Anyone else experience negativity due to weight loss?
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shrinkingletters wrote: »I'm not very overweight (just a 10-15lbs goal, of which I'm down nearly 9), and made the mistake of explaining why I didn't partake of the offfice cupcakes.
You'd think I told them I want to amputate both of my legs. "YOURE SKINNY YOU DONT NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT WHATS WRONG WITH YOU" then of course some commentary about how I'm making them feel bad for being overweight. I was cornered by three coworkers! It was nuts! I might understand if I'm underweight and it were coming from a place of concern, but I'm not. My goal weight is still on the higher end of the bmi for my height/age.
I too find that it is the worst sin imaginable to turn down office cake. Why can't other people deal with our disinterest in cake!?
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I have asked a few people if they were on something like weight watches, or something like that, to help with their weight loss. But only because they were sharing their weight loss with everyone. I also make it clear that if it's a private issue to them, I understand.
I don't ever comment on anyone's weight though, unless they bring it up first. And I really try to make no judgements about their methods.
I know a lady who is always trashing people who have lost weight. She 'accuses' them of taking pills or supplements, or have some kind of surgery. She will often ask someone how they lost weight, but if their answer is simply that they ate less and tried to walk a little more, as soon as their back was turned, she would scoff and say she didn't believe them.
This makes me leery of anyone who is too curious. I know in the case of this lady I know, she is always looking for an easy fix. I know her attitude stems from jealousy. I just wish she, and people like her, could refrain from judgement and realize that everyone has to take their own route on this trip. And if we can just be kind and support one another, we will all be better off.
If you have genuine concerns about a person, you have to be careful how you approach them. But I just hope people are genuinely concerned, and not just jealous, or being a buttinski.
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People like to poke at anything that's different. Plus, it's likely that they're simply jealous. They've probably tried every green tea kale smoothie pill under the sun with no success, so when they see someone actually succeedind, it bring to light all their excuses and failures.0
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My own mother was threatened the first time I lost significant weight. It hurt, and I gave up. Now I am in my fifties and I care a lot less what others think.
Big change like this IS a threat because most people feel like failures at some level. Did you know I had trouble finding three more runners at work (600 employees)? I figure most people are like I was, thinking about it, feeling guilty, and doing nothing. So I am a living example that there are no excuses.
If people comment I thank them and mention all the great things I can do now that I am lighter. I give an eager smile. How can they be snarky or opinionated in the face of that?
To get back to your question I don't think you can salvage all relationships from this sort of change. If they don't have the generosity of spirit to allow the new you, you might have to demote them to "acquaintance".
By the way, even though my hubby is only an occasional participant, once in a while he picks up on one of my things. He now suggests a twenty minute walk to Tim's rather than driving it.0 -
I have lost "friends" because of my weight loss. I was over 200lbs at my heaviest, and when I had lost 40lbs I felt amazing. Myself and my small group of friends were in the pool, and my "friend" made the comment that I "looked like a tramp" walking around in my bikini and that I "didn't look as good as I thought I did". She then called my boyfriend to tell him that I was cheating on him.
