Constantly feel fat and unattractive?

1saturn

becca_maee wrote: »

You look beautiful in your picture if that's you.
I feel like this constantly.

I'm currently 119 lbs, a month ago I was 129. This is all baby weight I have left from having my daughter 6 months ago. Before her I was 105.


When I was younger I weighed about 150... I starved myself and only ate dinner in front of the family, then after I would "take a shower" and throw it up. My lowest point was 91 lbs, I was about to be sent to rehab but my mom helped get me better. I maintained 105lbs for 5 or so years up til I got pregnant. I love my daughter to death but feel like my body is ruined... It makes me want to cry.
Dieting and exersizing has made me start having thoughts again like "don't eat over this many calories a day etc etc" or "500 calories burnt isn't enough today do more" and the worst is fighting the urge to want to make myself purge it all back up...

I try to tell myself it's no rush. That the only person who even sees my body is my boyfriend, and I know he loves and is attracted to me still. And that even if I am bigger, he knows why I'm this way. But still I feel like I'm sort of disappointing him, he got with a thin girl who didn't jiggle at all, was firm and could see bones (not in a creepy way) and now he's left with this.
I'm so impatient I just want to feel pretty again

Thank you.
Don't be too hard on yourself. 119 is light! Plenty of women would kill to be that after a baby.
Becoming overweight during youth really does seem to trigger a lifetime of eating disorders and self-esteem problems. I know I can be like this. If I gain a couple of pounds I will feel like a fat kid all over again.
Your body is not ruined and you have to realize weight gain during pregnancy is totally natural and okay. You are now making efforts to lose the weight which is fine but you must be kind to yourself. You don't deserve to get to that low point again with purging.
I don't think your boyfriend is disappointed at all. Your body has done something amazing and that has causes some changes.
I think you don't need to wait to look pretty again. You already look beautiful and vibrant. Congratulations with your baby girl!

1saturn

MackNorris wrote: »

We are often our own worst critics. I have been lifting weights for 20+years and still have never had the body I desired. In reality most people say I'm lean, but without a six pack showing I know I still have a ways to go. About 6'0" 210lbs and 12% bf so not that far off. Looking to lose 2lbs per week for 8 weeks and see how I look. Part of the problem is everything we're exposed to in the media, Instagram, Facebook, magazines, etc... 95% of the photos are photoshopped. We often build up unrealistic expectations. At some point you just have to be happy with yourself...but I know exactly how hard that is. I think a lot of people do. I find it helps to focus on spiritual and mental health which rolls over in to physical health.

That's totally right. I know the media has effected my self-esteem since childhood. Sadly, they tend to promote something I am not. Sounds like you are doing great! I think sometimes we forget to be grateful for how far we have come rather than thinking about what we have not achieved. I need to rebuild my spiritual health because I think obsessing over your physical self can make you lose yourself to an extent. Forget what is important and what makes you happy.

1saturn

MeganDominique wrote: »

I can relate. I'm 5'4 so the weight is def noticeable when I pack it on. I was always the bigger girl growing up, it bothered me. Flash forward to puberty and I got taller and grew out of it, than in high school I worked jobs on my feet all day 40+ hours a week and had the body I wanted. Three years ago, I went to college and gained it all back, heck I packed on 50ish? Lbs , and on a small frame it's very noticeable. My profile picture is my start and current. I often feel as you do, I'll never be "small enough". The people I aspire to look like are built completely different than me, but I still desire an all but impossible look.
Putting my profile picture ( start vs current) like that really helped me see the difference. I still often feel big, and I'm not where I want to be yet, but I will be. In the meantime side by side comparisons help, maybe it's something you could try !

Yes, it is the petite frame that makes weight gain feel a lot worse. I hate feeling too weak for my body also. If I gain weight I sometimes feel very heavy although I don't look that big - I know my skeleton was probably intending for something lighter haha. It is funny because a lot of people think I have a great body. Being that I am curvy people think I look sexy. That's not really what I want though. So that's the problem. I want to be small and dainty. (grass is always greener). You are doing great! 33lb lost is amazing. Your figure has transformed.

beansandchips

Yes! - but I am! Lots of sensible advice given out already - you look beautiful, hope your brain catches up with the rest of you! xxxx

Beploveshomer

Me too, same problem. I weighed 213 pounds and got down to 172, but now I've gained 6 pounds and feel huger then ever. Huger than I was at 213 pounds.That 6 pounds looks like 30 in the mirror and I feel like a total failure. I think a lot of women suffer from body dysmorphia. It's sad because we work so hard and still don't love our bodies, and sadly I don't think we ever really will(unless there is a way to overcome the dysmorphia). I realize I could lose 50 more pounds and would still feel gross but it is just part of my psyche.