Partners? Do they ever understand!!!!

cwagar123

wow, your poor partner... this just made me feel sad for him.

... and ya, you are totally overreacting... Hangry?

Sandcastles61

When I started out at the first of the year, I thought I had to balance not only my calories every day, but keep my macros smack on perfect or I was sabotaging myself. I would spend lots of time planning and prelogging my "perfect" day and would get a bit annoyed as well if something popped up to change my preplanned day.

Then I slowly began to understand it was not so much about the macros for weight loss, just the calories. The macros are for "nutrition." So long as you stay in the macro ballpark by the end of the week, you will be eating in a healthy manner. So long as you stay in the calorie ballpark by the end of the week, you will be eating at a deficit and see weight loss (well most of the time because weight loss isn't linear after all )

Hope that helps you relax your mind for this weight loss road you are on. It's okay to go over on a macro if you still have calories left for the day and find yourself hungry. Best wishes

nvmomketo

I think he had good intentions, I would try not to punish him for that.

I agree that you need to label your food. Put it in your own Tupperware, put your name on it, and maybe add the day and time you plan to eat it.

ninerbuff

Your endeavor is not his. It's not his issue to deal with. Once you realize that, you'll figure it out.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

LKArgh

OP your profile shows 175 lbs to lose. You did not gain this weight because you ate rice or chicken on the wrong day. Your husband did not make you gain this weight. And there is nothing he can do to help you lose this weight. This is not the way to lose weight. You need to take a deep breath, take a step back and change your plans. You cannot have daily different meals for everyone, you cannot eat different things until you lose weight, especially since it will take years, you cannot expect your husband to cater to you. Figure out how to eat within your calories and eat the same things as the rest of the family. If the meals are terribly high on calories, then you need to change what you all eat, because surely this is not good for your kids either. If it is only you gaining weight on the same meals, then work on portion control and see what else you are eating that the others are not (at work? snacks? drinks?) Plan your meals, weigh them, put them in a container and label them. Do not expect your husband or kids to have in mind you are trying to eat prelogged food, or avoid X or Y. Manage this yourself, leave them a note on your tupperware to not touch it because you are taking this to work or whatever. In general, work on planning better and it will make your life easier. And take responsibility, it is not your husband's fault you are overweight.

Francl27

I'm confused about your post about not liking things reheated then looking for the ham and mash to reheat. Very confused. Don't understand either why people leave stuff in the microwave and not in the fridge. Doesn't sound safe to me.

That being said, I totally get the frustration, my husband doesn't listen either and he's eaten my leftovers sometimes too (that I had carefully logged and told him I would eat the next day). It gets really annoying. But I don't like leftovers much so it doesn't happen that much at least...

Eldow1977

Thank you to everyone who shared your thoughts.

I am most definitely aware that I am "a bit" on the crazy side and whilst I had calmed down I did become more frustrated as it went on. In saying that, it also made me laugh to an extent and as much as I could have just deleted it. I figured I should stand up and claim those irrational thoughts and figure out where to go with it.

I have struggled with my weight for 30 years and was feeling really positive since I started this two weeks ago. My husband have never had issues, chocolate, coke cola, Harribo sweets, he can do what he likes. So yes some of my frustration does also stem from that. His favourite trick is buying the 250g bars of cadbury's when they are on offer, 2 for £2 or something and then he pitches it like he bought it for me and that it would be a waste to miss the offer and only buy 1.

Got to love the person who commented that his wife had made a quesadillas and didn't weigh it but he ate it anywhere, she did it again and he still ate it. Quesadillas for you is when my husband would probably buy me fish and chips when I've planned for a salad and I tried to eat the Ham and mash so I wouldn't be ungrateful. It didn't happen!

