The emotional aspects of a large weight loss
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How has it affected your relationship with your significant other?
Yes and no. She is tremendously happy for me, both for the physical and mental transformations. I know she was constantly worried about me. Probably more so around the mental state I was in as she was really the only person who knew that I was giving up on life.
Since she has been there every day I think she learned to adjust. She saw me go through a lot of emotional change along the way as I peeled off those layers of fat and shame. I know she definitely finds me more attractive.
Overall, I guess it has improved our relationship because I have improved mentally with a better self-esteem and confidence. But we already had a pretty good relationship to start.
Great questions!0 -
msharrington315 wrote: »How has it affected your relationship with your significant other?
Yes and no. She is tremendously happy for me, both for the physical and mental transformations. I know she was constantly worried about me. Probably more so around the mental state I was in as she was really the only person who knew that I was giving up on life.
Since she has been there every day I think she learned to adjust. She saw me go through a lot of emotional change along the way as I peeled off those layers of fat and shame. I know she definitely finds me more attractive.
Overall, I guess it has improved our relationship because I have improved mentally with a better self-esteem and confidence. But we already had a pretty good relationship to start.
Great questions!
Though I did shock her when I was able to put on her jeans and blouse. She is "average" sized (slightly overweight). We both got a big kick out of it!
And, no, I am not cross-dressing now! Not that I care if anyone else is into that...
And NO, I won't take and post any pics... in case any of you ask! LOL0 -
msharrington315 wrote: »gonettie2015 wrote: »congratulations on the success you've had in taking your health into your own hands and turning things around. I don't understand the negative reaction people but it's all fascinating.
keep up the good work!
Thank you. I think in some cases my loss makes others feel bad about themselves and their inability to lose weight.
I get that feeling from my co-workers....they don't seem to get the whole calorie in-calories out concept. I've been asked what I'm "taking", asked if the results are "from my doctor" helping me...for the most part I get compliments and my progress has actually gotten a handful of them buying a fitbit of their own...though I have tried to explain MFP and logging calories to people most just say "that's too much to keep up with". Ok, whatever. I saw a good quote one time that said logging the calories here takes no more time each day then it does to scroll thru your Faceook timeline..0 -
Congratulations! Thats a huge accomplishment! I am only about 65lbs down now but i still have another 100 to go. And i have noticed that the people closet to me, other then my husband have really not been supportive at all. I lost 20lbs within a month and not a single co worker or famly member noticed and even when i showed a side by side picture, which was obvious difference in my size, i still didnt get the reaction or support i hoped for. I think some times weight loss is glamororised by these shows such as the biggest loser but the weight isnt always the heaviest struggle. Its 100% something you have to do for yourself regardless of who supports you or not.0
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Congratulations! Thats a huge accomplishment! I am only about 65lbs down now but i still have another 100 to go. And i have noticed that the people closet to me, other then my husband have really not been supportive at all. I lost 20lbs within a month and not a single co worker or famly member noticed and even when i showed a side by side picture, which was obvious difference in my size, i still didnt get the reaction or support i hoped for. I think some times weight loss is glamororised by these shows such as the biggest loser but the weight isnt always the heaviest struggle. Its 100% something you have to do for yourself regardless of who supports you or not.
Thanks and 65 pounds lost is a lot. Congrats to you! Keep up the great work. I agree that shows like the Biggest Loser do not portray a good example of what real, sustainable weight loss should be. You can lose weight by all kinds of methods, but in the end are you learning anything or changing your habits for good?
As to the reactions of others, one thing I always have to keep in mind:
I'm not doing this for any of you... I am doing this for myself!
So when people try to discourage us or are not supportive, remember that we are the ones who are in control of our own lives.0 -
msharrington315 wrote: »gonettie2015 wrote: »congratulations on the success you've had in taking your health into your own hands and turning things around. I don't understand the negative reaction people but it's all fascinating.
keep up the good work!
