is it wrong to lose weight for a man ?

fat2fitmom2016
fat2fitmom2016 Posts: 3 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Have any of you lost weight for a man? Do you think that's a wrong reason to lose weight?
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Replies

  • bpetrosky
    bpetrosky Posts: 3,911 Member
    Would you gain weight for a man?
  • SimoneBee12
    SimoneBee12 Posts: 268 Member
    edited June 2015
    I think it really depends on the situation. I'm losing weight for myself, but part of my motivation is knowing that my caring, loving boyfriend deserves a hot girlfriend. I was losing before I met him, too.

    However, if he asked me to lose weight, I'd lose him, off a bridge, somewhere dark where no one would find him for a while.
  • Alyssa_Is_LosingIt
    Alyssa_Is_LosingIt Posts: 4,696 Member
    bpetrosky wrote: »
    Would you gain weight for a man?

    ^^This...

    Do it for yourself. Finding the motivation and will from within is the only way that you will be successful.
  • natal94
    natal94 Posts: 21 Member
    It's important that your partner is attracted to you. However, if you don't want to do it for yourself at all, it may make you feel resentment towards him for it. But if losing the weight will help your health, it can only help.
  • slaite1
    slaite1 Posts: 1,307 Member
    SimoneBee12 wrote: »
    I think it really depends on the situation. I'm losing weight for myself, but part of my motivation is knowing that my caring, loving boyfriend deserves a hot girlfriend. I was losing before I met him, too.

    However, if he asked me to lose weight, I'd lose him, off a bridge, somewhere dark where no one would find him for a while.

    That's how I feel about getting in shape. He never makes me feel that way, I just want to look awesome for him bc he deserves it!

    But yea, if he told me to lose weight, he would be single :-)
  • natal94
    natal94 Posts: 21 Member
    Then you have absolutely nothing to lose as long as it's healthy for you :)
  • barbecuesauce
    barbecuesauce Posts: 1,771 Member
    Did this man ask you to lose weight? Dump him, drop the weight for you. Are you losing because you want to find a better man? I feel you I had that as a motivation at first too.
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  • atypicalsmith
    atypicalsmith Posts: 2,742 Member
    My ex-husband wanted me to gain weight allegedly so that other men wouldn't be attracted to me. (I didn't.) Yet the two times he cheated on me were with fat women. (I divorced him after the second one.) I think he may have had another agenda.
  • bpetrosky
    bpetrosky Posts: 3,911 Member
    atypicalsmith wrote: »
    My ex-husband wanted me to gain weight allegedly so that other men wouldn't be attracted to me. (I didn't.) Yet the two times he cheated on me were with fat women. (I divorced him after the second one.) I think he may have had another agenda.

    Hillary??
  • Livgetfit
    Livgetfit Posts: 352 Member
    atypicalsmith wrote: »
    My ex-husband wanted me to gain weight allegedly so that other men wouldn't be attracted to me. (I didn't.) Yet the two times he cheated on me were with fat women. (I divorced him after the second one.) I think he may have had another agenda.

    Congrats on losing a whole heap of deadbeat weight when you dropped that rotten b#####d
  • aylajane
    aylajane Posts: 979 Member
    THe issue with losing weight FOR someone is if you lose them, its very easy to chuck it all. I.e. you lose weight, get all hot, then you guys break up. Morbid, I know, but life happens. Then the reason you went through all that work is gone, and since you were not enough motivation without him, you tend to slide right back to gaining again.

    Its like quitting smoking because of someone else - if that person is gone, so is your reason. Your reason needs to be within yourself... Its ok to have side benefits for someone else, but do it for yourself first - because its something you really want.

    Also, a lot of times losing weight exposes issues in relationships... I.e. suddenly you are hot, his friends and other guys notice, then he starts getting jealous or insecure thinking you are going to leave him etc. Plus someone who thought they were unlovable and lucky to find someone may suddenly find themself with "options" and think they "settled" and realize now they dont have to. People who go through weight loss surgery are generally told to watch for this, and to consider going through marital counseling as you lose the weight for this reason.

    Just be aware of the possibilities, and discuss them with your partner so you both are on the same page, with realistic expectations and open communication. Then do it for yourself anyway :)
  • PeachyCarol
    PeachyCarol Posts: 8,029 Member
    edited June 2015
    Yes. (Dear FSM, I can't believe I forgot how this was worded and had the wrong thing typed, had to edit) and No.

    What's your primary motivation?

    There can be a lot of reasons for losing weight.

    There might be only a handful which result in ultimately keeping it off.
  • shedthesweater
    shedthesweater Posts: 279 Member
    atypicalsmith wrote: »
    My ex-husband wanted me to gain weight allegedly so that other men wouldn't be attracted to me. (I didn't.) Yet the two times he cheated on me were with fat women. (I divorced him after the second one.) I think he may have had another agenda.

