Why is losing weight so effortless for some and so difficult for others?
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Attitude plays a big part. Some people are ready to totally own their responsibility for weight loss or gain while others feel more comfortable in the victim zone, blaming their hormones, the state of the nation and their parents.
Weight loss is not easy for anyone. It is manageable with the right attitude, which maybe feels *easy*, but no one has a free pass while others get a raw deal. I can't count the number of times I have to point out to bigger people with more weight to lose that they get to eat MORE calories than smaller people with less to lose (science!) because they have this stubborn idea that there are miracle skinny people that gorge themselves all day and never gain.
If I sound bitter it is because I have always been accused of being that miracle skinny person, despite a lifetime of struggling to keep my weight in range (and doing some pretty stupid things along the way).
If you decide a handful of food is *normal* you will feel comfortable with your portion. If you decide the same handful of food is *deprivation* you will feel sorry for yourself and struggle more than you need to.
If you read through the forums here you see the trend clearly - Internal locus of control (Its all up to me) = success. External locus of control (It's everyone else fault but mine) = poor me, boo hoo, round and round forever.0 -
TheopolisAmbroiseIII wrote: »I don't understand why some people seem to be unable to stay away from alcohol, tobacco, marijuana, or coffee. Everyone has different levels of drive and obsessions with different dopamine producing pleasures.
Some people can't start a day without a cup of coffee, and can't go all day without a bunch more. I have had coffee about 3 times this year and didn't enjoy it either time.
For some people, a day without an alcoholic drink is a ruined day. I'm in my late 30s and I can count the number of alcoholic drinks I've had in my life without going double digits.
Some days I'm able to stick under my calorie restriction with some good choices and exercise and not feel bad. However some days I hit my limit and then feel like if I can't eat any more today I'll go crazy.
If losing weight and eating right is so easy for you, how did you get to the point of needing to lose weight in the first place?
Haha, this is so me - I don't like alcohol and I stopped smoking in a few days when I ran out of cigarettes. Coffee is just a hot beverage for me. But chocolate. OMG. My pleasure centre lights up like a christmas tree.
Good question there! I ate all the wrong things in all the wrong amounts, I had no clue about portion control (how and why), I would prepare way too much food and eat as much as I physically could, to prevent waste, which I hate; eating sweets, chips, etc would make me go bananas (see above) and I couldn't stop; eating too much sweets made me dislike food, which made me slightly deficent; bad habits and nutrient deficiencies made me crave more sweets and dislike food even more; the food I did eat was slightly unbalanced - full circle.
Eating the right foods (for me) in the correct amounts (for me), and not buying trigger foods, lets me maintain my weight without the crazy cravings that made me eat unhealthy. So I think it's easy and not up to self control.0 -
kommodevaran wrote: »
Regardless of how small I am or how active i've been - I still want to eat just as much as someone who has a calorie budget twice as big as mine. I just know I can't without eventually gaining. Just because I maintain on X calories, doesn't mean I can eat what I want and be satisfied without moderation on X calories.
This. We still have less to play with, even if we're very active. Doesn't mean we don't want to eat as much as other people.
The way you've spoken about this is rather judgmental. Also, it seems from your profile that you lost 15kg. This is not insignificant by any means but maybe consider the sustained effort required to lose for example, 30kg, 50kg, 100kg. You note that you think it just requires planning, some research - not everyone has those skills and needs to develop them over time.
It's wonderful that your journey has been so smooth, but you really need to find some empathy. I don't understand why you're having so much difficulty appreciating that other people have different lives and different internal experiences.
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kommodevaran wrote: »
Regardless of how small I am or how active i've been - I still want to eat just as much as someone who has a calorie budget twice as big as mine. I just know I can't without eventually gaining. Just because I maintain on X calories, doesn't mean I can eat what I want and be satisfied without moderation on X calories.
I used to think that way too and would eat like the biggest guy in the room. When I finally understood the point with portions, I understood that I don't need that much food, and I learnt to recognise the feeling of "fullness". That is not the same as "stuffed".0 -
People are very fond of the "It's simple - CICO" answer in regards to weight loss - and that's exactly how to do it - but there are many who struggle, and that's totally okay too. There is little room for sympathy on the message boards in regards to 'I'm finding this really hard' and it's a shame because everyone has a different story.