Thank you. I think in some cases my loss makes others feel bad about themselves and their inability to lose weight.
I get that feeling from my co-workers....they don't seem to get the whole calorie in-calories out concept. I've been asked what I'm "taking", asked if the results are "from my doctor" helping me...for the most part I get compliments and my progress has actually gotten a handful of them buying a fitbit of their own...though I have tried to explain MFP and logging calories to people most just say "that's too much to keep up with". Ok, whatever. I saw a good quote one time that said logging the calories here takes no more time each day then it does to scroll thru your Faceook timeline..
I agree about people not getting the calories in, calories out concept. People keep asking my opinions of certain diets, or cutting carbs, etc. I eat basically anything I want, but the "bad" stuff in moderation. Although we need to have a good balance of nutrients, it still comes down to that basic formula. At least that's where I've seen my success.
I like your quote about logging calories not taking more than scrolling through FB. I will remember that!0 -
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Another interesting thing I have seen on here... and I am not picking with anyone. People who tell me that they have "only lost xx pounds...". Granted, I know the amount I lost is amazing, however, we should all be proud of the health improvements we are doing for ourselves. I was very overweight, which was nothing to be proud of, so I had a LOT to lose...
I am currently talking to a young man who weighs over 530 pounds. He desperately wants to lose but is lacking motivation. He told me that he "can't eat small portions...". I told him that he needs to replace that word "can't" because he CAN do it. He just needs to believe that.
In my experience we need to be careful the words we tell ourselves, which can affect us like the words others say to us. One thing I tried to avoid was taking on labels like "big guy" or "Big Mike" (as one friend use to call me). Looking back I hated those labels and I did not want to identify with them. And, in order for me to change, I needed to stop identifying as a "big guy".
In the end, our words and the words of others do affect us. And try as we may, it can sometimes be discouraging. That is why forums and groups like these are important so we can share our experiences, opinions, and encourage one another to keep on the path to GOOD HEALTH!0 -
Congratulations! That is amazing!
Thirteen years ago I weighed 80-90 pounds more than I do now. I have been maintaining a healthy weight for the last year. I would still like to lose a little weight yet. I've been overweight most my life so some think I don't see myself for what I really look like now and have being overweight stuck in my mind.0 -
Congratulations! That is amazing!
Thirteen years ago I weighed 80-90 pounds more than I do now. I have been maintaining a healthy weight for the last year. I would still like to lose a little weight yet. I've been overweight most my life so some think I don't see myself for what I really look like now and have being overweight stuck in my mind.
Thanks and congrats on your loss and maintaining!
How we see ourselves can affect our future...The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. - Emerson
Love the pants pic on your profile... I did those too. Good to remember where we once were!0 -
Yes, I can relate to the emotions that come with extreme weight loss. I am eighty-five pounds down and people react differently. It's a social status change and some people are threatened by that.
In many ways I'm still a fat girl inside. When I saw a very heavy girl make it down a rather steep ladder at the tough mudder, her legs shaking, I am sure every muscle screaming with the effort, I heard the announcer call for the rest of us to cheer her efforts. So I waited for her to get on solid ground and gave her a high-five, giving her a sisterly smile. I got the feeling she was confused by my camaraderie. I don't look so big any more. But I've been in her body and I knew how much effort it took for her to take that ladder.
Another way I forget myself is when I go up or down stairs or do things that were formerly difficult. I walk cautiously like a fat girl, fearful of injury. During the tough mudder, I was regularly surprised how easy it was to recover from a fall, or to prevent it altogether. And it didn't hurt so bad if I did go down. I'm still getting used to all the things this new body can do.
My attitude is switching from the things "I can't" to all the things "I can".
My face is different. Without the softening pads of fat, my smile, pantomimes, surprise, grimaces and grins are much more pronounced. I catch my image in Skype or in a mirror and I'm regularly surprised on how animated I look.
