Cheating vs. Flirting (what's the difference)

glovepuppet

if its innocent flirting it should be safe to talk to the partner about it.

unless the partner is a crazy, jealous, control freak. then they're between a rock and three hard places. do they lie, do they never have any friends of the opposite sex, do they leave, or do they live in constant conflict?

personally, i'd go with conflict/leave.

glovepuppet

ETA: women like her are the reason i'm still single at the moment, so if you do decide to leave please before you do, punch her in the throat and tell her "that's from Ben" :laugh:

oh the wit of suggesting assault. my sides are splitting.

LittleHungryGurl

I really do define cheating in the traditional sense of physical intimacy, but some people believe there's such a thing as emotional cheating. Really the fact that she hid it from you and lied to you when it obviously made you uncomfortable is what I would focus and harp on. Of course the flirting bothered you, but personally the lying and secret keeping would bother me more.

Agree completely

ItsCasey

I recently found out that my girlfriend was getting a little too friendly on FB with one of her friends. I kept seeing the same guy commenting on all of her posts and vice versa. These were not the normal nice pic/ nice post comments. They were always very flirty with hearts, smiley faces, winks etc. When I asked her about it she said that he was just an online friend. I later found out that he was much more than an online friend. They had actually exchanged numbers and were talking & texting each other. When I found out the truth they were talking about meeting one weekend. She said that they never met but at this point I really don't know what to believe. It would've been hard for them to meet because he lives in Kentucky. We've been very rocky every since. I feel like I always have to check behind her to see if she's lying to me now.

My question is this is this cheating or just flirting and when is the line crossed?

She lied to you. What is left to figure out about this? The fact that you are still around says to her that you're at very least willing to put up with it.

BarbellApprentice

I recently found out that my girlfriend was getting a little too friendly on FB with one of her friends. I kept seeing the same guy commenting on all of her posts and vice versa. These were not the normal nice pic/ nice post comments. They were always very flirty with hearts, smiley faces, winks etc. When I asked her about it she said that he was just an online friend. I later found out that he was much more than an online friend. They had actually exchanged numbers and were talking & texting each other. When I found out the truth they were talking about meeting one weekend. She said that they never met but at this point I really don't know what to believe. It would've been hard for them to meet because he lives in Kentucky. We've been very rocky every since. I feel like I always have to check behind her to see if she's lying to me now.

My question is this is this cheating or just flirting and when is the line crossed?

They planned to meet. The meeting would be more than winks and flirty hearts. Intentions without actual execution of the crime is still a crime. And, o yea, she lied.

XxYeaIrocxX

If you have to hide it, your guilty. IMO

If I caught my husband doing the same, i'd go white girl crazy on him. Especially if he hid it.

Hahaha! Awesome!! Lucky for your husband that "white girl crazy" doesn't even come close to "hispanic girl crazy", not even close

To the OP, I think you knew the answer before you posted this...deceit is a mutha to deal with.

Haha I dont know about that. never underestimate white girl crazy.
Esp me, dont wreck your stuff. I'll wreck your mind! lol

saragd012

Is flirty messages with someone she never plans on meeting cheating? No necessarily. But making plans to meet this man after having several suggestive interactions with him and HIDING it from you, that is just as bad IMO. If she believed what she was doing was totally harmless there would have been no reason to hide it from you. Not that one has to report every conversation to their S.O. but when you get where you want to meet a friend you've made in person it should at least come up in conversation.

Sounds like you too need to have a more serious talk about your relationship...

craigmandu

I recently found out that my girlfriend was getting a little too friendly on FB with one of her friends. I kept seeing the same guy commenting on all of her posts and vice versa. These were not the normal nice pic/ nice post comments. They were always very flirty with hearts, smiley faces, winks etc. When I asked her about it she said that he was just an online friend. I later found out that he was much more than an online friend. They had actually exchanged numbers and were talking & texting each other. When I found out the truth they were talking about meeting one weekend. She said that they never met but at this point I really don't know what to believe. It would've been hard for them to meet because he lives in Kentucky. We've been very rocky every since. I feel like I always have to check behind her to see if she's lying to me now.

My question is this is this cheating or just flirting and when is the line crossed?

They planned to meet. The meeting would be more than winks and flirty hearts. Intentions without actual execution of the crime is still a crime. And, o yea, she lied.

QFT....

They've exchanged phone numbers and are texting. You have no idea what they've talked about. You know they were planning to meet. All of this without once her saying anything to you about any of it. If you don't think something wrong is going on here, you'd be fooling yourself.

Move on man...really...or else you are going to find out later that something did happen, or that something is happening...and then you have to deal with that crap.

brboydjr

Wow. I'd say try to rebuild the trust. What do you mean by checking behind her to?

brboydjr

How Long have you guys been together?

