Anyone else experience negativity due to weight loss?
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Most people have been supportive and compliment me on a job well done. However one friend keeps saying how I don't need to lose weight, how my curves give me definition, and how sad it will be to lose them. I know he is projecting because he weighs less than he should and has lamented that he cannot gain (he eats too little because he can only afford one or two meals a day and swears by take-away and microwave meals). So this time around I have simply not told him about my goal. I have also not put it on Facebook where people helpfully try and say they like me as I am. I've only told one friend who is also watching what he eats (diabetes type 1) and we support each other. It'll just be a surprise to the rest.0
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Years ago I lost a whole circle of friends simply because I changed myself. It wasn't weight at that time it was more personal development sort of thing. I simply stopped being everyone's savior and started valuing myself and my own needs. I gained a lot of self confidence and started really working on just being a better person without being the tool that I had been for all of my "friends". I was literally told that they didn't like the new me and that had better reconsider.
Well 7 years later I have a whole new set of friends, a better job and a better life. Now I am read to tackle the weight. I don't think my current friends will ever have issues with my weight loss since all of them are pretty health conscious themselves. They are my support and encouragement. This is what real friends do.
As you grow and change throughout your life be it weight loss, work life, hobbies or whatever you are likely to loose friends who simply no longer fit in your life and gain new ones who do. This is a natural process. Try to keep in mind that just because you changed does not mean that those old friends are bad people. They might feel threatened by your change because it means that they have to either change along with you or loose you. This scares people. It makes them angry and bitter and aggressive.
When they say nasty things, It isn't about you. It is about them. You are not responsible for making them feel better or fixing their problem. Just accept and move on.
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PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »I'm not very overweight (just a 10-15lbs goal, of which I'm down nearly 9), and made the mistake of explaining why I didn't partake of the offfice cupcakes.
You'd think I told them I want to amputate both of my legs. "YOURE SKINNY YOU DONT NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT WHATS WRONG WITH YOU" then of course some commentary about how I'm making them feel bad for being overweight. I was cornered by three coworkers! It was nuts! I might understand if I'm underweight and it were coming from a place of concern, but I'm not. My goal weight is still on the higher end of the bmi for my height/age.
I too find that it is the worst sin imaginable to turn down office cake. Why can't other people deal with our disinterest in cake!?
I know, why is it cake of all things?? I was totally cake-bullied about a month ago. They shamed the hell out of me for saying no, it was like those old after school specials about drugs with the peer pressure. Insane!0 -
PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »I'm not very overweight (just a 10-15lbs goal, of which I'm down nearly 9), and made the mistake of explaining why I didn't partake of the offfice cupcakes.
You'd think I told them I want to amputate both of my legs. "YOURE SKINNY YOU DONT NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT WHATS WRONG WITH YOU" then of course some commentary about how I'm making them feel bad for being overweight. I was cornered by three coworkers! It was nuts! I might understand if I'm underweight and it were coming from a place of concern, but I'm not. My goal weight is still on the higher end of the bmi for my height/age.
I too find that it is the worst sin imaginable to turn down office cake. Why can't other people deal with our disinterest in cake!?
I know, why is it cake of all things?? I was totally cake-bullied about a month ago. They shamed the hell out of me for saying no, it was like those old after school specials about drugs with the peer pressure. Insane!
Culturally speaking, "No cake for me, thank you" = "Have a *kitten* birthday, and go drive off a cliff while you're at it." At least that's what it feels like, the way people react.
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I usually answer "Thanks for noticing - I feel great!" no matter how snide the comment.0
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PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »I'm not very overweight (just a 10-15lbs goal, of which I'm down nearly 9), and made the mistake of explaining why I didn't partake of the offfice cupcakes.
You'd think I told them I want to amputate both of my legs. "YOURE SKINNY YOU DONT NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT WHATS WRONG WITH YOU" then of course some commentary about how I'm making them feel bad for being overweight. I was cornered by three coworkers! It was nuts! I might understand if I'm underweight and it were coming from a place of concern, but I'm not. My goal weight is still on the higher end of the bmi for my height/age.
I too find that it is the worst sin imaginable to turn down office cake. Why can't other people deal with our disinterest in cake!?
I know, why is it cake of all things?? I was totally cake-bullied about a month ago. They shamed the hell out of me for saying no, it was like those old after school specials about drugs with the peer pressure. Insane!
Culturally speaking, "No cake for me, thank you" = "Have a *kitten* birthday, and go drive off a cliff while you're at it." At least that's what it feels like, the way people react.
lol
You might enjoy this, I love this guy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-o-u4IwXkbE
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kygirl8282 wrote: »When you first lost a significant amount of weight, and it became apparent to friends/family that you were committed to this life change, did some of those people treat you differently?
There are some people in my life who seem to have gone from supportive to ... I don't know ... bitter may be a bit too harsh of a word. It's mostly passive aggressive, like little derogatory remarks. Offensive jokes. They almost seem to think that the words "skinny b****" are a compliment. A few laugh about what I eat and throw around words like obsessed.
I could understand if I were rude about it, but honestly I'm never the one to bring up this change in my lifestyle. I spent over a year losing a fairly significant amount of weight so I understand how it could be a bit jarring, but still this bothers me from time to time. Does anyone else encounter this, and how do you deal with it without being snarky back and maintaining the relationship?
You will find there are negative, jealous people that want to see you fail, because they feel like failures. They want company. Stay away from them, find positive people. I worked with some negative people and over the years I seen the negative turn the positive people into negative. Unless you are aware of what’s going on, and stay focused on your goals, they will try to turn you negative. Stay strong, find positive, supportive friends.