It is a major achievement to undertake an extreme weight loss. We are understandably expecting people to be uniformly happy for us, proud for us. But that isn't what happens. Our transformation means we literally change both inside and out. Some people can handle what we've become, some can't.
Which means, as tough as it sounds, the reasons for our weight loss must be for ourselves alone. Maaan, it's a lonely journey.
On the other hand, those who have cheered and encouraged me, like my lovely niece who asked me to come along on the tough mudder with her, are gold of the universe. New fast friends.0 -
Yes, I can relate to the emotions that come with extreme weight loss. I am eighty-five pounds down and people react differently. It's a social status change and some people are threatened by that.
In many ways I'm still a fat girl inside. When I saw a very heavy girl make it down a rather steep ladder at the tough mudder, her legs shaking, I am sure every muscle screaming with the effort, I heard the announcer call for the rest of us to cheer her efforts. So I waited for her to get on solid ground and gave her a high-five, giving her a sisterly smile. I got the feeling she was confused by my camaraderie. I don't look so big any more. But I've been in her body and I knew how much effort it took for her to take that ladder.
Another way I forget myself is when I go up or down stairs or do things that were formerly difficult. I walk cautiously like a fat girl, fearful of injury. During the tough mudder, I was regularly surprised how easy it was to recover from a fall, or to prevent it altogether. And it didn't hurt so bad if I did go down. I'm still getting used to all the things this new body can do.
My attitude is switching from the things "I can't" to all the things "I can".
My face is different. Without the softening pads of fat, my smile, pantomimes, surprise, grimaces and grins are much more pronounced. I catch my image in Skype or in a mirror and I'm regularly surprised on how animated I look.
It is a major achievement to undertake an extreme weight loss. We are understandably expecting people to be uniformly happy for us, proud for us. But that isn't what happens. Our transformation means we literally change both inside and out. Some people can handle what we've become, some can't.
Which means, as tough as it sounds, the reasons for our weight loss must be for ourselves alone. Maaan, it's a lonely journey.
On the other hand, those who have cheered and encouraged me, like my lovely niece who asked me to come along on the tough mudder with her, are gold of the universe. New fast friends.
Nicely stated. And you hit the nail on the head on so many points with my own transformation. I often wonder how people perceive me now, especially those who never knew me when I was over 400 pounds. Sometimes when I tell people, they can't even conceive of me being that big, nor losing over 200 pounds. I carry some before/after pictures with me as I enjoy sharing my story and giving people hope that if a regular guy like me can do it, they can too. However, like you said, it is a major achievement to undertake an extreme weight loss. My cardiologist, who is also a sleep apnea doctor and treats many severely obese people, said to me, "You have done what very few people have been able to do... especially without surgery..."
Yes, it can be a lonely journey, but the one thing that gives me pleasure is sharing with people who need/want my help. I have lost track of how many people have told me that they were walking or their spouse/cousin/uncle is walking because of me. It amazes me just how my story gives people hope.
So despite the little bit of negativity I have experienced, not only have I saved my own life, but I may be contributing to helping to save others'. I never expected any of that, but it is a nice benefit from all of this hard work.
Losing all of this weight was literally a dream come true. I fantasized about the day I would no longer be fat. And I often get emotional just thinking about it as I feel like I am going to wake up and be fat again.
Congratulations on your amazing loss and journey. And great job doing a Tough Mudder! Those are hard!
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Yes, I can relate to the emotions that come with extreme weight loss. I am eighty-five pounds down and people react differently. It's a social status change and some people are threatened by that.
In many ways I'm still a fat girl inside. When I saw a very heavy girl make it down a rather steep ladder at the tough mudder, her legs shaking, I am sure every muscle screaming with the effort, I heard the announcer call for the rest of us to cheer her efforts. So I waited for her to get on solid ground and gave her a high-five, giving her a sisterly smile. I got the feeling she was confused by my camaraderie. I don't look so big any more. But I've been in her body and I knew how much effort it took for her to take that ladder.
