Resentment
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Envious, definitely. Especially people like my boyfriend, who eats very little (my appetite is about 4 times the size of his lol) but when he does it is not necessarily the most healthy of things! Usually if we order takeaway we order form a place which does grilled chicken, and so I usually have some grilled chicken and rice, and he is sat there tucking into a pulled burger and some peri-peri fries which I KNOW are delicious....but, I tell myself it is OK, this is my choice, and I WANT to do this. I'm doing this for ME, and no-one else, so why should I give a damn about what other people are eating? It works. Mostly
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Hello OP,
I know a woman who used to be extremely thin and others would say that they envy her because she seems to eat whatever she wants and always stays skinny. Well, she told me later that she was unhappy and struggling because she used to eat only one meal a day (in front of her co-workers on weekdays and friends on the weekends) and exercise for up to 5 hours a day doing cardio at the gym. No one knew that she was so unhappy. To others, it looked like she ate a lot, but she took in only like 600-800 calories a day. Very unhealthy. She also put in a lot of effort to hide the fact that she was feeling ill, tired and irritable all the time.
You see, you never know what others may be hiding or dealing with on the inside. Some of my old co-workers used to have delicious, huge lunches every day and seemed so happy when it was lunch time. Then one day someone confessed that she feels guilty about her high calorie meals and cries at night to her husband, but she can't stop herself from eating them. Then others started chiming in about how they were secretly unhappy with themselves too. And these were the same people who would give me hell about how little I ate every single day.
We all have our own struggles. At least yours is a healthy one!
P.S. I do get annoyed though when so many people get annoyed with me for counting calories and staying within a daily limit. They tell me I'm being ridiculous and that only people with serious OCD problems count calories religiously. Not everyone understands my goals and I certainly don't always get theirs either. To each his own! And good luck on your journey. Sounds like you're on the right track and doing great.
Oh also, don't deprive yourself of the foods you're craving. I still eat what I love, just in moderation. I work yummy things into my daily goal every day. 0 -
For the most part, I really do enjoy exercising and eating healthy. But on occasion, I can feel quite resentful towards people who just don't care. I see them enjoying their chicken tenders and fries (or something along those lines) everyday without any concern whatsoever. All the while, I constantly think about how healthy or unhealthy something is and bust my butt working out 4-5x a week.
I'll admit, I'm jealous. I know what I'm doing is for the best and I feel GREAT most days. Does anyone ever feel this way? Is it wrong of me to have these thoughts!?
I kind of know what you mean....but those people eating Chicken Tenders etc. every day aren't doing their bodies any favours!
I used to be one of those that was constantly eating rubbish all the time and stayed relatively slim. I was eating Burger & fries, Fried Chicken, English Fried Breakfasts, Doughnuts, Cakes etc but i was out of shape and didn't feel great at all.
Now, i probably eat a Burger or Pizza once or twice a week (i don't believe in depriving yourself), but most of the week i do try to eat healthy.
Op, are you eating "healthy" all the time?.... as that could be the reason for your resentment.
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no, never. if they're able to eat whatever they want and not put on weight, all the power to them. my cousin is like that - she eats so much crap and never works out but never puts on a pound. that said, just because one is thin, doesn't necessarily mean one is healthy. i prefer to be healthy, even if it means i have to watch what i eat and exercise hard.
perhaps you are depriving yourself of food. are you always hungry? if so, reevaluate what you're eating and tweak it. also, a change in mindset when it comes to food may be in order ie. desserts or sugary crap isn't required for your body. food is fuel for your body so give your body healthy, long-lasting fuel for peak performance. muscles can't do *kitten* with all that sugary junk/processed stuff so why even care about that? (not that you're craving this stuff but you get my point).0 -
For the most part, I really do enjoy exercising and eating healthy. But on occasion, I can feel quite resentful towards people who just don't care. I see them enjoying their chicken tenders and fries (or something along those lines) everyday without any concern whatsoever. All the while, I constantly think about how healthy or unhealthy something is and bust my butt working out 4-5x a week.