I've got nearly 200 lb to lose and food is my comfort so yes I will be venting my frustrations in other ways. I just wish that this man of mine would listen to me, you know? Soul mate and all that, we are very much one of those couples on films who argue just to make up but he doesn't want to plan food, he doesn't want to discuss what's for tea, he'll decide when the time comes and when he does discuss it, he changes it and that's fine, he's the one cooking. He can have this time to eat something that I shouldn't be eating and I will make plans to fit with that. He normally only has to cook twice a week, this week was an exception with 3 lates, and I've tried everything I can think of to find a positive solution, like recipes in the slow cooker but I come home to find he's added ingredients.

We always eat as a family when it's me cooking, we eat the same thing as a family. When he cooks I've turned into this deranged control freak and I'm getting angry with myself because of it. On a positive note. Haven't reached for a chocolate yet, which would be my normal trick.

I'm just tired of being fat and I want to be able to go into a normal shop and by regular size clothes even if it's a size 18 and I'm tired of fighting my fat on my own. I get why he doesn't understand but I'm still tired none the less.

I suppose I just needed someone to say, Yes we understand what you mean. Thanks again everyone.

JustMissTracy

Someone above mentioned menopause....I'm not sure how old you are, but I am going through perimenopause right now, and EVERYHING annoys me....even the good things! If you could be going through this too, might I suggest having a talk with your doctor, THEN having a talk with your honey. He is the one who (hopefully!) will be by your side during this long, hard journey...he's the one you need to be at peace with, almost as much as your own self. Good luck to you, please be gentle on yourself and on your hubby! xo

booksandchocolate12

Oh. My. God.

Take a pill and lie down. Seriously. For the love of all things holy, just take a pill and lie down.

Nanogg55

Wow. If him leaving food for you is so irritating what do you do when he leaves the toilet seat up?

JeffBrown3

So long story short, he cooked your dinner and it pissed you off? Then someone ate your meal you were saving. Heck, I wish my partner would cook a meal for me for when I got off work. I am just SMH at this entire post.

pootle1972

Good luck and PLEASE......learn to let it go.....its just food, you have to learn how to eat for life....

Alluminati

Boiled rabbit, anyone?

999tigger

Elshe1977 wrote: »

I'm just tired of being fat and I want to be able to go into a normal shop and by regular size clothes even if it's a size 18 and I'm tired of fighting my fat on my own. I get why he doesn't understand but I'm still tired none the less.

I suppose I just needed someone to say, Yes we understand what you mean. Thanks again everyone.

Why not just leave him out of the equation altogether and rely on yourself to make this journey, its yours not his. Cook your own food and then you dont have him letting you down and no excuse for getting angry. There are plenty of people on these forums who have lost weight and maybe you should listen to what they have to say about what works and what will not be effective. Cooking your own food, weighing it, logging it and learning soemthing about nutrution will all help you understand and then control the amount you eat.

Your energy is precious, so do yourself a favour and focus on what you need to do instead of wearing yourself out on things that do not matter because its a recipe for failure. Losing weight is straightforward, use the forums and read the stickies so you understand how it works and then work on a plan that suits you is effective and sustainable.

Look at the success pages and you will see people who have lost 200lbs +, that can be you if you can eat just a bit less consistently and have the patience to do so for 3+ years. Focus on believing in yourself and being as effective as possible at weight loss.

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants/p1

JustMissTracy

Elshe1977 wrote: »

Thank you to everyone who shared your thoughts.

I am most definitely aware that I am "a bit" on the crazy side and whilst I had calmed down I did become more frustrated as it went on. In saying that, it also made me laugh to an extent and as much as I could have just deleted it. I figured I should stand up and claim those irrational thoughts and figure out where to go with it.

I have struggled with my weight for 30 years and was feeling really positive since I started this two weeks ago. My husband have never had issues, chocolate, coke cola, Harribo sweets, he can do what he likes. So yes some of my frustration does also stem from that. His favourite trick is buying the 250g bars of cadbury's when they are on offer, 2 for £2 or something and then he pitches it like he bought it for me and that it would be a waste to miss the offer and only buy 1.