She still makes comments on facebook referring to my weight loss & cheat meals "why count calories/fats/sugars when you are going to eat a whole mcdonalds menu...f*****g loser" (I haven't eaten mcdonalds in almost 6 years, but its besides the point)
People are going to be jealous, but it proves who your real friends are. Real friends/family will love you fat, fit or thin. You learn after a while to get tough skin and shrug it off.0 -
Yes yes yes !! Its very annoying - I get the words you'll end up with a eating disorder - You look like a lolly pop -
Really annoys me, or if I eat something unhealthy as a treat or just because I want to I get oh I thought you were on a diet !! Ypou can;t win either way x0 -
I understand what your going thru. Growing up me and my lil sister had eating disorders because slot of the women in our family are overweight. We weren't disgusted by them but we didn't want tovend up like them. My lil sister developed anorexia and bullemia i have body dysmorphia disorder. I have 2 children and a am married toca very supportive and understanding man. Ivwas very young when our 1st son was born and went back to my original weight immediately. 10 yes later i gave birth to our 2nd son. And at 5'11 200lbs may not seem like slot but it was to me. I had lost 15 of that in year and stalled. Now regardless of whether or not people could tell how large i was my mind distorted what i say. Not many of my friends know about my disorder.but the one who does is very supportive and understanding. Some of my friends are cery encouraging about my journey and are proud of me. Others make snide comments and remarks now i guess most normal ppl can shrug this off but its harder for me. Recently i was with some ftiends and included in the group was my bff who knows about my disorder. One person had made a comment about my weight and how i used to look and cracking jokes and i got upset enough that my bff noticed. She took me aside and calmed me down i dont want everyone to know about my disorder because some can be very judgemental. I know its cause they dont understand but i just dont see a point in making comments about weight gain,loss,eating habits, etc. When did other personal struggles become everyones business. I guess what im trying to say id we all have those ppl in our lives yhat try to bring us fown and bring themselves up but for every 3 or 4 of those ppl we all have 1 or 2 that support us and thats who we should be surrounded by. Cut out the toxicity as best you can. Good luck with your journey and im sure you will meet your goals and if it means cutting some ppl out of your life...then so be it.0
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Sorry for all the typos lol i hate mfps spellchecker lol0
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I have read every comment, and my mind is blown. I'm trying to think back over the years, and wonder if I reacted poorly to someone's weight loss. I can definitely remember that feeling of "oh I wish I had their willpower," but I can't say that I ever blatantly acted like any of the offenders in these stories. I think a common link here, is that it showed the true colors of those we thought we were close to.0
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I have the same problem, with my family. my mom especially uses every chance to make me feel bad about trying to get a little bit healthier and fitter, she sometimes looks at me and seems so disgusted. it makes me so sad. =(0
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Most people have been supportive and compliment me on a job well done. However one friend keeps saying how I don't need to lose weight, how my curves give me definition, and how sad it will be to lose them. I know he is projecting because he weighs less than he should and has lamented that he cannot gain (he eats too little because he can only afford one or two meals a day and swears by take-away and microwave meals). So this time around I have simply not told him about my goal. I have also not put it on Facebook where people helpfully try and say they like me as I am. I've only told one friend who is also watching what he eats (diabetes type 1) and we support each other. It'll just be a surprise to the rest.0
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Years ago I lost a whole circle of friends simply because I changed myself. It wasn't weight at that time it was more personal development sort of thing. I simply stopped being everyone's savior and started valuing myself and my own needs. I gained a lot of self confidence and started really working on just being a better person without being the tool that I had been for all of my "friends". I was literally told that they didn't like the new me and that had better reconsider.
Well 7 years later I have a whole new set of friends, a better job and a better life. Now I am read to tackle the weight. I don't think my current friends will ever have issues with my weight loss since all of them are pretty health conscious themselves. They are my support and encouragement. This is what real friends do.
As you grow and change throughout your life be it weight loss, work life, hobbies or whatever you are likely to loose friends who simply no longer fit in your life and gain new ones who do. This is a natural process. Try to keep in mind that just because you changed does not mean that those old friends are bad people. They might feel threatened by your change because it means that they have to either change along with you or loose you. This scares people. It makes them angry and bitter and aggressive.
When they say nasty things, It isn't about you. It is about them. You are not responsible for making them feel better or fixing their problem. Just accept and move on.
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PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »I'm not very overweight (just a 10-15lbs goal, of which I'm down nearly 9), and made the mistake of explaining why I didn't partake of the offfice cupcakes.
You'd think I told them I want to amputate both of my legs. "YOURE SKINNY YOU DONT NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT WHATS WRONG WITH YOU" then of course some commentary about how I'm making them feel bad for being overweight. I was cornered by three coworkers! It was nuts! I might understand if I'm underweight and it were coming from a place of concern, but I'm not. My goal weight is still on the higher end of the bmi for my height/age.
I too find that it is the worst sin imaginable to turn down office cake. Why can't other people deal with our disinterest in cake!?
I know, why is it cake of all things?? I was totally cake-bullied about a month ago. They shamed the hell out of me for saying no, it was like those old after school specials about drugs with the peer pressure. Insane!0 -
PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »I'm not very overweight (just a 10-15lbs goal, of which I'm down nearly 9), and made the mistake of explaining why I didn't partake of the offfice cupcakes.
