Pervy Trainer
rasheedahj
Posts: 12 Member
Im pretty sure my trainer is a perv. He insist that we do 3 sets of squats but he stands behind me staring. Either he doesnt realize or he doesnt care that i can see him in the mirror. At the end of our sessions he pats me on the butt. Knowing that my butt is big i wear sweatpants or a long shirt but it doesnt make a difference. Am i the only woman who gets perved on in the gym?
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Where would you prefer he stand? And where would you prefer he look. It's a lower body exercise so his eye level will be low. Unless he's 12 years old I can't imagine him getting much pervy benefit from patting a girl's butt but it still crosses well past the line of being inappropriate. So that's gotta stop.
So......is your mouth broken? Tell him that you'd rather he not touch your booty. And if you don't want confrontation (tho this hardly rises to that level, IMO) then my next question would be is your purse broken? Because I'd simply close it and take my business elsewhere.0 -
Ive asked him not to do it because its disrespectful to my husband. He laughed it off and stopped but started doing it again a week later. Part of me wont bring it up again because he's a awesome trainer and i dont want to cause a problem. Too, thats the only gym with a daycare center. Trying to find a way that wont end with me leaving the gym or him possibly losing his job.Where would you prefer he stand? And where would you prefer he look. It's a lower body exercise so his eye level will be low. Unless he's 12 years old I can't imagine him getting much pervy benefit from patting a girl's butt but it still crosses well past the line of being inappropriate. So that's gotta stop.
So......is your mouth broken? Tell him that you'd rather he not touch your booty. And if you don't want confrontation (tho this hardly rises to that level, IMO) then my next question would be is your purse broken? Because I'd simply close it and take my business elsewhere.
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As I'm the most experienced out of everyone I train with I tend to sit and stare at them while working out and while they are squatting it does look like I'm staring at their bums when I'm watching their form. He's more likely trying to make sure your form is alright so you don't injure yourself.
As for the *kitten* slapping, I'd probably mention it to him again. He will train a lot of people a week and probably forgot. Insinuating that he is a pervert is unfair and judgemental, he may just be friendly.0 -
rasheedahj wrote: »
Ive asked him not to do it because its disrespectful to my husband. He laughed it off and stopped but started doing it again a week later. Part of me wont bring it up again because he's a awesome trainer and i dont want to cause a problem. Too, thats the only gym with a daycare center. Trying to find a way that wont end with me leaving the gym or him possibly losing his job.Where would you prefer he stand? And where would you prefer he look. It's a lower body exercise so his eye level will be low. Unless he's 12 years old I can't imagine him getting much pervy benefit from patting a girl's butt but it still crosses well past the line of being inappropriate. So that's gotta stop.
So......is your mouth broken? Tell him that you'd rather he not touch your booty. And if you don't want confrontation (tho this hardly rises to that level, IMO) then my next question would be is your purse broken? Because I'd simply close it and take my business elsewhere.
Perhaps it's just me, but my definition of an awesome trainer doesn't include someone that keeps doing something I've specifically asked him/her not to do. Especially when it's something that they should never have been doing in the first place.
He does it again, tell his manager to ask him to stop. If he gets fired, of well, so swell, not your fault or your problem. He gotta learn or he gotta go. That's on him.0 -
As I'm the most experienced out of everyone I train with I tend to sit and stare at them while working out and while they are squatting it does look like I'm staring at their bums when I'm watching their form. He's more likely trying to make sure your form is alright so you don't injure yourself.
As for the *kitten* slapping, I'd probably mention it to him again. He will train a lot of people a week and probably forgot. Insinuating that he is a pervert is unfair and judgemental, he may just be friendly.
Perhaps it's also just me, but my definition of friendly doesn't include the unwanted touching of other people's private parts. But hey, maybe I'm just a prude. Do we think he's touching the buttocks of his male clients too? And that if they told him to stop he'd continue to play grab *kitten* with them?0 -
For the looking that's his job. He needs to be watching you. The slap is wrong. Speak up or it will start to effect your workout. Your focus needs to be on what your doing and not whether is he going to touch you.
Also, don't always think the worse. Some people are just that way and need reminding that we are not. I only enjoy hugging my DH. I hate when friends or people I know have to hug to say hello.0 -
These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all. Your relationship should be strictly professional. Whether or not he's a pervert doesn't really matter. He is being inappropriate and unprofessional-and it's making you uncomfortable.
If you think it's innocent than tell him again not to do it, but why use your husband as an excuse? Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If you really think he's a pervert than you should probably tell his boss. If he's harassing you he's harassing other women as well.0 -
These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all. Your relationship should be strictly professional. Whether or not he's a pervert doesn't really matter. He is being inappropriate and unprofessional-and it's making you uncomfortable.
If you think it's innocent than tell him again not to do it, but why use your husband as an excuse? Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If you really think he's a pervert than you should probably tell his boss. If he's harassing you he's harassing other women as well.
I'm confused. How are the other responses ridiculous? They all say basically the same thing you are.0 -
I'm not sticking up for him at all, but as far as the squatting goes, he might just be checking your form. Mine stand behindme the entire time and yes is looking directly at my rear. But I think it's just him watching me to make sure I'm doing okay.
