Partners? Do they ever understand!!!!



  • 110challenge
    110challenge Posts: 195 Member
    I can definitely see some frustration, but I think if you're 15 years into this things probably aren't going to change and I genuinely think it's unintentional on his part so I'd try to realize my sensitivity is more my problem than his.

    For sure labeling the food if you need to would help clear things up, and I'd have a backup plan for if a post-it gets lost. I do 100% of the meal planning and don't have any issues with him eating what was intended to me mine, but since he's eating the same meal as me it's rare that we aren't eating the exact same thing so it doesn't happen much. I have back-up meals in case I forget to pick something up from the supermarket and realize I can't follow my meal plan quite as I intended - always quick and easy meals so that I'm not tempted to cheat (like omelets).
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,131 Member
    He's not going to change. Ignore him. Don't rely on him to do anything for you meal-wise.

    I don't think you're crazy. <3
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member

    My thoughts exactly.

    OP, everyone eating the same food equals simplicity. (.) period
  • BigGuy47
    BigGuy47 Posts: 1,768 Member
    Elshe1977 wrote: »
    I'm not some crazy woman
    The jury is still out.

  • pootle1972
    pootle1972 Posts: 579 Member do need to chill out .....
  • IsaackGMOON
    IsaackGMOON Posts: 3,358 Member
    edited September 2015
    This thread actually made me laugh... I think that's a first for MFP.

  • cazpom37
    cazpom37 Posts: 88 Member
    sounds to me like you have a husband who often thinks about you and you should be more appreciative. it may not fit into your plan but he's trying and i personally don't think he deserves you ranting at him for thinking of you. just my opinion....
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,271 Member
    edited September 2015
    Good grief. I think you need to roll with it, lady. Calmly explain your pov, don't freak out. Yikes.

  • Fitforevermore
    Fitforevermore Posts: 382 Member
    Seems like you as a 'partner', do not.
  • cwilso37
    cwilso37 Posts: 79 Member
    The scary part is this is after "calmed down since last night"
  • chubbywolfe
    chubbywolfe Posts: 13 Member
    You're not crazy but I think you have an issue with something that is coming out in the form of "my husband is @%#%^!". Maybe your husband is your issue or maybe he's an easy target, find and work on your issue before it steals anymore from your life than it already has.

    On the food front, I suggest planning better when you go grocery shopping or making a list of your needs if your husband does the shopping. I personally eat what my family eats and make extra sides that are calorie friendly for myself. If we have chicken with pasta for a side, I skip the pasta and double down on steamed veggies. I eat a lot of steamed veggies.

    Good luck and have a better day!

  • cityruss
    cityruss Posts: 2,493 Member
    Can anyone confirm that the husband is still with us, and hasn't been used for tonight's dinner? (no pineapple of course)
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,236 Member
    edited September 2015
    I got halfway through, cant take a whole portion so to speak, but its not looking good for you OP. I have sympathy with the husband. 15 years worth!

    OP why waste yout time working yourself up over this nonsense whne you could be relaxing or just cooking your own food? If you wnat to lose weight then ger your priorities right and focus on you rather than involving other people.

    Now read the rest and it doesnt improve. Seriously OP is that what you think is important in life? What an utter waste of energy. If you wnat to lose weight then focus on getting the food control right, maybe even go for a walk to calm down.

    Why not just be responsible for your own food and then the opportunity to work yourself up would be removed.
  • bkerr30
    bkerr30 Posts: 131 Member
    I'm hoping you were over exaggerating your reactions to try and be funny, because really, that level of rage is not normal! You have a partner of 15 years who helps around the house, cooks meals and tends to the kids and yes, sometimes forgets things you have told him. He is human and yes, not perfect. To me it sounds like there are other issues at play that are coming out in the arena of food and meals. But I don't know you so that's just a guess. Try a kinder, more compassionate approach and you may find he is more apt to listen. I would tune you out too if you were constantly screaming and raging at me.
  • esmesqualor
    esmesqualor Posts: 86 Member
    cazpom37 wrote: »
    sounds to me like you have a husband who often thinks about you and you should be more appreciative. it may not fit into your plan but he's trying and i personally don't think he deserves you ranting at him for thinking of you. just my opinion....
    Yes, I agree. Try to see the big picture. Make a meal everyone ca eat and then it's easy. You can bulk up your portion with a big salad or cooked veggies. Don;t beat the poor man up for being thoughtful. Deep breath.