You'd think I told them I want to amputate both of my legs. "YOURE SKINNY YOU DONT NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT WHATS WRONG WITH YOU" then of course some commentary about how I'm making them feel bad for being overweight. I was cornered by three coworkers! It was nuts! I might understand if I'm underweight and it were coming from a place of concern, but I'm not. My goal weight is still on the higher end of the bmi for my height/age.
I too find that it is the worst sin imaginable to turn down office cake. Why can't other people deal with our disinterest in cake!?
I know, why is it cake of all things?? I was totally cake-bullied about a month ago. They shamed the hell out of me for saying no, it was like those old after school specials about drugs with the peer pressure. Insane!
Culturally speaking, "No cake for me, thank you" = "Have a *kitten* birthday, and go drive off a cliff while you're at it." At least that's what it feels like, the way people react.
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I usually answer "Thanks for noticing - I feel great!" no matter how snide the comment.0
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PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »I'm not very overweight (just a 10-15lbs goal, of which I'm down nearly 9), and made the mistake of explaining why I didn't partake of the offfice cupcakes.
You'd think I told them I want to amputate both of my legs. "YOURE SKINNY YOU DONT NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT WHATS WRONG WITH YOU" then of course some commentary about how I'm making them feel bad for being overweight. I was cornered by three coworkers! It was nuts! I might understand if I'm underweight and it were coming from a place of concern, but I'm not. My goal weight is still on the higher end of the bmi for my height/age.
I too find that it is the worst sin imaginable to turn down office cake. Why can't other people deal with our disinterest in cake!?
I know, why is it cake of all things?? I was totally cake-bullied about a month ago. They shamed the hell out of me for saying no, it was like those old after school specials about drugs with the peer pressure. Insane!
Culturally speaking, "No cake for me, thank you" = "Have a *kitten* birthday, and go drive off a cliff while you're at it." At least that's what it feels like, the way people react.
lol
You might enjoy this, I love this guy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-o-u4IwXkbE
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kygirl8282 wrote: »When you first lost a significant amount of weight, and it became apparent to friends/family that you were committed to this life change, did some of those people treat you differently?
There are some people in my life who seem to have gone from supportive to ... I don't know ... bitter may be a bit too harsh of a word. It's mostly passive aggressive, like little derogatory remarks. Offensive jokes. They almost seem to think that the words "skinny b****" are a compliment. A few laugh about what I eat and throw around words like obsessed.
I could understand if I were rude about it, but honestly I'm never the one to bring up this change in my lifestyle. I spent over a year losing a fairly significant amount of weight so I understand how it could be a bit jarring, but still this bothers me from time to time. Does anyone else encounter this, and how do you deal with it without being snarky back and maintaining the relationship?
You will find there are negative, jealous people that want to see you fail, because they feel like failures. They want company. Stay away from them, find positive people. I worked with some negative people and over the years I seen the negative turn the positive people into negative. Unless you are aware of what’s going on, and stay focused on your goals, they will try to turn you negative. Stay strong, find positive, supportive friends.
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Well said and thorough replies. You guys even gave me some laughs as well. Many thanks!
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So I just thought I'd share another type of negativity. My cousin has purposely lost weight following a paleo diet and exercising pretty intensely for the first time in her life. She used to be chubby and now she has cheekbones and looks great overall,if maybe a tad gaunt. Well, every time my mother sees a new picture of her on Facebook she immediately starts worrying that she has some terminal disease. Why isn't the family telling me what's wrong with Susana?!! I tell her I know for a fact she's been watching what she eats, but my mom just won't buy it. I think others have said above, but I agree that because some people can't imagine making the types of changes some of us are making to change our whole lives, you can't believe this type of change is really possible and healthy!0
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A coworker I talked to often at work kept bugging me about my eating choices, when I started to bring in healthier lunches. When he found out I was dieting, he kept trying to lull me into eating foods worse for me, taunt me with delicious ribs [he knows I have a killer recipe], etc. He quit in this recent month, but I hate to see how he'd have reacted to my going vegetarian for my diet [looooove meat]. Hurt a lil - he is extremely fit n' attractive.0
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I walked into a room of friends I had not seen in awhile last week and someone said "It looks like you have an eating disorder". My boss has told me she can count my teeth through my teeth. Guys, I'm 5'4" and between 130-133 lbs.
