Partners? Do they ever understand!!!!
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You're not crazy but I think you have an issue with something that is coming out in the form of "my husband is @%#%^!". Maybe your husband is your issue or maybe he's an easy target, find and work on your issue before it steals anymore from your life than it already has.
On the food front, I suggest planning better when you go grocery shopping or making a list of your needs if your husband does the shopping. I personally eat what my family eats and make extra sides that are calorie friendly for myself. If we have chicken with pasta for a side, I skip the pasta and double down on steamed veggies. I eat a lot of steamed veggies.
Good luck and have a better day!
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Can anyone confirm that the husband is still with us, and hasn't been used for tonight's dinner? (no pineapple of course)0
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I got halfway through, cant take a whole portion so to speak, but its not looking good for you OP. I have sympathy with the husband. 15 years worth!
OP why waste yout time working yourself up over this nonsense whne you could be relaxing or just cooking your own food? If you wnat to lose weight then ger your priorities right and focus on you rather than involving other people.
Now read the rest and it doesnt improve. Seriously OP is that what you think is important in life? What an utter waste of energy. If you wnat to lose weight then focus on getting the food control right, maybe even go for a walk to calm down.
Why not just be responsible for your own food and then the opportunity to work yourself up would be removed.0 -
I'm hoping you were over exaggerating your reactions to try and be funny, because really, that level of rage is not normal! You have a partner of 15 years who helps around the house, cooks meals and tends to the kids and yes, sometimes forgets things you have told him. He is human and yes, not perfect. To me it sounds like there are other issues at play that are coming out in the arena of food and meals. But I don't know you so that's just a guess. Try a kinder, more compassionate approach and you may find he is more apt to listen. I would tune you out too if you were constantly screaming and raging at me.0
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Yes, I agree. Try to see the big picture. Make a meal everyone ca eat and then it's easy. You can bulk up your portion with a big salad or cooked veggies. Don;t beat the poor man up for being thoughtful. Deep breath.sounds to me like you have a husband who often thinks about you and you should be more appreciative. it may not fit into your plan but he's trying and i personally don't think he deserves you ranting at him for thinking of you. just my opinion....
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Actually, if I have my heart set on eating something when I get home, and it's gone, I can get pretty bummed. It's pretty rare that happens, but it is a letdown. If it happened frequently, I could see getting frustrated.
I think the easiest thing would be to write notes on the lids of your food containers. "This is OP's dinner for 9/5. Please do not eat or reheat." If that is ignored, then that would be inconsiderate.
My husband and I often eat different meals due to different work schedules, but we also often prepare things for the other on a whim. I leave my husband a note when I've made him a meal he can take to work; he usually texts me when he makes something for me (I have the sound on my phone off, so he won't wake me; the reverse is not true). We rarely eat anything in the fridge that we didn't make ourselves without checking first. As we don't have children, this arrangement isn't terribly complicated.0 -
sounds to me like you have a husband who often thinks about you and you should be more appreciative. it may not fit into your plan but he's trying and i personally don't think he deserves you ranting at him for thinking of you. just my opinion....
Agree with this. It doesn't sound like he is deliberately trying to undermine you, he is just trying to be thoughtful (albiet in a slightly oblivious way, lol). You're giving him complicated instructions about swapping foods around, and really, why don't you just take the responsibility for your own food. If he fixes something you like & it fits your goal, eat it and thank him. If you want to save it for later, put it in a labeled or color-coded container and make sure the rest of the family knows that the label/color means "hands off." If you don't like it, put it back in the fridge for him & the kids to eat for another meal or snack. I know we all have days where it's the smallest thing that sets us off, but I'm sure a bowl of rice with pineapple isn't worth picking away at the threads of your relationship.
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The food you put into your mouth is your responsibility. I really don't see how your husband is in the wrong. He was just trying to be nice and you reacted in a totally irrational manner. You should've thanked him for thinking about you and then eaten something different--it's that simple.0
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I'm sort of curious if the OP might be experiencing TOM issues ... and especially if she is nearing perimenopause. I know that as I entered perimenopause, my PMS escalated for about a year. Happily, it has settled again now.
Or ...
