How to convince a family member that her 800/day calories TOTAL (not net) is very unhealthy
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Hey MFP. So, a relative of mine is on a weight loss journey as well. However, she is eating a very low amount of calories per day. Around 800 total. She also is working out a ton, probably around 5 times per week.
What are some very solid articles or stats I should link her to show that she is way under eating?
Anyone have any experience with this?
She is (this are all estimates): ~38 years old, female, about 5'3" and probably around 160 pounds.
I think it is okay to say something, e.g., "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about your plan because I have concerns/questions/worries (however you want to put it), is this something you would be open to talking through with me?" Then it is up to her if she wants your thoughts on the matter. You can't really "convince" people of things, but I think it is legitimate to share that you are concerned, and if she wants it, provide her with some information.
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Also, if she shares your concerns at all or wants to check into it further, rather than giving her articles, etc. probably the best bet is to encourage her to see her doctor and possibly get a referral to a doctor or dietitian who helps people with weight loss.0
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yopeeps025 wrote: »Chrysalid2014 wrote: »TimothyFish wrote: »800 total calorie intake would most definitely have a negative net. But 800 net would mean the person is gaining weight at 1.6 pounds per week , while a person at 800 total might still be losing weight at less than two pounds a week.
Eh?
We are not talking MFP net I guess. I kind of was.
This.
TimothyFish is talking about total calories in less total calories out. MFP net is total calories in less exercise.0 -
For the people who say mind your own business does it depend on the type of relative?
Also is there any point in time any of you might say something.
P.s I know it's hard to change some ones mind when they are determined to do something.0 -
TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »You said she was at 160 pounds and 5'3. That's kinda rotund...she has the weight to lose.
So, how long has she been consuming 800 cals per day and exercising 5 days a week? For two weeks? A month? 3 days?
Wow, You are a real charmer, huh?0 -
If she has expressed jealousy over your calorie limit and you think she is misinformed you might say to her that a vlcd could be unhealthy long term and you are sure she could eat more and still lose weight comfortably. Then show her MFP or another calculator that would give her the right amount of calories to lose 1-2 lbs a week.
After that leave it up to her.0 -
At 5'3" she would only need to lose twenty pounds to get to a healthy BMI. That hardly seems as if the negative side effects of a VLCD would be worth getting the weight off quickly as it is for a morbidly obese person.TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »You said she was at 160 pounds and 5'3. That's kinda rotund...she has the weight to lose.
So, how long has she been consuming 800 cals per day and exercising 5 days a week? For two weeks? A month? 3 days?
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Therealobi1 wrote: »For the people who say mind your own business does it depend on the type of relative?
Also is there any point in time any of you might say something.
P.s I know it's hard to change some ones mind when they are determined to do something.
I will say that if it were my daughter and she was young (a minor) I would step in and say/do something. But for a fully grown adult, who I assume has her mental faculties, I would not say/do anything unless I was specifically asked for my opinion/advice.0 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »For the people who say mind your own business does it depend on the type of relative?
Also is there any point in time any of you might say something.
P.s I know it's hard to change some ones mind when they are determined to do something.
I will say that if it were my daughter and she was young (a minor) I would step in and say/do something. But for a fully grown adult, who I assume has her mental faculties, I would not say/do anything unless I was specifically asked for my opinion/advice.
OK so if the daughter was 21 years plus she is on her own. And God help a son. I guess he is left to rot.0 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »For the people who say mind your own business does it depend on the type of relative?
Also is there any point in time any of you might say something.
P.s I know it's hard to change some ones mind when they are determined to do something.
I will say that if it were my daughter and she was young (a minor) I would step in and say/do something. But for a fully grown adult, who I assume has her mental faculties, I would not say/do anything unless I was specifically asked for my opinion/advice.
OK so if the daughter was 21 years plus she is on her own. And God help a son. I guess he is left to rot.
Oh, for the love of Pete. How many calories does jumping to conclusions burn? :huh:
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Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »For the people who say mind your own business does it depend on the type of relative?
Also is there any point in time any of you might say something.
P.s I know it's hard to change some ones mind when they are determined to do something.
I will say that if it were my daughter and she was young (a minor) I would step in and say/do something. But for a fully grown adult, who I assume has her mental faculties, I would not say/do anything unless I was specifically asked for my opinion/advice.
OK so if the daughter was 21 years plus she is on her own. And God help a son. I guess he is left to rot.
Oh, for the love of Pete. How many calories does jumping to conclusions burn? :huh:
haha, love this. I think I would be much thinner tho!
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Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »For the people who say mind your own business does it depend on the type of relative?
Also is there any point in time any of you might say something.
P.s I know it's hard to change some ones mind when they are determined to do something.
I will say that if it were my daughter and she was young (a minor) I would step in and say/do something. But for a fully grown adult, who I assume has her mental faculties, I would not say/do anything unless I was specifically asked for my opinion/advice.
