Trainer's wife hates me... what to do?

ADN1985

I am a 35 year old female. In October, ended a five year long verbally abusive relationship. To cheer me up, my friend Katie convinced me to join her local Crossfit box. I did and I also really liked the trainer/owner who taught the class (Greg*) because he seemed really positive and motivating.

Greg is 30. For the past six months, he has been a huge motivator in me losing weight and gaining my confidence back. He created a meal plan and exercise plan for me and I have been going to the gym daily. I have also become good friends with other members there and the place has become my "happy place."

Greg has also become a pretty good friend. I started texting him about my weight loss progress and I confided in him about my painful breakup. Our friendship is strictly platonic - a few times, I have brought him food items he has mentioned he likes like cashew milk and blueberries (but this is something I would do for ALL friends). The problem? Greg's wife *Mary who is 26 and seems to be out for vengeance against me.

I don't know much about their relationship except it seems they are always together. She is a nurse who seems to have a lot of days off and is ALWAYS at the gym, whether it is working out or spending time with Greg. From the beginning, she has been super standoffish and cold towards
me even though I tried to be friendly. She never says hello to me and is always scowling when she sees me. She is friendly and nice to everyone else so it's not as though this is just her personality.

I brought Greg presents (gift cards forDunkin Donuts and Starbucks) for his birthday last month to the gym. Mary happened to be there when I brought these gifts and did not seem happy about it. Also, Greg asked me recently why I never say hello to Mary. I never say hi because she is always scowling at me and acting as though my presence is annoying her! I am guessing she complained to him about it.

Last week, I texted Greg saying I was excited for training with him tomorrow and asked what time I should come in. He called me early the next morning. When I answered, he abruptly told me that he was cancelling our sessions and thought I should find another gym. I was floored. I asked why - he said that Mary had seen my text the previous night and had gotten annoyed because she thinks I act inappropriately with Greg.

I told Greg that I had done nothing wrong or inappropriate towards him. He said that me texting him regularly about non-gym related stuff (like my breakup) and giving him presents did not fly well with Mary and he wants to respect her feelings by cutting off our contact. He said he would refund me for sessions I had already paid for but asked me to come in and get a refund during a
time he would NOT be there.

I am a little appalled by this. To me, Mary just sounds jealous and controlling which is dumb because Greg MARRIED her. I want to try and contact Greg and see if I can speak to him about returning to the gym.

What is the etiquette on this? I have made a lot of good friends at that gym and I don't feel like I should have to find another place because my trainers wife is immature and doesn't like me.

shrinkingletters

You definitely should find another place, and learn to practice respecting boundaries. Your trainer, Greg, seems to have figured that one out. Good for him.

yopeeps025

Let it go. A man is going to follow his wife's wishes no matter how dumb it is.

TheVirgoddess

To be honest, I find your behavior to be odd, too.

He's the owner of the gym. He said you should find another gym. That's what you should do.

kwtilbury

Knowing that his wife is pretty insecure about your friendship, you probably shouldn't have been texting him. Lesson learned.

urloved33

Leave it alone. The trainer handled the whole thing inappropriately from beginning to end. Get a new trainer and new gym if he owns the gym and keep the trainer a "trainer only" and go to your friends for support and an ear about the break up. Boundaries please.

jemhh

I swear that I read a post very very veryveryvery similar to this one on the female section of bodybuilding.com last year.

BarbieAS

No. The relationship between a trainer and a client is a professional one. Communicating occasionally outside of training sessions about health and fitness issues, if the trainer offered that, is probably fine. Texting about relationship issues, bringing little gifts, etc, crosses a line to outside a professional relationship. If both parties are cool with that, then cool. If not, well...then it's not appropriate. Perhaps it could have been handled a little bit better on your trainer's side - maybe by letting you know earlier that it was getting out of hand and giving the professional relationship another shot - but, that said, your trainer is well within his rights to end your professional relationship if he's become uncomfortable. And, IMHO, his wife is well within her rights to be annoyed - if one of my husband's clients/co-workers/employees was acting the way you described, I certainly wouldn't appreciate it.

Find another gym. Good luck with your goals.

NikiChicken

Honestly, I also think you overstepped your boundaries.

As others have said, you should find a new gym and keep your trainer and trainer.

sadiebrawl

I get the having friends part. Could you ask Mary to go for a cup of coffee?

blankiefinder

i would find a new gym.

tbh, I wouldn't like it at all if a woman was bringing my husband his favourite foods, texting about personal stuff etc. And when I say 'I wouldn't like it', I mean I really really wouldn't like it.

3AAnn3

You are being inappropriate. He's married and you should leave him alone. Buying him gifts, confiding in him, texting him, etc. She is right to act stand-offish to you. She would also be right to tell you off. She's not the one acting immature here. It sounds like you are trying to move in on her husband. It also sounds like he was doing his job and maybe didn't know how to set proper boundaries. It sounds like he now realized the error of his way and is trying to make it right. I hardly think contacting him further would be beneficial for anyone. It sounds like he's made it clear that he wants you to back away.

jemhh

Correction, Over 35.

shrinkingletters

sadiebrawl wrote: »

I get the having friends part. Could you ask Mary to go for a cup of coffee?

This sounds like a potential disaster and I would advise against it. Just drop it, OP.

BarbieAS

jemhh wrote: »

Correction, Over 35.

Good grief. They didn't even try to change the wording around. Moving on, then.

blankiefinder

jemhh wrote: »

Correction, Over 35.

Wow, what a memory! How can this possibly still be going on, since January??

lporter229

You need to move on and find another gym. Maybe look for a trainer who is single if you need that kind of relationship to stay motivated.

SonyaCele

you shouldn't be texting and being friendly or bringing gifts to married men. find a new gym.

yopeeps025

jemhh wrote: »

Correction, Over 35.

Interesting.

yopeeps025

blankiefinder wrote: »

jemhh wrote: »

Correction, Over 35.

Wow, what a memory! How can this possibly still be going on, since January??

because trolling

TheVirgoddess

jemhh wrote: »

Correction, Over 35.

I can't figure out if troll or crazy stalker.