What is her calorie limit? MFP had me at 1250, then dropped me to 1200 ... 50 cal isn't much, but it was just enough to move me from feeling like I had something of a grip on things, to 'hangry'. I manually re-adjusted back to 1250 and felt better about life.
Or ...
Tired. For me, the last few weeks have been exhausting with working full-time and taking a heavy grad course. I've been up very late at night and again early in the morning. I've had a couple small meltdowns lately just simply because I'm exhausted. She says she works until 8:30 pm ... maybe she's putting in long hours and is tired.
Of course I'm just speculating here, but these might be considerations if looking for solutions.
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I can't even imagine reacting at my husband like that, your partner is supposed to be someone you love and respect, my husband can be a bit oblivious too but I would never assume a malicious intent just because he didn't realize something. I do all the shopping and cooking in the house and I still make all the delicious recipes he loves (and very likely married me for lol) I just use lower calorie ingredients and cut back others to make everything healthier or even omit steps (you don't HAVE to sweat onions in butter it's a preference not a necessity they will sweat with a little crushed garlic in juice) which makes it to where I have wonderful food that I love while staying in my caloric deficit and he gets all the things he loves and doesn't feel deprived. It's not that hard to find a balance that makes everyone happy if you have a supportive and communicative relationship. I really hope you guys figure out something to resolve this situation, no one wants or deserves to be yelled at or made to feel guilty or lesser by a partner. There have been many great suggestions about labeling and colored containers that I would encourage you to try. Best of luck0
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wow, your poor partner... this just made me feel sad for him.
... and ya, you are totally overreacting... Hangry?0 -
When I started out at the first of the year, I thought I had to balance not only my calories every day, but keep my macros smack on perfect or I was sabotaging myself. I would spend lots of time planning and prelogging my "perfect" day and would get a bit annoyed as well if something popped up to change my preplanned day.
Then I slowly began to understand it was not so much about the macros for weight loss, just the calories. The macros are for "nutrition." So long as you stay in the macro ballpark by the end of the week, you will be eating in a healthy manner. So long as you stay in the calorie ballpark by the end of the week, you will be eating at a deficit and see weight loss (well most of the time because weight loss isn't linear after all )
Hope that helps you relax your mind for this weight loss road you are on. It's okay to go over on a macro if you still have calories left for the day and find yourself hungry. Best wishes0 -
I think he had good intentions, I would try not to punish him for that.
I agree that you need to label your food. Put it in your own Tupperware, put your name on it, and maybe add the day and time you plan to eat it.
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Your endeavor is not his. It's not his issue to deal with. Once you realize that, you'll figure it out.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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OP your profile shows 175 lbs to lose. You did not gain this weight because you ate rice or chicken on the wrong day. Your husband did not make you gain this weight. And there is nothing he can do to help you lose this weight. This is not the way to lose weight. You need to take a deep breath, take a step back and change your plans. You cannot have daily different meals for everyone, you cannot eat different things until you lose weight, especially since it will take years, you cannot expect your husband to cater to you. Figure out how to eat within your calories and eat the same things as the rest of the family. If the meals are terribly high on calories, then you need to change what you all eat, because surely this is not good for your kids either. If it is only you gaining weight on the same meals, then work on portion control and see what else you are eating that the others are not (at work? snacks? drinks?) Plan your meals, weigh them, put them in a container and label them. Do not expect your husband or kids to have in mind you are trying to eat prelogged food, or avoid X or Y. Manage this yourself, leave them a note on your tupperware to not touch it because you are taking this to work or whatever. In general, work on planning better and it will make your life easier. And take responsibility, it is not your husband's fault you are overweight.0
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I'm confused about your post about not liking things reheated then looking for the ham and mash to reheat. Very confused. Don't understand either why people leave stuff in the microwave and not in the fridge. Doesn't sound safe to me.
That being said, I totally get the frustration, my husband doesn't listen either and he's eaten my leftovers sometimes too (that I had carefully logged and told him I would eat the next day). It gets really annoying. But I don't like leftovers much so it doesn't happen that much at least...0 -
Thank you to everyone who shared your thoughts.
I am most definitely aware that I am "a bit" on the crazy side and whilst I had calmed down I did become more frustrated as it went on. In saying that, it also made me laugh to an extent and as much as I could have just deleted it. I figured I should stand up and claim those irrational thoughts and figure out where to go with it.
