Article of a Women's Journey With Anorexia and Orthorexia that Almost Killed Her
Replies
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You don't see any problem with people who have an obsession to such an extent that they have an eating or exercise disorder? Orthorexia is not something to aspire to. I know you said you defined yourself this way and then you went to describe basically how awesome it is. It isn't. I'll leave you with the thought that I hope you get some help from a professional.
Agreed. I think it is very dangerous to glamorize this way of eating and thinking about food (both for yourself and others).0 -
cushman5279 wrote: »PeachyCarol wrote: »Agreed Kalikel. Not sharing food is only a problem if you have deep anxiety about it. Again, all the lines come down to it being disordered thinking that makes it a problem.
Some people think calorie counting is disordered, but it's how the person behaves around the counting that determines if it's disordered or not, you know?
If it weren't food and/or exercise, the people suffering from these disorders would likely exhibit control/obsession over another area of their lives.
I don't see any problem with exhibiting control/obsession. I know plenty of people, myself included, who are control freaks or display obsession. I call it passion and I call it a good personality trait. Being competitive, being controlled and being obsessed as well as passionate, disciplined and dedicated has never failed to get me everything I want out of life and more. Obviously those traits are going to cross into anything one partakes in whether it's a competitive sport (training), proper nutrition, career, finances, etc...
You don't see any problem with people who have an obsession to such an extent that they have an eating or exercise disorder? Orthorexia is not something to aspire to. I know you said you defined yourself this way and then you went to describe basically how awesome it is. It isn't. I'll leave you with the thought that I hope you get some help from a professional.
You are adding words to my statement. I did not say that.0 -
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Oh no... I totally don't think it's something to be strived for! I do believe that a lot of those traits are positive in many ways but there is a fine line. I agree... I haven't had a balanced relationship with food or exercise for several years now. Oddly enough, I feel awesome and continue to improve upon my health and wellness despite the dreaded calorie restrict crash & burn that everyone talks about. But this isn't about me.
Overall it's a good article and a good survivor story.0 -
Is it sad that I see myself in that story? I can't say I am there, but I could easily be where she was. I always punish myself. Once I start exercising, I become rigid. When I once had my bf walk with me to a mall, it was hot out and I felt dehydrated and I remember refusing to drink water until I got there as a way of punishing or forcing myself to keep going. I do not allow myself to eat or drink until my exercise is done and even then sometimes I skip eating for a while as to not ruin the hard work. If I eat something and go overboard, I do not just say, Oh I messed up I'll just restart tomorrow, I belittle myself to no end in my head and tell myself how worthless and stupid I am. I understand her 100%. I have had EDs in the past...either binging or going days without eating. I hate my "relationship" with food and exercise. Either I don't exercise at all, or I need to be perfect. There's no in between. The same with food.0
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^ This is part of why I am not exercising yet this time around. People on here might call me lazy, although I am sick as well, but even with not being sick... I would call me careful. I worked out for 2hrs per day making myself sickly exhausted when I was in my 3rd term of my second pregnancy. I cried because I was hungry after eating cereal and also wanted a sandwich but wouldnt allow myself. I had to be convinced it was OKAY to eat. After my baby I was 1lb lighter than before I got pregnant.0
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If that's all true, you should be having a doctor, dietitian and therapist on board throughout your weight loss journey. Not later, when you think you really, really need help, but now, before you're in too deep.Verity1111 wrote: »Is it sad that I see myself in that story? I can't say I am there, but I could easily be where she was. I always punish myself. Once I start exercising, I become rigid. When I once had my bf walk with me to a mall, it was hot out and I felt dehydrated and I remember refusing to drink water until I got there as a way of punishing or forcing myself to keep going. I do not allow myself to eat or drink until my exercise is done and even then sometimes I skip eating for a while as to not ruin the hard work. If I eat something and go overboard, I do not just say, Oh I messed up I'll just restart tomorrow, I belittle myself to no end in my head and tell myself how worthless and stupid I am. I understand her 100%. I have had EDs in the past...either binging or going days without eating. I hate my "relationship" with food and exercise. Either I don't exercise at all, or I need to be perfect. There's no in between. The same with food.
We get a lot of eating disordered and muscle dysmorphic people here. It's the nature of the site. It's going to draw those people. We also get a lot of formerly ED, but now overweight people. If you get a team of people on board, you could start a support group for former people who had EDs and are losing weight the responsible, healthy way.
