Resentment

Lounmoun

Some people don't have trouble losing or maintaining weight without thinking much about it. You may have to try harder. I have to try harder. But we both may have an easier time than a person who can struggles to breathe and can barely walk a block. They might be looking at you working out so often and feeling unhappy and resentful that it is so effortless for you.
You can focus on the positive. You can fit the foods you want into your calorie goal. You can choose not to eat them because you feel better eating other foods. You choose to work out that often that hard because that is your way of getting to your goal.
I choose not to have some things because I don't think the calories are worth it. I personally don't bust my butt exercising because I don't want to. I do a moderate amount of exercise 6 days a week. I eat food I like every single day. I'm not starving or deprived in the slightest.
It doesn't matter that someone else with a different age, gender, height and activity level gets to eat more calories than me. I spend less on food and get satisfied with less food.

Annr

For the most part if you look at society as a whole, and view...(like a National Geographic Special) the native slim person at the local watering hole...lol they don't eat mostly fattening foods, they put their forks down, they look around, they seem to engage in conversations more, and they seem to enjoy what they are eating. I realize that this is quite a generalization. So I am not a slim person, but I am on a journey to do just that. So I want to lose the weight in my head, not just on my body. To do that is seems natural to me, that part of the process is to thing like a slim person would. Being resentful towards people that seem to have a handle on their metabolism..(I say those people to not be disrespectful but there is definatly a difference between how they look at food, and the way I look at food. So I learn from, and not be judgmental, or resentful....That is my view on things. If you disagree you have your opinion. Just like there is a unique fingerprint for each of us, there are different peoples views.

Machka9

thaoXLIV wrote: »

For the most part, I really do enjoy exercising and eating healthy. But on occasion, I can feel quite resentful towards people who just don't care. I see them enjoying their chicken tenders and fries (or something along those lines) everyday without any concern whatsoever. All the while, I constantly think about how healthy or unhealthy something is and bust my butt working out 4-5x a week.

I'll admit, I'm jealous. I know what I'm doing is for the best and I feel GREAT most days. Does anyone ever feel this way? Is it wrong of me to have these thoughts!?

I'm with you ... I also have the same thoughts.

For example, we were cycling last Sunday. Now pre-MFP, we would have stopped at the ice cream shop on the way back and had a double cone and thought nothing of it. I saw the place was open. I saw other people with their ice creams. But my husband and I cycled past ... just kept on riding. No yummy, delicious ice cream because it simply would not have fit into my calorie count.

I do eat a wide variety of foods, and I do have things like deserts and treats if they fit within my calorie count.

For me, I think one of the big things I miss is the spontaneity. "Let's stop for ice cream!" "Let's cycle to the bakery and have a mocha and mud cake" ... without having to do mental calculations as to whether or not it will fit into my calories. Yeah, sure, I can have those things ... IF they fit within my calories.

Annr

@Machka9 I have talked with those people and their ice creams....they are probably calculating with every bite of their ice creams lol. It's really all a matter of what you are willing to give up. For me "the spontaneity of it all" is why I am in the situation I seem to be in... So being accountable seems more in control of the situation than pulling into a Dairy Queen on a whim...(my husband says there is something wrong with the cars steering..ha).

Machka9

Annr wrote: »

@Machka9 I have talked with those people and their ice creams....they are probably calculating with every bite of their ice creams lol. It's really all a matter of what you are willing to give up. For me "the spontaneity of it all" is why I am in the situation I seem to be in... So being accountable seems more in control of the situation than pulling into a Dairy Queen on a whim...(my husband says there is something wrong with the cars steering..ha).

I never used to care how many calories were in the ice cream.

I think part of it for me is that it took me 4 years to put on 15 kg (33 lb). So it wasn't like I was packing on weight eating what I was eating before. That's 8.2 lb/year. Using the 3500 calories = 1 lb calculation, in a year, I consumed 28,700 calories more than I should ... 78 extra calories per day.

During that time, my husband and I ate a lot of things spontaneously without caring what was in them ... we were travelling the world, letting the wind blow us wherever ... and different places have lots of different and interesting and yummy things to eat. But we were pretty active too (lots of cycling) so for the most part we were compensating.

Now, however, I've got to lose those 15 kg ... and so, the spontaneity is gone and it is all calculations.

Happily ... I'm nearly there and the spotaneity will return!!

tomatoey

Up until very recently, I've been doing moderation, so ate whatever I liked. When I was on a lower carb diet in the past, and for a long time afterwards, I didn't even want stuff like poutine or fries or whatever. All that tasted bad to me (flavourless, way too greasy, unsatisfying), compared to the stuff I was eating.

tomatoey

Machka9 wrote: »

thaoXLIV wrote: »

For the most part, I really do enjoy exercising and eating healthy. But on occasion, I can feel quite resentful towards people who just don't care. I see them enjoying their chicken tenders and fries (or something along those lines) everyday without any concern whatsoever. All the while, I constantly think about how healthy or unhealthy something is and bust my butt working out 4-5x a week.

