Dating Question (to stir the pot)

for_ever_young66

Thanks, @senecarr , you darn tootin. lol

hamptontom

oh, man.

I wish I had the energy, the willpower, and at least some opposing evidence to defend my gender (especially those of us under 28 years of age or so), but unfortunately, I have none of all three.

if it's any consolation, I created a POF account a while back myself...and I can't say that some of the ladies handle themselves much better.

quick story...

one woman - late 30's/early 40's - wrote this long rant in her profile about how "all these stuck up guys on this site never respond to messages...i don't know why you can't at least reply...have a little respect even if you're not interested..." - blah, blah, blah...

so I wrote her, and gave her four days and she didn't reply.

so I wrote her again and called her out on it - very politely - and she LOST HER $H1T on me...complete with the F word and the whole nine yards..."i don't live on this f*(king site, *kitten*..." total class.

end of rant.

OP - all I can really say to you is this...you're an attractive girl, and in this particular scenario, the downside to that is that you're going to attract ALL MANNERS of guys. you're going to get a lot of DTF bottom dwelling, mouth-breathing, monosyllabic rocket surgeons who probably shouldn't be allowed to breed in the first place. you'll get a lot of them because they outnumber the nice guys by a ridiculously huge margin.

why?

because nice guys are boring.

why are nice guys boring?

because that's the message women have been sending for generations now.

we're still out here...but we're not as arrogant, not as forward, not as apt to come right out and ask you to drop your trousers and bend over while we do our business...so what that means is that you're going to have to use a little patience and effort to weed through the DTF crowd to get to one of us.

like so, SO many other things in life, instant gratification is extremely temporary.

if you want the good stuff, it's gonna take some time to find...and it's gonna take some work to get...and it's gonna take some effort to hold on to.

but don't lose hope. you're young, and you've got time.

you don't have to kiss every frog to find a prince...he'll show up on his own eventually, and you'll know it when he does.


good luck.

for_ever_young66

hamptontom wrote: »

oh, man.

I wish I had the energy, the willpower, and at least some opposing evidence to defend my gender (especially those of us under 28 years of age or so), but unfortunately, I have none of all three.

if it's any consolation, I created a POF account a while back myself...and I can't say that some of the ladies handle themselves much better.

quick story...

one woman - late 30's/early 40's - wrote this long rant in her profile about how "all these stuck up guys on this site never respond to messages...i don't know why you can't at least reply...have a little respect even if you're not interested..." - blah, blah, blah...

so I wrote her, and gave her four days and she didn't reply.

so I wrote her again and called her out on it - very politely - and she LOST HER $H1T on me...complete with the F word and the whole nine yards..."i don't live on this f*(king site, *kitten*..." total class.

end of rant.

OP - all I can really say to you is this...you're an attractive girl, and in this particular scenario, the downside to that is that you're going to attract ALL MANNERS of guys. you're going to get a lot of DTF bottom dwelling, mouth-breathing, monosyllabic rocket surgeons who probably shouldn't be allowed to breed in the first place. you'll get a lot of them because they outnumber the nice guys by a ridiculously huge margin.

why?

because nice guys are boring.

why are nice guys boring?

because that's the message women have been sending for generations now.

we're still out here...but we're not as arrogant, not as forward, not as apt to come right out and ask you to drop your trousers and bend over while we do our business...so what that means is that you're going to have to use a little patience and effort to weed through the DTF crowd to get to one of us.

like so, SO many other things in life, instant gratification is extremely temporary.

if you want the good stuff, it's gonna take some time to find...and it's gonna take some work to get...and it's gonna take some effort to hold on to.

but don't lose hope. you're young, and you've got time.

you don't have to kiss every frog to find a prince...he'll show up on his own eventually, and you'll know it when he does.


good luck.

Great advice, Tom. Guys our age tend to know how to tell it like it is.

hamptontom

@ready4_50 - thanks, man. us old farts have to stick together.

soldiergrl_101

hamptontom wrote: »

oh, man.

I wish I had the energy, the willpower, and at least some opposing evidence to defend my gender (especially those of us under 28 years of age or so), but unfortunately, I have none of all three.

if it's any consolation, I created a POF account a while back myself...and I can't say that some of the ladies handle themselves much better.

quick story...

one woman - late 30's/early 40's - wrote this long rant in her profile about how "all these stuck up guys on this site never respond to messages...i don't know why you can't at least reply...have a little respect even if you're not interested..." - blah, blah, blah...

so I wrote her, and gave her four days and she didn't reply.

so I wrote her again and called her out on it - very politely - and she LOST HER $H1T on me...complete with the F word and the whole nine yards..."i don't live on this f*(king site, *kitten*..." total class.

end of rant.