Case in point? My mum. She has been up and down weight-wise all her life. There was a time where she was at a very healthy weight and feeling fabulous - she knows all too well HOW this is done. Now? She is around 100 LBS overweight. She knows HOW to lose weight and many would question 'Well why hasn't she?'. Her mother recently passed away and her father is suffering from dementia - she is his full time carer and is slowly having to watch him fade away. She is a single mother to a 12 year old girl and she struggles to pay her rent. She also suffers from depression on top of everything else. So yes, it is simple - CICO, but my mum struggles to focus on weight loss for absolute obvious reasons. She just can't commit to any plan despite knowing how because she just has too much mentally going on in her life to spend her time calorie counting and meal prepping. And I would never, ever hold it against her.
Some people struggle with it - that's just the way it is. And I would never, ever judge someone for that. Others find it easier to mentally 'get in the zone' so to speak. We ALL need a little boost every now and again, that's a fact
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snowflake930 wrote: »Sandra37405 wrote: »Because life isn't fair.TheopolisAmbroiseIII wrote: »If losing weight and eating right is so easy for you, how did you get to the point of needing to lose weight in the first place?
People are all different. What is easy for you is difficult for someone else. It doesn't matter what the issue is. I don't understand why that is hard for you to understand OP.
It may be because I have Asperger's and thus a lack of empathy. I know I have trouble with imagination and seeing things from other people's views. I don't understand myself sometimes either. I struggle with other issues, but weight is so easy. I just want to grasp the "why".0 -
kommodevaran wrote: »kommodevaran wrote: »
Regardless of how small I am or how active i've been - I still want to eat just as much as someone who has a calorie budget twice as big as mine. I just know I can't without eventually gaining. Just because I maintain on X calories, doesn't mean I can eat what I want and be satisfied without moderation on X calories.
I used to think that way too and would eat like the biggest guy in the room. When I finally understood the point with portions, I understood that I don't need that much food, and I learnt to recognise the feeling of "fullness". That is not the same as "stuffed".
Okay, so I understand the difference between fullness and stuffed. I always have. I've never thought that I could eat like the biggest guy in the room. However, I can still WANT to eat things that go beyond the portion sizes that I know are appropriate for me. Do you understand that food is about more than just nutrition and taste? That eating and drinking is also a strongly social activity and pleasurable. That you can want to eat more than your calorie allowance and appropriate macros/nutritional needs...because it might be yummy or fun.0 -
I've been maintaining my goal range for a few years now, I never found the losing process easy and maintenance isn't much better, it takes me having my eye on the ball most of the time but I'm willing to do what it takes to ensure the weight stays off. I think you have to want it badly enough to work for it.
I chose to lose my weight slowly and kept my deficit small. That way I never felt deprived or as if I was on a diet.
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Attitude plays a big part. Some people are ready to totally own their responsibility for weight loss or gain while others feel more comfortable in the victim zone, blaming their hormones, the state of the nation and their parents.
I have always been accused of being that miracle skinny person, despite a lifetime of struggling to keep my weight in range .
Agreed- and the same here. I'm not 'naturally thin'. I pass up all sorts of additional food to maintain my weight. Meh, it's JUST food!
I know that i am lucky in that:
- I'm not an emotional eater (emotional shopper- guilty!)
- I don't binge (I may overeat sometimes e.g. order a dessert, or eat an extra slice of pizza- but that's okay to me)
- I'm not interested in food- never have been. It's not my entertainment
- I rarley drink alcohol, I prefer diet soda (once or twice a year) and I don't drink lattes/ frappes etc.
- I am a great home cook and was rasied cooking low-cal healthy food (it's a bit too much low-fat but it was the 80's when I learnt to cook- therefore I hate the taste and feel of fat in my mouth and on my lips)
- I have a really tiny appetite- always have, and I eat extreamly slowly- always have. I'm fine with fairly low cals.