My mom will not engage in any conversation about food, weight loss, or weight lifting. She will not give me compliments or acknowledge that I've lost any more weight. She really does not support my weight lifting, which bothers me more than the rest.0 -
PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »I'm not very overweight (just a 10-15lbs goal, of which I'm down nearly 9), and made the mistake of explaining why I didn't partake of the offfice cupcakes.
You'd think I told them I want to amputate both of my legs. "YOURE SKINNY YOU DONT NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT WHATS WRONG WITH YOU" then of course some commentary about how I'm making them feel bad for being overweight. I was cornered by three coworkers! It was nuts! I might understand if I'm underweight and it were coming from a place of concern, but I'm not. My goal weight is still on the higher end of the bmi for my height/age.
I too find that it is the worst sin imaginable to turn down office cake. Why can't other people deal with our disinterest in cake!?
I know, why is it cake of all things?? I was totally cake-bullied about a month ago. They shamed the hell out of me for saying no, it was like those old after school specials about drugs with the peer pressure. Insane!
Culturally speaking, "No cake for me, thank you" = "Have a *kitten* birthday, and go drive off a cliff while you're at it." At least that's what it feels like, the way people react.
lol
You might enjoy this, I love this guy.
Absolutely love Jim Gaffigan! He does a bit on French Fries that has me rolling on the floor!0 -
arditarose wrote: »I walked into a room of friends I had not seen in awhile last week and someone said "It looks like you have an eating disorder". My boss has told me she can count my teeth through my teeth. Guys, I'm 5'4" and between 130-133 lbs.
My mom will not engage in any conversation about food, weight loss, or weight lifting. She will not give me compliments or acknowledge that I've lost any more weight. She really does not support my weight lifting, which bothers me more than the rest.
Crazy! I think the friends and boss comments must be taken as backhanded compliments. Clearly, you look pretty darn perfect. How can they possibly think otherwise?!!
I wonder if your Mom has the age old worry about women becoming too buff and looking like "a man." These are deep-seated fears for some generations. I'm sure my mom has them, too.
Anyway, I hope your mom comes around because she should be proud of you!
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arditarose wrote: »I walked into a room of friends I had not seen in awhile last week and someone said "It looks like you have an eating disorder". My boss has told me she can count my teeth through my teeth. Guys, I'm 5'4" and between 130-133 lbs.
My mom will not engage in any conversation about food, weight loss, or weight lifting. She will not give me compliments or acknowledge that I've lost any more weight. She really does not support my weight lifting, which bothers me more than the rest.
Crazy! I think the friends and boss comments must be taken as backhanded compliments. Clearly, you look pretty darn perfect. How can they possibly think otherwise?!!
I wonder if your Mom has the age old worry about women becoming too buff and looking like "a man." These are deep-seated fears for some generations. I'm sure my mom has them, too.
Anyway, I hope your mom comes around because she should be proud of you!
I think the friend is just an *kitten* and my boss is clueless, and I probably looked tired because of you know...WORK.
My mom on the other hand struggles with her weight, so I think it's a touchy subject.
Oh, and thank you for your kind words 0 -
This thread is making me extremely thankful that I have amazing friends and family. Apart from one or two snarky comments, things are going well for me. If it helps, I teach a University workshop sometimes on communication, and one really handy method of giving feedback is to 'sandwich' bad feedback with good. So, if these friends or family are worth keeping close you could start a conversation by saying something like: "Hey, I really appreciate you making the time for me. I know you're a bit busy. I did notice that recently you seem distant, and I was hoping we can chat about it. You've been a great friend for so long and I miss you!"
I think it's just the mirror effect. Seeing you happier, fitter, better looking is forcing her to look at herself in the mirror and she doesn't like what she sees. If you've done some things to speak with her, and to try and empower her to feel better about herself, and she is still acting that way well there is not much you can do. Sometimes we have to let go of the negative forces in our lives. I hope you can salvage the friendship. 0 -
It's sad she can't be supportive. I hope she comes around.adriana1507 wrote: »I have the same problem, with my family. my mom especially uses every chance to make me feel bad about trying to get a little bit healthier and fitter, she sometimes looks at me and seems so disgusted. it makes me so sad. =(
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