Cheating vs. Flirting (what's the difference)

sweetchildomine · June 2013

If it were JUST flirting, it wouldn't have gone past a few harmless facebook comments. I don't think there's anything wrong with flirting, we ALL flirt whether we are married, in a relationship or whatnot. It's normal and sometimes unintentional, BUT when it comes to lying and hiding things, THAT'S where it's gone too far!

iulia_maddie · June 2013

When I do it, it's flirting.
When he does it, it's cheating.
You're welcome.:flowerforyou:

MinMin97 · June 2013

When I do it, it's flirting.
When he does it, it's cheating.
You're welcome.:flowerforyou:

I totally love this lol!!
It depends on where you want the line drawn. I draw mine very close. If you want to flirt and not call it cheating, that's up to you.

Isakizza · June 2013

This is the behavior that leads to cheating. The dishonesty alone is a HUGE red flag.

^^^ Totally Agree!

operation_cute · June 2013

I personally do not count flirting as cheating... now if she's flirting to actually progress to something else that to me is a lot different... and the big factor to whether it would bother me if my boyfriend was doing it is if he lied and vice versa... the lieing shows something to hide... but just harmless flirting is ok on both ends in my relationship

just like I don't care if he checks out other girls, and he doesnt care if I check out other guys

operation_cute · June 2013

The lying and hiding, texting with possible plans to meet??? Huge red flag, don't put it down to nothing....if it makes you uncomfortable and doubtful of her it needs to be talked about. I flirt, all the time...so does my husband, but it's never hidden and there's a line that never gets crossed. Trust yourself and tell her it's not ok.

^ ^ This

debbiedoeshealth · June 2013

Emotional cheating. I would not be okay with my husband doing this. The fact that she is not being fully honest with you makes it even worse.

Reepir · June 2013

I'm jaded due to the fact that my marriage was ruined due to him physically cheating on me twice with the same girl. But this is about you. Did the fact that she was talking to the guy (on facebook or text) bug you more or was it the lying. Because she may never have the capacity for physically cheating on you but may want to talk with other guys to make herself feel good. I don't want to make assumptions but depending on how long you have been together and especially if you live together the relationship loses it's new car smell. For the girl this means a little less thoughtful compliments and more. Babe you look nice. type of compliments. If you want this to work then you will have to work at it. See if she was reaching out to get the thrill of going behind your back or if it was just nice to have a guy coming after her.

Think about when the last time you went on a real dress up date was.

That could also be a factor. But talk to her. And if she puts up a wall or keeps lying she could just be a bad apple.

Timshel_ · June 2013

Flirting happens. I've done it and I know she has done it. What matters is the intentions and how far it is taken. I have found myself saying something over the line, and I try to reel myself back in.

But that is how something harmless can turn into something that changes your life.

melb_alex · June 2013

I recently found out that my girlfriend was getting a little too friendly on FB with one of her friends. I kept seeing the same guy commenting on all of her posts and vice versa. These were not the normal nice pic/ nice post comments. They were always very flirty with hearts, smiley faces, winks etc. When I asked her about it she said that he was just an online friend. I later found out that he was much more than an online friend. They had actually exchanged numbers and were talking & texting each other. When I found out the truth they were talking about meeting one weekend. She said that they never met but at this point I really don't know what to believe. It would've been hard for them to meet because he lives in Kentucky. We've been very rocky every since. I feel like I always have to check behind her to see if she's lying to me now.

My question is this is this cheating or just flirting and when is the line crossed?

Cheating because she is emotionally attached to this person and it has exceeded the friendly/flirty factor.

good luck : /

MyChocolateDiet · June 2013

I recently found out that my girlfriend was getting a little too friendly on FB with one of her friends. I kept seeing the same guy commenting on all of her posts and vice versa. These were not the normal nice pic/ nice post comments. They were always very flirty with hearts, smiley faces, winks etc. When I asked her about it she said that he was just an online friend. I later found out that he was much more than an online friend. They had actually exchanged numbers and were talking & texting each other. When I found out the truth they were talking about meeting one weekend. She said that they never met but at this point I really don't know what to believe. It would've been hard for them to meet because he lives in Kentucky. We've been very rocky every since. I feel like I always have to check behind her to see if she's lying to me now.

My question is this is this cheating or just flirting and when is the line crossed?