I'll admit, I'm jealous. I know what I'm doing is for the best and I feel GREAT most days. Does anyone ever feel this way? Is it wrong of me to have these thoughts!?
I'm with you ... I also have the same thoughts.
For example, we were cycling last Sunday. Now pre-MFP, we would have stopped at the ice cream shop on the way back and had a double cone and thought nothing of it. I saw the place was open. I saw other people with their ice creams. But my husband and I cycled past ... just kept on riding. No yummy, delicious ice cream because it simply would not have fit into my calorie count.
I do eat a wide variety of foods, and I do have things like deserts and treats if they fit within my calorie count.
For me, I think one of the big things I miss is the spontaneity. "Let's stop for ice cream!" "Let's cycle to the bakery and have a mocha and mud cake" ... without having to do mental calculations as to whether or not it will fit into my calories. Yeah, sure, I can have those things ... IF they fit within my calories.
you could have shared one Ice Cream with your husband...0 -
ExRelaySprinter wrote: »For the most part, I really do enjoy exercising and eating healthy. But on occasion, I can feel quite resentful towards people who just don't care. I see them enjoying their chicken tenders and fries (or something along those lines) everyday without any concern whatsoever. All the while, I constantly think about how healthy or unhealthy something is and bust my butt working out 4-5x a week.
I'll admit, I'm jealous. I know what I'm doing is for the best and I feel GREAT most days. Does anyone ever feel this way? Is it wrong of me to have these thoughts!?
I kind of know what you mean....but those people eating Chicken Tenders etc. every day aren't doing their bodies any favours!
I used to be one of those that was constantly eating rubbish all the time and stayed relatively slim. I was eating Burger & fries, Fried Chicken, English Fried Breakfasts, Doughnuts, Cakes etc but i was out of shape and didn't feel great at all.
Now, i probably eat a Burger or Pizza once or twice a week (i don't believe in depriving yourself), but most of the week i do try to eat healthy.
Op, are you eating "healthy" all the time?.... as that could be the reason for your resentment.
Definitely not. I come from a family that loves junk food and fast food. We literally have fast food every Saturday. I tend to be a lot more lax on the weekends. This is probably why I feel really good on Mondays because I've gotten my "cheat meals" in. But I only feel really good those Mondays when I immediately get back on track with my "diet" (I don't want to use that word, but it works sometimes) and exercise. It's probably more towards the end of the week that these monsters in my head start to show up.
But I've been reading everyone's comments and they have all bee n so encouraging and helpful! I definitely just try to watch my diet and if I can fit something "unhealthy" in, I will (like the half of the thin mint ice cream bar yesterday or the red velvet cake on cinco de mayo). And I love the fresh perspective and realized I was definitely judging without knowing the whole story.
Thank you everyone! At first I was feeling like a criminal feeling this way. But it has done me well overall and changed the way I see things.0 -
Wow. Just wow. Stop worrying what everybody else is doing and you will go a long way. :noway:0
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Envy, jealousy, and resentment are a waste of your time and energy. You have your goals in place - why not just be content with that? Focus on all the good you have going and you'll be a lot happier.0
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Maybe it would help if you stop thinking of foods as "unhealthy" when they're not.0
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I try not to compare myself to others. I can eat more than some, but less than others. We are all different.
I have a friend who is about 5 inches shorter than me, and has always been around a size 4. She can out drink me any night, and she loves to go out to eat, but she never finishes more than half her food. Plus, she is a waitress, so she is on her feet for much of the day. I'm not jealous of her, we are just different.
Also, I don't deprive myself of much. Yesterday I had a lot of extra calories from working out, so I ordered a meatball pizza. I actually had a piece for breakfast this morning. 0 -
Nope no resentment towards other people its their choice what they eat and its my choice to exercise and diet to become healthier. I do think it was nice to eat without having to worry about calories and would love to wolf down tons of food, but that has consequences and I have different priorities now.