OP - all I can really say to you is this...you're an attractive girl, and in this particular scenario, the downside to that is that you're going to attract ALL MANNERS of guys. you're going to get a lot of DTF bottom dwelling, mouth-breathing, monosyllabic rocket surgeons who probably shouldn't be allowed to breed in the first place. you'll get a lot of them because they outnumber the nice guys by a ridiculously huge margin.

why?

because nice guys are boring.

why are nice guys boring?

because that's the message women have been sending for generations now.

we're still out here...but we're not as arrogant, not as forward, not as apt to come right out and ask you to drop your trousers and bend over while we do our business...so what that means is that you're going to have to use a little patience and effort to weed through the DTF crowd to get to one of us.

like so, SO many other things in life, instant gratification is extremely temporary.

if you want the good stuff, it's gonna take some time to find...and it's gonna take some work to get...and it's gonna take some effort to hold on to.

but don't lose hope. you're young, and you've got time.

you don't have to kiss every frog to find a prince...he'll show up on his own eventually, and you'll know it when he does.


good luck.

Wow she sounds like a class act! Right... At least Im not alone in this scenario. So I deleted my accounts like two or three weeks ago. Went on a date with a crazy and had some guy go off on me in an email in the same week so I said im all set with it. Some guy sent me a message and next time I logged in I had like 5 missed messages from him. When I didnt respond I got 5 more. I could tell already he wasnt for me so I didnt respond back...then his messages became mean and desperate so finally I said "Look its nothing against you, I just dont think we're a good fit." He responded back with "Whatever, idgaf, Im on depression medication from this F****** site anyway!"...yep really sorry I didnt message that one back O_O smh. Ill just stick to dating the old fashion way

Jessyd76

Just deleted my match.com profile last night. So over it. I'm taking a break for a while but when I'm open to dating again , it will be the old fashioned way as well.

@hamptontom - 'Your' lady sounds like a class act! Sorry you had to deal with that. Sadly, its just as bad for us. Would love to meet a nice guy. But the ones I come across - while they are 'nice', they don't seem to have a backbone and aren't willing to 'take the lead' sometimes. Would love to know where the normal nice guys are - the ones who have their $h!t together!

hamptontom

i have to believe that women have it worse than men in that arena...because some of us are just plain idiots.

Jessyd76

hamptontom wrote: »

i have to believe that women have it worse than men in that arena...because some of us are just plain idiots.

Hahahaha! Too funny!

Hey_Its_That_One_Guy

Put out or get out.

hamptontom

well, there you go, ladies. the line forms here. no shoving.

Dez11B

On a first date I'm looking to feel some chemistry. If I don't feel it I'm not rude. I continue the date as normal but know I won't pursue a second date but staying friends is an option. If I feel chemistry who knows. I just go by my gut.

I've never out of the blue message a strange DTF. I think that low class.

specialkron

So I don't know if I'm just the girl that douches prey on but I've been on Tinder, POF, Zoosk and I think one other one, and while I had a couple ok dates and conversations, the rest were pretty much DTF messages or various combinations of typos and text speak that lowered my IQ but a few points.

I hate that I almost get pulled into it though. Like, oh, well, I mean I guess this is what I get for looking like this. I'll respond to it because I don't want to 'hurt their feelings' -_-

I've kinda given up faith for now I mean I'm only 19 so I guess it might come. I've just literally never been asked out face to face or even been flirted with before in person. Which is why I turned to dating sites... Anyway yeah I'm not on any of those sites anymore.

hamptontom

specialkron wrote: »

So I don't know if I'm just the girl that douches prey on but I've been on Tinder, POF, Zoosk and I think one other one, and while I had a couple ok dates and conversations, the rest were pretty much DTF messages or various combinations of typos and text speak that lowered my IQ but a few points.

I hate that I almost get pulled into it though. Like, oh, well, I mean I guess this is what I get for looking like this. I'll respond to it because I don't want to 'hurt their feelings' -_-

I've kinda given up faith for now I mean I'm only 19 so I guess it might come. I've just literally never been asked out face to face or even been flirted with before in person. Which is why I turned to dating sites... Anyway yeah I'm not on any of those sites anymore.

This makes me weep for our future as a society.

Would it be safe to say, @specialkron, that your experience is probably far more common than maybe you realize?

