Hubby does not notice

vdeepu17
vdeepu17 Posts: 30 Member
edited November 21 in Motivation and Support
feeling very low now. I lost 15 lbs and my husband of 7 yrs did not notice it yet. Most of my work colleagues noticed it and complemented my weight loss. Today when we are going out in car we saw a girl jogging on the pavement. It just only a glimpse as we are driving by. All of a sudden my husband said she lost lot of weight. He told that she will jog for very long time in one workout. My heart just cringe. For the past 4 months Iam working out eating clean and loosing weight and he didn't notice that effort. He noticed some stranger on the street has lost weight. This didn't sit with me very well. But I just kept quite feeling very sad.
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Replies

  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    Have you asked him if he noticed? Or are you waiting for him to say something? Depending on the backstory (previous dealings around weight, health, and fitness), perhaps he doesn't feel comfortable bringing it up unless you do.
  • vdeepu17
    vdeepu17 Posts: 30 Member
    I didn't asked him waiting for him to say something. You are right we had some friction previously on this topic.
  • rachelgoldsmith25
    rachelgoldsmith25 Posts: 1 Member
    That would drive me crazy! But luckily, you're losing weight for you-not him. Sometimes the people closest to you are the last to notice a change. I have lost 35 lbs so far, and my husband only said my legs look thinner! Then I started the 30 day ab challenge. I didn't so much look different, I felt different. I started being more active. I put on the running pants. Then he started to notice! Lol! I don't know what your diet or exercise routine is, but sometimes it's easy for our significant others to "forget" to look. But you know, all this work I'm doing pays off every day. If he can watch runners, so can I. I can run with them, too. Then he'll need to catch up to me!
  • ValerieMartini2Olives
    ValerieMartini2Olives Posts: 3,024 Member
    People who see you every single day take longer to notice.
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    As Valerie said, he sees you every day. It's not as noticeable to the people who see you every day. Often people don't see it in themselves, either, because they see themselves in the mirror every day. It's not until you hold up pics of yourself before and after that the difference can be seen.
    Also, if there has been friction in the past, perhaps he's afraid to say something, in case it comes out wrong and you feel insulted, as if you still have weight to lose.
    So just say something offhand about it - "Hey, by the way, I weighed myself, and I've already lost 15 pounds!"
  • happygalah
    happygalah Posts: 343 Member
    You co workers see you every day and they noticed. I think I would do the hey I weighed myself today and lost 15lbs and see what he says.

    I've lost close to 50lbs in total and my husband hasn't said a word. From maybe a size 18-20 to a 10.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    I lost 52 pounds last year and my daughter didn't notice until early this year when she was looking at older photos. People who see you more will not notice the changes as much. And if you previously had friction over the issue, your husband may not say anything just to avoid more friction.
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    vdeepu17 wrote: »
    I didn't asked him waiting for him to say something. You are right we had some friction previously on this topic.

    Maybe cut him a little slack then, and go a bit easier on yourself. :heart:
  • pineapple_peach10
    pineapple_peach10 Posts: 239 Member
    ValerieMartini2Olives wrote: »
    People who see you every single day take longer to notice.

    Exactly
  • xamberlynn
    xamberlynn Posts: 3 Member
    It's all context. If you've been talking about weight loss with your friends at work, there's probably a positive undertone in those conversations. That means that because the mood of the topic is positive, they're more likely to talk about it and support you. If things had a negative tone with your husband before, that's probably why he hasn't said anything. When he brought up the weight loss of a stranger, it's VERY possible that was his way of easing into that conversation. He may have been nervous to bring it up directly. Just be open with him, and open minded in the conversation!
  • Idaharris
    Idaharris Posts: 8 Member
    He sees you everyday all the time. Sometimes its hard to notice any kind of weight loss or gainin situations like that. Maybe you should ccommunicate to your husband how you feel ( in a non screaming adult manner.)
  • ohmscheeks
    ohmscheeks Posts: 840 Member
    Aw! That would make me sad too. So, erm... Drop the "he should know" bit, and communicate with him. You're in a marriage.
  • intruhvurt
    intruhvurt Posts: 21 Member
    My husband didn't say anything when I went up in weight. I'm not expecting him to say anything when I go down.
  • nishatay
    nishatay Posts: 67 Member
    I wouldn't be offended. It's hard to notice weightloss when you see a person everyday. As long as you feel good he'll notice your confidence which is way sexier.
  • faithyang
    faithyang Posts: 297 Member
    edited July 2015
    OP, I feel you.

