Constantly feel fat and unattractive?
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I can relate to what you're saying. In 5'2'' and even though I lose a considerable amount of weight I still always thought I was fat/chubby/unattractive. A year or so later I put all the weight back on again as I never saw a difference in my appearance whether I was smaller or larger.
I'm not saying the feelings you're experiencing are right, but I just want you to know you're not alone in the way you're feeling.0 -
I am told I look fit and healthy and have an attractive figure. Which is nice, but I always feel a bit fat. As if because I was once overweight I will never really overcome that. I want to be thin. I am bored of being slim/curvy and want to get to a point where I know I am not fat. When I eat a little more than usual I will feel extremely guilty and see it as a big mistake. I don't even find thinness particularly attractive but I think I would feel better about myself if I was skinny. I just feel like once fat always fat. I will always criticize my body and be overly aware of it. I don't have the genes to be tiny anyway... I feel tired of worrying about body image. Anyone feel the same?
How long ago was this, when you were overweight? How long did that time period last? How long have you been at your current weight?
Sometimes it takes a while for the brain to catch up to drastic body changes. Sometimes it's all about perception: do you feel different about yourself when you see yourself in pictures than when you look in the mirror? Sorry, lots of questions, but maybe we can offer more help with a bit more detail.
About two years ago I was heavier. Because I am not very tall I looked worse for the extra weight. I was heavier on and off throughout school and then eventually stayed big throughout college. Then lost the weight. I've been at this weight for about 2 years now give or take a few pounds.
Yes. Sometimes I look quite good in photos and I think that's not my reality. Sometimes I look bad in photos and I presume that is the truth.
Thank you for responding. I can relate because I'm only 5'1". Always was normal size. No food issues. Then my Freshman and Sophomore year I just became less active, ate more, didn't notice at all that I gained about 15 lbs. It was a HUGE difference on my frame. I was able to figure it out and lose it over the next year or so, but all that to say that even though that was a VERY short time period in my life, I remember exactly how miserable I was. Shocked I allowed that to happen, realized how hard it is to change bad habits.
I've been at maintenance and happy with myself for a while, but those short years distorted my view of myself as well. So, do a degree, what you are feeling is normal. Give yourself some time to adjust to where you are now; forget that overweight person. You won't become that person again.
And, at the risk of sounding like a broken record: don't give the number on the scale power over you. Lift weights. Start a program. It will reshape your body. Focus on what your body and muscles can DO instead of the weight of your body as a whole.
Thanks! Sounds very similar to my situation. Maybe I am just thinking about how bad I felt and that is becoming my reality. As if I'm no longer fat but I still carry the emotional burden of being fat. I envy people who have been able to be a consistent healthy weight throughout their lives.
I think being big has made me paranoid. Which can lead me to under eat at times. Or feel guilty when I have a good appetite and enjoy food.
I agree weight is not important. I seem to weigh more than people expect. I guess I carry weight reasonably well. But this can make me feel worse about it. Thinness shouldn't be my aim, overall fitness and happiness should be. I have got thinner but no happier.
Yep, I understand that thinking. Just stick with it and be consistent. Inner, mental health is the key. Work on that and your outside will follow. Don't expect perfection. You will have good days and bad. You may put on some weight and then lose it again.
I see what you mean about the bold, above. But, that doesn't mean that they are happy or that their lives are perfect. A consistent body size does NOT equal a consistently happy mental state. Personally, as much as those 2 short years DID affect me negatively, it also helped shape me and make me who I am. That's a part of MY life just like your overweight period is a part of YOUR story. One of my favorite, daily mottos: Learn from it and let it go.
You are right. I guess I am presuming they are happy because they were lucky in that respect. Which doesn't make sense. Yes, it is time I let go of how I felt and started new.0 -
I can relate to what you're saying. In 5'2'' and even though I lose a considerable amount of weight I still always thought I was fat/chubby/unattractive. A year or so later I put all the weight back on again as I never saw a difference in my appearance whether I was smaller or larger.
I'm not saying the feelings you're experiencing are right, but I just want you to know you're not alone in the way you're feeling.
