How do I stop feeling so self-conscious at the gym?

BabyBloodheart

New to the gym, and anxious about being there.

I feel absolutely ridiculous using an Olympic bar with just little 2.5kg plates (but the set bar weights available are too light) and using light weights when doing exercises like deadlift or barbel rows - I'm doing StrongLifts 5x5 and really weak so have to start light as possible. My form is terrible so I probably look ridiculous and all together very awkward trying to do an exercise too.

I get so anxious and I know people can tell - I have a strong 'worry face' and it can take me a few minutes of faffing around or checking videos of form to psyche myself up to doing an exercise. I'm also really odd looking, especially with my hair tied back, so that makes me anxious too!

I can't afford a personal trainer and go to the gym alone, so not sure how to get past this.

MonkeyMel21

It sounds like you know what you need to be doing so just keep doing it! Just ignore everyone else, assume they don't even know you're there. Are you listening to head phones? cause that really helps me get in to it.

bac0s

In my experience, no one is worried about what everyone else is doing there. Everyone else seems to be doing the same thing I am... Getting my workout in so I can go about my day.

DopeItUp

You're pretty much gonna have to suck it up and keep going until you're moving big weights and your form is awesome.

Just like everybody else on the planet.

suzettedees

My gym had an orientation that goes over all the equipment. I have worked out 1x a week with a trainer for the past 7 months. My first few times going by myself were scary but, I kept going and now I go 5x a week. See if you can download a strength training program for beginners and carry it with you at the gym. Honestly though I have found that no body is looking at me and I'm too busy focusing on what I am doing that the person next to me could be naked and I wouldn't notice. Keep going, it will get easier.

carlyp79

I recently started at a gym and I find everyone else is busy with their own stuff and unless i am wandering back and forth looking lost or hopeless, nobody gives me a 2nd glance.

JoRocka

Quiet frankly no one cares about you.

You're doing the right things... Go ahead and do the things you you're doing. You'll be alright.

Willbenchforcupcakes

JoRocka wrote: »

Quiet frankly no one cares about you.

You're doing the right things... Go ahead and do the things you you're doing. You'll be alright.

Very much this. At my old commercial gym, I paid very little attention to what anyone else was doing, and while I occasionally got stares, I just tuned it out.

At my current gym, well, we do pay a fair bit of attention to each other. But then, for the powerlifters, we are teammates and do help each other out with a spot or whatever else we need. And watching anyone attempt a new pr lift and cheering them on is par for the course.

BabyBloodheart

But the point is that people ARE looking at me...because I'm odd looking, obviously anxious so wandering back and forth looking lost or worried, and using the equipment incorrectly or low weights which looks out of place.

dgiddens2001

I just recently started at the gym, need to lose 125 lbs. I can only do 20-30 minutes on the treadmill, but I go and do what I can. The 1st time there, a very young muscular gentleman saw and and praised me for being there. That is the reason I keep going.

ninerbuff

Lol, when I first started working out, I couldn't even bench the Olympic bar. So I started with 15lbs dumbells.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Willbenchforcupcakes

BabyBloodheart wrote: »

But the point is that people ARE looking at me...because I'm odd looking, obviously anxious so wandering back and forth looking lost or worried, and using the equipment incorrectly or low weights which looks out of place.

I get that feeling that everyone is looking at you and judging you, being almost painfully shy myself. But anyone looking at you in almost every gym is either not actually looking at you (mentally prepping for their next set, whatever) or respecting you for showing up. No one but you cares about how much weight you are lifting. Promise

DopeItUp

BabyBloodheart wrote: »

But the point is that people ARE looking at me...because I'm odd looking, obviously anxious so wandering back and forth looking lost or worried, and using the equipment incorrectly or low weights which looks out of place.

If you really are so odd looking, then why aren't you used to it already? I'm no prize but I stopped caring about what people think of my appearance long ago. Please refer to my previous post.

oh_happy_day

BabyBloodheart wrote: »

But the point is that people ARE looking at me...because I'm odd looking, obviously anxious so wandering back and forth looking lost or worried, and using the equipment incorrectly or low weights which looks out of place.

So ignore them. Also just because they're looking at you doesn't mean they're judging you or thinking about you. Sometimes I catch myself 'looking' at people but it's more that I've zoned out and staring into middle distance. Or I'm thinking "oh I like her shoes". I don't pay attention to what sets people are doing or how much they're lifting. My experience is that most people at gyms are either disinterested in other people or are friendly and are thinking positively towards everyone else who has showed up.