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Verity1111 wrote: »^ This is part of why I am not exercising yet this time around. People on here might call me lazy, although I am sick as well, but even with not being sick... I would call me careful. I worked out for 2hrs per day making myself sickly exhausted when I was in my 3rd term of my second pregnancy. I cried because I was hungry after eating cereal and also wanted a sandwich but wouldnt allow myself. I had to be convinced it was OKAY to eat. After my baby I was 1lb lighter than before I got pregnant.
You are not being lazy, you are doing what you need to do to find a healthy way to lose weight. And if you aren't talking to someone, I would recommend speaking to a therapist. If nothing else, you don't want random, snide comments from strangers online to deter your from what you know is a healthy part of your recovery. Having someone to talk to who actually knows what's going on with you would be hugely beneficial. And if you're friends with any of those people, drop them.0 -
If that's all true, you should be having a doctor, dietitian and therapist on board throughout your weight loss journey. Not later, when you think you really, really need help, but now, before you're in too deep.Verity1111 wrote: »Is it sad that I see myself in that story? I can't say I am there, but I could easily be where she was. I always punish myself. Once I start exercising, I become rigid. When I once had my bf walk with me to a mall, it was hot out and I felt dehydrated and I remember refusing to drink water until I got there as a way of punishing or forcing myself to keep going. I do not allow myself to eat or drink until my exercise is done and even then sometimes I skip eating for a while as to not ruin the hard work. If I eat something and go overboard, I do not just say, Oh I messed up I'll just restart tomorrow, I belittle myself to no end in my head and tell myself how worthless and stupid I am. I understand her 100%. I have had EDs in the past...either binging or going days without eating. I hate my "relationship" with food and exercise. Either I don't exercise at all, or I need to be perfect. There's no in between. The same with food.
We get a lot of eating disordered and muscle dysmorphic people here. It's the nature of the site. It's going to draw those people. We also get a lot of formerly ED, but now overweight people. If you get a team of people on board, you could start a support group for former people who had EDs and are losing weight the responsible, healthy way.
I had a therapist a few times.. I cried in front of my midwife while I was pregnant about my weight and she didn't really even connect me to a therapist, either did my dr. It was bad in my first pregnancy I gained a lot and it killed my confidence and my dr said "You dont have to gain any more weight, you have gained enough" in a snide way. I was only 19 when I got pregnany and that was rough and cruel. Like I was doing it on purpose? I knew nothing about weight gain or nutrition just exercise. I had lost weight before exercising 2-5hrs per day for 5-6 days per week in high school...I thought that was a "normal" amount. I had no idea what was good and not good. I have 3 children soon to be 5, 3 1/2 with nonverbal autism and then 1 year old. It's hard to get to all those appointments. I am hoping to get a nutritionist though. I know I am struggling, I know I have this issue and I am honest with myself about it. I do wish I could see all those people but its just hard for me. A dietitian or nutritionist is what Im hoping to have. I wouldnt lie to them about anything so as long as they are monitoring me and keeping me in line, I think I wont go overboard. I just need that person there to say OK that is good enough, relax. The worst Ive been is 10 days without eating when I was in a bad place emotionally. I tend to not eat to feel better about myself. My boyfriend keeps me from doing that. He won't let me go a day without food so I do have at least his support until I can see a nutritionist.0 -
Verity1111 wrote: »^ This is part of why I am not exercising yet this time around. People on here might call me lazy, although I am sick as well, but even with not being sick... I would call me careful. I worked out for 2hrs per day making myself sickly exhausted when I was in my 3rd term of my second pregnancy. I cried because I was hungry after eating cereal and also wanted a sandwich but wouldnt allow myself. I had to be convinced it was OKAY to eat. After my baby I was 1lb lighter than before I got pregnant.
You are not being lazy, you are doing what you need to do to find a healthy way to lose weight. And if you aren't talking to someone, I would recommend speaking to a therapist. If nothing else, you don't want random, snide comments from strangers online to deter your from what you know is a healthy part of your recovery. Having someone to talk to who actually knows what's going on with you would be hugely beneficial. And if you're friends with any of those people, drop them.
Thank you. Mainly people on MFP honestly. I have some bad gastrointestinal issues that a professional is supposed to address for me next month and I posted on here about diet only and said please don't give me comments on exercise, I have done this many times and will exercise later. People kept going on about how I should now etc and it's not good for my mindset. I am trying to do the right thing and put my health first. I'm already sick and I'm trying to focus on feeling better and my kids for now. I just felt like them pressuring me was not helpful. I hope people remember on here if they read this that you never know someone's full back story and if they say please do not ask me to ____ then just don't do it and give them advice the best you can on what they asked. Maybe they know what is best for them better than a stranger online. Just my opinion. Sometimes the community is too pushy and judgmental.0 -
cushman5279 wrote: »PeachyCarol wrote: »Agreed Kalikel. Not sharing food is only a problem if you have deep anxiety about it. Again, all the lines come down to it being disordered thinking that makes it a problem.