But the butt patting is not appropriate at all. I wouldn't like that either. Your going to have to speak up and let him know your uncomfortable with any touching of your butt. That won't be easy to talk about, but it must be done. He may just be a touchy type of person ( my sister does odd stuff like that to ppl all the time because she thinks she's being funny. She'll goose people's butts while giving a hug and often pat people's butts while they walk by. She's not a perv, but I'm sure it gets taken that way because of her behavior.she just thinks she's being humorous) but if your uncomfortable, then he needs to stop. Obviously you where uncomfortable enough to create this thread so I think you should try to mention it again to him. If he's anything like my sister, and not trying to be a weirdo , then he'll stop. If he's just truly a perv, then he won't. But it's worth having the conversation for sure.0 -
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my coach stands behind me and watches me squat too...I assume he's just watching my form and readying himself to step in for a spot if necessary...sometimes when I'm doing a really heavy squat, he literally is on my *kitten*. He's never spanked me though...we'd have issues there.0
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Form check not uncommon, but unsolicited touching after you have told him to back off isn't. Tell him firmly that it is not acceptable (doesn't matter how awesome a trainer he is) he needs to be put in his place. Report him if it continues. Yes I read you don't want to create trouble but imagine it was your daughter (if you have/had one) in the same position would you tell her to accept it because of how good of a trainer he is? I think not.0
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I would think that the trainer is watching you so closely during squats because they are one of the most incorrectly preformed exercises. As far as the butt smack goes, it is unprofessional but it (can be) an athletic male habit.. My dad played softball with his job and it was common to see them come back into the dug-out and get smacked on the butt as they walked by. They aren't being perverted, it's just their way of saying "good job" Just remember that the trainer works for you. I would ask him again to stop and if he continues to do it, ask for a new trainer.
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tesha_chandler wrote: »I would think that the trainer is watching you so closely during squats because they are one of the most incorrectly preformed exercises. As far as the butt smack goes, it is unprofessional but it (can be) an athletic male habit.. My dad played softball with his job and it was common to see them come back into the dug-out and get smacked on the butt as they walked by. They aren't being perverted, it's just their way of saying "good job" Just remember that the trainer works for you. I would ask him again to stop and if he continues to do it, ask for a new trainer.
so much this...
It's common in male sports to see that all the time...but if you have asked him not to remind him again firmly with the comment and this is the last time I am mentioning it...next time...your fired.
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As for the *kitten* slapping, I'd probably mention it to him again. He will train a lot of people a week and probably forgot. Insinuating that he is a pervert is unfair and judgemental, he may just be friendly.
Also, don't always think the worse. Some people are just that way and need reminding that we are not. I only enjoy hugging my DH. I hate when friends or people I know have to hug to say hello.
These specifically. "You're being judgemental....don't jump to conclusions" he's touching her a**, these responses immediately got my hackles up. It's simply not ok for someone to touch you-especially if you asked them not to.0 -
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Squatting he needs to look. Touching if requested not to do so and especially as it makes you feel uncomfy is a no. You dont need to use husband as an excuse its simply not on. He doesnt follow then get rid.0
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Yeah, it's way out of line. If you are actually comfortable working with him (??), have an explicit conversation, just about this, before he reaches out to pat your bum again. Separate from the training session so he can't laugh it off as easily. Or just before - something like, "Hey Grabby, before we start today, I want to talk to you seriously about this habit of yours of touching my butt. Sorry to tell you, but it's really not funny, and it's not welcome. In fact, it makes me extremely uncomfortable and it makes me not want to trust you, even though I respect your knowledge. Enough that if it happens again, I'm not going to be able to train with you anymore. So I need you to stop touching me like that."0
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Looking? Form check.
Touching? Your body, your rules.
Don't give excuses about your husband. It's your body, own your boundaries. Give him one more warning, then report him to the manager. It's not up to you to worry about his job.0 -
I think this is crappy, because you're worried about rocking the boat, and HE is the one who is out of line. That sucks. Him repeatedly smacking your butt (when you've asked him not to) is sexual harassment, plain and simple. This is not a friendly dude, he's completely dismissing your request and behaving in a wholly inappropriate fashion. He's behaving like a predator, and if he doesn't want to be perceived as one, then he ought to keep his hands to himself, and not ignore someone who has requested that he stop touching them.
He doesn't NEED to touch you to motivate/encourage you, or to give you praise. Just because this is a physical environment, does not mean that he is permitted to bend the rules according to his choosing. Tell him to keep his hands to himself or you'll pursue charges for sexual harassment. I don't care how good this guy is, he clearly thinks his reputation exempts him from common decency and respect.0 -
rasheedahj wrote: »Im pretty sure my trainer is a perv. He insist that we do 3 sets of squats but he stands behind me staring. Either he doesnt realize or he doesnt care that i can see him in the mirror. At the end of our sessions he pats me on the butt. Knowing that my butt is big i wear sweatpants or a long shirt but it doesnt make a difference. Am i the only woman who gets perved on in the gym?
