Have you even been reading the thread?
Yup. she wants to hit 130lbs at all costs. I don't think that is a dangerously low weight. She is 171lbs right now. Has had anorexia and bulimia is the past. No idea about bodyfat %.
This means she is eating 1585 calories to maintain that weight. I punched it into IIFIYM calculator.
She would need to eat 1368 calories to have a recommended 15% cut.
I'm suggesting she gets a food scale to be accurate.
What would you recommend?
I think your advice came from a place of wanting to be helpful, but someone who has recently relapsed in her ED, is struggling with urges to purge, and is afraid to reach out for professional help should focus on wellness before buying a scale. There will be time for accuracy, but her overall health comes first right now.
OP, it sounds like you've got some great advice so far. You can totally do this. Good luck!0 -
I think by reaching out, your family will completely respect you. It's like being proactive when you see a problem coming. You are recognizing the signs, and trying to avoid a total relapse. You don't need to go back and be like "you guys, I have a problem again
" You can go and speak to your mom, or your doctor and say 'I'm starting to notice certain behaviours/trends happening, and I need some tools to deal with it' - that would come across very mature, and in control, and aware. You're asking for help, no one will ever look down on you for that! Good luck! You are strong! 0 -
Ok, this is for @PeachyPlum Dear OP. If this is truly a call for help and not an expert troll, I truly feel sorry for you. Please give up on your goal of hitting a number on a scale. Its pointless and there is another way. You can live your life as a healthy person. Eat a normal amount of food, and get active. Giving so much power and control to food is no way to live live.
Best of luck.0 -
Of_Monsters_and_Meat wrote: »PeachyPlum wrote: »@Of_Monsters_and_Meat @Cookiejo2270 Have you even been reading the thread?
Yup. she wants to hit 130lbs at all costs. I don't think that is a dangerously low weight. She is 171lbs right now. Has had anorexia and bulimia is the past. No idea about bodyfat %.
This means she is eating 1585 calories to maintain that weight. I punched it into IIFIYM calculator.
She would need to eat 1368 calories to have a recommended 15% cut.
I'm suggesting she gets a food scale to be accurate.
What would you recommend?
This is the least important thing in the thread but in case it has more influence than it should - Those calculators aren't always right. I'm 5'7, and I lost 50 lbs by eating 1900-2100 calories a day.
I am NOT saying losing should be on your list of priorities right now AT ALL.0 -
Of_Monsters_and_Meat wrote: »Ok, this is for @PeachyPlum Dear OP. If this is truly a call for help and not an expert troll, I truly feel sorry for you. Please give up on your goal of hitting a number on a scale. Its pointless and there is another way. You can live your life as a healthy person. Eat a normal amount of food, and get active. Giving so much power and control to food is no way to live live.
Best of luck.
Why would you think this is an expert troll? Thank you for the wishes.. I feel that my mindset has been changed from this thread.
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GlindaGoodwitch wrote: »I think by reaching out, your family will completely respect you. It's like being proactive when you see a problem coming. You are recognizing the signs, and trying to avoid a total relapse. You don't need to go back and be like "you guys, I have a problem again " You can go and speak to your mom, or your doctor and say 'I'm starting to notice certain behaviours/trends happening, and I need some tools to deal with it' - that would come across very mature, and in control, and aware. You're asking for help, no one will ever look down on you for that! Good luck! You are strong!
This was amazingly helpful.. Thank you
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Do not eat more protein, especially if it is coming from meat and dairy YOU WILL BINGE. Keep it high carb and low fat.0
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janejellyroll wrote: »Of_Monsters_and_Meat wrote: »PeachyPlum wrote: »@Of_Monsters_and_Meat @Cookiejo2270 Have you even been reading the thread?
Yup. she wants to hit 130lbs at all costs. I don't think that is a dangerously low weight. She is 171lbs right now. Has had anorexia and bulimia is the past. No idea about bodyfat %.
This means she is eating 1585 calories to maintain that weight. I punched it into IIFIYM calculator.
She would need to eat 1368 calories to have a recommended 15% cut.
I'm suggesting she gets a food scale to be accurate.
What would you recommend?
I think your advice came from a place of wanting to be helpful, but someone who has recently relapsed in her ED, is struggling with urges to purge, and is afraid to reach out for professional help should focus on wellness before buying a scale. There will be time for accuracy, but her overall health comes first right now.
OP, it sounds like you've got some great advice so far. You can totally do this. Good luck!
I have. I will be re reading this and taking notes so I can really beat my ED.
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Of_Monsters_and_Meat wrote: »PeachyPlum wrote: »@Of_Monsters_and_Meat @Cookiejo2270 Have you even been reading the thread?
Yup. she wants to hit 130lbs at all costs. I don't think that is a dangerously low weight. She is 171lbs right now. Has had anorexia and bulimia is the past. No idea about bodyfat %.
This means she is eating 1585 calories to maintain that weight. I punched it into IIFIYM calculator.
She would need to eat 1368 calories to have a recommended 15% cut.
I'm suggesting she gets a food scale to be accurate.
What would you recommend?
This is the least important thing in the thread but in case it has more influence than it should - Those calculators aren't always right. I'm 5'7, and I lost 50 lbs by eating 1900-2100 calories a day.
I am NOT saying losing should be on your list of priorities right now AT ALL.
I understand. Congrats on your 50 lb loss..
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