Pervy Trainer
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Yeah, it's way out of line. If you are actually comfortable working with him (??), have an explicit conversation, just about this, before he reaches out to pat your bum again. Separate from the training session so he can't laugh it off as easily. Or just before - something like, "Hey Grabby, before we start today, I want to talk to you seriously about this habit of yours of touching my butt. Sorry to tell you, but it's really not funny, and it's not welcome. In fact, it makes me extremely uncomfortable and it makes me not want to trust you, even though I respect your knowledge. Enough that if it happens again, I'm not going to be able to train with you anymore. So I need you to stop touching me like that."0
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Looking? Form check.
Touching? Your body, your rules.
Don't give excuses about your husband. It's your body, own your boundaries. Give him one more warning, then report him to the manager. It's not up to you to worry about his job.0 -
I think this is crappy, because you're worried about rocking the boat, and HE is the one who is out of line. That sucks. Him repeatedly smacking your butt (when you've asked him not to) is sexual harassment, plain and simple. This is not a friendly dude, he's completely dismissing your request and behaving in a wholly inappropriate fashion. He's behaving like a predator, and if he doesn't want to be perceived as one, then he ought to keep his hands to himself, and not ignore someone who has requested that he stop touching them.
He doesn't NEED to touch you to motivate/encourage you, or to give you praise. Just because this is a physical environment, does not mean that he is permitted to bend the rules according to his choosing. Tell him to keep his hands to himself or you'll pursue charges for sexual harassment. I don't care how good this guy is, he clearly thinks his reputation exempts him from common decency and respect.0 -
rasheedahj wrote: »Im pretty sure my trainer is a perv. He insist that we do 3 sets of squats but he stands behind me staring. Either he doesnt realize or he doesnt care that i can see him in the mirror. At the end of our sessions he pats me on the butt. Knowing that my butt is big i wear sweatpants or a long shirt but it doesnt make a difference. Am i the only woman who gets perved on in the gym?
If you are not comfrotable being looked at, then you should not be working with a trainer, and definitely should not be squatting in public. It is his job to look at you so he can correct things, and it is also normal, as you will find out, for other people to look too. If you are squatting, someone will look at your butt, and the same will happen wth other body parts depending on exercise. It happens, even when people are not interested in you in any way.
As for touching, if you are not comfortable and this is his style, you are not a good match. He probably cannot even remember you told him not to do it, it does not sound sexual at all, but if it is bothering you, just get rid of him. Or if you want to give this one more try, have a talk with him about you not liking people touching you and explaining he should not do this again. Leave sexuality and your husband out of it.
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As for the *kitten* slapping, I'd probably mention it to him again. He will train a lot of people a week and probably forgot. Insinuating that he is a pervert is unfair and judgemental, he may just be friendly.
Also, don't always think the worse. Some people are just that way and need reminding that we are not. I only enjoy hugging my DH. I hate when friends or people I know have to hug to say hello.
These specifically. "You're being judgemental....don't jump to conclusions" he's touching her a**, these responses immediately got my hackles up. It's simply not ok for someone to touch you-especially if you asked them not to.
The being judgemental part was meaning towards him watching her form. By telling her to mention the bum slapping to her trainer again obviously means I think it's inappropriate.0 -
rasheedahj wrote: »Im pretty sure my trainer is a perv. He insist that we do 3 sets of squats but he stands behind me staring. Either he doesnt realize or he doesnt care that i can see him in the mirror. At the end of our sessions he pats me on the butt. Knowing that my butt is big i wear sweatpants or a long shirt but it doesnt make a difference. Am i the only woman who gets perved on in the gym?
If you are not comfrotable being looked at, then you should not be working with a trainer, and definitely should not be squatting in public. It is his job to look at you so he can correct things, and it is also normal, as you will find out, for other people to look too. If you are squatting, someone will look at your butt, and the same will happen wth other body parts depending on exercise. It happens, even when people are not interested in you in any way.