Asher_Ethan

I go to the gym all the time and I hardly ever look at anyone else... If I am looking at someone else it's because I'm admiring them. If they are super fit I am admiring their body... if it looks like they're a beginner and scared, I admire that they stood up to their fears and they are actually there (I wish I could cheer them on but that would be weird)

You are fine, I promise.

MelodyandBarbells

BabyBloodheart wrote: »

But the point is that people ARE looking at me...because I'm odd looking, obviously anxious so wandering back and forth looking lost or worried, and using the equipment incorrectly or low weights which looks out of place.

Let's look at the level of detail we're talking about here - you think you're being stared at because you look awkward especially with your hair tied back? Really? The other gym goers finally get a few spare minutes away from screaming kids and other obligations, manage to fit a [sometimes] difficult workout in the middle of an already challenging day, but now they'll spend their time focused on someone because she's got her hair tied back or some other reason related to how she looks?

BodyByBex

@BabyBloodheart If people ARE looking at you and you SEE them looking at you, ask them if they can watch your form for you and be willing and able to take some constructive criticism.
OR before you work out, look for a familiar face, someone you see there at least as often as you are there and who looks like they know what they are doing, and ask them for assistance.

It's harder than it seems to walk up to a stranger and ask for assistance but if you come up to them awkwardly enough they might find it endearing. In my experience, most people at the gym are happy to help those who are struggling.

middlehaitch

Ok I may well be way out in left field here but;
Have you thought of using the lighter bar, or even hand weights, until you get your form correct? Common sense says it would better to have correct form before progressing with weight, and it sounds as though the weight is stopping your form from progressing.

As to how you look, maybe it is gym etiquette that is preventing people approaching you with help, but people are keeping a gentle eye on you for if you get into trouble. Ask for some tips, I bet you will get them.

I am a diminutive old codger and no one cares when I trudge in to do my version of 5x5 with, sometimes incredibly light, hand weights ( only use an oly bar for dead lifts, and that is a bare bar)

Just trying to give you a different slant on things.

Cheers, h.

blueboxgeek

BabyBloodheart wrote: »

But the point is that people ARE looking at me...because I'm odd looking, obviously anxious so wandering back and forth looking lost or worried, and using the equipment incorrectly or low weights which looks out of place.

If I happen to notice another woman lifting weights at my gym (which is unlikely because I don't really pay attention to anyone else) and I notice she is using small weights.... I think "bloody good for you!". Everyone has to start somewhere. Just go for it x

AsISmile

middlehaitch wrote: »

Ok I may well be way out in left field here but;
Have you thought of using the lighter bar, or even hand weights, until you get your form correct? Common sense says it would better to have correct form before progressing with weight, and it sounds as though the weight is stopping your form from progressing.

As to how you look, maybe it is gym etiquette that is preventing people approaching you with help, but people are keeping a gentle eye on you for if you get into trouble. Ask for some tips, I bet you will get them.

I am a diminutive old codger and no one cares when I trudge in to do my version of 5x5 with, sometimes incredibly light, hand weights ( only use an oly bar for dead lifts, and that is a bare bar)

Just trying to give you a different slant on things.

Cheers, h.

This.

999tigger

What they all said nobody cares. Keep a record of progress and you will see if you are consistent you will only lift heavier. If you really have such an anxiety problem then go at quieter times till you build up confidence. Just above in tat form is really importnat so dont be afraid to ask, but pick your moment.

If you are stuck then ask a trainer if they cna just show you correct form as its in their interest for people to do things safely. They should always spare 5-10 mins. Dont sign up just be polite. Overcoming your anxiety issues at the gym will give you confidence and will be as much a bonus as getting stronger and losing weight.

JoRocka

BabyBloodheart wrote: »

But the point is that people ARE looking at me...because I'm odd looking, obviously anxious so wandering back and forth looking lost or worried, and using the equipment incorrectly or low weights which looks out of place.

So- you're project your feelings out on a reaction that means nothing.

People look- especially in the weight room- people watch everyone- there is an ebb and flow to it. some people do the 1000 yard stare- some people people watch.

But trust me- they don't care about you. They don't know you- they may go in their head- look at that guy trying to figure it out. And you know what happens after that? nothing- they go back to lifting.

Options of lifting ab out what to do with your eyeballs
look at the floor- look at people- look at your phone- talk to people
Guess what that means:
Looking at the floor- you're not well or you're a socially awkward guy who everyone stays away from b/c you migth be the one that snaps
Looking at people - OMG PEOPLE ARE JUDGING ME
Looking at your phone- OMG LOOK AT THAT GUY NOT WORKING OUT JUST HOGGING EQUIPMENT USING HIS PHONE.
Talking to people- OMG LOOK AT THAT GUY SOCIALIZING_ NEVER WORKING.