    Oh my gosh! sounds like some of the Men I dated. But never asked me to gain weight. I have heard this from Women before. Good for you you didn't. I bet you are a lot happier now without the cheater.

  • shedthesweater
    shedthesweater Posts: 279 Member
    I know when I was younger, I wanted to look really sexy when dating, and feel great about my body as I am now working on this. But never lost weight for a Man, only for me to feel good about the way I looked in my clothes or naked. :)
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  • naturesfempower
    naturesfempower Posts: 107 Member
    Never adjust your weight either way for a man (unless he is your physician or nutritionist). If someone you are dating is calling you "fat" get rid of him now.
  • Shreshy
    Shreshy Posts: 1,263 Member
    I think you should lose weight for yourself and if your man can't love you for who you are then I say good riddance :)
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
    you want to lose weight for a man, a woman, to get laid, to throw it in someones face that said you couldnt, to run a marathon, to live longer etc...

    there is no wrong reason to lose weight as long as it is something tangible and you can put your mind to it.

    unless you want to lose weight for a goat....goats never stick around for long after the weight loss
  • atypicalsmith
    atypicalsmith Posts: 2,742 Member
    shedthesweater wrote: »
    atypicalsmith wrote: »
    My ex-husband wanted me to gain weight allegedly so that other men wouldn't be attracted to me. (I didn't.) Yet the two times he cheated on me were with fat women. (I divorced him after the second one.) I think he may have had another agenda.

    Oh my gosh! sounds like some of the Men I dated. But never asked me to gain weight. I have heard this from Women before. Good for you you didn't. I bet you are a lot happier now without the cheater.

    Actually, about five years after we were divorced, I quit smoking and gained weight. Then moved to a new state in a rural area and stopped exercising and ballooned by nearly another 40 lbs. - 60 lbs. total. Glad he can't see me now - I'm down nearly 30 lbs. but still 30 over when he last saw me, hah!
  • CSARdiver
    CSARdiver Posts: 6,252 Member
    The only opinion that matters in this case is your own. First and foremost you should make any such changes for yourself. Now on the contrary I think it is a sure sign of a healthy relationship for a couple to stay in shape for one another. Not simply for aesthetics, but it increases the potential for shared experiences.

  • Livgetfit
    Livgetfit Posts: 352 Member
    edited June 2015
    This really depends and we'd need more context.

    Scenario 1: He told you to lose weight. Now I see above the "drop him" comments and while I tend to agree, there have been a number of people who have told me to lose weight over the years. Some unkind and intentionally upsetting, some out of caring for me. This is about their motivation and delivery. The difference between the two is very clear; you'll know the minute it's said based on how it made you feel.

    It never feels good to be overweight and told you need to something about it - but the feeling of someone being demeaning in their delivery is obvious & provokes an entirely different type/scale of upset.

    Scenario 2: You want to lose weight for him. Well, I personal don't think that most people could succeed with this motivation, it has to be for you. However, I am currently losing weight with a man I have not seen in years in mind as I'm relatively certain I'll see him soon enough and there is some unfinished business ;) Now, behind this motivator is not my desire for him to feel good standing beside me. It is precisely the opposite. One could say that I am losing weight in part for a man or one could say I am losing weight and one of the many reasons is so I feel how I want to feel when I come face to face with that man.

    There is a man in the picture but the motivation is still about me. My feelings, my health, my self esteem and my own perception of my attractiveness & desirability.
  • mirlredmann
    mirlredmann Posts: 28 Member
    Dump him if he asked you to. Any partner has to support you as you are, not as they want you to be. If he doesn't like your looks today he doesn't like your laugh tomorrow, your brains, your family, friends, whatever, he will probably always find something to make you feel ugly, stupid, undeserving ... but of what?
  • rainbowbow
    rainbowbow Posts: 7,490 Member
    I dont think there's anything wrong with wanting to be the best version of yourself.
  • shrinkingletters
    shrinkingletters Posts: 1,008 Member
    If you successfully lose weight for someone else, and then the relationship fails for other reasons, you're gonna feel a little upset, I promise.
  • blueyellowhorse
    blueyellowhorse Posts: 708 Member
    There's nothing wrong with it, as long as he isn't pressuring or telling you to do so. If you want to do it to look better for your man, go for it! :)
  • professionalHobbyist
    professionalHobbyist Posts: 1,316 Member
    If a man wants to lose weight ...


    It is not wrong to lose weight for a man

  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    fat2fitmom2016 wrote: »
    Have any of you lost weight for a man? Do you think that's a wrong reason to lose weight?

    No. I am losing weight for me.
    I'm not saying it is wrong to lose weight for another person but I think that kind of reason being your main reason can lead to a lot of bad feelings and may be harder to stick with.
  • SteveMFP123
    SteveMFP123 Posts: 298 Member
    Unless you're losing weight for yourself you won't succeed.
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