As for touching, if you are not comfortable and this is his style, you are not a good match. He probably cannot even remember you told him not to do it, it does not sound sexual at all, but if it is bothering you, just get rid of him. Or if you want to give this one more try, have a talk with him about you not liking people touching you and explaining he should not do this again. Leave sexuality and your husband out of it.
"Not a match", ok, but the crappy thing is it sounds like OP doesn't have access to many other options for gyms in her area (that have daycare etc). It would be awful if this bro's inability to listen or remember what his clients tell him - in the most generous scenario, that is simply a total lack of professionalism - meant she lost out on opportunities for fitness. Or had to deal with awkwardness if she did continue going to this gym.
He is putting her in a very difficult situation, with his carelessness (at best). No, he needs to learn from this.0 -
It also makes trainers look bad.0
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I'll disagree with the bold. Many times you can explain an exercise, watch a client attempt it, try to verbally correct, and they still don't get it.These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all.
EX: Tricep kickbacks. Many new clients will keep moving their elbows. You try to verbally correct them and they still keep moving the elbow around. At that point I lightly put my hands on their elbow to keep it from moving and tell them to continue the motion so they can feel how the exercise is supposed to be performed.
Now of course I always tell clients or members who get a free session that I may have to touch them on occasion to help with positioning. That I'm not trying to be inappropriate, but ensuring their form or position is correct.
As a professional, unneeded contact (the slap on the butt) is entirely inappropriate behavior. And if he's doing it with one, there are probably others.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I'll disagree with the bold. Many times you can explain an exercise, watch a client attempt it, try to verbally correct, and they still don't get it.These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all.
EX: Tricep kickbacks. Many new clients will keep moving their elbows. You try to verbally correct them and they still keep moving the elbow around. At that point I lightly put my hands on their elbow to keep it from moving and tell them to continue the motion so they can feel how the exercise is supposed to be performed.
Now of course I always tell clients or members who get a free session that I may have to touch them on occasion to help with positioning. That I'm not trying to be inappropriate, but ensuring their form or position is correct.
As a professional, unneeded contact (the slap on the butt) is entirely inappropriate behavior. And if he's doing it with one, there are probably others.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's polite to ask permission first. I get what you're saying, but it's never okay to touch someone without asking them if it's okay before you do.0 -
Oh trust I reiterate to them that I'm going to touch them if I have to physically position their arm, leg, pull their shoulders back, etc.Reevoslady wrote: »
I'll disagree with the bold. Many times you can explain an exercise, watch a client attempt it, try to verbally correct, and they still don't get it.These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all.
EX: Tricep kickbacks. Many new clients will keep moving their elbows. You try to verbally correct them and they still keep moving the elbow around. At that point I lightly put my hands on their elbow to keep it from moving and tell them to continue the motion so they can feel how the exercise is supposed to be performed.
Now of course I always tell clients or members who get a free session that I may have to touch them on occasion to help with positioning. That I'm not trying to be inappropriate, but ensuring their form or position is correct.
As a professional, unneeded contact (the slap on the butt) is entirely inappropriate behavior. And if he's doing it with one, there are probably others.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's polite to ask permission first. I get what you're saying, but it's never okay to touch someone without asking them if it's okay before you do.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I'll disagree with the bold. Many times you can explain an exercise, watch a client attempt it, try to verbally correct, and they still don't get it.These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all.
EX: Tricep kickbacks. Many new clients will keep moving their elbows. You try to verbally correct them and they still keep moving the elbow around. At that point I lightly put my hands on their elbow to keep it from moving and tell them to continue the motion so they can feel how the exercise is supposed to be performed.
Now of course I always tell clients or members who get a free session that I may have to touch them on occasion to help with positioning. That I'm not trying to be inappropriate, but ensuring their form or position is correct.