  • Mezzie1024
    Mezzie1024 Posts: 380 Member
    Actually, if I have my heart set on eating something when I get home, and it's gone, I can get pretty bummed. It's pretty rare that happens, but it is a letdown. If it happened frequently, I could see getting frustrated.

    I think the easiest thing would be to write notes on the lids of your food containers. "This is OP's dinner for 9/5. Please do not eat or reheat." If that is ignored, then that would be inconsiderate.

    My husband and I often eat different meals due to different work schedules, but we also often prepare things for the other on a whim. I leave my husband a note when I've made him a meal he can take to work; he usually texts me when he makes something for me (I have the sound on my phone off, so he won't wake me; the reverse is not true). We rarely eat anything in the fridge that we didn't make ourselves without checking first. As we don't have children, this arrangement isn't terribly complicated.
  • pstegman888
    pstegman888 Posts: 286 Member
    cazpom37 wrote: »
    sounds to me like you have a husband who often thinks about you and you should be more appreciative. it may not fit into your plan but he's trying and i personally don't think he deserves you ranting at him for thinking of you. just my opinion....

    Agree with this. It doesn't sound like he is deliberately trying to undermine you, he is just trying to be thoughtful (albiet in a slightly oblivious way, lol). You're giving him complicated instructions about swapping foods around, and really, why don't you just take the responsibility for your own food. If he fixes something you like & it fits your goal, eat it and thank him. If you want to save it for later, put it in a labeled or color-coded container and make sure the rest of the family knows that the label/color means "hands off." If you don't like it, put it back in the fridge for him & the kids to eat for another meal or snack. I know we all have days where it's the smallest thing that sets us off, but I'm sure a bowl of rice with pineapple isn't worth picking away at the threads of your relationship.
  • MrsCaitlinBeltran
    MrsCaitlinBeltran Posts: 241 Member
    The food you put into your mouth is your responsibility. I really don't see how your husband is in the wrong. He was just trying to be nice and you reacted in a totally irrational manner. You should've thanked him for thinking about you and then eaten something different--it's that simple.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 22,580 Member
    I'm sort of curious if the OP might be experiencing TOM issues ... and especially if she is nearing perimenopause. I know that as I entered perimenopause, my PMS escalated for about a year. Happily, it has settled again now.

    Or ...

    What is her calorie limit? MFP had me at 1250, then dropped me to 1200 ... 50 cal isn't much, but it was just enough to move me from feeling like I had something of a grip on things, to 'hangry'. I manually re-adjusted back to 1250 and felt better about life.

    Or ...

    Tired. For me, the last few weeks have been exhausting with working full-time and taking a heavy grad course. I've been up very late at night and again early in the morning. I've had a couple small meltdowns lately just simply because I'm exhausted. She says she works until 8:30 pm ... maybe she's putting in long hours and is tired.

    Of course I'm just speculating here, but these might be considerations if looking for solutions. :)
  • momoharuno
    momoharuno Posts: 141 Member
    I can't even imagine reacting at my husband like that, your partner is supposed to be someone you love and respect, my husband can be a bit oblivious too but I would never assume a malicious intent just because he didn't realize something. I do all the shopping and cooking in the house and I still make all the delicious recipes he loves (and very likely married me for lol) I just use lower calorie ingredients and cut back others to make everything healthier or even omit steps (you don't HAVE to sweat onions in butter it's a preference not a necessity they will sweat with a little crushed garlic in juice) which makes it to where I have wonderful food that I love while staying in my caloric deficit and he gets all the things he loves and doesn't feel deprived. It's not that hard to find a balance that makes everyone happy if you have a supportive and communicative relationship. I really hope you guys figure out something to resolve this situation, no one wants or deserves to be yelled at or made to feel guilty or lesser by a partner. There have been many great suggestions about labeling and colored containers that I would encourage you to try. Best of luck