The Big Direction
TheBigDirection
Posts: 265 Member
I was always a big guy, and it was almost always because of emotional eating. I would eat because I was depressed, then I'd fall deeper into depression as I gained more weight and would eat to cope with it. I was stuck in a cycle that I couldn't break out of.
Here's a little history:
In 2003, I moved to Vancouver WA and didn't really fit into a group during my final two years in high school. I was pretty lonely and ended up eating a lot.
In 2004 I graduated and started working in a security job. At first it was pretty cool, I learned quickly and was promoted to being in charge of the Midnight shift. I was pretty much in charge of showing any new guys around and teaching them what to do. Some guys that were in their 40-50's didn't like me being in charge. At first they were condescending to me, but when they realized it wouldn't affect me they started to become a bit more harsh. I couldn't understand why people from the main security office kept coming out to "look around" almost on a daily basis. It turns out that the older guys kept submitting complaints about me and they were investigating. The work environment got so hostile, that I ended up leaving. It turns out they had submitted over 200 complaints about me. All of which were very minor, like "Left the office air conditioner on when he left" or "He wasn't wearing his uniform neck-tie at the end of his shift". It was ridiculous.
In late 2005 I started working as a student trainee and going to school for a civil engineering degree. I was excited/scared at first. I was going to school full time and working full time. My boss started to give me more and more duties as other employees either quit or passed away. We were definitely understaffed. Stress started setting in. Sometimes I would skip class and eat at a local fast food restaurant and hide out in my truck. Over time my grades got worse and I ended up dropping from class. The boss was upset and threatened to fire me over it, and for not completing my office duties in a timely manner. I got so stressed that at one point I was hyperventilating and on the verge of tears (which has never happened before). I ended up quitting in 2010.
During all this time, I had a couple of friends, both of whom were pretty big guys, and they liked to go out and eat all the time. I blew most of my money just to be able to hang out with em. I was broke and the bills were piling up. So I ate to deal with the stress.
In 2010 my mom was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (cancer in the bone marrow). She fought it for almost a year. My father and I did our best to take care of her, but it was hard watching someone you love so much, slowly wasting away. She died in the summer of 2011.
In 2013, a day after my birthday, my grandpa (from my fathers side) passed away. I looked up to him so much. He was the reason I have an interest in film and why I started making videos, because he went to film school and was the director of many instructional videos for the Army. He was such a cool guy, and now he's gone.
In 2014 my grandma (also from my fathers side) passed away. It surprised everyone because she was so strong. Everyone made the joke that she would outlive us all. But then, one day she just started to sleep all the time and refused to eat and drink. She died shortly after.
In 2014 my other grandpa (from my mothers side) had a heart attack and passed away. He was so nice to me when I was little. I remember he carved a wooden fishing ship model for me. It was so detailed. Sadly I don't have it anymore.
So yeah, over all these years I've had to deal with depression, stress, anger....
It wasn't always horrible, but really, the past several years have been a blur for me. Nothing was accomplished. I didn't finish school, I don't have money or a job, I'm morbidly obese, and I'm in debt.
I attempted Nutrisystem in 2014 and saw some progress. But then I started to feel depressed and angry all the time (Family/Personal Problems). I ended up falling off the diet and gaining back all the weight I lost and little extra too.
I was angry about falling off the diet, because my father did so much to support me. He really believed I could do it. He wouldn't say it, but I know it was a huge disappointment, I could see it in his face.
I don't know what my current weight is, but I do know it's over 541 pounds because I'm the biggest I've ever been in my life. It's gotten to the point where I struggled to get out of bed. I was worried because I literally struggled to stay awake during the day, and it wasn't because of bad sleep.
But then I was granted a second chance. My dad's brother and his family offered to let me live with them for a bit. They want to help me with my weight loss. They want to offer an environment that will help me stay focused on bettering myself. I'm back on it again. I'm doing the Nutrisystem diet and going strong. As I write this I've been on the diet now for over two weeks.
I'm giving it my all to get my life back on track. I'm doing Nutrisystem, I'm starting to work out, and I do whatever work around the house that I can.
My wish is that I get physically fit, have a decent job, get out of debt, am able to go to college and get a degree in Digital Cinematography (I want to go to Full Sail University) and really live my life how I want to live it. I would love to be a source of inspiration to those that struggle with their weight. I just need to focus on myself for now.
I know I can't do this alone, but with your help I know I can succeed.
Thanks!
-Ricky
Here's a little history:
In 2003, I moved to Vancouver WA and didn't really fit into a group during my final two years in high school. I was pretty lonely and ended up eating a lot.