As a professional, unneeded contact (the slap on the butt) is entirely inappropriate behavior. And if he's doing it with one, there are probably others.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Yes, agree completely. I should have been specific, I meant any touching outside of what's necessary/appropriate for training. Ive had many sessions that involve some level of touching and/or close contact-especially with someone new. Makes it even more important to remain professional at all times.0 -
Nah. It makes that trainer one to be aware of. It's no different than a spin instructor who yells crazily while spinning hard or a BodyPump instructor "whoop, whoops" throughout the workout. Like any other career job, people have their own personalities.It also makes trainers look bad.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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tesha_chandler wrote: »I would think that the trainer is watching you so closely during squats because they are one of the most incorrectly preformed exercises. As far as the butt smack goes, it is unprofessional but it (can be) an athletic male habit.. My dad played softball with his job and it was common to see them come back into the dug-out and get smacked on the butt as they walked by. They aren't being perverted, it's just their way of saying "good job" Just remember that the trainer works for you. I would ask him again to stop and if he continues to do it, ask for a new trainer.
so much this...
It's common in male sports to see that all the time...but if you have asked him not to remind him again firmly with the comment and this is the last time I am mentioning it...next time...your fired.
it may be common when guys are playing sports and whatnot...it's not acceptable in a professional relationship with a client IMO...he should know better and keep a better head on his shoulders.0 -
These specifically. "You're being judgemental....don't jump to conclusions" he's touching her a**, these responses immediately got my hackles up. It's simply not ok for someone to touch you-especially if you asked them not to.
I think you are taking it the wrong way. We are not saying that he is right. I'm suggesting that he might be just an idiot and not a perv. She needs to tell him again not to touch. However, you do have to realize there are lots of sports that do this. Doesn't make it right but doesn't make them either pervs.0 -
rasheedahj wrote: »At the end of our sessions he pats me on the butt.
A VERY loud "Keep your god-damned hands off my *kitten* you pervert" will prevent future misunderstandings.0 -
CipherZero wrote: »rasheedahj wrote: »At the end of our sessions he pats me on the butt.
A VERY loud "Keep your god-damned hands off my *kitten* you pervert" will prevent future misunderstandings.
And will probably (1) end the relationship with the trainer and (2) make her stand out as the crazy lady in the gym, especially if this is done in a friendly way. Calling someone a pervert is not a joke.0 -
These specifically. "You're being judgemental....don't jump to conclusions" he's touching her a**, these responses immediately got my hackles up. It's simply not ok for someone to touch you-especially if you asked them not to.
I think you are taking it the wrong way. We are not saying that he is right. I'm suggesting that he might be just an idiot and not a perv. She needs to tell him again not to touch. However, you do have to realize there are lots of sports that do this. Doesn't make it right but doesn't make them either pervs.
To me it's not so much about perving as it is about a man just straight up ignoring what a woman tells him and doing what he likes because he wants to. OP isn't a baseball player. She's a client.0 -
Wow, some of the responses here are confusing me completely! I'm not particularly interested in whether or not he is offended by being referred to as a pervert, tbh. He's been told, and he ignored that. Now he IS a pervert.
You don't just forget that it's inappropriate to touch someone's backside without permission. It's not like that's normal behaviour.0 -
These specifically. "You're being judgemental....don't jump to conclusions" he's touching her a**, these responses immediately got my hackles up. It's simply not ok for someone to touch you-especially if you asked them not to.
I think you are taking it the wrong way. We are not saying that he is right. I'm suggesting that he might be just an idiot and not a perv. She needs to tell him again not to touch. However, you do have to realize there are lots of sports that do this. Doesn't make it right but doesn't make them either pervs.
Whether or not he's a perv is irrelevant to the appropriateness of him touching her. There's a difference between a group of male athletes and the current scenario. As an active person that has been very involved in sports-I can tell you I have never encountered a situation where a male trainer or coach touched a female athlete in this manner. How is this ok, even in a sports context?
But that's besides the point because she is a client at a gym and he is a trainer. Even if she was fine with it this would still be inappropriate.0
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