Yes. Sometimes I think I look the same even after weight loss because of my height and body shape. So I feel similar no matter what weight. Glad you feel the same! Well, not glad but at least it feels more normal now. Sometimes people forget they are not alone.0 -
Honestly, you need to learn how to be happy. Learning how to be happy is independent of how you look. Yes, be healthy but happiness is your outlook on life. It is the joy you put into and get out of it. Happiness can't be found in a mirror or a smaller pair of jeans. Those things can make you feel good at the moment but if you walk away from that moment and aren't happy then obviously they weren't part of the solution. I want to echo what was said before, get professional counseling. Maybe you don't need that much help on that front but learning a new perspective or gaining a different set of coping skills is never a bad thing.0
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Send you a message about how I can relate, but for the record, your shape is absolutely beautiful!0
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You look beautiful in your picture if that's you.
I feel like this constantly.
I'm currently 119 lbs, a month ago I was 129. This is all baby weight I have left from having my daughter 6 months ago. Before her I was 105.
When I was younger I weighed about 150... I starved myself and only ate dinner in front of the family, then after I would "take a shower" and throw it up. My lowest point was 91 lbs, I was about to be sent to rehab but my mom helped get me better. I maintained 105lbs for 5 or so years up til I got pregnant. I love my daughter to death but feel like my body is ruined... It makes me want to cry.
Dieting and exersizing has made me start having thoughts again like "don't eat over this many calories a day etc etc" or "500 calories burnt isn't enough today do more" and the worst is fighting the urge to want to make myself purge it all back up...
I try to tell myself it's no rush. That the only person who even sees my body is my boyfriend, and I know he loves and is attracted to me still. And that even if I am bigger, he knows why I'm this way. But still I feel like I'm sort of disappointing him, he got with a thin girl who didn't jiggle at all, was firm and could see bones (not in a creepy way) and now he's left with this.
I'm so impatient I just want to feel pretty again0 -
We are often our own worst critics. I have been lifting weights for 20+years and still have never had the body I desired. In reality most people say I'm lean, but without a six pack showing I know I still have a ways to go. About 6'0" 210lbs and 12% bf so not that far off. Looking to lose 2lbs per week for 8 weeks and see how I look. Part of the problem is everything we're exposed to in the media, Instagram, Facebook, magazines, etc... 95% of the photos are photoshopped. We often build up unrealistic expectations. At some point you just have to be happy with yourself...but I know exactly how hard that is. I think a lot of people do. I find it helps to focus on spiritual and mental health which rolls over in to physical health.
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I can relate. I'm 5'4 so the weight is def noticeable when I pack it on. I was always the bigger girl growing up, it bothered me. Flash forward to puberty and I got taller and grew out of it, than in high school I worked jobs on my feet all day 40+ hours a week and had the body I wanted. Three years ago, I went to college and gained it all back, heck I packed on 50ish? Lbs , and on a small frame it's very noticeable. My profile picture is my start and current. I often feel as you do, I'll never be "small enough". The people I aspire to look like are built completely different than me, but I still desire an all but impossible look.
Putting my profile picture ( start vs current) like that really helped me see the difference. I still often feel big, and I'm not where I want to be yet, but I will be. In the meantime side by side comparisons help, maybe it's something you could try! 0 -
Send you a message about how I can relate, but for the record, your shape is absolutely beautiful!
Thanks for the message! I guess it's the curvy figure that leads women to believe they are not thin enough... Which is a shame. I think we all are torn between loving our figures and hating them. Gaining muscle sounds like a great idea. You look amazing!0 -
gothicfires wrote: »Honestly, you need to learn how to be happy. Learning how to be happy is independent of how you look. Yes, be healthy but happiness is your outlook on life. It is the joy you put into and get out of it. Happiness can't be found in a mirror or a smaller pair of jeans. Those things can make you feel good at the moment but if you walk away from that moment and aren't happy then obviously they weren't part of the solution. I want to echo what was said before, get professional counseling. Maybe you don't need that much help on that front but learning a new perspective or gaining a different set of coping skills is never a bad thing.
Thank you. This is absolutely true. I guess I am seeking happiness in being smaller rather than accepting I have body issues. People around me do tell me I look fine but I am so self-critical I don't accept that as the truth. I suppose it is an psychological problem.
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becca_maee wrote: »You look beautiful in your picture if that's you.
I feel like this constantly.
I'm currently 119 lbs, a month ago I was 129. This is all baby weight I have left from having my daughter 6 months ago. Before her I was 105.