Have the thoughts by all means, but they dont get you anywhere except frustrated and distracted.0 -
Sigh.
The other day I was eating out, looking at the menu of yummy delicious food. And wished I could just order what I wanted. No, I will have the grilled chicken and dinner salad.
What would life be like to have always been thin? I was a fat baby, weighed 11 pounds when I was born, always the biggest one. If I eat what I want, I can easily gain weight. Constant vigilance, just to maintain my current fatness.0 -
I understand what you're saying. I just sort of miss the days where I didn't have to think about every calorie. I know I can eat whatever I want and I do fit in things I love, but many times things will not be worth the calories to me. I want to be full and that might mean I can't eat a large order of french fries.
Just last night, I was at a wine dinner with my family. My sisters both ordered a deep-fried fish. I ordered a baked fish. I saved up calories for this dinner. But I couldn't justify a deep-fried fish when I would be drinking wine and having a dessert. I looked at their plates and had a moment of jealousy maybe. I was happy with my choices but to just not have to think about what does and doesn't fit in my calories would be nice. On the flip side, we are all trying to lose weight (me by calorie counting and them more by just "watching it.") I am the one consistently losing.
So there's that.
I don't think you're wrong, OP. I think we all have those days. Hopefully tomorrow will be an easier one for you!0 -
Sorry, but I focus on me and what I'm doing, not others, let alone what they're eating. It's definitely not something I'm going to call resentful to. Heck everyone is taller than me, am I supposed to be resentful at that as well?0
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It will take awhile for the resentment to go away. I have a rule of no "free" work food. But I see people eating donuts, and bagels and cake and wish (sometimes) that I could just throw caution to the wind and join in. But honestly, I like the way I feel not eating those things more than eating those things. Everyday I could just blow my calorie count and not care, but I do care and then I feel bad, I'm bloated and miserable. I have a very sedentary job and not a very active life outside of work, so I know if I go over my calories more than 1x week I'm gonna feel it in my jeans. And honestly, I like my size 6 jeans more than that piece of cake that I really didn't need.0
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HappyCampr1 wrote: »@Machka9 I have talked with those people and their ice creams....they are probably calculating with every bite of their ice creams lol. It's really all a matter of what you are willing to give up. For me "the spontaneity of it all" is why I am in the situation I seem to be in... So being accountable seems more in control of the situation than pulling into a Dairy Queen on a whim...(my husband says there is something wrong with the cars steering..ha).
I never used to care how many calories were in the ice cream.
I think part of it for me is that it took me 4 years to put on 15 kg (33 lb). So it wasn't like I was packing on weight eating what I was eating before. That's 8.2 lb/year. Using the 3500 calories = 1 lb calculation, in a year, I consumed 28,700 calories more than I should ... 78 extra calories per day.
I'm glad you pointed this out because a lot of people don't realize that 8 pounds a year is only 78 calories a day. They think that people who gain weight are all out there binging and stuffing their faces. I don't think most people are. I think that, for most people, it's the one trade-off that you make...That one thing that you say yes or no to...that makes the difference. It shouldn't be hard to maintain weight, but you do have to be mindful and that's where the lack of spontaneity comes in. It's hard to be mindful and spontaneous at the same time.
And it is so easy, when you're not paying close attention, to have a second helping of this, or a small plate of that, or to stop for ice cream mid-way through a bicycle ride or whatever. Nothing big, no binging, just a little bit extra.
The thing is, that 8 lb didn't come on in a linear pattern ... just very gradual and slight weight gains and weight losses (but obviously more gains than losses), and for stretches of weeks or months within those 4 years, I would simply maintain my weight.
So part of me still thinks ... I was able to maintain my weight without having to think about every bite I eat, why do I have to go through all this hassle.
