Informal Poll: Mean People
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lauraesh0384 wrote: »It wasn't mean, but I think it was said out of insecurity. When I was with my boyfriend at the time and I went from 200 to 180, he told me he'd leave me if I got skinny. He said he didn't like skinny women. Being 5'6" and my goal weight is 150, I don't think I'll be "skinny". I just want to be lean and toned. To this day I'm not sure if he was kidding or not, but who says that to someone that's trying to better themselves? Obviously we're not together anymore. I eventually had enough of his crap.
Wow, what a way for him to be supportive of someone who bettered their health.
Not trying to play armchair psychologist, but one thing I've heard about this kind of situation is the person who is with the losing weight person fell in love with them as who they were-- weight and all. When you lose the weight that person they fell in love with has changed, and it's upsetting.
To which I quote Harry Potter: "Codswallup, in my opinion."0 -
lauraesh0384 wrote: »It wasn't mean, but I think it was said out of insecurity. When I was with my boyfriend at the time and I went from 200 to 180, he told me he'd leave me if I got skinny. He said he didn't like skinny women. Being 5'6" and my goal weight is 150, I don't think I'll be "skinny". I just want to be lean and toned. To this day I'm not sure if he was kidding or not, but who says that to someone that's trying to better themselves? Obviously we're not together anymore. I eventually had enough of his crap.
Someone who either has control issues or a fetish.
Agreed. That can become really sketchy, really quick. Don't ask me how I know......
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Nerdycurls wrote: »lauraesh0384 wrote: »It wasn't mean, but I think it was said out of insecurity. When I was with my boyfriend at the time and I went from 200 to 180, he told me he'd leave me if I got skinny. He said he didn't like skinny women. Being 5'6" and my goal weight is 150, I don't think I'll be "skinny". I just want to be lean and toned. To this day I'm not sure if he was kidding or not, but who says that to someone that's trying to better themselves? Obviously we're not together anymore. I eventually had enough of his crap.
Wow, what a way for him to be supportive of someone who bettered their health.
Not trying to play armchair psychologist, but one thing I've heard about this kind of situation is the person who is with the losing weight person fell in love with them as who they were-- weight and all. When you lose the weight that person they fell in love with has changed, and it's upsetting.
To which I quote Harry Potter: "Codswallup, in my opinion."
I honestly think that he was scared that if I lost more weight, I'd find someone else and leave him. But it's not like his "threat" would had stopped me from wanting to lose more weight. I'd just tell him, "there's the door" lol.
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barbecuesauce wrote: »At what stage of your weight loss did you begin hearing unsolicited mean comments from those around you? Anything from passive-aggressive barbs to "you have an eating disorder." I would love to hear context, too.
>Obese
>Overweight
>High Normal BMI
>Midrange BMI
>Low BMI
>Underweight
Obese/overweight-I think I have always been overweight or obese since a young age. I used to be teased in high school. Some people used to call me penguin but I didn't feel bad about that. But really I don't recall a lot of weight related insults or comments.
Now that I have lost weight my brother said I look like a prisoner of war, I think that's less of an insult and more of a brotherly compliment.
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I feel really lucky. As is the case with some others, I'm not very sensitive and my confidence has never been lacking... but I think the main thing is that I'm so damn proud of myself that any comment made to me is taken as a compliment. I'm doing a great job changing my entire life and if you notice enough to say anything it's just more of a boost to me.
I did have the funniest comment made when I first started at 5'2" and had only lost 5 of my original 219 pounds. A coworker noticed that I changed my eating habits and asked me if I was now trying to maintain my weight. Lol! Yes, sure - I was exactly where I'd dreamed of always being.0 -
I got disconcerted responses at mid-range BMI, I think because it was just a change. Lots of compliments, though, too. Concern-trolling and comments about how drawn my face looked at low BMI, which actually wasn't wrong, I did look a little peaked, to be honest.
I heard a fairly nasty comment about my weight loss effort from someone only recently, after a 15-lb regain, when I was presumably "safe". I was shocked to hear this person - an acquaintance, albeit one I've known a while - suggest my weight loss and fitness work were driven by neurosis and internalized misogyny. Which is hilarious (this person doesn't know me well at all).