I'll admit, I'm jealous. I know what I'm doing is for the best and I feel GREAT most days. Does anyone ever feel this way? Is it wrong of me to have these thoughts!?

I'm with you ... I also have the same thoughts.

For example, we were cycling last Sunday. Now pre-MFP, we would have stopped at the ice cream shop on the way back and had a double cone and thought nothing of it. I saw the place was open. I saw other people with their ice creams. But my husband and I cycled past ... just kept on riding. No yummy, delicious ice cream because it simply would not have fit into my calorie count.

I do eat a wide variety of foods, and I do have things like deserts and treats if they fit within my calorie count.

For me, I think one of the big things I miss is the spontaneity. "Let's stop for ice cream!" "Let's cycle to the bakery and have a mocha and mud cake" ... without having to do mental calculations as to whether or not it will fit into my calories. Yeah, sure, I can have those things ... IF they fit within my calories.

Yeah, vigilance is hard to sustain.

Machka9

For me, the resentment isn't always there. But every few days it hits me.

Right this minute, for example, there have been people all around me snacking on chips. Seems to be a chips day for some reason. I don't want the chips ... but I wouldn't mind a good-sized handful of cashews. I could probably fit 6 cashews into my calorie limit, but that just won't do at all, so I'm not going to have any. But I kind of wish it were pre-February, pre-MFP, and I could have that good-sized handful of cashews.

And yes, right this minute, it annoys me a bit that I'm on this diet.

cincysweetheart

Not resentful. But envious. And not because they are eating foods that I "can't." (I fit whatever I want into my calorie goal) But because they seem to have figured out how to moderate their intake intuitively so they don't have to log/count calories and they still maintain their weight.

I just hope someday I will have changed my habits so thoroughly that I will naturally moderate my intake so that I don't have to log everyday.

steviedream

I try not to pay attention to what others are eating, their diet plan is different to mine and its up to them really. If you crave the food, dont deny yourself, work it into your day Try and take strength from the feelings, and know that you're doing great

NoIdea101NoIdea

Envious, definitely. Especially people like my boyfriend, who eats very little (my appetite is about 4 times the size of his lol) but when he does it is not necessarily the most healthy of things! Usually if we order takeaway we order form a place which does grilled chicken, and so I usually have some grilled chicken and rice, and he is sat there tucking into a pulled burger and some peri-peri fries which I KNOW are delicious....but, I tell myself it is OK, this is my choice, and I WANT to do this. I'm doing this for ME, and no-one else, so why should I give a damn about what other people are eating? It works. Mostly

SkinnyWannabeGal

Hello OP,

I know a woman who used to be extremely thin and others would say that they envy her because she seems to eat whatever she wants and always stays skinny. Well, she told me later that she was unhappy and struggling because she used to eat only one meal a day (in front of her co-workers on weekdays and friends on the weekends) and exercise for up to 5 hours a day doing cardio at the gym. No one knew that she was so unhappy. To others, it looked like she ate a lot, but she took in only like 600-800 calories a day. Very unhealthy. She also put in a lot of effort to hide the fact that she was feeling ill, tired and irritable all the time.

You see, you never know what others may be hiding or dealing with on the inside. Some of my old co-workers used to have delicious, huge lunches every day and seemed so happy when it was lunch time. Then one day someone confessed that she feels guilty about her high calorie meals and cries at night to her husband, but she can't stop herself from eating them. Then others started chiming in about how they were secretly unhappy with themselves too. And these were the same people who would give me hell about how little I ate every single day.

We all have our own struggles. At least yours is a healthy one!

P.S. I do get annoyed though when so many people get annoyed with me for counting calories and staying within a daily limit. They tell me I'm being ridiculous and that only people with serious OCD problems count calories religiously. Not everyone understands my goals and I certainly don't always get theirs either. To each his own! And good luck on your journey. Sounds like you're on the right track and doing great. Oh also, don't deprive yourself of the foods you're craving. I still eat what I love, just in moderation. I work yummy things into my daily goal every day.

ExRelaySprinter

thaoXLIV wrote: »

For the most part, I really do enjoy exercising and eating healthy. But on occasion, I can feel quite resentful towards people who just don't care. I see them enjoying their chicken tenders and fries (or something along those lines) everyday without any concern whatsoever. All the while, I constantly think about how healthy or unhealthy something is and bust my butt working out 4-5x a week.

I'll admit, I'm jealous. I know what I'm doing is for the best and I feel GREAT most days. Does anyone ever feel this way? Is it wrong of me to have these thoughts!?

