Dating Question (to stir the pot)

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  • Dez11B
    Dez11B Posts: 1,542 Member
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    On a first date I'm looking to feel some chemistry. If I don't feel it I'm not rude. I continue the date as normal but know I won't pursue a second date but staying friends is an option. If I feel chemistry who knows. I just go by my gut.

    I've never out of the blue message a strange DTF. I think that low class.
  • specialkron
    specialkron Posts: 15 Member
    edited September 2015
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    So I don't know if I'm just the girl that douches prey on but I've been on Tinder, POF, Zoosk and I think one other one, and while I had a couple ok dates and conversations, the rest were pretty much DTF messages or various combinations of typos and text speak that lowered my IQ but a few points.

    I hate that I almost get pulled into it though. Like, oh, well, I mean I guess this is what I get for looking like this. I'll respond to it because I don't want to 'hurt their feelings' -_-

    I've kinda given up faith for now I mean I'm only 19 so I guess it might come. I've just literally never been asked out face to face or even been flirted with before in person. Which is why I turned to dating sites... Anyway yeah I'm not on any of those sites anymore.
  • hamptontom
    hamptontom Posts: 536 Member
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    specialkron wrote: »
    So I don't know if I'm just the girl that douches prey on but I've been on Tinder, POF, Zoosk and I think one other one, and while I had a couple ok dates and conversations, the rest were pretty much DTF messages or various combinations of typos and text speak that lowered my IQ but a few points.

    I hate that I almost get pulled into it though. Like, oh, well, I mean I guess this is what I get for looking like this. I'll respond to it because I don't want to 'hurt their feelings' -_-

    I've kinda given up faith for now I mean I'm only 19 so I guess it might come. I've just literally never been asked out face to face or even been flirted with before in person. Which is why I turned to dating sites... Anyway yeah I'm not on any of those sites anymore.


    This makes me weep for our future as a society.

    Would it be safe to say, @specialkron, that your experience is probably far more common than maybe you realize?

    Think about this, folks...this girl is 19 and is saying here, essentially, that any romantic overtures she's ever experienced have been in some format other than face to face.

    This just blows my mind. I mean, you can get to know a lot about somebody via the written/texted word under the right circumstances, but is non-personal contact the new normal?

    I don't think I could really be that confident in whether or not I was interested in someone at all without SOME kind of person to person interaction...how exactly do you kids do this these days?
  • ald783
    ald783 Posts: 688 Member
    edited September 2015
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    newmeadow wrote: »
    What I do on a first date is know exactly what I will not be doing with my date. I have no anxiety about what might happen because I already know what I won't be doing.

    So it makes dating quite enjoyable. And it weeds out the troublemakers nicely and rather quickly.

    Agreed, I think a no-an@l first date policy is a good conservative approach to dating.
  • MeowNes
    MeowNes Posts: 29 Member
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    ThomasW13 wrote: »
    i think its best not have any expectations of anything one way or the other. play it by ear. ONS yeah maybe, it happens. maybe it happens more than once even. but its stupid to go in planning on that. even dumber to go in planning on a "relationship" after one date too though.

    i wouldn't know if its something that might "last" until after sex. even then, after a few weeks. maybe. i have my own personal standards for a "relationship" same as anybody else. gotta do your best to keep the weeds out.

    its a lot of hard work. that's why its easier to just send duck pics and and promise them the most intense 1-2 mins of their life.

    Awesome!
  • specialkron
    specialkron Posts: 15 Member
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    Well, I mean I've met some of the people that I've talked to but it turns out that they all just wanted one thing. The thing I guess I was referring to is that I've never been asked out in person. Like over text or whatever, sure but yeah not in person.

    Also technology /is/ crazy. It's like that movie Her. (though I've never seen it-going off the premise ha) Gen X is so obsessed with iPhones and instagram and everything related to those things, they're almost in love with the piece of metal glued to their hands 24/7.

    I actually downgraded to a super simple Walmart phone after having an iPhone 6 for a few months. It was just too much. And I did get addicted to it.

    Anyway, dating has seriously changed... I was actually watching Age of Adaline with my sister one night and the main dude gave Adaline flowers and I was like, 'Dudes do that???' Like it was shocking to me and so out of place.

    One of these days I hope to go on a proper date with my door opened and stimulating conversation rather than Netflix or video games on the couch. But it may be a while. Holding out though!
  • hamptontom
    hamptontom Posts: 536 Member
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    specialkron wrote: »

    One of these days I hope to go on a proper date with my door opened and stimulating conversation rather than Netflix or video games on the couch. But it may be a while. Holding out though!

    Hold out. Don't settle. Don't explain it away in your head and convince yourself that some guy is "good enough" unless he's earned it.

    There are things in life that most folks only learn from by actually experiencing them, and I get that. You'll probably have to get kicked in the gut a couple of times for the lesson to settle in, but eventually you'll come to the conclusion that it really IS better to be alone than it is to be with someone who has next to nothing to offer you.

    Keep your head down and your eyes wide open...and you'll be fine. :)
  • TrailBlazzinMN
    TrailBlazzinMN Posts: 509 Member
    edited September 2015
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    Chemistry = second date. No chemistry = friendship.

    No reason to cut ties with people because we don't feel it. Maybe we had an off day at work and our chi was fvcked up and now we want to put it on the other person? We are limiting ourselves by not expanding our social network. We're not talking about a Facebook or MFP friend request. We're talking about meeting someone in person and actually making human-to-human contact. Maybe a date with someone doesn't work out but his or her friend would be a perfect match. If someone goes into dating with an agenda and can't just see what comes their way and be open minded, they are setting themselves for failure. I wouldn't even want to go on a date with that person to "prove myself". I can tell within 30 seconds of reading someone's profile if we would mesh. If there is a huge list of "wants" or "don't wants" then I just bypass them. Sure, a couple aren't bad but you can get a feeling from a profile pretty quick on the vibe a person is giving off along with what their pictures say about them.
  • hamptontom
    hamptontom Posts: 536 Member
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    good points, especially regarding people with "lists" - essentially, what they're saying to you is that they have a very demanding catalog of expectations and that they expect you to fit their expectations to a tee or to just keep moving, please.

    that's typically symptomatic of folks who have unreasonable control issues and zero willingness to compromise or accept people for who they are.

    (this isn't to say that you shouldn't have expectations...i mean, "don't be a pedophile" is a reasonable expectation of a potential partner, and nobody expects you to take something like that in stride and write it off as a marginal character defect...but the extreme opposite of that would be "he had more than one beer on our first date, and he clearly has problems with alcohol consumption..." - some people are WAAAY too eager to throw the penalty flag when no crime has, in fact, taken place.)
  • Goodfellagrl
    Goodfellagrl Posts: 73 Member
    edited September 2015
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    Guys ALWAYS think with their dicks. So women should think the same way and confuse the hell out of them. Ha. Ha. :)

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