- I'm active (not so much recently though due to on-going ear infection)
- I don't like most 'addies' e.g. mayonaise, salad dressing, creamy sauces- though I love tomato ketchup (sugar)
- I eat 80% paleo by choice - pasta, rice, potatos, most bread- all taste gross to me and affect my IBS.
- My most favourite food is salad- always has been since I was a child.
- I don't like most take-ways (just pizza) and don't eat out for entertainment (it's boring!)- i like to dance instead.
BUT:
- I love sweet, carby things and eat too many of them (at the expense of protien and fat)
- I get ravenous at ovulation and PMS ( but during my period the cramps cause me to feel queesy and sick so i end up under-eating - so it balences itsellf out by the end of the month). My eating patterns have aleways been up and down- it's normal for me.
I've never been overweight- I've had periods on the upper end of the BMI due to being a lazy conveniance cook at times (university and recently a period of greif) but i was raised on CICO by my mother who was very keen for us to know about food and nutrition (70's/80's nutrition) and how to maintain our weight, whilst including little treats each day (a two finger kitkat or a couple of cookies or small packet of crisps/ chips, and a small slice of home-made cake on a Sunday).
Disclaimer I'm not here to lose weight now- just to log for nutritional info.
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kommodevaran wrote: »snowflake930 wrote: »Sandra37405 wrote: »Because life isn't fair.TheopolisAmbroiseIII wrote: »If losing weight and eating right is so easy for you, how did you get to the point of needing to lose weight in the first place?
People are all different. What is easy for you is difficult for someone else. It doesn't matter what the issue is. I don't understand why that is hard for you to understand OP.
It may be because I have Asperger's and thus a lack of empathy. I know I have trouble with imagination and seeing things from other people's views. I don't understand myself sometimes either. I struggle with other issues, but weight is so easy. I just want to grasp the "why".
I was actually wondering whether you were on the spectrum. I wasn't going to ask because that would be rude. But this makes total sense now. There isn't one single answer as to "why" - it will be different for each individual. There are many complexities and shades of grey. You may just need to reconcile that some of the issues you struggle with are a breeze for others, and weight loss was simple for you but for others it is a struggle.0 -
The "why" can be very simple, or very complex. For some it truly is mentally & physically more difficult (usually mentally) but I also think many people make it far more difficult than it needs to be.0
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Most people go straight to trying to lose 2 pounds a week. OF COURSE it's going to be hard.
I never did that. MFP said the recommended loss was 1 pound a week, so I went with that, and my goal was never under 1650 calories (factoring exercise).
Easier also for taller people because portion sizes don't accommodate short people - for example if one day you have two slices of bread, a slice of cheese, two eggs, an apple.. they're pretty much all one size and will be more of your calories if you're small than if you're tall. I mean, sure, you're smaller, so probably less hungry overall, but that extra cookie you really want will do more damage on a 5 foot person than a 6 foot one...
Then there's hormones. Goddamn hormones.0 -
Some people are ready to totally own their responsibility for weight loss or gain
I think that's the key right there. Once you get to that point, nothing can stop you. It became (I won't say easy) much less of a challenge for me when my mind clicked into that state and I realized that I am completely in control of my weight and overall health and that my decisions alone would determine the outcome.0 -
oh_happy_day wrote: »kommodevaran wrote: »snowflake930 wrote: »Sandra37405 wrote: »Because life isn't fair.TheopolisAmbroiseIII wrote: »If losing weight and eating right is so easy for you, how did you get to the point of needing to lose weight in the first place?
People are all different. What is easy for you is difficult for someone else. It doesn't matter what the issue is. I don't understand why that is hard for you to understand OP.
It may be because I have Asperger's and thus a lack of empathy. I know I have trouble with imagination and seeing things from other people's views. I don't understand myself sometimes either. I struggle with other issues, but weight is so easy. I just want to grasp the "why".
I was actually wondering whether you were on the spectrum. I wasn't going to ask because that would be rude. But this makes total sense now. There isn't one single answer as to "why" - it will be different for each individual. There are many complexities and shades of grey. You may just need to reconcile that some of the issues you struggle with are a breeze for others, and weight loss was simple for you but for others it is a struggle.
