Ever lose a friend over your weight loss?

CooCooPuff

My older sister has become more hostile towards me. We've never had a decent relationship, but it's been pretty brutal these recent years.

On another note, I had an encounter with a friend's mom that was pretty embarrassing. While I was standing on their porch, waiting for my friend to get something, she saw me and complimented me on my loss. She then proceeded to ask how I lost the weight, and without me noticing, my friend shows up as I was telling about calorie counting. She then makes a point to ask him why he hasn't tried losing and well...

lgstone

I think it's a mistake to say friends who are "real" friends won't leave no matter what. Friendship isn't marriage, they haven't taken a vow "till death do us part." Friendship is a voluntary association, which is what makes it amazing because our friends don't have to be there for us, they choose to be. That said, it's a little presumptuous to expect all our cordial acquaintances to perform at the level of totally committed life-long friends. We all have acquaintances at a range of levels, all of whom we tend to call "friends." All acquaintances becoming friendships build on compatibilities and need-meeting. We are compatible, and we meet certain of each others' needs in some way.
Weight loss programs can disturb both of those. If compatibility is tied in some way to sharing a lot of eating out at rich, exotic eating establishments, "no rules" types of eating, meals that are thought festive by virtue of being excessive, well our weight loss program can surely upset that element of shared enjoyment and compatibility, and put distance into that acquaintance. If the other person recognizes the importance of this and changes to meet us because they value the acquaintance, then you're looking at a real candidate for a closer friendship. But if they choose to let the relationship slip back into the distance, that's their choice, and that's fine. They have that right.
Another way weight loss can disturb the dynamic of acquaintances becoming life-long friends is when the other person is threatened, envious, or jealous, or made to feel guilty or inadequate by our commitment and success. In those cases, their character flaw can either lead to them growing or choosing to retreat, again, it's their choice and we can't judge them for that. They didn't take a vow.
Another way--a very common way--weight loss programs disturb relationships is that our commitment and success makes us arrogant, self-righteous meddlers. We sit in restaurants, use our MFP app to tell others how many calories are in the foods they've already ordered or perhaps are eating. We make this the theme of our interactions with them and become arrogant, self righteous, insufferable bores! Others rightfully recoil from this behavior and decide they don't really need "friends" like that.
We need to learn how to pursue our commitment, and enjoy our success, in ways that don't make us insufferably irritating to others who have made different life choices than us. Where they actively or passively undermine us, we have to make a choice to confront, endure or avoid. But that's our choice, and we should make it graciously and live it out appropriately in our contacts with others.

mccindy72

Jeez, I have three sisters. Our sizes have nothing to do with our relationships - we're family, and physical attributes don't have anything to do with that. My friends are the same way - that's what friendship is about - who you are as people, not the size of your clothing or where you go to eat and what you eat when you get there.

VykkDraygoVPR

My friends are supportive, and don't care how fat or skinny I am. Most of my friends are thinner than me, though. So no idea.

lauramariew

I haven't really lost a friend but have put up with ridicule and remarks. I think this "friend" is jelous. She is overweight and has always had to put me down for my accomplishments or material things that my husband and I have worked hard for. She makes comments like "You look sickly because you are losing weight" or tries to be hurtful in her comments. I slowly started distancing myself from her, and now she only calls or texts me when she needs something. I ran into her at a funeral this weekend and she had to tell me that she is going for gastric bypass because nothing she has tried is working. In the past I would ask her to walk with me, or go to the gym. She would make fun of me for eating healthy and exercise then turn around and complain at how fat she was while eating a bag of cookies. I explained to her that she needs to exercise and eat healthy if she wants to lose weight. She would then say to my face or tell others that I'm obsessed with losing weight and exercising. I finally decided that I don't need someone like her in my life, and she is now wondering why I don't go and visit her anymore. The way I look at it is it's her loss not mine.

Asher_Ethan

I randomly gained friends when I lost the weight.

justrollme

christinev297 wrote: »

tinger12 wrote: »

I will never have to worry about such problems. Being a social recluse I have zero friends. Acquaintances yes, family members, yep, but no actual friends and I am just fine with it. I am looking to better myself for myself and no one else.

I'm the same. The less people in your life, the less problems you have to deal with.
I've got my family and husband, and I'm happy and content with that.

OP, in answer to your question. . My sister has been pretty distant since I've lost weight. She's always been thinner than me, but now I'm smaller than her, the whole dynamic has changed.

That happiness and contentedness matter so much. ♥

I've been really fortunate, my family and friends have been great. If someone would have reacted negatively, I'd probably have been worried that they might be having some type of inner struggle. I had a coworker once who was very thin and very fit, and who sometimes offered unsolicited advice. I didn't mind most of the advice so much, but I often noticed that she compared herself, physically, to other women. She behaved differently toward those who she felt appeared more shapely or fit than she was, than she did to people who she regarded as equally or less so than herself. One day, somehow we were having a discussion about self-esteem, and she told me that she has always struggled with that, due to insecurity. It made sense.

With that in mind, I don't think I'd suggest ending a friendship with someone who gets weird about your success. If you're close enough, have a conversation about it. Usually a little understanding goes a long way. (And I loved that someone suggesting inviting the friend along for a walk, etc., great idea!)

PonyTailedLoser

The former friend I had in mind when I posted had been friends with me for over 20 years. I'd been overweight the entire friendship and once I lost weight it wasn't mentioned once. However she did make sure to tell a guy I was seeing about "how much I'd changed and how great I thought I was" since losing weight and then proceeded to show him pictures of me at my heaviest. Even at my most svelte, I didn't like my body and wore semi-baggy clothing. I didn't talk up my weight loss but I did mention running x amount of miles with some pride. Upon further consideration I think the resentment started after we were out drinking and I wouldn't keep doing shots with her because I knew my limits with a lower weight. I was just curious how common hostility is once people start losing weight.

finnsgma

I didn't lose friends as a result specifically to weight loss, but it was a factor b/c due to losing weight, I was more confident and started dating. I met a lot of really nice guys and was having fun going out and being more social. A friend of mine (who was always thin) was single and I think feeling like I was spending more time meeting guys and going on dates and she wasn't dating so I think she was jealous.

atypicalsmith

Real friends won't care if you are fat or skinny. BUT if they are overweight and you are constantly bragging about your new diet, how much weight you've lost, how much better you feel, ad nauseum, you are being cruel to your friend. Yes, it would be great if your friend said, "Wow, he/she is doing so good, I think I will follow his/her example!" and started fluttering all about you, asking for your advice and taking it and losing weight with you.

But that's not usually how it happens. Usually, the friend feels left out because all you want to talk about is your weight loss. JUST STOP THAT and keep your friends!!!!