Trust me- just because they happen to lay eyes on you doesn't mean they give to poops about you.

Do the things you need to do. Period. Don't mind anyone else. Just keep doing what you're doing.

kwtilbury

Unless you do something absolutely ridiculous, like use a leg curl machine to do crunches, no one is going to pay attention to what you look like. Do your own thing and enjoy yourself.

harlequin0318

I have an easy solution to the "my form is terrible part"....practice in the mirror at home first! practice all the time, "faff" around and check videos at home, psych yourself up before you get there, or in the car before you go in. Then when you go in - get to business, focus on yourself - because that's what everyone else is there to do (mostly)

KittensMaster

Have a routine set and do it

Don't go unprepared. Have a notebook

I used to worry about things

My trainer, a woman, said to wear tights on leg day

I felt funny about that. But they actually had benefits keeping warmed up and not scraping off skin

Cycling has skin tight clothes that took some getting used to for wearing

We all felt Funny about something in life

Just focus on the task at hand and complete it with enthusiasm

lizzocat

Find your resting *kitten* face...j/k. Honestly, just keep going and doing what you're doing, anyone who is paying attention to you isn't doing what they're supposed to be doing, which is working out and paying attention to their own lifts. I started out lifting with literally like 5 pounds and empty bars, everyone has to start somewhere.

cindyangotti

People at the gym are focused on themselves, not you! I don't mean that to sound mean at all but once I realized that my gym experience was much better. I used to weigh 265 pounds so I know how you feel but honestly, they are not looking at you.

kindrabbit

OP you've had some great responses.

At some point you are going to have to stop caring what other people think. No matter how 'funny looking' you are, I'm sure no-one is really that interested in what you are doing. I can't speak for everyone else but if I were to see you in my gym I would be happy to see you starting out. I probably wouldn't offer assistance as gym etiquette is usually to keep your head down and get on with your own workout BUT if you were to ask, I'd be very happy to share what I have learned with you. I occasionally chat to people between sets if they look open to it and they are doing something that I am interested in and I would like some advice.

FYI, I have just done my workout with the empty bar and it didnt even occur to me to care what anyone else thought.

My concern is that you aren't using correct form. That's a sure fire way to hurt yourself. Does your gym offer free inductions? Even if you don't have a full personal training session I am sure a member of staff will check your form for you. I will occasionally ask someone to either check my form or spot me if I am close to my max.

PS, can we have a pic?

LolaKarwowski

BabyBloodheart wrote: »

But the point is that people ARE looking at me...because I'm odd looking, obviously anxious so wandering back and forth looking lost or worried, and using the equipment incorrectly or low weights which looks out of place.

I get some stares too. At first they bothered me but after a while my fat bothered me more. No one starts off looking like a body builder. Everyone has their first day at the gym. If I can tell someone is a newbie, I'm cheering them on in my head. I don't think I've ever judged them for trying to better their lives through fitness. I know it's easier said then done but it is really just you going in there and not giving two (you know what) about what others will think of you.

tephanies1234

Check your gym for pre-weighted barbells. They are usually sitting on a rack that looks like a pyramid and start at 20lbs and go up by 5lbs until about 65lbs. You could start with those then move to the Olympic bar once your past 65 lbs on your lifts. Another thing to do so your not looking at youtube videos of exercises in the gym is make a plan in your head 1/2 hour before you get there, know the exercises your going to do and check form with videos before hand so you're not wasting time while you're there. That'll help with the walking back and forth- clueless look, although you're doing 5x5, so things can't get more simple than that. Lastly,....get over yourself. No one's really paying attention to you, they're most likely checking themselves out in the mirrors.

zoomtech16

Here's what you do because I am so awkward at the gym. You LOOK like you know what you're doing. Get this serious face down pat and wear it all the time. The face should say if you even look in my direction my glare will burn holes through you!

Then when you need to watch a video for form just pretend you are resting. Go all the way and sit down, grab your water bottle and watch that video for however the heck long you want to! Then you lift those tiny weights like a BOSS because you ARE a boss.

Wear something that makes you feel good, and I always wear makeup bc I have to feel confident. I look weird with my hair up too, so I leave a bunch of my bangs hanging. It looks good plus I can use them to hide my face.

I am dead serious. This is what I do.