OK so if the daughter was 21 years plus she is on her own. And God help a son. I guess he is left to rot.
I don't have a son so yes, I will leave my imaginary XY progeny to rot. Perhaps if he were real I would give a fig about him.0 -
my efforts would depend on how close my relationship is with the relative. If it is my child I am helping no matter what age.
Honestly this turning a blind is awful in my opinion.
Again I am not going to be naive and think it will be easy0 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »For the people who say mind your own business does it depend on the type of relative?
Also is there any point in time any of you might say something.
P.s I know it's hard to change some ones mind when they are determined to do something.
I will say that if it were my daughter and she was young (a minor) I would step in and say/do something. But for a fully grown adult, who I assume has her mental faculties, I would not say/do anything unless I was specifically asked for my opinion/advice.
OK so if the daughter was 21 years plus she is on her own. And God help a son. I guess he is left to rot.
Oh, for the love of Pete. How many calories does jumping to conclusions burn? :huh:
You tell me. Maybe your friend pete knows0 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »my efforts would depend on how close my relationship is with the relative. If it is my child I am helping no matter what age.
Honestly this turning a blind is awful in my opinion.
Again I am not going to be naive and think it will be easy
I don't get it either.
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Probably meant "turning a blind eye."
I think it depends how close you are to this woman. Maybe it would be enough to link her to something and say, "Hey look, according to this you can eat this many calories and lose weight. Isn't that great? No need to be jealous anymore!"0 -
There are a lot of personal factors here we don't know. But it sounds like your relative is already somewhat open to talking about since she has shared with you how much she eats. If she didn't want to discuss it at all, she wouldn't have shown you her app/calories. So I think that gives you a reasonable window to talk to her (gently) about it. WebMD probably is a good place to find links as they are reputable and neutral.
A lot of people here are assuming that she just recently started eating this way. We don't know that. Maybe you could gently open up the discussion with her again to find out how long it's been. Yeah, maybe it's been very recent and she'll come around on her own. But maybe it's been much longer and she's putting herself in danger. I think she must know this to some extent because she DID talk to you about calories. I say take this an opening because she might be looking for someone to tell her it's ok to not go to an extreme. Good luck.0 -
girlviernes wrote: »Also, if she shares your concerns at all or wants to check into it further, rather than giving her articles, etc. probably the best bet is to encourage her to see her doctor and possibly get a referral to a doctor or dietitian who helps people with weight loss.
Sage advice as usual.0 -
BlueSkyShoal wrote: »Probably meant "turning a blind eye."
I think it depends how close you are to this woman. Maybe it would be enough to link her to something and say, "Hey look, according to this you can eat this many calories and lose weight. Isn't that great? No need to be jealous anymore!"
Yes it was supposed to say turning a blind eye. Ta0 -
She has a digital scale and weighs and logs everything. My gut tells me that she doesn't have an eating disorder but is just greatly misinformed about the whole process.
Do you guys think if I linked her, say, a TDEE Calculator, for example, and maybe an article or two (not sure which or if that is a good idea) - that this could help show her that her current plan is not a long-term one?
I see nothing wrong with doing this. But if you are met with excuses, rejection, hostility, or resistance, I would call it a day. But, at least you can say you have tried.0 -
Tell her about this great calorie counting/tracking tool you found called My Fitness Pal. If she joins it will give her at least 1200 calories and give her warning messages when she tries to go lower.0
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You can't convince someone they need to change their eating, they need to decide to do it themselves. Over time she might get fed up with how restrictive her diet is, and then be open to change. Or she might find that she is tired, etc. and realize that she would feel better if she ate more. But bottom line, she is going to need to decide to make a change, you cannot convince her.
The one thing I have learned about this process is there is no one right answer for everyone. I have found that being diligent about tracking food, calories burned, measurements, etc provides the data that I can then use to make informed decisions about the right number of calories and macro goals.0 -
Yup, relative or not, I stay out of grown folks business. If they want to know my opinion, they will ask.I will say that if it were my daughter and she was young (a minor) I would step in and say/do something. But for a fully grown adult, who I assume has her mental faculties, I would not say/do anything unless I was specifically asked for my opinion/advice.
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She will figure it out. I was on 800kcal or less earlier this year I realised how dumb it was.0
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TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »You said she was at 160 pounds and 5'3. That's kinda rotund...she has the weight to lose.
So, how long has she been consuming 800 cals per day and exercising 5 days a week? For two weeks? A month? 3 days?
It's not so rotund that she should be restricting herself so heavily! It's a BMI of 27 for goodness sake. Not even obese, let alone obese class 3 when people usually get encouraged to do a VLCD.
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Or do permanent damage to themselves that could of been stop but some people mind there own business. That is crazy in my mind.
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yopeeps025 wrote: »
I assume that she is an adult who is capable of thinking. I don't know her obviously...people assuming she won't figure it out are not being singled out?
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This discussion has been closed.
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