And part of me realises that I didn't really maintain my weight, I gained 15 kg, so I do need to pay attention and not do things like, for example, select the carrot cake (my favourite) when we go out to one of our favourite bakeries ... because now I know the carrot cake has about twice as many calories as the rest of the selections in the place.
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I don't feel resentment... The beauty of counting calories is that you can have whatever you want… Just not in unlimited quantities. It's your choice whether or not certain foods are worth it to you or not. I have found that I don't even crave "non-nutritive" calories anymore, because I was the one who decided that I didn't want it anyway.0
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Sometimes I get a little jealous of my co-workers that go out to eat every single day. Not because of the food tho.. because I am missing out on the "office politics". But then just smile when they talk about how they can't lose any weight or pay repeatedly to do the ridiculous advocare junk every other month.0
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If I did it would have to be directed at myself.
I eat chicken tenders, ff, chips, quiznos, whistle dogs, Qtr pounders and poutine...
I fit it in.
You do you...let them do them.0 -
HappyCampr1 wrote: »@Machka9 I have talked with those people and their ice creams....they are probably calculating with every bite of their ice creams lol. It's really all a matter of what you are willing to give up. For me "the spontaneity of it all" is why I am in the situation I seem to be in... So being accountable seems more in control of the situation than pulling into a Dairy Queen on a whim...(my husband says there is something wrong with the cars steering..ha).
I never used to care how many calories were in the ice cream.
I think part of it for me is that it took me 4 years to put on 15 kg (33 lb). So it wasn't like I was packing on weight eating what I was eating before. That's 8.2 lb/year. Using the 3500 calories = 1 lb calculation, in a year, I consumed 28,700 calories more than I should ... 78 extra calories per day.
I'm glad you pointed this out because a lot of people don't realize that 8 pounds a year is only 78 calories a day. They think that people who gain weight are all out there binging and stuffing their faces. I don't think most people are. I think that, for most people, it's the one trade-off that you make...That one thing that you say yes or no to...that makes the difference. It shouldn't be hard to maintain weight, but you do have to be mindful and that's where the lack of spontaneity comes in. It's hard to be mindful and spontaneous at the same time.
And it is so easy, when you're not paying close attention, to have a second helping of this, or a small plate of that, or to stop for ice cream mid-way through a bicycle ride or whatever. Nothing big, no binging, just a little bit extra.
The thing is, that 8 lb didn't come on in a linear pattern ... just very gradual and slight weight gains and weight losses (but obviously more gains than losses), and for stretches of weeks or months within those 4 years, I would simply maintain my weight.
So part of me still thinks ... I was able to maintain my weight without having to think about every bite I eat, why do I have to go through all this hassle.
And part of me realises that I didn't really maintain my weight, I gained 15 kg, so I do need to pay attention and not do things like, for example, select the carrot cake (my favourite) when we go out to one of our favourite bakeries ... because now I know the carrot cake has about twice as many calories as the rest of the selections in the place.
Perhaps next time, instead of waiting until you ate 15kg over to take action, take action when you reach 2kg over your ideal weight. You don't have to watch everything you eat, but you do need to watch the scale.0 -
I do me, other people do them.
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I feel pitty. Most people are eating themselves into a problem because they don't know any better. We don't have built-in calorie gauges. If you just eat what you want when you want you will probably eat a calorie surplus in our current food environment.
People generally don't start paying attention to what they are eating until they've already got a problem, and then it's often too late.
So I feel sorry for them. They are heading towards a cliff and don't know it.0 -
This is the best statement.So I want to lose the weight in my head, not just on my body.
My weight loss and maintenance definitely belong in the kitchen, but if I had not changed my relationship with myself and food, I don't think I would have been as successful as I have been thus far.
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I hope this didn't come off the wrong way. Like I said, I know what I'm doing is in my best interest. I'm in the process of retraining my mind to just see food as sustenance, nothing more, nothing less.
I'm only human so sometimes I may relapse.
