Cheating vs. Flirting (what's the difference)

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  • Aviendha_RJ
    Aviendha_RJ Posts: 600 Member
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    You don't look outside a relationship when you're happy.

    Period.

    It doesn't happen.

    Clearly, she's not seeing in you everything that she needs, and that has her looking elsewhere. I know, that's hard to hear... but honestly, if she's looking around while still in a relationship with you... is that really the kind of person you want to be with?
  • gkstrss007
    gkstrss007 Posts: 6
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    If you have to hide it, your guilty. IMO

    If I caught my husband doing the same, i'd go white girl crazy on him. Especially if he hid it.

    White girl crazy. That is awesome. LOL I'd do the same thing, though.

    To OP: The flirting is one thing; the intent to meet is something totally different. That's the behavior that could lead to cheating...and it's wrong.
  • nope31
    nope31 Posts: 174
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    Would also like to add its a shame that there are so many relationships where ppl, forget why they got together in the first place.
    It seems so desperate to me that someone would stray in such a disrespectful way.
    Coming from a single woman, Its hard to meet new ppl, and get into a relationship these days. Especially w/quality ppl.
    So many couples take their relationships for granted.
    If I had a man, Id adore thee hell out of him, he would feel like a King. I would never put doubts in his mind
  • misscharleygirl
    misscharleygirl Posts: 66 Member
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    I think regardless of what you want to label it ("cheating" versus "flirting"), if it makes you uncomfortable or uneasy, then it's inappropriate and needs to be addressed.
  • nope31
    nope31 Posts: 174
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    She is an insatiable, attention greedy, skank. Break-Up with her. She does not have good intentions.
  • pushyourself14
    pushyourself14 Posts: 275 Member
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    I agree with most of the other posters. It's conspicuous that she hid it from you. :S
  • Bearbrat
    Bearbrat Posts: 230
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    The lying and hiding, texting with possible plans to meet??? Huge red flag, don't put it down to nothing....if it makes you uncomfortable and doubtful of her it needs to be talked about. I flirt, all the time...so does my husband, but it's never hidden and there's a line that never gets crossed. Trust yourself and tell her it's not ok.
  • lyttmab
    lyttmab Posts: 87 Member
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    First let me say I am so sorry you are going through this, you were disrespected, lied to by a person you love, and you are obviously struggling.

    With that said, I think you already know what you should do or you would never have posted the question. The fact that you are looking over your shoulder now, says it all. Once the trust is broken, RARELY can you get it back. It's possible, but not often.

    Speaking from experience, I am sorry!
  • Briko3
    Briko3 Posts: 266 Member
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    There's a lot of truth to what people are saying. She lied because she knew it was wrong. Have some self respect and break up with her. You deserve better and you'll find better. Once the trust is gone, it's over. She won't be happy with you second guessing her and you won't be happy worrying.
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
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    Um. How is this a question?

    Eatin' ain't cheatin'.
  • sweetchildomine
    sweetchildomine Posts: 872 Member
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    If it were JUST flirting, it wouldn't have gone past a few harmless facebook comments. I don't think there's anything wrong with flirting, we ALL flirt whether we are married, in a relationship or whatnot. It's normal and sometimes unintentional, BUT when it comes to lying and hiding things, THAT'S where it's gone too far!
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
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    When I do it, it's flirting.
    When he does it, it's cheating.
    You're welcome.:flowerforyou:
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,676 Member
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    When I do it, it's flirting.
    When he does it, it's cheating.
    You're welcome.:flowerforyou:
    I totally love this lol!!
    It depends on where you want the line drawn. I draw mine very close. If you want to flirt and not call it cheating, that's up to you.
  • Isakizza
    Isakizza Posts: 754 Member
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    This is the behavior that leads to cheating. The dishonesty alone is a HUGE red flag.

    ^^^ Totally Agree!
  • operation_cute
    operation_cute Posts: 588 Member
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    I personally do not count flirting as cheating... now if she's flirting to actually progress to something else that to me is a lot different... and the big factor to whether it would bother me if my boyfriend was doing it is if he lied and vice versa... the lieing shows something to hide... but just harmless flirting is ok on both ends in my relationship :) just like I don't care if he checks out other girls, and he doesnt care if I check out other guys :)
  • operation_cute
    operation_cute Posts: 588 Member
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    The lying and hiding, texting with possible plans to meet??? Huge red flag, don't put it down to nothing....if it makes you uncomfortable and doubtful of her it needs to be talked about. I flirt, all the time...so does my husband, but it's never hidden and there's a line that never gets crossed. Trust yourself and tell her it's not ok.

    ^ ^ This :)
  • debbiedoeshealth
    debbiedoeshealth Posts: 97 Member
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    Emotional cheating. I would not be okay with my husband doing this. The fact that she is not being fully honest with you makes it even worse.
  • Reepir
    Reepir Posts: 32 Member
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    I'm jaded due to the fact that my marriage was ruined due to him physically cheating on me twice with the same girl. But this is about you. Did the fact that she was talking to the guy (on facebook or text) bug you more or was it the lying. Because she may never have the capacity for physically cheating on you but may want to talk with other guys to make herself feel good. I don't want to make assumptions but depending on how long you have been together and especially if you live together the relationship loses it's new car smell. For the girl this means a little less thoughtful compliments and more. Babe you look nice. type of compliments. If you want this to work then you will have to work at it. See if she was reaching out to get the thrill of going behind your back or if it was just nice to have a guy coming after her.

    Think about when the last time you went on a real dress up date was.

    That could also be a factor. But talk to her. And if she puts up a wall or keeps lying she could just be a bad apple.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
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    Flirting happens. I've done it and I know she has done it. What matters is the intentions and how far it is taken. I have found myself saying something over the line, and I try to reel myself back in.

    But that is how something harmless can turn into something that changes your life.
  • melb_alex
    melb_alex Posts: 1,154 Member
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    I recently found out that my girlfriend was getting a little too friendly on FB with one of her friends. I kept seeing the same guy commenting on all of her posts and vice versa. These were not the normal nice pic/ nice post comments. They were always very flirty with hearts, smiley faces, winks etc. When I asked her about it she said that he was just an online friend. I later found out that he was much more than an online friend. They had actually exchanged numbers and were talking & texting each other. When I found out the truth they were talking about meeting one weekend. She said that they never met but at this point I really don't know what to believe. It would've been hard for them to meet because he lives in Kentucky. We've been very rocky every since. I feel like I always have to check behind her to see if she's lying to me now.

    My question is this is this cheating or just flirting and when is the line crossed?

    Cheating because she is emotionally attached to this person and it has exceeded the friendly/flirty factor.

    good luck : /

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