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Partners? Do they ever understand!!!!

Eldow1977

I have calmed down since last night but still annoyed with him and myself and he just doesn't seem to see the issue.

"So eat something different!!".

I was working late shifts on Wednesday and Thursday. I'm trying to stick to my calories and have done 95% of the time (damn that works do last weekend!! Hi my name's Vodka, DRINK ME!) anyway......... Normally when I work until 8.30 I grab Chinese on my way home.

This week I was ready. I planned what I was having, compromised on it and cut the portions in half, even though I can so eat the whole Kung Po Prawns and egg fried rice. Ate half, had enough, wasn't hungry and stayed within my calories.

I specifically said to my husband that I would eat the other half the following night. He cooked for him and the kids as he would normally do, I leave work Thursday at 6.30 to a text message stating "had Ham, Mash and Spaghetti Hoops, Yours is in the microwave"

Does he even listen to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't like food reheated!!!!!!!!!!!! I've asked him a thousand times not to do it and I'm not exaggerating! We've been married 15 years! But every time he does it we end up having the same conversation and he always says the same things "well I was trying to be nice, see I do think of you, shan't bother" You're not trying to be nice when I've asked you not to, you're not thinking of me when I've asked you not to, and please (in the nicest way possible) don't bother, because I've asked you not to.................!

Replied reminding him I had Chinese in the fridge but I would have the sausage and mash tomorrow as plans had changed and I was having to work until 6.30 again last night but I would put something in the slow cooker so he didn't have to cook again.

I get home, eat my Chinese, which I have calculated for and everything is A OK.

Yesterday morning, I put something in the slow cooker for they're tea's, afterall he's cooked twice I'll be nice.

Chicken, skin and all, stock, herbs and spices to make it a bit sweet and sour for them. Got a bit of pancetta, which I haven't been eating cause of the fat content. Blackeye beans and pineapple, juice and all. Told him to serve it with rice so it was fully carb loaded.

I sat before I went into work and added the ham, mash etc to my diary.

I get home and go to the microwave to reheat the ham and mash from the night before but there is a bowl of the rice and the chicken thing?!?. I go to the fridge, not there, I'm putting my head in my hands and call up the stairs (he works from home at night) Where's my tea? - in the microwave - No where's the ham and mash - I ate it at lunchtime but we were NICE and saved some of the chicken and rice.

Now for those of you who are old enough to remember the scene from the original Terminator film when Judgement day happens and she's watching the kiddies in the playground when the bomb goes off, picture that!!! Of course he would be Sarah Connor (less heroic) and I'm the bomb (more justified)!!!

I despair of him and told him so, I had planned to eat that for my tea. "you never said!" Yes I bloody well did, "no you never". I've taken out the text message to prove my point and repeatedly beat him in the head with my phone (ok maybe I didn't) and he looks me square in the eye and said "ah well, that's cause you said sausage and mash, just eat the other thing!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

Apart from the fact there is chicken skin and pancetta in it which would make it more calorific than I need it to be, it has two lots of carbs and they have no idea how much rice they cooked. Here's the best bit though, due to an overactive pregnancy craving 9 years ago I DON'T EAT PINEAPPLE, the taste and the smell makes me heave. I'm now rambling incoherently like a mental patient off her meds and he says to me "well I was trying to be nice, shan't bother" I give in, go down stairs and pick at the chicken thing, ever last tiny forkful with only a slight taste of pineapple, YUM! Quit half way and threw the rest in the bin.

I started all again with my dinner, re-planned as best I could, taking best guess at the quantities, nearly 400 calories left still but I'd used nearly all my daily fat allowance. 10 O'clock comes and no surprise I'm hungry.

After much looking and checking I realise I can have "nothing" everything I would like to eat will take me over my fat allowance and fruit just ain't gonna cut it, not in this mood! In the end I just decided Sod it and went and had 2 slices of toast and jam and then whilst I was stood eating those in the kitchen I put two more in the toaster and ate them aswell.

So now I'm annoyed at myself aswell and him!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please tell me that someone (anyone, everyone) has partners like this and that I'm not some crazy woman all on her own, sat in a corner, slowly rocking, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth...........................

Replies

nordlead2005

Wait, you won't eat reheated food but you'll eat your leftover chineese food?