In 2004 I graduated and started working in a security job. At first it was pretty cool, I learned quickly and was promoted to being in charge of the Midnight shift. I was pretty much in charge of showing any new guys around and teaching them what to do. Some guys that were in their 40-50's didn't like me being in charge. At first they were condescending to me, but when they realized it wouldn't affect me they started to become a bit more harsh. I couldn't understand why people from the main security office kept coming out to "look around" almost on a daily basis. It turns out that the older guys kept submitting complaints about me and they were investigating. The work environment got so hostile, that I ended up leaving. It turns out they had submitted over 200 complaints about me. All of which were very minor, like "Left the office air conditioner on when he left" or "He wasn't wearing his uniform neck-tie at the end of his shift". It was ridiculous.
In late 2005 I started working as a student trainee and going to school for a civil engineering degree. I was excited/scared at first. I was going to school full time and working full time. My boss started to give me more and more duties as other employees either quit or passed away. We were definitely understaffed. Stress started setting in. Sometimes I would skip class and eat at a local fast food restaurant and hide out in my truck. Over time my grades got worse and I ended up dropping from class. The boss was upset and threatened to fire me over it, and for not completing my office duties in a timely manner. I got so stressed that at one point I was hyperventilating and on the verge of tears (which has never happened before). I ended up quitting in 2010.
During all this time, I had a couple of friends, both of whom were pretty big guys, and they liked to go out and eat all the time. I blew most of my money just to be able to hang out with em. I was broke and the bills were piling up. So I ate to deal with the stress.
In 2010 my mom was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (cancer in the bone marrow). She fought it for almost a year. My father and I did our best to take care of her, but it was hard watching someone you love so much, slowly wasting away. She died in the summer of 2011.
In 2013, a day after my birthday, my grandpa (from my fathers side) passed away. I looked up to him so much. He was the reason I have an interest in film and why I started making videos, because he went to film school and was the director of many instructional videos for the Army. He was such a cool guy, and now he's gone.
In 2014 my grandma (also from my fathers side) passed away. It surprised everyone because she was so strong. Everyone made the joke that she would outlive us all. But then, one day she just started to sleep all the time and refused to eat and drink. She died shortly after.
In 2014 my other grandpa (from my mothers side) had a heart attack and passed away. He was so nice to me when I was little. I remember he carved a wooden fishing ship model for me. It was so detailed. Sadly I don't have it anymore.
So yeah, over all these years I've had to deal with depression, stress, anger....
It wasn't always horrible, but really, the past several years have been a blur for me. Nothing was accomplished. I didn't finish school, I don't have money or a job, I'm morbidly obese, and I'm in debt.
I attempted Nutrisystem in 2014 and saw some progress. But then I started to feel depressed and angry all the time (Family/Personal Problems). I ended up falling off the diet and gaining back all the weight I lost and little extra too.
I was angry about falling off the diet, because my father did so much to support me. He really believed I could do it. He wouldn't say it, but I know it was a huge disappointment, I could see it in his face.
I don't know what my current weight is, but I do know it's over 541 pounds because I'm the biggest I've ever been in my life. It's gotten to the point where I struggled to get out of bed. I was worried because I literally struggled to stay awake during the day, and it wasn't because of bad sleep.
But then I was granted a second chance. My dad's brother and his family offered to let me live with them for a bit. They want to help me with my weight loss. They want to offer an environment that will help me stay focused on bettering myself. I'm back on it again. I'm doing the Nutrisystem diet and going strong. As I write this I've been on the diet now for over two weeks.
I'm giving it my all to get my life back on track. I'm doing Nutrisystem, I'm starting to work out, and I do whatever work around the house that I can.
My wish is that I get physically fit, have a decent job, get out of debt, am able to go to college and get a degree in Digital Cinematography (I want to go to Full Sail University) and really live my life how I want to live it. I would love to be a source of inspiration to those that struggle with their weight. I just need to focus on myself for now.
I know I can't do this alone, but with your help I know I can succeed.
Thanks!
-Ricky
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Here's my Channel Intro:
The Nutrisystem Diet:
Me Moving to Alabama to focus on the diet:
Walking:
My YouTube site:
https://www.youtube.com/TheBigDirection0 -
Yesterday's Video:
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First off, congrats on getting your life back on track! The first step is always a big one. I know how loss can make getting up and moving difficult. I lost my Mom unexpectedly back in January, and getting out of bed was really hard in the morning.
Also, vlogging is a great idea! I've been thinking about doing that myself. It's extra accountability, and it makes it easier to see how far you've come. That and it can inspire other people.
This is a process that has to be taken one day at a time. Having a good support system helps a lot, too. Hopefully us at MFP that are also on our journey can inspire you, as well as be inspired by you.
