SO, when does the self confidence come?

xLola

I just wanted to say congrats!!!! You should be super proud of yourself and hardwork. I'm just starting my journey all over again after a knee injury. One day at a time

jensquish1

bighey75 wrote: »

Over the last 10 months I've dropped 90lbs (5'10" 255lbs to 165lbs) though diet and regular exercise. I read a bunch of posts where people say they gain a ton of confidence. I, for whatever reason - have none. Don't get me wrong, I physically feel a ton better, I just don't have the overall confidence that others seem to gain along the way in the journey to being healthy.

I have confidence for about 5 seconds looking in the mirror before going out... Then it's all gone. lol

elisa123gal

It is interesting that in many goals in life.. it takes so much work and time to get to them.. it is the journey that is cool..when one arrives at the goal is almost like a let down. There's an expectation of a feeling of "arriving" and it doesn't.
Look at things in a practical sense. It is amazing and wonderful that you lost your weight..it was hard and took dedication and discipline to do that and the people around you are impressed even if you don't realize the fact. TAke some time and reflect and reward yourself.

coriexa

Self confidence depends on your mind, not your body. If you want self confidence, focus on changing your mind and body for the better.

BasicGreatGuy

A lot of times, the lack of self-confidence comes when one starts carrying around the dysfunctional baggage that others have left at their feet, through acerbic language that cuts deeper than any knife.

Another way that lack of self-confidence can become an problem, is when one starts taking physical and or emotional inventory and bases it on a myopic presentation from others.

A lot of people work on getting their physical body in shape without working on the focal issues that brought them to get overweight in the first place, whether it be physical, mental or spiritual. The weight comes off but the underlying problems are still there. The difference is the temporary distraction of focusing on the weight loss itself, instead of dealing with the complete person. Often times, this triggers the yo-yo affect, where people find themselves going in circles wondering why they can't maintain the progress they had when they were so focused on losing weight.

As if being a flawed human isn't hard enough sometimes, we are constantly bombarded with various forms of media, that enforces the ideology, that self-worth and societal acceptance is based on having a certain body type or physical characteristic. And over time many people start embracing the dysfunctional logical fallacy premise being posited by the media at large. And with the constant advertising / rating changes, those who have inadvertently attached themselves to the shallow advertising gimmick(s) without realizing it, suddenly find themselves confused and frustrated as to what is good and acceptable, as far as society is concerned (whatever the heck that is supposed to mean).

Confidence comes from within. It is accepting yourself for who you are, both good and bad. It doesn't mean that you see yourself as perfect or dismissive of certain areas of life that need attention. It simply means that you see inside yourself as you really are. There is no rationalization of the irrational. There is no comparison to others. You see yourself and realize that you are just as worthy of love and happiness as any other person, in spite of not pleasing everyone or holding up to some mythical societal expectation.

Ever meet someone that hates silence and hates to be by themselves for any length of time?

Ever meet someone who is constantly going from one relationship to another without any real alone time?

Ever meet someone who has a lot of confusion, frustration, or heartache with another, and does everything in the world but talk with the person that is at the center?

Often times, that is because a lot of people find it scary to be face to face themselves. In the quiet, the loudness of the heart and soul can be heard. And a lot of times, a person isn't ready or willing to listen to what they already know to be true and needful.

Don't compare yourself to others. That is a recipe for frustration and disappointment.

Be who you are and be proud of yourself. Be honest with yourself.

Casting off the skewed image of what is good or the proverbial "norm," as well as the baggage from the past, that others left at your feet and you started carrying, will help you to take that first step towards getting to know yourself and coming to accept and love yourself; self-confidence.

tomatoey

I think different people have different reasons for their lack of confidence, and of course it's all internal. The question is, if you've got to find it in yourself only, which usually means, in your past, how do you find it, if it's not there to start with? It's a catch-22. The only way is to build new skills, ie to learn. can mean new ways of thinking, but ime, *doing* new and different things, acquiring new skills (eg in goal-setting and coping, in my case, maybe it's something else for someone else) - - that is experiencing new rewards, can really make the difference.

Failing that, I honestly think a change of scene/situation is the next most powerful change agent.

I also think there's a lot to be said for "fake it til you make it". You are what you do.

bighey75

Lots of good comments here. I'll try to respond some things in no particular order.
Goals - My goal was not to lose weight, my goal - - due to some health reasons (Stage 2 Chronic Kidney Disease), and I had started to play in an adult Ice Hockey League for beginners - - was to be "Fit by 40". I wanted to see if I could slow down the kidney problems and be a better hockey player... the pounds came off as a by product of getting in shape. The problem with my goal is that its very much open ended. I'm still not in the shape I want to be in. And, the bigger question is will I ever be. I'll always want to be quicker, faster, and stronger.

I guess in some ways my brain hasn't caught up to my body yet, I have hockey teammates tell me I'm a good player, and one of the better ones on our team, but I'm not feeling it yet. All I see are the bad passes, misses shots, and dumb plays. I look in the mirror and don't recognize the person looking back. I see a lean body with loose skin at my belly.

I never really "liked" me, so it's hard to "love myself".

There are some external factors with my job and such that I suppose drive things too, never really thought about it until today...

I guess I need to try and find a way to focus on my soul as well as my body.