No you didn't come off the wrong way. I totally get what you mean. Most people have something they are dealing with that seems unfair compared to others. Our thing is food but there are worse things it could be. Much worse.0 -
I feel jealousy all the time! It's a natural human emotion! I'm jealous that my husband can do 3 crunches and have a six pack while I've been slaving at the gym for 3 years and you can only see definition in my legs. I'm jealous that my husband and friends can go out to eat 3x a week and not gain a pound while if I did that, I'd probably gain 2 per week. And when they go out, they get what they want. I get either something low cal or eat half of something else. It can be very frustrating. And I'm also jealous of people who are like "just fit the cheesecake in if you want it so badly". Dude, I eat 1320 cals/day. One piece of cheesecake would be my entire day. Even half a slice would take the place of breakfast and lunch most days. I usually exercise for an hour and I still wouldn't burn enough to compensate for that mess. So no. Some things simply won't fit unless you'd only like to eat a slice of bread for the rest of the day, you know? Look, it is totally normal to feel jealous. But if you want to keep up with your goals, allow yourself a treat once in awhile. Maybe twice a month, I go out. I have a meal where I order a meal that I want and eat as much as I want of it. Then the next day, back on the wagon. I've so far lost 13lbs in 2 months that way. Works for me and helps curb the green eyed monster a bit.0
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Honestly, yes, you should focus on yourself, but those people will have to metabolize calories the same as you do...its their choice. Some of these thin people wont be thin for long....I've seen a lot of "naturally skinny" people gain weight at my current job.....0
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TimothyFish wrote: »Perhaps next time, instead of waiting until you ate 15kg over to take action, take action when you reach 2kg over your ideal weight. You don't have to watch everything you eat, but you do need to watch the scale.
I don't plan to panic over 2 kg.
I've done this before ... years go by and I very gradually gain weight, then I spend a few weeks taking it off. It's just a bit of a pain for a few weeks. No biggie.
But I get how thaoXLIV feels, and as I said before, for me, I think it's the lack of spontaneity. I'm not big on structure and schedules and planning and my usual attitude toward eating is the same way. For me, it's constraining to have to think about food while I'm on a mission to lose weight.
And little things like ... we had the "Biggest Morning Tea" event at the office this week. None of the food fit within my plan, so I dropped off my donation and left. But it would have been nice to stand around with everyone having a nibble of this and nibble of that like everyone else ... like I would have done if I weren't on this diet.
It's not a hugely overpowering feeling or anything ... it's just a hint of jealousy, I suppose.
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I disagree with the philosophy that food is fuel and nothing else. Food is culture, comfort, art, love, and -- dare I say it -- even reward. And yes, it's fuel too.
I think I enjoy my food more now than I did when I was fat. I ate "whatever I wanted" then, but it was almost mechanical.
Now I make more conscious choices and enjoy my food more. I appreciate it.0 -
I do sometimes, but then I think "what if this is within their limits, what if this is their cheat meal, what if this person busts their *kitten* at the gym after work every day and I never notice cause I'm there before work.
The grass is always greener for a reason, and I refuse to be jealous of people who I only know through one meal.0 -
crazyjerseygirl wrote: »I refuse to be jealous of people who I only know through one meal.
This is awesome. Sometimes the people that are eating a double thick burger and chocolate cake are eating those things because they DO care and have just as many problems and struggles as you.
I have to pay attention to my calories in BOTH directions ALL THE TIME. I have one condition that causes weight loss and one that causes weight gain. If either gets out of balance, I need to notice right away and FIX the problem. Sometimes I am nauseated ALL THE TIME, so I don't eat, and then I realize that I've been behind for 1000 calories a day for a week, and ordering something calorie dense is the only way I can even talk myself into trying to catch up.
Sometimes I take my child out for dinner and then have veggies and hummus when I get home because I don't have enough calories left in my day.
You've seen a person for one meal - you don't know their struggles, or their eating plan. Food is many things to many people. Make it what YOU want and get what YOU need from it.0
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