If you are not comfrotable being looked at, then you should not be working with a trainer, and definitely should not be squatting in public. It is his job to look at you so he can correct things, and it is also normal, as you will find out, for other people to look too. If you are squatting, someone will look at your butt, and the same will happen wth other body parts depending on exercise. It happens, even when people are not interested in you in any way.
As for touching, if you are not comfortable and this is his style, you are not a good match. He probably cannot even remember you told him not to do it, it does not sound sexual at all, but if it is bothering you, just get rid of him. Or if you want to give this one more try, have a talk with him about you not liking people touching you and explaining he should not do this again. Leave sexuality and your husband out of it.
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As for the *kitten* slapping, I'd probably mention it to him again. He will train a lot of people a week and probably forgot. Insinuating that he is a pervert is unfair and judgemental, he may just be friendly.
Also, don't always think the worse. Some people are just that way and need reminding that we are not. I only enjoy hugging my DH. I hate when friends or people I know have to hug to say hello.
These specifically. "You're being judgemental....don't jump to conclusions" he's touching her a**, these responses immediately got my hackles up. It's simply not ok for someone to touch you-especially if you asked them not to.
The being judgemental part was meaning towards him watching her form. By telling her to mention the bum slapping to her trainer again obviously means I think it's inappropriate.0 -
rasheedahj wrote: »Im pretty sure my trainer is a perv. He insist that we do 3 sets of squats but he stands behind me staring. Either he doesnt realize or he doesnt care that i can see him in the mirror. At the end of our sessions he pats me on the butt. Knowing that my butt is big i wear sweatpants or a long shirt but it doesnt make a difference. Am i the only woman who gets perved on in the gym?
If you are not comfrotable being looked at, then you should not be working with a trainer, and definitely should not be squatting in public. It is his job to look at you so he can correct things, and it is also normal, as you will find out, for other people to look too. If you are squatting, someone will look at your butt, and the same will happen wth other body parts depending on exercise. It happens, even when people are not interested in you in any way.
As for touching, if you are not comfortable and this is his style, you are not a good match. He probably cannot even remember you told him not to do it, it does not sound sexual at all, but if it is bothering you, just get rid of him. Or if you want to give this one more try, have a talk with him about you not liking people touching you and explaining he should not do this again. Leave sexuality and your husband out of it.
"Not a match", ok, but the crappy thing is it sounds like OP doesn't have access to many other options for gyms in her area (that have daycare etc). It would be awful if this bro's inability to listen or remember what his clients tell him - in the most generous scenario, that is simply a total lack of professionalism - meant she lost out on opportunities for fitness. Or had to deal with awkwardness if she did continue going to this gym.
He is putting her in a very difficult situation, with his carelessness (at best). No, he needs to learn from this.0 -
It also makes trainers look bad.0
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I'll disagree with the bold. Many times you can explain an exercise, watch a client attempt it, try to verbally correct, and they still don't get it.These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all.
EX: Tricep kickbacks. Many new clients will keep moving their elbows. You try to verbally correct them and they still keep moving the elbow around. At that point I lightly put my hands on their elbow to keep it from moving and tell them to continue the motion so they can feel how the exercise is supposed to be performed.
Now of course I always tell clients or members who get a free session that I may have to touch them on occasion to help with positioning. That I'm not trying to be inappropriate, but ensuring their form or position is correct.
As a professional, unneeded contact (the slap on the butt) is entirely inappropriate behavior. And if he's doing it with one, there are probably others.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I'll disagree with the bold. Many times you can explain an exercise, watch a client attempt it, try to verbally correct, and they still don't get it.These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all.
EX: Tricep kickbacks. Many new clients will keep moving their elbows. You try to verbally correct them and they still keep moving the elbow around. At that point I lightly put my hands on their elbow to keep it from moving and tell them to continue the motion so they can feel how the exercise is supposed to be performed.
Now of course I always tell clients or members who get a free session that I may have to touch them on occasion to help with positioning. That I'm not trying to be inappropriate, but ensuring their form or position is correct.
As a professional, unneeded contact (the slap on the butt) is entirely inappropriate behavior. And if he's doing it with one, there are probably others.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's polite to ask permission first. I get what you're saying, but it's never okay to touch someone without asking them if it's okay before you do.0 -
Oh trust I reiterate to them that I'm going to touch them if I have to physically position their arm, leg, pull their shoulders back, etc.Reevoslady wrote: »
I'll disagree with the bold. Many times you can explain an exercise, watch a client attempt it, try to verbally correct, and they still don't get it.These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all.
EX: Tricep kickbacks. Many new clients will keep moving their elbows. You try to verbally correct them and they still keep moving the elbow around. At that point I lightly put my hands on their elbow to keep it from moving and tell them to continue the motion so they can feel how the exercise is supposed to be performed.
Now of course I always tell clients or members who get a free session that I may have to touch them on occasion to help with positioning. That I'm not trying to be inappropriate, but ensuring their form or position is correct.
As a professional, unneeded contact (the slap on the butt) is entirely inappropriate behavior. And if he's doing it with one, there are probably others.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's polite to ask permission first. I get what you're saying, but it's never okay to touch someone without asking them if it's okay before you do.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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