I have struggled with my weight for 30 years and was feeling really positive since I started this two weeks ago. My husband have never had issues, chocolate, coke cola, Harribo sweets, he can do what he likes. So yes some of my frustration does also stem from that. His favourite trick is buying the 250g bars of cadbury's when they are on offer, 2 for £2 or something and then he pitches it like he bought it for me and that it would be a waste to miss the offer and only buy 1.
Got to love the person who commented that his wife had made a quesadillas and didn't weigh it but he ate it anywhere, she did it again and he still ate it. Quesadillas for you is when my husband would probably buy me fish and chips when I've planned for a salad and I tried to eat the Ham and mash so I wouldn't be ungrateful. It didn't happen!
I've got nearly 200 lb to lose and food is my comfort so yes I will be venting my frustrations in other ways. I just wish that this man of mine would listen to me, you know? Soul mate and all that, we are very much one of those couples on films who argue just to make up but he doesn't want to plan food, he doesn't want to discuss what's for tea, he'll decide when the time comes and when he does discuss it, he changes it and that's fine, he's the one cooking. He can have this time to eat something that I shouldn't be eating and I will make plans to fit with that. He normally only has to cook twice a week, this week was an exception with 3 lates, and I've tried everything I can think of to find a positive solution, like recipes in the slow cooker but I come home to find he's added ingredients.
We always eat as a family when it's me cooking, we eat the same thing as a family. When he cooks I've turned into this deranged control freak and I'm getting angry with myself because of it. On a positive note. Haven't reached for a chocolate yet, which would be my normal trick.
I'm just tired of being fat and I want to be able to go into a normal shop and by regular size clothes even if it's a size 18 and I'm tired of fighting my fat on my own. I get why he doesn't understand but I'm still tired none the less.
I suppose I just needed someone to say, Yes we understand what you mean. Thanks again everyone.0 -
Someone above mentioned menopause....I'm not sure how old you are, but I am going through perimenopause right now, and EVERYHING annoys me....even the good things! If you could be going through this too, might I suggest having a talk with your doctor, THEN having a talk with your honey. He is the one who (hopefully!) will be by your side during this long, hard journey...he's the one you need to be at peace with, almost as much as your own self. Good luck to you, please be gentle on yourself and on your hubby! xo0
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Oh. My. God.
Take a pill and lie down. Seriously. For the love of all things holy, just take a pill and lie down.0 -
Wow. If him leaving food for you is so irritating what do you do when he leaves the toilet seat up?0
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So long story short, he cooked your dinner and it pissed you off? Then someone ate your meal you were saving. Heck, I wish my partner would cook a meal for me for when I got off work. I am just SMH at this entire post.0
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Good luck and PLEASE......learn to let it go.....its just food, you have to learn how to eat for life....0
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Boiled rabbit, anyone?0
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I'm just tired of being fat and I want to be able to go into a normal shop and by regular size clothes even if it's a size 18 and I'm tired of fighting my fat on my own. I get why he doesn't understand but I'm still tired none the less.
I suppose I just needed someone to say, Yes we understand what you mean. Thanks again everyone.
Why not just leave him out of the equation altogether and rely on yourself to make this journey, its yours not his. Cook your own food and then you dont have him letting you down and no excuse for getting angry. There are plenty of people on these forums who have lost weight and maybe you should listen to what they have to say about what works and what will not be effective. Cooking your own food, weighing it, logging it and learning soemthing about nutrution will all help you understand and then control the amount you eat.
Your energy is precious, so do yourself a favour and focus on what you need to do instead of wearing yourself out on things that do not matter because its a recipe for failure. Losing weight is straightforward, use the forums and read the stickies so you understand how it works and then work on a plan that suits you is effective and sustainable.
Look at the success pages and you will see people who have lost 200lbs +, that can be you if you can eat just a bit less consistently and have the patience to do so for 3+ years. Focus on believing in yourself and being as effective as possible at weight loss.
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants/p10 -
Thank you to everyone who shared your thoughts.
I am most definitely aware that I am "a bit" on the crazy side and whilst I had calmed down I did become more frustrated as it went on. In saying that, it also made me laugh to an extent and as much as I could have just deleted it. I figured I should stand up and claim those irrational thoughts and figure out where to go with it.
