is it wrong to lose weight for a man ?

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  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,196 Member
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    I don't know about wrong, but it is a deeply bad idea.

    If someone wants you to lose weight in order to be "good enough," the relationship is already over anyhow...or just plain not worth your time and emotional effort.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,626 Member
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    If he's insulting you, then Yes. You should not put up with that from anyone and if you find yourself wanting to please people who are being mean to you, seek therapy!!! Those who like to be cruel tend to find insecure people to abuse. He can find some other insecure woman and you can find a nice, normal guy. :)

    If you want to be attractive to members of the opposite sex, No. That's very normal and human. I think many weight loss journeys are begun by the desire to be more attractive. If you watch posts around here, you'll notice a huge emphasis on looks. It's a pretty universal thing.
  • allaboutthefood
    allaboutthefood Posts: 781 Member
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    If you don't do this for yourself, you won't do it.
  • lablondefille
    lablondefille Posts: 4 Member
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    I find no issue with it especially if you're doing it to be more attractive and stay within a healthy weight limit. Honestly, I don't buy into the whole you should love your partner unconditionally even if they gain a bunch of weight thing. If he gains weight, I kindly point it out and vice versa, then we work on it together. It's definitely for our own good and the good of our relationship.
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,196 Member
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    "You need to lose weight" is often a way of saying "I want out" without actually taking responsibility for ending the relationship.
  • atypicalsmith
    atypicalsmith Posts: 2,742 Member
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    azulvioleta6 wrote: »
    "You need to lose weight" is often a way of saying "I want out" without actually taking responsibility for ending the relationship.

    Don't know if that is OP's situation, but I've had plenty of friends who went through that. They either did or did not try to lose weight, and the guy left all the same.
  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
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    I lose weight for myself. It just so happens that everyone around me benefits from it. lol
  • Merkavar
    Merkavar Posts: 3,082 Member
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    fat2fitmom2016 wrote: »
    Have any of you lost weight for a man? Do you think that's a wrong reason to lose weight?

    Personally I think you're wrong. You should be losing it for your self.

    What if this man leaves? There goes your motivation or reason to lose weight.

    *puts on a feminist hat* you shouldn't be defining your life by a mans wants/needs/requests. You should be doing it for your self. Your a fierce lioness.


  • RonnieLodge
    RonnieLodge Posts: 665 Member
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    fat2fitmom2016 wrote: »
    Have any of you lost weight for a man? Do you think that's a wrong reason to lose weight?


    I have never done that.

    Someone very close to me has lost weight because her husband said he was less attracted to her when she was (less than 10kg and after two kids!!) heavier.

    I don't believe that she was happy about it at all and my opinion of him was certainly affected.

    I think there are much better reasons to drop excess weight. Personal health & happiness being major ones.
  • 13muthonikimani
    13muthonikimani Posts: 29 Member
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    I don't think there's anything wrong id doing something for a man as long as he's not your only motivation. If he goes, will you be able to keep up with the weight loss? As long as it makes you happy then go for it. The fact that he happens to like it should be a secondary motivation
  • ak4niner
    ak4niner Posts: 7 Member
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    KatherineNadeau wrote: »
    If your man is telling you to lose weight, there's a problem. Asking is a bit more polite, especially if your weight is a health concern.

    I think what you said here is especially important. Not all of us men are evil schmucks when we say to our significant other they need to lose weight. The motivation is what is key in that situation. (And yes, there are times we could be a lot more polite about saying it.)
  • Strawili
    Strawili Posts: 48 Member
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    ak4niner wrote: »
    KatherineNadeau wrote: »
    If your man is telling you to lose weight, there's a problem. Asking is a bit more polite, especially if your weight is a health concern.

    I think what you said here is especially important. Not all of us men are evil schmucks when we say to our significant other they need to lose weight. The motivation is what is key in that situation. (And yes, there are times we could be a lot more polite about saying it.)

    Exactly. Saying something like "I'd like for you to get healthy, I will help, so that we can live a longer life together." is a lot more sentimental than "Get off the couch."

  • honkytonks85
    honkytonks85 Posts: 669 Member
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    If you lost weight for someone else what happens when you break up?
  • Strawili
    Strawili Posts: 48 Member
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    honkytonks85 wrote: »
    If you lost weight for someone else what happens when you break up?

    You find someone that loves you for you, and isn't an *kitten*. B)

  • fat2fitmom2016
    fat2fitmom2016 Posts: 3 Member
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    What I mean i meant. Is the guy isn't forcing me to loose the weight, I'm not dating this man. I am loosing the weight for my self but I'm using his rejection as motivation and that is What I meant
  • ketorach
    ketorach Posts: 430 Member
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    I've lost weight for a man. In fact, I maintain my body for a man, too. (I'm doing a lousy job of it, right now, though.) I also feel better about myself when I'm in good/great shape and this has a positive impact on my sexual confidence and my relationship.

    Losing weight because you're feeling rejected, though, seems unhealthy to me. When the sting of the rejection wears off -- and we all have been rejected before -- where will you find your motivation? Get healthy and slim for yourself so you'll have more confidence.
  • Livgetfit
    Livgetfit Posts: 352 Member
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    ketorach wrote: »
    Losing weight because you're feeling rejected, though, seems unhealthy to me. When the sting of the rejection wears off -- and we all have been rejected before -- where will you find your motivation? Get healthy and slim for yourself so you'll have more confidence.

    ^^^ this. Positive motivators are always healthier for the mind. Loving yourself, body and mind is essential though difficult. A negative motivator detracts from this.

    Do I want my ex to drool when I walk into a room? Yes. Where is this on the list of reason I'm on this journey? On the added bonuses, not the goals.

    I'm not saying you are wrong or silly, I'm saying look at life and incorporate all those other things too!

  • LolaKarwowski
    LolaKarwowski Posts: 217 Member
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    I would never lose weight for anyone other than myself. However, knowing my husband works out constantly and eats super healthy motivates me to do the same. I can't have him looking better than me!!! ;) JK
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    fat2fitmom2016 wrote: »
    What I mean i meant. Is the guy isn't forcing me to loose the weight, I'm not dating this man. I am loosing the weight for my self but I'm using his rejection as motivation and that is What I meant

    Using rejection as motivation is one thing. Doing it to "get" a man is another. Hope you kicked his slimy butt into the gutter where he belongs.
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,459 Member
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    fat2fitmom2016 wrote: »
    What I mean i meant. Is the guy isn't forcing me to loose the weight, I'm not dating this man. I am loosing the weight for my self but I'm using his rejection as motivation and that is What I meant

    Aw. Sorry that happened.

    Well, I lost a bunch of weight because I was angry at an ex, so, I guess, if you want to use that emotion constructively, I can't judge you :)

    (I used to imagine kicking his face. It felt awesome - burned out all the angries and I'd come out feeling light and smiling :) )

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