Swanie76

I recently found out that my girlfriend was getting a little too friendly on FB with one of her friends. I kept seeing the same guy commenting on all of her posts and vice versa. These were not the normal nice pic/ nice post comments. They were always very flirty with hearts, smiley faces, winks etc. When I asked her about it she said that he was just an online friend. I later found out that he was much more than an online friend. They had actually exchanged numbers and were talking & texting each other. When I found out the truth they were talking about meeting one weekend. She said that they never met but at this point I really don't know what to believe. It would've been hard for them to meet because he lives in Kentucky. We've been very rocky every since. I feel like I always have to check behind her to see if she's lying to me now.

My question is this is this cheating or just flirting and when is the line crossed?

Everyone has basically stated what i would have, however i just had my 16th anniversary yestereday and i have had to deside on this very thing over the years. Flirting is just that and it is harmless. On the other hand when she started to communicate via phone and text that took it to another level. I do believe that men and women can be friends but only when both parties want friendship if either one wants more then it can go the other way at any point. In any relationship you need to have trust once its taken its hard to get it back. Her lying obviously caused her to lose your trust. At this point you have to communicate your feelings to her in a nonblaming way. Just state why you feel the way you feel. Also remember that it is not fair to you to have to watch her every move

Gymrat2003

We've been together for 1.5 years. When I say checking behind her I ask is there something I should know about.

Gymrat2003

Thanks to all of you for the helpful input.

43932452

This is the behavior that leads to cheating. The dishonesty alone is a HUGE red flag.

For some it can be a gateway to a true form of cheating.
As well there is something to be said of 'an affair of the heart'.
That also can ruin a committed relationship.

ssappy44

Women are emotional.. she is cheating. I'm guessing, though, that she hasn't crossed that line with you yet because it hasn't been physical? If you want her and this relationship, it's time to figure out why she's venturing away from you and provide the support she needs. Or, maybe she just likes drama, isn't ready to commit, needs more attention, doesn't like the way you eat apples, etc. This is why you need to have a heart talk with yourself and her... Do YOU really want this relationship... is SHE the one you will fight for. If she is, you need to go deep and fix it. Hard stuff, Best Wishes!

Sqeekyjojo

Well, I'm going against the general consensus here.


I have a lot of male friends. Lots. When I go out, it's very likely that not only will I be spending my time with just guys (or just a guy), one of them will walk me home and then come in and stay for a couple of hours, drinking and talking. There's plenty of social kisses, hugs, innuendo, all that kind of thing - oh yes, and lots of eye and physical contact. Because they're my friends. I've stayed round their houses when it's got far too late to go home, they've been round to mine frequently late at night and, I wouldn't hesitate to let any of them sleep in the spare room or on the sofa. A whole bunch of them (including a female friend) were round for rehearsal yesterday - I kicked the last one out this morning because he had to go to work. Last weekend, whilst I was walking home with one guy, my female friend was with one of the others in the pub - he took her to her home at the end of the night, stayed a while and chatted with her and her boyfriend. No drama. He trusts her implicitly - and she loves him all the more for it.



My spending time with them, staying at their houses, etc, doesn't mean that I would or will sleep with any of my male friends. Yes, there is one guy who is kinda special, but the odds are that nothing is ever going to happen there; which is cool because he's a fantastic friend. And there's another who I know rather likes me. So I even have the opportunity, I'm single and there is no reason why, if I wanted to, that I couldn't. But I haven't. Why? Because I don't see friendship between guys and women as inevitably involving sex.



Humans have free will. We aren't helpless and incapable of making rational decisions, even if there is an element of friendship or attraction, we can always make a decision about whether we take it further.


At the same time, if somebody else doesn't believe that, the ensuing hassle, whether over meeting, talking or even making eye contact or smiling at a delivery guy, can mean that it's easier to keep things discreet (or hidden) because it's just not worth the earache and questions and meaningful discussions (and tantrums and whining).

Accusations, checking messages, reading significance into a , sharing private concerns publicly to make her look bad and you the wronged party is also a red flag for people with experience of domestic abuse and controlling behaviour.






It's quite possible that she is only interested in the guy as a friend and had no intention of having a fling with him - but she kept it quiet because she knew you'd kick off about it. And you have. You've checked her messages, you've checked her phone, you've said you're checking behind all the time. You're posting personal stuff on the internet to justify your position. Which kind of makes it likely that she'll been even more secretive from now on, as you've made it clear that you don't trust her to think with her brain rather than further south.


I've been in that situation - you have no intention of doing anything, but the other person just doesn't believe you - so you get more cagey in what you tell them, as they're only going to go bat**** mental about it. In the end, I had enough of being accused of all sorts. So I left him.




Do you want to leave her? Do you want her to leave you? Or to stay indoors with no phone or internet access, only being with you?

You could simply be incompatible because you have different expectations of women, not because she's doing anything wrong. In any case, get off the internet and either accept her explanation and never mention it again or break up now. It'll save a lot of heartache further down the road.

davidaward14

That is an excellent response. I could not had said it any better myself!!!

megalin9

Based on your description of what she's doing, it doesn't appear that she has actually cheated yet with physical contact, but her behavior is in appropriate nonetheless if she is in a committed relationship with you. And I absolutely believe that her actions are leading her in the direction of cheating. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this.