Yes - and I noticed you also mentioned empathy. It actually makes me sad (not your question, but every time I'm reminded that I could need some). You are right. I have to find peace with that we are all differnt and have different challenges in our lives, and that I can't understand everything.
Some of my threads in here have been closed, and I understand that it sometimes looks like I try to be a besserwisser. That is not my intention. I have often trouble finding the right words. In addition to that, English is not my primary language. (Grr, I hate this. Don't want to come across as a pity party goer either.)0 -
kommodevaran wrote:I've seen both - having much to lose is easier because your body burns more and you have more wiggle room; having less to lose is easier because your habits don't need to be changed so drastically.
Not necessarily. I was making all the "bad choices" and doing all the "bad habits" that would one day lead me to being severely overweight if I didn't change anything. I was just lucky to stop and change my lifestyle before my body started burning less calories (due to ageing) being alive. I would get people telling me they were jealous that I could eat whatever I want and not be 300kg. That wasn't the case, I just wasn't 300kg yet.
So while yes, often it is a case of habits not being changed so drastically, but not always.0 -
kommodevaran wrote: »kommodevaran wrote: »
Regardless of how small I am or how active i've been - I still want to eat just as much as someone who has a calorie budget twice as big as mine. I just know I can't without eventually gaining. Just because I maintain on X calories, doesn't mean I can eat what I want and be satisfied without moderation on X calories.
I used to think that way too and would eat like the biggest guy in the room. When I finally understood the point with portions, I understood that I don't need that much food, and I learnt to recognise the feeling of "fullness". That is not the same as "stuffed".
I know I can't eat as much as other people because I am older and short AND I DONT eat "like the biggest guy in the room" but that does not mean that I sometimes would like to be able to eat a little more and still be in a good deficit...its not going to happen though. I also recognise the feeling of "fullness" which is not the same as being "stuffed"...........I'm sure other people do too!!!!0 -
PinkPixiexox wrote: »People are very fond of the "It's simple - CICO" answer in regards to weight loss - and that's exactly how to do it - but there are many who struggle, and that's totally okay too. There is little room for sympathy on the message boards in regards to 'I'm finding this really hard' and it's a shame because everyone has a different story.
Case in point? My mum. She has been up and down weight-wise all her life. There was a time where she was at a very healthy weight and feeling fabulous - she knows all too well HOW this is done. Now? She is around 100 LBS overweight. She knows HOW to lose weight and many would question 'Well why hasn't she?'. Her mother recently passed away and her father is suffering from dementia - she is his full time carer and is slowly having to watch him fade away. She is a single mother to a 12 year old girl and she struggles to pay her rent. She also suffers from depression on top of everything else. So yes, it is simple - CICO, but my mum struggles to focus on weight loss for absolute obvious reasons. She just can't commit to any plan despite knowing how because she just has too much mentally going on in her life to spend her time calorie counting and meal prepping. And I would never, ever hold it against her.
Some people struggle with it - that's just the way it is. And I would never, ever judge someone for that. Others find it easier to mentally 'get in the zone' so to speak. We ALL need a little boost every now and again, that's a fact
I disagree with this, but not in the way you think. I do think there is a lot of sympathy and compassion for the folks who find it hard, even from the tough love crowd.
I can feel for your mom's situation. I know all too well about not doing what you know works...because you just don't have the ability. I conveyed a very similar message in the "I Give Up" thread.
However, I also think it is helpful and compassionate to say that when you are ready, the simpler you make it...the easier it can and will be.
This is my opinion too - I'm just not able to communicate it tactfully.0 -
I've seen both - having much to lose is easier because your body burns more and you have more wiggle room; having less to lose is easier because your habits don't need to be changed so drastically.
Not necessarily. I was making all the "bad choices" and doing all the "bad habits" that would one day lead me to being severely overweight if I didn't change anything. I was just lucky to stop and change my lifestyle before my body started burning less calories (due to ageing) being alive. I would get people telling me they were jealous that I could eat whatever I want and not be 300kg. That wasn't the case, I just wasn't 300kg yet.
So while yes, often it is a case of habits not being changed so drastically, but not always.
I don't know where your quoting went wrong but I didn't write that.0
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