Got to love the person who commented that his wife had made a quesadillas and didn't weigh it but he ate it anywhere, she did it again and he still ate it. Quesadillas for you is when my husband would probably buy me fish and chips when I've planned for a salad and I tried to eat the Ham and mash so I wouldn't be ungrateful. It didn't happen!

I've got nearly 200 lb to lose and food is my comfort so yes I will be venting my frustrations in other ways. I just wish that this man of mine would listen to me, you know? Soul mate and all that, we are very much one of those couples on films who argue just to make up but he doesn't want to plan food, he doesn't want to discuss what's for tea, he'll decide when the time comes and when he does discuss it, he changes it and that's fine, he's the one cooking. He can have this time to eat something that I shouldn't be eating and I will make plans to fit with that. He normally only has to cook twice a week, this week was an exception with 3 lates, and I've tried everything I can think of to find a positive solution, like recipes in the slow cooker but I come home to find he's added ingredients.

We always eat as a family when it's me cooking, we eat the same thing as a family. When he cooks I've turned into this deranged control freak and I'm getting angry with myself because of it. On a positive note. Haven't reached for a chocolate yet, which would be my normal trick.

I'm just tired of being fat and I want to be able to go into a normal shop and by regular size clothes even if it's a size 18 and I'm tired of fighting my fat on my own. I get why he doesn't understand but I'm still tired none the less.

I suppose I just needed someone to say, Yes we understand what you mean. Thanks again everyone.

I do understand what you mean. Time to let go. It took me 46 years to figure this out.....some things, including a meal here and there, aren't worth your misery, or his. Let go, and let be. Peace. xo

Liftng4Lis

hac125 wrote: »

Wow. If him leaving food for you is so irritating what do you do when he leaves the toilet seat up?

SNORT!

AnnPT77

Elshe1977 wrote: »

I have calmed down since last night but still annoyed with him and myself and he just doesn't seem to see the issue.
...
Please tell me that someone (anyone, everyone) has partners like this ...........................

Nope, not me: Mine died (at age 45).

In your initial post, your extreme frustration comes through loud and clear, and I'm sorry that you felt this way on top of the stresses of routine daily life, complicated by weight loss logistics. I'm not an expert, and it's tough to read a situation from one side of the story in any case, but like others, I wondered if there wasn't more going on here - being tired or "hangry", or other relationship issues, or something else entirely.

Then I read your follow-up post. If you just wanted to release some tension by having a bit of a rant, then this should be one of the better places for that. Since your follow-up suggests that's the case, I'm glad that you were able to digest *some* of the comments above without undue distress - some seem a bit flip, harsh, or dismissive to me, but the commenters may feel they're simply "telling it like it is".

Others have had some practical tips that sound promising: Pantry supplies as a fallback, notes on food in the fridge, banking a few calories for his days to cook, etc. The bottom line is that the only person whose behavior one can predictably control is one's own, and that includes one's reactions to others. I'm glad to hear that your relationship is, overall, sound and supportive - I know how much of a gift that is in life.

Regardless of route, I hope you're able to find your way to greater calm, and a continued happy, peaceful relationship with your partner, *plus* success in your weight-loss goal.

slideaway1

That domestic life. I don't think he's intentionally trying to wind you up though. Maybe try to pre-empt his colossal Fu*k ups and try to build them into your overall calorie/macro goals.

slideaway1

What were his thoughts on the Ham and mash that he ate? On the positive side He's obviously very appreciative of your cooking that he eats your portions too.

c613477

Well I would be thankful my husband would cook for the family when I work late. It is a rare occurrence in my household and on the few days he has done it, it is often a high carb casserole with chicken and some heavy sauce. I am thankful the children got full and are taken care of. I simply will only eat a tiny amount of it or none at all and get some quick healthy sides for new. Fruit, Greek yogurt, hummus with veggies, tuna, etc. Maybe have some backup snacks and frozen meals and try to be thankful he is trying. It could be much worse. I have to cook at 8 pm at times with a screaming toddler and starving teenager after a 14 hour work day.