Some people think calorie counting is disordered, but it's how the person behaves around the counting that determines if it's disordered or not, you know?
If it weren't food and/or exercise, the people suffering from these disorders would likely exhibit control/obsession over another area of their lives.
I don't see any problem with exhibiting control/obsession. I know plenty of people, myself included, who are control freaks or display obsession. I call it passion and I call it a good personality trait. Being competitive, being controlled and being obsessed as well as passionate, disciplined and dedicated has never failed to get me everything I want out of life and more. Obviously those traits are going to cross into anything one partakes in whether it's a competitive sport (training), proper nutrition, career, finances, etc...
You don't see any problem with people who have an obsession to such an extent that they have an eating or exercise disorder? Orthorexia is not something to aspire to. I know you said you defined yourself this way and then you went to describe basically how awesome it is. It isn't. I'll leave you with the thought that I hope you get some help from a professional.
+2, especially to the bolded.0 -
Im beginning to worry if Im running into the problems mentioned in the initial post. I hide dieting from everyone. I am excessively fighting should I eat this or that..then walk away not
eating either because of an ingredient isn't needed in a food choice. I will stare at foods on my plate and decide the portion because of the placement then turn my plate look again go into the kitchen and wait to see if I should eat it because part of it looks flawed. I make excuses that some foods are under/over cooked because the form is unappealing.
Im happy to share foods and will wait purposely when others are done eating because it looks unappealing. I find it easier to stay in the kitchen..create dinners let everyone get what they want and then make a plate up for myself. Stay in the kitchen not touching the food or plate and wait for others to be finished so I can say hey...there are leftovers here..and start dishes skip dinner. The more I find playing games with food the better off I am. I dont enjoy food at all. I force myself to try and eat because it looks unappealing.
When I eat..Its foods closest to its original form. I think others who eat manufactured foods are doing themselves wrong and they are not getting nutrition from boxed foods. It makes me sad to see the ones I love destroying themselves.
Im critical about my body. I look at my legs constantly knowing I would be able to get a thigh gap because of the bone shape. I have done it before and was amazed at the look. Ive gone through my closet pulling clothes and wondering if I eat so much less I will be needing new clothes because the ones sitting there are from another point in my life.
Then there are days when I dont think about any of it. Then tell myself your too old to have these issues. Your in midlife. My thinking is wrong. Enjoy food eat what fulfills your body. Or that maybe its because you have nothing better to focus on. We are empty nesters who moved half way across the country...dont have to work and have nothing better to do.
Its a battle that bring back a time when I did become anorexic 10 years ago. When I strived for perfection. While doing so I always ended up with iv fluids because I never drank enough because if you dont eat after so long you lose the urge to drink.
Food color and the way its cooked or who created a meal or if they used clean hands always runs in my mind.
I am no way near anorexic as for weight. Im 5'5 and 158. But I can say dieting and counting calories can lead to an eating disorder. When it starts getting picky about whats right and wrong food choices. After you become bored with counting calories but still do every morsel.. After you start watching macros and meet them. Whats next? What can I perfect?
Its almost the same disorder as overeating. but in a different form. Been there too.
No negative comments please. No comments
needing therapist because its an easy answer for you. Im writing this as my experience only.0 -
Verity1111 wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »^ This is part of why I am not exercising yet this time around. People on here might call me lazy, although I am sick as well, but even with not being sick... I would call me careful. I worked out for 2hrs per day making myself sickly exhausted when I was in my 3rd term of my second pregnancy. I cried because I was hungry after eating cereal and also wanted a sandwich but wouldnt allow myself. I had to be convinced it was OKAY to eat. After my baby I was 1lb lighter than before I got pregnant.
You are not being lazy, you are doing what you need to do to find a healthy way to lose weight. And if you aren't talking to someone, I would recommend speaking to a therapist. If nothing else, you don't want random, snide comments from strangers online to deter your from what you know is a healthy part of your recovery. Having someone to talk to who actually knows what's going on with you would be hugely beneficial. And if you're friends with any of those people, drop them.