If my wife eats what I wanted I might be disappointed, but not in a rage and ready to rant on the internet.

My opinion... You have issues. Go see a professional

(Edit to add: my wife made chicken Quesadilla two days ago and didn't weigh the ingredients. I asked he if she did, and she said no. Ever so slightly irked I estimated and ate it. She made one again and didn't weigh again. Oh well, I ate it again. So, yeah my wife doesn't do everything exactly like I want, big deal. Stuff happens)

snowflakesav

How is your partners weight?
Food can bring up a lot of behaviors around control. i would suggest that you eat separately or if you cook for your family, cook items you can eat. Get a cook book and find some recipes for soup or something that is lower calorie that your family will like.

My partner and I are not very tolerant of each other's weight gain or poor eating habits. We kinda hold each other accountable. We share meals when we eat out. We eat very lean meat and tons of veggies.

nordlead2005

snowflakesav wrote: »

How is your partners weight?
Food can bring up a lot of behaviors around control. i would suggest that you eat separately or if you cook for your family, cook items you can eat. Get a cook book and find some recipes for soup or something that is lower calorie that your family will like.

My partner and I are not very tolerant of each other's weight gain or poor eating habits. We kinda hold each other accountable. We share meals when we eat out. We eat very lean meat and tons of veggies.

She is willing to estimate fast food, but she couldn't estimate the rice in a dish she cooked 99% of. She'll eat left over fast food, but not left over home cooked food.

This isn't just an issue of the spouse eating differently.

isulo_kura

Sounds like the issues are yours not his

jgnatca

Post-it notes, "mine". He can't keep track otherwise.

A chicken and rice is not that much different than half a Chinese dinner, calorie wise.

DanniB423

This hurt my head. It's just food. You need to talk to someone before your husband leaves you over cold chicken and mash.(whatever that is.)

cityruss

I don't believe a public forum is where you are going to get your answers.

And yes, you are crazy.

callsitlikeiseeit

ummmmm

you're nuts.

sorry.

amyr271

Maybe you should all eat the same thing? Work it into your calories? Not got bat S*** crazy over some Chinese food?

Machka9

Somehow sounds more complicated than it needs to be.

Is your goal to lose weight?
Is your husband trying to lose weight too?

You work full-time ... sounds like long hours. Is that right?
Does your husband work too?

elphie754

I am sorry but this rant really doesn't read as coming from rational thought.

jennifer_417

Sorry, but it sounds like you need to calm down just a little. You can't reasonably expect your hubs to remember every little thing you tell him, do you remember every single little detail of what he tells you? It would make your life much easier if you could learn to calm down and just be a bit more flexible.

Alatariel75

MyNameIsNotBob

Wow, that made my head hurt also.

On the one hand, yeah, that sucks. On the other, I agree with hubby: "So eat something different."

I keep a few easy meals on hand for times like this (Lean Cuisine, baked eggs, or something like that).

Tahlia68

WT? Cant comprehend what I just read? Your husband doesn't have a problem at all.......

littleb0peep

.. I just came here to read the comments.

Lounmoun

I'm confused. You say you don't like food reheated but then you say you want to eat leftovers and reheat things.

It is frustrating when someone eats food you had planned to eat and you have to find something new last minute (live with a voracious teenager). It might be a good idea to have a back up plan of something that you can prepare quickly that will fit your calorie goal like eggs. If you generally eat the same amount of calories for your meals you could make a list of things that will fit pretty well and have those items on hand.

You could eat part of the food your family eats and just pair it with a salad.
You could work with your partner to plan meals for the whole week and put the plan in writing. Post it in the kitchen. Decide in advance who will cook what.
You could take food with you and eat before you get home. Maybe you are just a bit tired, hungry and cranky when you get home and this seems a bigger deal than it really has to be.
You could label food containers as yours or have a shelf where your food is kept so people will know to leave it alone.
The slow cooker is a great idea. You could cook food in it that you will actually eat though.
You could just plan to prepare food when you get home for yourself instead of relying on leftovers or your partner.
The bottom line is that you control what you put in your body. You don't have to eat the food your partner leaves. Stick in the refrigerator or the trash bin if you really don't want it. If you never eat it I bet your partner will stop leaving it much faster than if you just say don't do that and eat it anyway.