I have struggled with my weight for 30 years and was feeling really positive since I started this two weeks ago. My husband have never had issues, chocolate, coke cola, Harribo sweets, he can do what he likes. So yes some of my frustration does also stem from that. His favourite trick is buying the 250g bars of cadbury's when they are on offer, 2 for £2 or something and then he pitches it like he bought it for me and that it would be a waste to miss the offer and only buy 1.
Got to love the person who commented that his wife had made a quesadillas and didn't weigh it but he ate it anywhere, she did it again and he still ate it. Quesadillas for you is when my husband would probably buy me fish and chips when I've planned for a salad and I tried to eat the Ham and mash so I wouldn't be ungrateful. It didn't happen!
I've got nearly 200 lb to lose and food is my comfort so yes I will be venting my frustrations in other ways. I just wish that this man of mine would listen to me, you know? Soul mate and all that, we are very much one of those couples on films who argue just to make up but he doesn't want to plan food, he doesn't want to discuss what's for tea, he'll decide when the time comes and when he does discuss it, he changes it and that's fine, he's the one cooking. He can have this time to eat something that I shouldn't be eating and I will make plans to fit with that. He normally only has to cook twice a week, this week was an exception with 3 lates, and I've tried everything I can think of to find a positive solution, like recipes in the slow cooker but I come home to find he's added ingredients.
We always eat as a family when it's me cooking, we eat the same thing as a family. When he cooks I've turned into this deranged control freak and I'm getting angry with myself because of it. On a positive note. Haven't reached for a chocolate yet, which would be my normal trick.
I'm just tired of being fat and I want to be able to go into a normal shop and by regular size clothes even if it's a size 18 and I'm tired of fighting my fat on my own. I get why he doesn't understand but I'm still tired none the less.
I suppose I just needed someone to say, Yes we understand what you mean. Thanks again everyone.
I do understand what you mean. Time to let go. It took me 46 years to figure this out.....some things, including a meal here and there, aren't worth your misery, or his. Let go, and let be. Peace. xo0 -
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I have calmed down since last night but still annoyed with him and myself and he just doesn't seem to see the issue.
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Please tell me that someone (anyone, everyone) has partners like this ...........................
Nope, not me: Mine died (at age 45).
In your initial post, your extreme frustration comes through loud and clear, and I'm sorry that you felt this way on top of the stresses of routine daily life, complicated by weight loss logistics. I'm not an expert, and it's tough to read a situation from one side of the story in any case, but like others, I wondered if there wasn't more going on here - being tired or "hangry", or other relationship issues, or something else entirely.
Then I read your follow-up post. If you just wanted to release some tension by having a bit of a rant, then this should be one of the better places for that. Since your follow-up suggests that's the case, I'm glad that you were able to digest *some* of the comments above without undue distress - some seem a bit flip, harsh, or dismissive to me, but the commenters may feel they're simply "telling it like it is".
Others have had some practical tips that sound promising: Pantry supplies as a fallback, notes on food in the fridge, banking a few calories for his days to cook, etc. The bottom line is that the only person whose behavior one can predictably control is one's own, and that includes one's reactions to others. I'm glad to hear that your relationship is, overall, sound and supportive - I know how much of a gift that is in life.
Regardless of route, I hope you're able to find your way to greater calm, and a continued happy, peaceful relationship with your partner, *plus* success in your weight-loss goal.0 -
That domestic life. I don't think he's intentionally trying to wind you up though. Maybe try to pre-empt his colossal Fu*k ups and try to build them into your overall calorie/macro goals. 0
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What were his thoughts on the Ham and mash that he ate? On the positive side He's obviously very appreciative of your cooking that he eats your portions too.0
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Well I would be thankful my husband would cook for the family when I work late. It is a rare occurrence in my household and on the few days he has done it, it is often a high carb casserole with chicken and some heavy sauce. I am thankful the children got full and are taken care of. I simply will only eat a tiny amount of it or none at all and get some quick healthy sides for new. Fruit, Greek yogurt, hummus with veggies, tuna, etc. Maybe have some backup snacks and frozen meals and try to be thankful he is trying. It could be much worse. I have to cook at 8 pm at times with a screaming toddler and starving teenager after a 14 hour work day.0
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