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Well said and thorough replies. You guys even gave me some laughs as well. Many thanks!
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So I just thought I'd share another type of negativity. My cousin has purposely lost weight following a paleo diet and exercising pretty intensely for the first time in her life. She used to be chubby and now she has cheekbones and looks great overall,if maybe a tad gaunt. Well, every time my mother sees a new picture of her on Facebook she immediately starts worrying that she has some terminal disease. Why isn't the family telling me what's wrong with Susana?!! I tell her I know for a fact she's been watching what she eats, but my mom just won't buy it. I think others have said above, but I agree that because some people can't imagine making the types of changes some of us are making to change our whole lives, you can't believe this type of change is really possible and healthy!0
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A coworker I talked to often at work kept bugging me about my eating choices, when I started to bring in healthier lunches. When he found out I was dieting, he kept trying to lull me into eating foods worse for me, taunt me with delicious ribs [he knows I have a killer recipe], etc. He quit in this recent month, but I hate to see how he'd have reacted to my going vegetarian for my diet [looooove meat]. Hurt a lil - he is extremely fit n' attractive.0
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I walked into a room of friends I had not seen in awhile last week and someone said "It looks like you have an eating disorder". My boss has told me she can count my teeth through my teeth. Guys, I'm 5'4" and between 130-133 lbs.
My mom will not engage in any conversation about food, weight loss, or weight lifting. She will not give me compliments or acknowledge that I've lost any more weight. She really does not support my weight lifting, which bothers me more than the rest.0 -
PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »I'm not very overweight (just a 10-15lbs goal, of which I'm down nearly 9), and made the mistake of explaining why I didn't partake of the offfice cupcakes.
You'd think I told them I want to amputate both of my legs. "YOURE SKINNY YOU DONT NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT WHATS WRONG WITH YOU" then of course some commentary about how I'm making them feel bad for being overweight. I was cornered by three coworkers! It was nuts! I might understand if I'm underweight and it were coming from a place of concern, but I'm not. My goal weight is still on the higher end of the bmi for my height/age.
I too find that it is the worst sin imaginable to turn down office cake. Why can't other people deal with our disinterest in cake!?
I know, why is it cake of all things?? I was totally cake-bullied about a month ago. They shamed the hell out of me for saying no, it was like those old after school specials about drugs with the peer pressure. Insane!
Culturally speaking, "No cake for me, thank you" = "Have a *kitten* birthday, and go drive off a cliff while you're at it." At least that's what it feels like, the way people react.
lol
You might enjoy this, I love this guy.
Absolutely love Jim Gaffigan! He does a bit on French Fries that has me rolling on the floor!0 -
arditarose wrote: »I walked into a room of friends I had not seen in awhile last week and someone said "It looks like you have an eating disorder". My boss has told me she can count my teeth through my teeth. Guys, I'm 5'4" and between 130-133 lbs.
My mom will not engage in any conversation about food, weight loss, or weight lifting. She will not give me compliments or acknowledge that I've lost any more weight. She really does not support my weight lifting, which bothers me more than the rest.
Crazy! I think the friends and boss comments must be taken as backhanded compliments. Clearly, you look pretty darn perfect. How can they possibly think otherwise?!!
I wonder if your Mom has the age old worry about women becoming too buff and looking like "a man." These are deep-seated fears for some generations. I'm sure my mom has them, too.
Anyway, I hope your mom comes around because she should be proud of you!
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arditarose wrote: »I walked into a room of friends I had not seen in awhile last week and someone said "It looks like you have an eating disorder". My boss has told me she can count my teeth through my teeth. Guys, I'm 5'4" and between 130-133 lbs.
My mom will not engage in any conversation about food, weight loss, or weight lifting. She will not give me compliments or acknowledge that I've lost any more weight. She really does not support my weight lifting, which bothers me more than the rest.
Crazy! I think the friends and boss comments must be taken as backhanded compliments. Clearly, you look pretty darn perfect. How can they possibly think otherwise?!!
I wonder if your Mom has the age old worry about women becoming too buff and looking like "a man." These are deep-seated fears for some generations. I'm sure my mom has them, too.
Anyway, I hope your mom comes around because she should be proud of you!
I think the friend is just an *kitten* and my boss is clueless, and I probably looked tired because of you know...WORK.
My mom on the other hand struggles with her weight, so I think it's a touchy subject.
Oh, and thank you for your kind words 0 -
This thread is making me extremely thankful that I have amazing friends and family. Apart from one or two snarky comments, things are going well for me. If it helps, I teach a University workshop sometimes on communication, and one really handy method of giving feedback is to 'sandwich' bad feedback with good. So, if these friends or family are worth keeping close you could start a conversation by saying something like: "Hey, I really appreciate you making the time for me. I know you're a bit busy. I did notice that recently you seem distant, and I was hoping we can chat about it. You've been a great friend for so long and I miss you!"
I think it's just the mirror effect. Seeing you happier, fitter, better looking is forcing her to look at herself in the mirror and she doesn't like what she sees. If you've done some things to speak with her, and to try and empower her to feel better about herself, and she is still acting that way well there is not much you can do. Sometimes we have to let go of the negative forces in our lives. I hope you can salvage the friendship. 0 -
It's sad she can't be supportive. I hope she comes around.adriana1507 wrote: »I have the same problem, with my family. my mom especially uses every chance to make me feel bad about trying to get a little bit healthier and fitter, she sometimes looks at me and seems so disgusted. it makes me so sad. =(
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