    Weight has been an issue for me and my husband to conflictingly varying degrees at different times before.

    At one point he actually said to me a long, long while back while I reclined next to him in my home shirt n it lifted up a little to bare my belly - "Oh, I didn't realise you had gotten so fat." My heart just squeezed so painfully. I felt so insecure, so small, so unattractive, fat and ugly.

    Many years later (and wiser), I lost all the weight and he didn't say anything but just trying to make a joke or a fool out of it by feeding me and thrusting food in my face, asking for fatty meals, tempting me with fattening foods.

    We went through a really rough patch and at one point I just had enough. I decided my weight loss would be FOR ME, for MY CONFIDENCE and I'll be damned if I let anyone try to use MY WEIGHT, self-image and insecurities against me ever again. It changed the way I approached my weight loss and him.

    I became alot more assured and assertive towards him (not in a rude way, or in a proud/stuck up/snobbish/mean way, just more sure of myself and why I'm doing it) in regards to his actions towards my weight loss journey. I would tell him upfront that I am happy with my weight loss, my friends have complimented me and praised me for working hard and making that decision and commitment, and he can choose to support me, or by his actions or lack of it, bring me down. Does he want to support me or is he insecure about something himself?

    We had "the talk" a few times where I told him my weight loss was for myself, my health and not for his validation or approval - but as my husband of course I would be appreciative and very happy if he supported me. If he were afraid I would change as a person, he needn't worry, because I am who I am, and I love him for who he is.

    While your scenario probably isn't to the point of mine - you can try to just be upfront - some guys are just oblivious. It's the 'take for granted' effect of being with the same woman for a long time. You get used to that person. It's to a certain extent, normal.

    Ask him, hey, guess what, I lost 15lb - how do I look?

    Depending on his response, you can decide how to react. If he's a Dennis Downer (male ver of Debbie Downer lol) then you may have to talk to him about supporting your goals.

    If he compliments you, you can always tell him honestly that you feel relieved because you thought he was either ignoring you or just didn't notice, and you wanted him to notice you like how he noticed that chick. It opens the door to an intimate heart-to-heart.

    Good luck, and wish you the best.
  • oh_happy_day
    oh_happy_day Posts: 1,137 Member
    Seeing someone every day and being so familiar with them does make it hard to see them accurately if you know what I mean. He genuinely may not have noticed. Alternatively maybe your DH has noticed but doesn't want to say anything in case you take it the wrong way? (I've been guilty of this.)

    My DH is always very wary about mentioning my weight in any context because I'm so sensitive about it. He tells me that he thinks I'm gorgeous and hot (bless him) and done so while my weight has gone all over the place. When I'm actively losing I mention losses to him and he celebrates with me. He tends to notice behaviours more (e.g. not eating certain things) and will comment in a positive/encouraging way.
  • vdeepu17
    vdeepu17 Posts: 30 Member
    After reading all the replies I asked myself a question. Am I unhappy coz he didn't notice me or for noticing another girl. I knew the answer and it hit me hard. Iam insecure about my body image. I understood that I need to work on my insecurities as well as my weight loss in this journey. Iam doing this for myself and my family , not for him. I can now see that very clearly. From his point of view he might not be comfortable to bring up my weight issue positively or negatively as it led to friction previously or honestly didn't notice as he is seeing me every day.Thank you all for making me understand what I need to work on. This insight is more motivation to continue this journey. One day he will notice that Iam very hot and healthy.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    vdeepu17 wrote: »
    After reading all the replies I asked myself a question. Am I unhappy coz he didn't notice me or for noticing another girl. I knew the answer and it hit me hard. Iam insecure about my body image. I understood that I need to work on my insecurities as well as my weight loss in this journey. Iam doing this for myself and my family , not for him. I can now see that very clearly. From his point of view he might not be comfortable to bring up my weight issue positively or negatively as it led to friction previously or honestly didn't notice as he is seeing me every day.Thank you all for making me understand what I need to work on. This insight is more motivation to continue this journey. One day he will notice that Iam very hot and healthy.