Another way I forget myself is when I go up or down stairs or do things that were formerly difficult. I walk cautiously like a fat girl, fearful of injury. During the tough mudder, I was regularly surprised how easy it was to recover from a fall, or to prevent it altogether. And it didn't hurt so bad if I did go down. I'm still getting used to all the things this new body can do.
My attitude is switching from the things "I can't" to all the things "I can".
My face is different. Without the softening pads of fat, my smile, pantomimes, surprise, grimaces and grins are much more pronounced. I catch my image in Skype or in a mirror and I'm regularly surprised on how animated I look.
It is a major achievement to undertake an extreme weight loss. We are understandably expecting people to be uniformly happy for us, proud for us. But that isn't what happens. Our transformation means we literally change both inside and out. Some people can handle what we've become, some can't.
Which means, as tough as it sounds, the reasons for our weight loss must be for ourselves alone. Maaan, it's a lonely journey.
On the other hand, those who have cheered and encouraged me, like my lovely niece who asked me to come along on the tough mudder with her, are gold of the universe. New fast friends.
This is a great post! yes things change socially when you are no longer the "fat friend" and God forbid you get smaller than your friends. people are OK until you get smaller than them (the skinny friends), lol. You do change inside and out: new confidence made me more social - normally an introvert, I would find myself striking up conversations with strangers in the elevator. People who have known me my whole life, are surprised to see me doing things like that.
I do feel like I don't fit in anywhere sometimes though. I don't feel like I "fit" with the normal weight people and the "fat" people certainly don't think I can relate to them. I had a similar thing I witnessed, I was at a class and an obese girl could not keep up. she started crying, oh it was horrible and my heart broke. She was humiliated and embarrassed. her (thin) friends were trying to encourage her. I wanted to hug her and give her a pep talk, but I didn't want to embarrass her further. She left early. I cried on the way home that day.
I frantically check any photo of myself to see if I look the same size as everyone else, "oh good, I look normal size in this pic" LOL
I hide the size of my clothes I bring into the dressing room, because I think other people will see I am trying on XX size and think "she's crazy, she's not small enough to fit into that!" and laugh at me for being delusional. and I am always surprised when it actually fits! lol
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This is a great post! yes things change socially when you are no longer the "fat friend" and God forbid you get smaller than your friends. people are OK until you get smaller than them (the skinny friends), lol. You do change inside and out: new confidence made me more social - normally an introvert, I would find myself striking up conversations with strangers in the elevator. People who have known me my whole life, are surprised to see me doing things like that.
I do feel like I don't fit in anywhere sometimes though. I don't feel like I "fit" with the normal weight people and the "fat" people certainly don't think I can relate to them. I had a similar thing I witnessed, I was at a class and an obese girl could not keep up. she started crying, oh it was horrible and my heart broke. She was humiliated and embarrassed. her (thin) friends were trying to encourage her. I wanted to hug her and give her a pep talk, but I didn't want to embarrass her further. She left early. I cried on the way home that day.
I frantically check any photo of myself to see if I look the same size as everyone else, "oh good, I look normal size in this pic" LOL
I hide the size of my clothes I bring into the dressing room, because I think other people will see I am trying on XX size and think "she's crazy, she's not small enough to fit into that!" and laugh at me for being delusional. and I am always surprised when it actually fits! lol
Well put. The "fat friend" is an interesting one. I was riding the bus home with a friend of mine who jokingly said to me, "I liked the 'old Mike' better...". I don't think he was really joking. Because at 400+ pounds I was not a threat to his ego (he thinks he's a bit of a lady's man). Now that I am thinner than he is (and look younger too), he sees me as competition... So weird for me because I have never been in that realm my whole adult life.
After I explained to him that I had saved my life as I had given up the will to live prior to my transformation, he felt bad for saying that. I told him that very few people knew and not to feel bad as I no longer feel that way.0
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