IN to find out how checking behind someone reveals if they are lying? (are we looking for fingerprints? are we using blacklight?)

Also just break up. But seriously, no, yah just break up. The trying to meet up is the clincher for me.

Heather_Rider · June 2013

If she lied to you about their "relationship"... its cheating.

If shes hiding what shes doing or who shes talking to.. its cheating.

Sorry dude. It might have started as cheating, but she is obviously emotionally attached to him on some level now, because she is enjoying the attention she is getting from him, which is one reason she is hiding it from you.

Either way.. its something she feels the need to HIDE from you, and if it wasnt wrong, she wouldnt have to hide it from you, so yeah, shes cheating.. if not in your eyes, then in hers.. so that means it wouldnt be okay with HER if YOU did it.

Fair play?

alethea88 · June 2013

I agree with robdel302. The dishonestly is the big issue here...generally speaking that means she had something to hide. Also, she KNEW you would disapprove. She must be lacking something in her relationship with you to make her want to flirt or even think about meeting up with someone. If this was an old friend that she was close with it may be excusable but, its shady!

agreed

bettyann55 · June 2013

Wow, your husband can sleep with another woman as long as he does not lie to you about it. Holy heck not in my marriage.

jenilla1 · June 2013

This is the behavior that leads to cheating. The dishonesty alone is a HUGE red flag.

Absolutely. Making plans to meet? Ticking time bomb...

Dewdropps · June 2013

I define a difference with intent.

Making friends and being friendly etc is actually pretty great. Especially if she has very few real friends. There's nothing wrong with having a male/female friendship. I have always been more comfortable around guys, myself.

Emoticons (winks, hearts, etc) are just silly to judge. I often put a heart with my comments, just because that's what I feel like doing. Sometimes I like being all girly like that :P

The key is intent. If there is intent to pursue more than a friendship, then it would definitely count as sort of emotional cheating, and if they actually got intimate, then.. well, obviously, that is cheating.

You seem to be looking for more people to agree/confirm for you what you personally feel, but honestly, everyone has a line drawn in the sand of their own making. However.. are you really thinking it's cheating, or are you looking for justification to be royally pissed and outrageously jealous?

Think on it a bit

bettyann55 · June 2013

I really do define cheating in the traditional sense of physical intimacy, but some people believe there's such a thing as emotional cheating. Really the fact that she hid it from you and lied to you when it obviously made you uncomfortable is what I would focus and harp on. Of course the flirting bothered you, but personally the lying and secret keeping would bother me more.

THIS. MisterDerping gives an excellent response. Lying is the deal breaker. My husband knows he can sleep with other women, maintain a friendship, etc., if he wants to, as long as full disclosure is practiced and I know about it. But lie to me, you're gone.

Candi_land · June 2013

Trust gone=relationship over.

Like some of the others have stated before me, dude just break up.

theCarlton · June 2013

It was enough to do damage to your relationship. Call it whatever you want, but cut that heffa off and move on.

nope31 · June 2013

Im leaving..On a Jet Plane, Don't know when I'll be back again.

bregalad5 · June 2013

emotional cheating = cheating in my opinion.

johnglenn1973 · June 2013

If you have to hide it, your guilty. IMO

If I caught my husband doing the same, i'd go white girl crazy on him. Especially if he hid it.

Hahaha! Awesome!! Lucky for your husband that "white girl crazy" doesn't even come close to "hispanic girl crazy", not even close

To the OP, I think you knew the answer before you posted this...deceit is a mutha to deal with.

Mustang_Susie · June 2013

Innocent flirting can be done in the presence of your SO, cheating cannot.

Gangwolf · June 2013

If you are in an exclusive relationship, and you create the impression in a third party's mind that they can sleep with you if they really try, that's when you've taken flirting into cheating territory -- even if you haven't physically cheated. It shows the same level of disrespect to your own partner.

Mustang_Susie · June 2013

Im leaving..On a Jet Plane, Don't know when I'll be back again.

Great, now that song is stuck in my head...

Mary9921 · June 2013

I've always thought...If you wouldn't do it in front of your significant other than it's cheating....plain and simple

Scottmcteare · June 2013

Buddy if you never found out it would have escalated. When something like this happens you see a persons real personality and if they can be trusted. If it was me I would move on, no second changes people just don't change and if you truly don't trust her anymore then the relationship is over. Your only saving yourself lots of pain and cost in the future.