Whatever. I remember her looking self-conscious and constantly fidgeting with her shirt whenever she saw me, back then. Not that I wanted her to have that response, I wished she didn't do that. She's more at ease around me now that I'm heavier. Like I give a ****.0 -
When I was 18 and smack in the middle of a healthy BMI range (5'9" 150 pounds) I wore a bikini to a pool party, my mother came up to me and told me I should never wear another bikini again because I looked awful. Just recently I told her I wanted to loose 10 pounds by July 2016 for my sisters wedding (I finally made it back to 150 again and I wanted to be 140) and she told me, "ummmm better make it 20 pounds."0
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cwolfman13 wrote: »at no point...
given the number of times I've read through threads like this, I've largely deduced that this is a female thing...
Never...well, except my Nan telling me I should not lose more weight (I was sub 20%) once. It was not mean though. That's pretty much it.0 -
My mom mainly - at any time - when I was big and when I was smaller but for her whatever I do is probably killing me. Kids when I was young - that pretty much set my mind frame that I'm fat and ruined my confidence for life I guess.
My cousin, who was my closest 'friend' for a while liked having me around because she just look so damn good next to me. She's always very nice but I can see she was not all that happy about the weight change. Anyway we're not that close anymore and it's with benefit for my mental health.
I think some people don't like the idea that the fatty that made them feel good about themselves is loosing weight - because just perhaps one day they will not be the better looking one. It's mind boggling but I think that's a big part of negativity when you're loosing weight.0 -
I do think that 'people being mean' depends a helluva lot more on the recipient's perception than the person making the comment
I rarely, if ever, feel that people have been mean to me however looking back in the last week I've had
"Your tits have shrunk" - sister
"I'm still skinnier than you" - same sister
"I liked your butt before" - work colleague
on the flip side I've had amazing compliments in the same time period "holy sh1t, you look amazing", "F' me", "God, you're stunning", "how have you done that?" ... and regularly headturns / men stopping and staring in the street / park when I walk past (thank god for the dog, ipod and sunglassess)
and 54lbs (and a year) ago my husband was still telling me how gorgeous and sexy I was
So I think it boils down to inner confidence: I'm strong and fit now and I know I look good (I'm not even going to put in for my age) .. weird comments roll off my back in the face of my sense of self
because you know what ... they don't mean a single thing .. they are just white noise0 -
Overall my family and friends have been really supportive. My dad even said today "I thought you were completely nuts with the whole weighing your food thing but I'm now a believer."
However, about a week ago on our last day of vacation I had told my parents I probably would be cooking my own dinners for a while (so I could watch my sodium intake since I had put on a bunch of water weight during vacation, but I didn't go into this detail to my parents since I knew they'd just roll their eyes) and my mom just said,
"Oh you must have gained weight then."
That's probably the closest to mean I have heard so far.0 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »at no point...
given the number of times I've read through threads like this, I've largely deduced that this is a female thing...
CW, I think you could be on to something.
I was an obese kid and my dad, brothers, and those outside of home used to make comments all the time. As a young adult, people were pretty mean about my weight too. Now that I've lost to goal, I get comments that I'm too thin, which isn't true (5 ft 5 and 139/140 lbs).
However, not once did my ex husband any boyfriend, or my current man, ever say anything mean about my weight.
My husband's grandma encouraged he and his brother as children to make fun of their little sister because she was chubby and it would "make her lose weight." Also the kind of woman who thought his sister should make her brothers' beds, fold their clothes, and cook their meals.0 -
The only time I got mean comments about my weight was from my dad, when I was a pre-teen and in through adulthood, always calling me Pork or Porky or making comments about how I sounded like a herd of elephants when I went by. I was not even remotely close to being overweight - I was a healthy normal weight.
Wow. Thanks, Dad!
My grandpa made a comment about my weight every time he saw me... From about 5yo and up. "My gosh! You've lost weight!" This continued through all my childhood and I guess in his mind he thought it was a compliment but it made me so self conscious. I hated it...0 -
I do think that 'people being mean' depends a helluva lot more on the recipient's perception than the person making the comment
I rarely, if ever, feel that people have been mean to me however looking back in the last week I've had
"Your tits have shrunk" - sister
"I'm still skinnier than you" - same sister
"I liked your butt before" - work colleague
on the flip side I've had amazing compliments in the same time period "holy sh1t, you look amazing", "F' me", "God, you're stunning", "how have you done that?" ... and regularly headturns / men stopping and staring in the street / park when I walk past (thank god for the dog, ipod and sunglassess)
and 54lbs (and a year) ago my husband was still telling me how gorgeous and sexy I was
So I think it boils down to inner confidence: I'm strong and fit now and I know I look good (I'm not even going to put in for my age) .. weird comments roll off my back in the face of my sense of self
because you know what ... they don't mean a single thing .. they are just white noise
I think that's incredibly condescending. Every time this comes up, people post about horrible, sometimes abusive, incidents, often involving family members, and then someone comes along to suggest they're just being too sensitive.