Think about this, folks...this girl is 19 and is saying here, essentially, that any romantic overtures she's ever experienced have been in some format other than face to face.

This just blows my mind. I mean, you can get to know a lot about somebody via the written/texted word under the right circumstances, but is non-personal contact the new normal?

I don't think I could really be that confident in whether or not I was interested in someone at all without SOME kind of person to person interaction...how exactly do you kids do this these days?

ald783

newmeadow wrote: »

What I do on a first date is know exactly what I will not be doing with my date. I have no anxiety about what might happen because I already know what I won't be doing.

So it makes dating quite enjoyable. And it weeds out the troublemakers nicely and rather quickly.

Agreed, I think a no-an@l first date policy is a good conservative approach to dating.

MeowNes

ThomasW13 wrote: »

i think its best not have any expectations of anything one way or the other. play it by ear. ONS yeah maybe, it happens. maybe it happens more than once even. but its stupid to go in planning on that. even dumber to go in planning on a "relationship" after one date too though.

i wouldn't know if its something that might "last" until after sex. even then, after a few weeks. maybe. i have my own personal standards for a "relationship" same as anybody else. gotta do your best to keep the weeds out.

its a lot of hard work. that's why its easier to just send duck pics and and promise them the most intense 1-2 mins of their life.

Awesome!

specialkron

Well, I mean I've met some of the people that I've talked to but it turns out that they all just wanted one thing. The thing I guess I was referring to is that I've never been asked out in person. Like over text or whatever, sure but yeah not in person.

Also technology /is/ crazy. It's like that movie Her. (though I've never seen it-going off the premise ha) Gen X is so obsessed with iPhones and instagram and everything related to those things, they're almost in love with the piece of metal glued to their hands 24/7.

I actually downgraded to a super simple Walmart phone after having an iPhone 6 for a few months. It was just too much. And I did get addicted to it.

Anyway, dating has seriously changed... I was actually watching Age of Adaline with my sister one night and the main dude gave Adaline flowers and I was like, 'Dudes do that???' Like it was shocking to me and so out of place.

One of these days I hope to go on a proper date with my door opened and stimulating conversation rather than Netflix or video games on the couch. But it may be a while. Holding out though!

hamptontom

specialkron wrote: »

One of these days I hope to go on a proper date with my door opened and stimulating conversation rather than Netflix or video games on the couch. But it may be a while. Holding out though!

Hold out. Don't settle. Don't explain it away in your head and convince yourself that some guy is "good enough" unless he's earned it.

There are things in life that most folks only learn from by actually experiencing them, and I get that. You'll probably have to get kicked in the gut a couple of times for the lesson to settle in, but eventually you'll come to the conclusion that it really IS better to be alone than it is to be with someone who has next to nothing to offer you.

Keep your head down and your eyes wide open...and you'll be fine.

TrailBlazzinMN

Chemistry = second date. No chemistry = friendship.

No reason to cut ties with people because we don't feel it. Maybe we had an off day at work and our chi was fvcked up and now we want to put it on the other person? We are limiting ourselves by not expanding our social network. We're not talking about a Facebook or MFP friend request. We're talking about meeting someone in person and actually making human-to-human contact. Maybe a date with someone doesn't work out but his or her friend would be a perfect match. If someone goes into dating with an agenda and can't just see what comes their way and be open minded, they are setting themselves for failure. I wouldn't even want to go on a date with that person to "prove myself". I can tell within 30 seconds of reading someone's profile if we would mesh. If there is a huge list of "wants" or "don't wants" then I just bypass them. Sure, a couple aren't bad but you can get a feeling from a profile pretty quick on the vibe a person is giving off along with what their pictures say about them.

hamptontom

good points, especially regarding people with "lists" - essentially, what they're saying to you is that they have a very demanding catalog of expectations and that they expect you to fit their expectations to a tee or to just keep moving, please.

that's typically symptomatic of folks who have unreasonable control issues and zero willingness to compromise or accept people for who they are.

(this isn't to say that you shouldn't have expectations...i mean, "don't be a pedophile" is a reasonable expectation of a potential partner, and nobody expects you to take something like that in stride and write it off as a marginal character defect...but the extreme opposite of that would be "he had more than one beer on our first date, and he clearly has problems with alcohol consumption..." - some people are WAAAY too eager to throw the penalty flag when no crime has, in fact, taken place.)

Goodfellagrl

Guys ALWAYS think with their dicks. So women should think the same way and confuse the hell out of them. Ha. Ha.