Women do not fullfill me

DayvKnight

Reevoslady wrote: »

I think you need to work on developing respect for women
Spend some time with women, without looking to sleep with them. Recognise their value, and you'll respect them as people.

Yes but it is hard to respect women when growing up they have never respected me, growing up I was 20 lbs underweight and I looked about 3 years younger than I actually was. I was pretty much invisible to women and if I ever spoke to one they would try to shame me for doing it as if I was a slave asking their master for more food. It was only when I turned 18 and started to go clubbing and acting like a typical douche (when I talked to a woman I would try give off the vibe that they don't mean anything to me and that I don't care if they are interested or not) that they started to treat me with respect.
I have always respected myself when I am alone however around other people I feel as though I have very little value, the only way to increase your value around other people is to improve your physical appearance.
The majority of women have 10x the value I will every have, whenever they go out they have men fighting over them, I will never have women fighting over me even though I have done many things to try and improve myself and my appeal. I will admit that I want approval from women, it is so rare to come by that it feels very good when I get it. Women put up a pic on facebook and have 20 comments from guys calling them beautiful, I put up a pic and get 0 comments or likes

DayvKnight

gia07 wrote: »

I really feel sorry for the women next on your list... regardless if you say you don't mean to hurt people (women in general) you are and you know you have a problem... you aired your dirty laundry about how you treat women on a public internet forum asking complete strangers for advice... Seriouslly????????

Dude get a life and seek some d*amn help.

I suspect trolling at best.

You feel sorry for the women next on my list? that sounds almost as if I m going to rape them rather than it being a mutual exchange where they get as much enjoyment as me if not more from the act.

And yes I asked strangers for advice because as a male if you show any signs of weakness or seek help you are looked down on and treated like a POS. That is why the male suicide rate is through the roof compared to women and I have spoken with lots of people on forums who told me the exact type of treatment they got when they looked for help and it wasn't good.

DayvKnight

jimfoxer wrote: »

Allow me to give you a non-judgemental honest answer......!

You are right, watching porn with good looking women that I will never get to touch does nothing for me. I am not some deluded person who is addicted to the fantasy, I only watch vids where the women is below average in attractiveness. I don't even approach generic attractive girls anymore, I have rewired my brain to find below average girls who wear a lot of makeup and do duckfaces as the most attractive

Monkey_Business

darn thats 5 minutes of my life I will never get back

jimfoxer

DayvKnight wrote: »

jimfoxer wrote: »

Allow me to give you a non-judgemental honest answer......!

You are right, watching porn with good looking women that I will never get to touch does nothing for me. I am not some deluded person who is addicted to the fantasy, I only watch vids where the women is below average in attractiveness. I don't even approach generic attractive girls anymore, I have rewired my brain to find below average girls who wear a lot of makeup and do duckfaces as the most attractive

Ok. From your further comments I can see that my observation regarding your self-esteem is on mark. I know a lot of people believe you are trolling - or trolling for compliments - but I'm going to take your comments seriously.

The fact is this: Nature is playing a cruel joke on you. At 19, your prefrontal cortex is still in development while the connection between your brain hemispheres - right brain which is your emotional center, and left brain that is your logical center - is not fully developed. Adding to this are testosterone levels at some of the highest levels you will experience in your life, which are amping up your emotional brain with very primal emotions (aggression, fear, etc.) and tamping down the rational side which tries to object. It is a difficult and frightening time which often leads to some terribly risky and life-threatening behaviors. Compounding this is an unspoken societal norm where men must be rocks and not express their inner turmoils. The good news I can offer you is that this metamorphosis is all but complete by age 23; So strap in, hold on, and ride it out. The end of the tunnel is in sight!

In the meantime, you need to do some serious internal work. There is no quick fix, if that is what you are looking for. You have been using women to try to validate yourself, to feel special, to feel wanted, to feel attractive (and I purposefully use the word "using"). As you have rightfully noted, it won't work. The reason it's called "self"-esteem is that it has to come from within. Super models who could have nearly any person sexually they want can still (and often do) suffer from very low self-esteem. Millionaires, who can have anything and anyone, still commit suicide everyday. You are a house that is still being built, and unless you take the time to build it well, no one will want to move in. So you need to work on yourself; get involved in bettering yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Take inventory of your life and what you would like to accomplish - whether it be getting your degree, traveling, deadlifting 200 pounds, learning a second (or third) language, or practicing meditation. Again, this is where a professional can really help you organize your thoughts, and I should know - not only because of years of seeing a counselor myself, but from the Psychology degree hanging on my wall.

Lastly, allow me to offer you some fatherly advice on women - and I encourage any women here to chime in. As men, we are so amazingly hard-wired to the physical attractiveness of another person so much that it is often to the exclusion of everything else. We then believe that women experience sexual attraction the same way. The truth is that women are far more smarter than that. Yes, physical attractiveness is very important to a woman but it is just one of many factors. Let's say that a guy is an average 4/10 in attractiveness and it's enough to get a woman's attention. Now she talks to him and finds he's confident (+1), intelligent (+1), interesting (+1), has a steady job/income or plan for his life (+1), has love for his family (+1), good hygiene (you'd be surprised at how much of an issue this is) (+1), is responsible, committed and faithful (+1). That guy who was just a lowly 4/10 is now a 11/10 - even better than a perfect 10! But just as the scale has plusses, it has negatives: if a man is uninspired or lazy (-1), if a man is unsure about himself (-1), if a man reeks of desperation (-1), if a man has no plan for his future (-1), if a man is afraid of commitment (-1)... you get the point. A perfect 10 specimen of a male is now ugly in her eyes. So my advice to you; work on all the +1's in your life and eliminate all of the -1's. Seek the advice of women and ask them what they find attractive in men, match that to your own goals, and that is your "to-do" list to work on.

In short (tl;dr): Be patient as the rational parts of your brain come online and believe that it will - indeed - get better. Stop looking for external verification of your own self-worth, but work on building yourself into a more interesting/reliable/intelligent person that a woman would want to be around. And realize the fact that women are smarter than you; they will look at the whole picture, so put the work into improving yourself in all the areas that don't involve a mirror. I really, honestly, wish you luck. I know that this time in life can be disheartening and discouraging, but you will get through it!