On what planet is something like "he told me he'd leave me if I got skinny" or "suggest my weight loss and fitness work were driven by neurosis and internalized misogyny" simply the target of the comment lacking confidence? Some people are *kitten*. Some people are fortunate enough that the ones in their life (because everyone does have them) don't say things to their face. That doesn't change the fact that others do, and it has nothing to do with the recipient of the message, everything to do with the insecurities, abusive nature, or general *kitten*-factor of the speaker.0 -
I do think that 'people being mean' depends a helluva lot more on the recipient's perception than the person making the comment
I rarely, if ever, feel that people have been mean to me however looking back in the last week I've had
"Your tits have shrunk" - sister
"I'm still skinnier than you" - same sister
"I liked your butt before" - work colleague
on the flip side I've had amazing compliments in the same time period "holy sh1t, you look amazing", "F' me", "God, you're stunning", "how have you done that?" ... and regularly headturns / men stopping and staring in the street / park when I walk past (thank god for the dog, ipod and sunglassess)
and 54lbs (and a year) ago my husband was still telling me how gorgeous and sexy I was
So I think it boils down to inner confidence: I'm strong and fit now and I know I look good (I'm not even going to put in for my age) .. weird comments roll off my back in the face of my sense of self
because you know what ... they don't mean a single thing .. they are just white noise
I think that's incredibly condescending. Every time this comes up, people post about horrible, sometimes abusive, incidents, often involving family members, and then someone comes along to suggest they're just being too sensitive.
On what planet is something like "he told me he'd leave me if I got skinny" or "suggest my weight loss and fitness work were driven by neurosis and internalized misogyny" simply the target of the comment lacking confidence? Some people are *kitten*. Some people are fortunate enough that the ones in their life (because everyone does have them) don't say things to their face. That doesn't change the fact that others do, and it has nothing to do with the recipient of the message, everything to do with the insecurities, abusive nature, or general *kitten*-factor of the speaker.
you can think what you like .. some people are overly sensitive as much as other people are as$holes
I think it has a lot to do with the insecurities of both
Most people in my experience don't consciously mean to be insulting, they are just making comments that they find amusing or have popped into their head...
you know what? those who do it because they are as$holes don't remain part of my life
getting offended is, 90% of the time, a choice0 -
clawcreature wrote: »The only time I got mean comments about my weight was from my dad, when I was a pre-teen and in through adulthood, always calling me Pork or Porky or making comments about how I sounded like a herd of elephants when I went by. I was not even remotely close to being overweight - I was a healthy normal weight.
Wow. Thanks, Dad!
My grandpa made a comment about my weight every time he saw me... From about 5yo and up. "My gosh! You've lost weight!" This continued through all my childhood and I guess in his mind he thought it was a compliment but it made me so self conscious. I hated it...
Gotta love those "sensitive" men. Lol.
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barbecuesauce wrote: »At what stage of your weight loss did you begin hearing unsolicited mean comments from those around you? Anything from passive-aggressive barbs to "you have an eating disorder." I would love to hear context, too.
>Obese
>Overweight
>High Normal BMI
>Midrange BMI
>Low BMI
>Underweight
Dont recall my weight or BMI. I hit puberty at 9 and comments began then. Lots of comments from my mom about breasts and how I had to hide them and lots of comments(etc)from peers about all of it 0 -
Im obese.
Im also wheelchair bound and have lots of medical issues.
My dad told me if I didnt lose weight I wouldnt be alive to see my son grow up (I was around 250lbs). I cried for days. It didnt actually spur me on to lose weight either, it just made me want to avoid him!
This year I have lost over 30lbs so far and have gone veggie im happy with my progression so far and looking forward to getting down to a healthy weight. But I had to be ready myself. No amount of scaremongering changed my mindset. 0 -
I worked with a bunch of guys for 25 years and you were hammered daily with whatever flaw they could find. The best one was was when my belly was big and my shirt was tight so the buttons were straining. Bill would walk by squint his eyes and cover his face like the buttons were going to shoot off and hit him. So I would stick my belly out further and he would run away. LOL Just had to be thick skinned0
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