    I think the statement you made above in bold is your answer. Maybe he WANTS to tell you something, but isn't sure how to broach the subject. Maybe his comment about the other person was his way of trying to start a conversation with you about it. I don't know, but I DO know that in any relationship open, honest communication is the key.

    I'd definitely talk to him about it again. Just factual. State what you would like to happen or not happen and keep your emotions out of it. Best of luck and congrats on your success so far!
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
    to be honest, since I've started being accountable and tracking I've lost 20lbs, but total I've lost closer to 30. no one has said one word about it to me. no one. not friends, work buds, fiancé, family
    it makes me sad but I keep going because it is about me. and I get happy as I see the scale numbers go down down down
  • DuckReconMajor
    DuckReconMajor Posts: 434 Member
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    vdeepu17 wrote: »
    After reading all the replies I asked myself a question. Am I unhappy coz he didn't notice me or for noticing another girl. I knew the answer and it hit me hard. Iam insecure about my body image. I understood that I need to work on my insecurities as well as my weight loss in this journey. Iam doing this for myself and my family , not for him. I can now see that very clearly. From his point of view he might not be comfortable to bring up my weight issue positively or negatively as it led to friction previously or honestly didn't notice as he is seeing me every day.Thank you all for making me understand what I need to work on. This insight is more motivation to continue this journey. One day he will notice that Iam very hot and healthy.

    I think the statement you made above in bold is your answer. Maybe he WANTS to tell you something, but isn't sure how to broach the subject. Maybe his comment about the other person was his way of trying to start a conversation with you about it.
    This is my thought as well

  • coreyreichle
    coreyreichle Posts: 1,031 Member
    vdeepu17 wrote: »
    feeling very low now. I lost 15 lbs and my husband of 7 yrs did not notice it yet. Most of my work colleagues noticed it and complemented my weight loss. Today when we are going out in car we saw a girl jogging on the pavement. It just only a glimpse as we are driving by. All of a sudden my husband said she lost lot of weight. He told that she will jog for very long time in one workout. My heart just cringe. For the past 4 months Iam working out eating clean and loosing weight and he didn't notice that effort. He noticed some stranger on the street has lost weight. This didn't sit with me very well. But I just kept quite feeling very sad.

    It's hard to notice a 7 lb loss. It gets noticeable at around 15 lbs or so for most people.
  • vdeepu17
    vdeepu17 Posts: 30 Member
    coreyreichle wrote: »
    vdeepu17 wrote: »
    feeling very low now. I lost 15 lbs and my husband of 7 yrs did not notice it yet. Most of my work colleagues noticed it and complemented my weight loss. Today when we are going out in car we saw a girl jogging on the pavement. It just only a glimpse as we are driving by. All of a sudden my husband said she lost lot of weight. He told that she will jog for very long time in one workout. My heart just cringe. For the past 4 months Iam working out eating clean and loosing weight and he didn't notice that effort. He noticed some stranger on the street has lost weight. This didn't sit with me very well. But I just kept quite feeling very sad.

    It's hard to notice a 7 lb loss. It gets noticeable at around 15 lbs or so for most people.

    I lost 15lbs .we were married for 7 yrs
  • coreyreichle
    coreyreichle Posts: 1,031 Member
    vdeepu17 wrote: »
    coreyreichle wrote: »
    vdeepu17 wrote: »
    feeling very low now. I lost 15 lbs and my husband of 7 yrs did not notice it yet. Most of my work colleagues noticed it and complemented my weight loss. Today when we are going out in car we saw a girl jogging on the pavement. It just only a glimpse as we are driving by. All of a sudden my husband said she lost lot of weight. He told that she will jog for very long time in one workout. My heart just cringe. For the past 4 months Iam working out eating clean and loosing weight and he didn't notice that effort. He noticed some stranger on the street has lost weight. This didn't sit with me very well. But I just kept quite feeling very sad.