You can work this out.

Machka9

Lounmoun wrote: »

I'm confused. You say you don't like food reheated but then you say you want to eat leftovers and reheat things.

It is frustrating when someone eats food you had planned to eat and you have to find something new last minute (live with a voracious teenager). It might be a good idea to have a back up plan of something that you can prepare quickly that will fit your calorie goal like eggs. If you generally eat the same amount of calories for your meals you could make a list of things that will fit pretty well and have those items on hand.

You could eat part of the food your family eats and just pair it with a salad.
You could work with your partner to plan meals for the whole week and put the plan in writing. Post it in the kitchen. Decide in advance who will cook what.
You could take food with you and eat before you get home. Maybe you are just a bit tired, hungry and cranky when you get home and this seems a bigger deal than it really has to be.
You could label food containers as yours or have a shelf where your food is kept so people will know to leave it alone.
The slow cooker is a great idea. You could cook food in it that you will actually eat though.
You could just plan to prepare food when you get home for yourself instead of relying on leftovers or your partner.
The bottom line is that you control what you put in your body. You don't have to eat the food your partner leaves. Stick in the refrigerator or the trash bin if you really don't want it. If you never eat it I bet your partner will stop leaving it much faster than if you just say don't do that and eat it anyway.

You can work this out.

Good ideas.

And I'll just add that these days there are single serve options available.

I get single serve brown rice, bags of steamfresh veggies with 3 or 5 individual packets, and single soups for lunches at work. There are also individual tins of tuna and chicken in all sorts of flavours.

Plus there are all sorts of frozen dinner options ... Lean Cuisine, Weight Watchers, and numerous others.

And there are things like potatoes which can be baked and topped with a tin of curry tuna, or eggs which can be boiled, poached, scrambled or whatever you like and served with toast and maybe sliced tomatoes.

If you've got some of those in stock, you can whip together a meal for yourself in no time.

choppie70

Hmmmm...

You do not like reheated food? When you have your Chinese leftovers do you eat those cold? But then you said you went to reheat the ham and mash?!?! You are complaining that you do not like reheated food, but you are eating reheated food all week, that is confusing!

I am confused and I am sure that your husband is confused as well. You seem like a walking contradiction. I truly think he was trying to do what he thought was best.

My husband eats things I save for myself all the time. It is a DAILY occurrence. I know it is going to happen so I plan for it. We live together, we grocery shop and meal plan together, the food is ours.

I think you need to take a step back and think about what is going on. It sounds like there is some kind of underlying issue here.

FoodFitnessTravel

girl you need to chill

110challenge

I can definitely see some frustration, but I think if you're 15 years into this things probably aren't going to change and I genuinely think it's unintentional on his part so I'd try to realize my sensitivity is more my problem than his.

For sure labeling the food if you need to would help clear things up, and I'd have a backup plan for if a post-it gets lost. I do 100% of the meal planning and don't have any issues with him eating what was intended to me mine, but since he's eating the same meal as me it's rare that we aren't eating the exact same thing so it doesn't happen much. I have back-up meals in case I forget to pick something up from the supermarket and realize I can't follow my meal plan quite as I intended - always quick and easy meals so that I'm not tempted to cheat (like omelets).

zyxst

He's not going to change. Ignore him. Don't rely on him to do anything for you meal-wise.

I don't think you're crazy.

Liftng4Lis

Alatariel75 wrote: »

My thoughts exactly.

OP, everyone eating the same food equals simplicity. (.) period

BigGuy47

Elshe1977 wrote: »

I'm not some crazy woman

The jury is still out.

pootle1972

Wow....you do need to chill out .....

IsaackGMOON

This thread actually made me laugh... I think that's a first for MFP.

Congrats

cazpom37

sounds to me like you have a husband who often thinks about you and you should be more appreciative. it may not fit into your plan but he's trying and i personally don't think he deserves you ranting at him for thinking of you. just my opinion....

jemhh

Good grief. I think you need to roll with it, lady. Calmly explain your pov, don't freak out. Yikes.

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Fitforevermore

Seems like you as a 'partner', do not.

cwilso37

The scary part is this is after "calmed down since last night"