When I was younger I weighed about 150... I starved myself and only ate dinner in front of the family, then after I would "take a shower" and throw it up. My lowest point was 91 lbs, I was about to be sent to rehab but my mom helped get me better. I maintained 105lbs for 5 or so years up til I got pregnant. I love my daughter to death but feel like my body is ruined... It makes me want to cry.
Dieting and exersizing has made me start having thoughts again like "don't eat over this many calories a day etc etc" or "500 calories burnt isn't enough today do more" and the worst is fighting the urge to want to make myself purge it all back up...
I try to tell myself it's no rush. That the only person who even sees my body is my boyfriend, and I know he loves and is attracted to me still. And that even if I am bigger, he knows why I'm this way. But still I feel like I'm sort of disappointing him, he got with a thin girl who didn't jiggle at all, was firm and could see bones (not in a creepy way) and now he's left with this.
I'm so impatient I just want to feel pretty again
Thank you.
Don't be too hard on yourself. 119 is light! Plenty of women would kill to be that after a baby.
Becoming overweight during youth really does seem to trigger a lifetime of eating disorders and self-esteem problems. I know I can be like this. If I gain a couple of pounds I will feel like a fat kid all over again.
Your body is not ruined and you have to realize weight gain during pregnancy is totally natural and okay. You are now making efforts to lose the weight which is fine but you must be kind to yourself. You don't deserve to get to that low point again with purging.
I don't think your boyfriend is disappointed at all. Your body has done something amazing and that has causes some changes.
I think you don't need to wait to look pretty again. You already look beautiful and vibrant. Congratulations with your baby girl!
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MackNorris wrote: »We are often our own worst critics. I have been lifting weights for 20+years and still have never had the body I desired. In reality most people say I'm lean, but without a six pack showing I know I still have a ways to go. About 6'0" 210lbs and 12% bf so not that far off. Looking to lose 2lbs per week for 8 weeks and see how I look. Part of the problem is everything we're exposed to in the media, Instagram, Facebook, magazines, etc... 95% of the photos are photoshopped. We often build up unrealistic expectations. At some point you just have to be happy with yourself...but I know exactly how hard that is. I think a lot of people do. I find it helps to focus on spiritual and mental health which rolls over in to physical health.
That's totally right. I know the media has effected my self-esteem since childhood. Sadly, they tend to promote something I am not. Sounds like you are doing great! I think sometimes we forget to be grateful for how far we have come rather than thinking about what we have not achieved. I need to rebuild my spiritual health because I think obsessing over your physical self can make you lose yourself to an extent. Forget what is important and what makes you happy.
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MeganDominique wrote: »I can relate. I'm 5'4 so the weight is def noticeable when I pack it on. I was always the bigger girl growing up, it bothered me. Flash forward to puberty and I got taller and grew out of it, than in high school I worked jobs on my feet all day 40+ hours a week and had the body I wanted. Three years ago, I went to college and gained it all back, heck I packed on 50ish? Lbs , and on a small frame it's very noticeable. My profile picture is my start and current. I often feel as you do, I'll never be "small enough". The people I aspire to look like are built completely different than me, but I still desire an all but impossible look.
Putting my profile picture ( start vs current) like that really helped me see the difference. I still often feel big, and I'm not where I want to be yet, but I will be. In the meantime side by side comparisons help, maybe it's something you could try!
Yes, it is the petite frame that makes weight gain feel a lot worse. I hate feeling too weak for my body also. If I gain weight I sometimes feel very heavy although I don't look that big - I know my skeleton was probably intending for something lighter haha. It is funny because a lot of people think I have a great body. Being that I am curvy people think I look sexy. That's not really what I want though. So that's the problem. I want to be small and dainty. (grass is always greener). You are doing great! 33lb lost is amazing. Your figure has transformed. 0 -
Yes! - but I am! Lots of sensible advice given out already - you look beautiful, hope your brain catches up with the rest of you! xxxx0
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Me too, same problem. I weighed 213 pounds and got down to 172, but now I've gained 6 pounds and feel huger then ever. Huger than I was at 213 pounds.That 6 pounds looks like 30 in the mirror and I feel like a total failure. I think a lot of women suffer from body dysmorphia. It's sad because we work so hard and still don't love our bodies, and sadly I don't think we ever really will(unless there is a way to overcome the dysmorphia). I realize I could lose 50 more pounds and would still feel gross but it is just part of my psyche.0
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