Keep it up!0 -
Ditto to everything @FoundxFocus said! You've lost many people in your life, but it also seems that you have a lot of people still in it, too. That is awesome.
I'm sure you know this, but your weight is just a symptom of your anger and depression. I hope your current plan addresses coping with those things first and foremost. Lots of us deal with that. It can be managed and you CAN get the life you want! One foot in front of the other every single day. Don't over think it and don't dwell on the negative. Stick to plan and the rest will fall into place.0 -
FoundxFocus wrote: »First off, congrats on getting your life back on track! The first step is always a big one. I know how loss can make getting up and moving difficult. I lost my Mom unexpectedly back in January, and getting out of bed was really hard in the morning.
Also, vlogging is a great idea! I've been thinking about doing that myself. It's extra accountability, and it makes it easier to see how far you've come. That and it can inspire other people.
This is a process that has to be taken one day at a time. Having a good support system helps a lot, too. Hopefully us at MFP that are also on our journey can inspire you, as well as be inspired by you.
Keep it up!
Thank you so much!
You should give vlogging a try, it's pretty fun.
I agree about the support system. It really can be difficult when you're doing it on your own. But having friends cheer you on makes it's all more bearable
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Ditto to everything @FoundxFocus said! You've lost many people in your life, but it also seems that you have a lot of people still in it, too. That is awesome.
I'm sure you know this, but your weight is just a symptom of your anger and depression. I hope your current plan addresses coping with those things first and foremost. Lots of us deal with that. It can be managed and you CAN get the life you want! One foot in front of the other every single day. Don't over think it and don't dwell on the negative. Stick to plan and the rest will fall into place.
Thanks for the encouragement!
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I'm gonna give vlogging a try. I'll let you know when I have a channel set up. Just curious, what program do you use to edit your vlogs?
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FoundxFocus wrote: »I'm gonna give vlogging a try. I'll let you know when I have a channel set up. Just curious, what program do you use to edit your vlogs?
Awesome! I use Movie Studio PlatinumHang in there. You will make them all proud, you can do this
Thank you!0 -
New video! Explaining why I don't go out much.
Heads up, it's a little longer than normal...
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Working on today's video (out on the 1st) got me laughing. Ahh memories! 0
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I really like this vlogging thing and watching your videos! I think you are on the right track and will do very well. I would love to follow you, and watch your progress
I am all too familiar with the never ending cycle of emotional eating, and stressful jobs. Also being in debt, and being morbidly obese. My life story! I've been working on my debts for years but my weight and my over eating I've only been working on for 14 months. Still, it is completely possible to change your life, I'm living proof.
"If you never give up, then you can never fail"
I am here everyday, logging, reading the forums (read the success stories), and holding myself accountable. I find a ton of motivation from hitting small goals along the way, and taking progress pictures 0 -
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Wow, did not mean to triple post there...0
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You can do this.you don't need nutrisystem or any of those type of things. Just get yourself a food scale and you'll be fine. I'm sorry you've had a lot of stress in your life, it sounds like you are on the right track now though.your in the right place for sure.there's many people here who have lost tons of weight and have kept it off. Best of luck to you!I know you can do this :-) :-)0
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thorsmom01 wrote: »You can do this.you don't need nutrisystem or any of those type of things. Just get yourself a food scale and you'll be fine. I'm sorry you've had a lot of stress in your life, it sounds like you are on the right track now though.your in the right place for sure.there's many people here who have lost tons of weight and have kept it off. Best of luck to you!I know you can do this :-) :-)
Thank you!0 -
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Good luck in your search and in your journey to health.0
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Ricky, I look forward to watching your videos. What a great idea and a way to really get to know you. It sounds like you have a great support system now and I'm glad to be a part of that. I feel like after reading your story that I could really relate. I'm back to making progress but having support makes that so much easier!0
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Ricky, I look forward to watching your videos. What a great idea and a way to really get to know you. It sounds like you have a great support system now and I'm glad to be a part of that. I feel like after reading your story that I could really relate. I'm back to making progress but having support makes that so much easier!
Yeah, for me, good support is vital to succeed.0 -
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Really enjoy your videos, keep up the great work you're doing.0
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Good job on being resolved to change your life for the better!0
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I think you're incredibly brave! I don't think I could ever open myself up like this to the world and invite them on my journey. Subscribed to your channel, look forward to seeing more videos there 0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JR7el2yxD0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZM0kjNZYtg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdH40oFkyrw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wX1HQGBf_w
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhpvzbpxbAY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0pZnzHDe0o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lr9IAqbjSNw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_NpWx1KbNw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmiVrNNYSIM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBvxFH9jHGI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6JiLGxHOU8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-siSi--ii80
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yG-LpN9YqI
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