    It's hard to notice a 7 lb loss. It gets noticeable at around 15 lbs or so for most people.

    I lost 15lbs .we were married for 7 yrs

    Gah, dyslexic or something on my part :P

    But, also bear in mind change perception as well. When you're losing a little at a time, it's also hard to notice. Contrast with whenever you do see a person, there could be a 20 lb difference since the last time you saw them. You'd notice that, rather than the gradual change.

    My wife didn't see any weight loss on me until 15 lbs. She never said anything, until I lost 20 and asked her if she saw a difference, and she had said she'd noticed it a few weeks prior, just never said anything.
  • bubaluboo
    bubaluboo Posts: 2,098 Member
    My poor husband gets a running commentary on my weightloss and is asked for complements if I feel in need of them...it works both ways we tell each other of each success and congratulate accordingly. To me that's communicating. No point in getting wound up because you assume he's not noticed when he probably assumes that you know he knows you lost weight and that he's impressed by it. He also probably thinks he's complemented you already.
  • cleanbulk_hatersgfy
    cleanbulk_hatersgfy Posts: 31 Member
    Personally, my beau notices close to everything about me. Every curve, hair style, clothes fit, shoes, scent, nail polish color, eating/sleep habits, quirks, mood (especially this! lol), etc. That's our relationship dynamics. Yours is different. My 2 cents, it is best to communicate.
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
    Reading too much into it, context is everything. You know him and we dont. he might very well have noticed but decided for his own reasons not to say anything.
  • Chezzie84
    Chezzie84 Posts: 873 Member
    Ma
    vdeepu17 wrote: »
    After reading all the replies I asked myself a question. Am I unhappy coz he didn't notice me or for noticing another girl. I knew the answer and it hit me hard. Iam insecure about my body image. I understood that I need to work on my insecurities as well as my weight loss in this journey. Iam doing this for myself and my family , not for him. I can now see that very clearly. From his point of view he might not be comfortable to bring up my weight issue positively or negatively as it led to friction previously or honestly didn't notice as he is seeing me every day.Thank you all for making me understand what I need to work on. This insight is more motivation to continue this journey. One day he will notice that Iam very hot and healthy.

    Maybe you need to work on your attitude towards yourself.
    Try this stand in front of the mirror in your best underwear and say out loud everything you see that you like about yourself.
    Then every morning when you get up, tell yourself one thing that you are grateful for.
    Its all about positive attitude.
  • jessiruthica
    jessiruthica Posts: 412 Member
    My husband doesn't compliment anything. Seriously, I can count on 2 hands the number of times he's complimented me at all without prompting. It just isn't his thing.

    Then one day (after I'd lost about 60 pounds) he said "I can never find you in a crowd anymore because I can't remember what you're wearing and you're such a tiny little thin thing now." So, he HAS noticed, he just hasn't said anything.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    edited July 2015
    Husbands can never catch a break.

    OP Men are not mind readers. Speak up when you feel upset. It doesn't have to be an argument but say something.
  • gracielynn1011
    gracielynn1011 Posts: 726 Member
    My husband didn't mention my weight loss effort at first either. When I brought it up, he said "I've noticed, but didn't say anything, because I didn't want you to think I thought you were fat." Now that he knows I am okay talking about it, he brags on me, he talks to me about eating habits, he mentions if I've skipped a work out day. He wants me to be healthy and fit, but he didn't want to say anything that he thought would hurt me.

    I think you really need to talk about it. Open the conversation up lightly, like others suggested. Just casually mention it, and see how it goes from there. In a back handed way, he was probably trying to bring up the subject with his comment about the runner. That is something my husband would do.
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