I kind of know what you mean....but those people eating Chicken Tenders etc. every day aren't doing their bodies any favours!
I used to be one of those that was constantly eating rubbish all the time and stayed relatively slim. I was eating Burger & fries, Fried Chicken, English Fried Breakfasts, Doughnuts, Cakes etc but i was out of shape and didn't feel great at all.
Now, i probably eat a Burger or Pizza once or twice a week (i don't believe in depriving yourself), but most of the week i do try to eat healthy.
Op, are you eating "healthy" all the time?.... as that could be the reason for your resentment.

kpodaru

no, never. if they're able to eat whatever they want and not put on weight, all the power to them. my cousin is like that - she eats so much crap and never works out but never puts on a pound. that said, just because one is thin, doesn't necessarily mean one is healthy. i prefer to be healthy, even if it means i have to watch what i eat and exercise hard.

perhaps you are depriving yourself of food. are you always hungry? if so, reevaluate what you're eating and tweak it. also, a change in mindset when it comes to food may be in order ie. desserts or sugary crap isn't required for your body. food is fuel for your body so give your body healthy, long-lasting fuel for peak performance. muscles can't do *kitten* with all that sugary junk/processed stuff so why even care about that? (not that you're craving this stuff but you get my point).

hupsii

Machka9 wrote: »

thaoXLIV wrote: »

For the most part, I really do enjoy exercising and eating healthy. But on occasion, I can feel quite resentful towards people who just don't care. I see them enjoying their chicken tenders and fries (or something along those lines) everyday without any concern whatsoever. All the while, I constantly think about how healthy or unhealthy something is and bust my butt working out 4-5x a week.

I'll admit, I'm jealous. I know what I'm doing is for the best and I feel GREAT most days. Does anyone ever feel this way? Is it wrong of me to have these thoughts!?

I'm with you ... I also have the same thoughts.

For example, we were cycling last Sunday. Now pre-MFP, we would have stopped at the ice cream shop on the way back and had a double cone and thought nothing of it. I saw the place was open. I saw other people with their ice creams. But my husband and I cycled past ... just kept on riding. No yummy, delicious ice cream because it simply would not have fit into my calorie count.

I do eat a wide variety of foods, and I do have things like deserts and treats if they fit within my calorie count.

For me, I think one of the big things I miss is the spontaneity. "Let's stop for ice cream!" "Let's cycle to the bakery and have a mocha and mud cake" ... without having to do mental calculations as to whether or not it will fit into my calories. Yeah, sure, I can have those things ... IF they fit within my calories.

you could have shared one Ice Cream with your husband...

thaoXLIV

ExRelaySprinter wrote: »

thaoXLIV wrote: »

For the most part, I really do enjoy exercising and eating healthy. But on occasion, I can feel quite resentful towards people who just don't care. I see them enjoying their chicken tenders and fries (or something along those lines) everyday without any concern whatsoever. All the while, I constantly think about how healthy or unhealthy something is and bust my butt working out 4-5x a week.

I'll admit, I'm jealous. I know what I'm doing is for the best and I feel GREAT most days. Does anyone ever feel this way? Is it wrong of me to have these thoughts!?

I kind of know what you mean....but those people eating Chicken Tenders etc. every day aren't doing their bodies any favours!
I used to be one of those that was constantly eating rubbish all the time and stayed relatively slim. I was eating Burger & fries, Fried Chicken, English Fried Breakfasts, Doughnuts, Cakes etc but i was out of shape and didn't feel great at all.
Now, i probably eat a Burger or Pizza once or twice a week (i don't believe in depriving yourself), but most of the week i do try to eat healthy.
Op, are you eating "healthy" all the time?.... as that could be the reason for your resentment.

Definitely not. I come from a family that loves junk food and fast food. We literally have fast food every Saturday. I tend to be a lot more lax on the weekends. This is probably why I feel really good on Mondays because I've gotten my "cheat meals" in. But I only feel really good those Mondays when I immediately get back on track with my "diet" (I don't want to use that word, but it works sometimes) and exercise. It's probably more towards the end of the week that these monsters in my head start to show up.

But I've been reading everyone's comments and they have all bee n so encouraging and helpful! I definitely just try to watch my diet and if I can fit something "unhealthy" in, I will (like the half of the thin mint ice cream bar yesterday or the red velvet cake on cinco de mayo). And I love the fresh perspective and realized I was definitely judging without knowing the whole story.

Thank you everyone! At first I was feeling like a criminal feeling this way. But it has done me well overall and changed the way I see things.

randomtai

Wow. Just wow. Stop worrying what everybody else is doing and you will go a long way. :noway:

GypsyByTheSea

Envy, jealousy, and resentment are a waste of your time and energy. You have your goals in place - why not just be content with that? Focus on all the good you have going and you'll be a lot happier.

lemonsnowdrop

Maybe it would help if you stop thinking of foods as "unhealthy" when they're not.

fatcity66

I try not to compare myself to others. I can eat more than some, but less than others. We are all different.
I have a friend who is about 5 inches shorter than me, and has always been around a size 4. She can out drink me any night, and she loves to go out to eat, but she never finishes more than half her food. Plus, she is a waitress, so she is on her feet for much of the day. I'm not jealous of her, we are just different.

Also, I don't deprive myself of much. Yesterday I had a lot of extra calories from working out, so I ordered a meatball pizza. I actually had a piece for breakfast this morning.