Thank you. Mainly people on MFP honestly. I have some bad gastrointestinal issues that a professional is supposed to address for me next month and I posted on here about diet only and said please don't give me comments on exercise, I have done this many times and will exercise later. People kept going on about how I should now etc and it's not good for my mindset. I am trying to do the right thing and put my health first. I'm already sick and I'm trying to focus on feeling better and my kids for now. I just felt like them pressuring me was not helpful. I hope people remember on here if they read this that you never know someone's full back story and if they say please do not ask me to ____ then just don't do it and give them advice the best you can on what they asked. Maybe they know what is best for them better than a stranger online. Just my opinion. Sometimes the community is too pushy and judgmental.
I'm glad you'll be seeing someone to sort your gastro issues.
It is entirely possible to manage your weight without exercise no matter what anyone on here would tell you.
Not for anything, but the life of a mother of young children is anything but sedentary! You worry about you and your babies and do what you need to do to be healthy and happy inside yourself.
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PeachyCarol wrote: »cushman5279 wrote: »PeachyCarol wrote: »Agreed Kalikel. Not sharing food is only a problem if you have deep anxiety about it. Again, all the lines come down to it being disordered thinking that makes it a problem.
Some people think calorie counting is disordered, but it's how the person behaves around the counting that determines if it's disordered or not, you know?
If it weren't food and/or exercise, the people suffering from these disorders would likely exhibit control/obsession over another area of their lives.
I don't see any problem with exhibiting control/obsession. I know plenty of people, myself included, who are control freaks or display obsession. I call it passion and I call it a good personality trait. Being competitive, being controlled and being obsessed as well as passionate, disciplined and dedicated has never failed to get me everything I want out of life and more. Obviously those traits are going to cross into anything one partakes in whether it's a competitive sport (training), proper nutrition, career, finances, etc...
You don't see any problem with people who have an obsession to such an extent that they have an eating or exercise disorder? Orthorexia is not something to aspire to. I know you said you defined yourself this way and then you went to describe basically how awesome it is. It isn't. I'll leave you with the thought that I hope you get some help from a professional.
+2, especially to the bolded.
+30 -
sunandmoons wrote: »Im beginning to worry if Im running into the problems mentioned in the initial post. I hide dieting from everyone. I am excessively fighting should I eat this or that..then walk away not
eating either because of an ingredient isn't needed in a food choice. I will stare at foods on my plate and decide the portion because of the placement then turn my plate look again go into the kitchen and wait to see if I should eat it because part of it looks flawed. I make excuses that some foods are under/over cooked because the form is unappealing.
Im happy to share foods and will wait purposely when others are done eating because it looks unappealing. I find it easier to stay in the kitchen..create dinners let everyone get what they want and then make a plate up for myself. Stay in the kitchen not touching the food or plate and wait for others to be finished so I can say hey...there are leftovers here..and start dishes skip dinner. The more I find playing games with food the better off I am. I dont enjoy food at all. I force myself to try and eat because it looks unappealing.
When I eat..Its foods closest to its original form. I think others who eat manufactured foods are doing themselves wrong and they are not getting nutrition from boxed foods. It makes me sad to see the ones I love destroying themselves.
Im critical about my body. I look at my legs constantly knowing I would be able to get a thigh gap because of the bone shape. I have done it before and was amazed at the look. Ive gone through my closet pulling clothes and wondering if I eat so much less I will be needing new clothes because the ones sitting there are from another point in my life.
Then there are days when I dont think about any of it. Then tell myself your too old to have these issues. Your in midlife. My thinking is wrong. Enjoy food eat what fulfills your body. Or that maybe its because you have nothing better to focus on. We are empty nesters who moved half way across the country...dont have to work and have nothing better to do.
Its a battle that bring back a time when I did become anorexic 10 years ago. When I strived for perfection. While doing so I always ended up with iv fluids because I never drank enough because if you dont eat after so long you lose the urge to drink.
Food color and the way its cooked or who created a meal or if they used clean hands always runs in my mind.
I am no way near anorexic as for weight. Im 5'5 and 158. But I can say dieting and counting calories can lead to an eating disorder. When it starts getting picky about whats right and wrong food choices. After you become bored with counting calories but still do every morsel.. After you start watching macros and meet them. Whats next? What can I perfect?
Its almost the same disorder as overeating. but in a different form. Been there too.
No negative comments please. No comments
needing therapist because its an easy answer for you. Im writing this as my experience only.
I understand. I don't feel exactly as you do and I don't really want a thigh gap, but that urge for perfection is real. Our idea of perfection. Just keep a good hold on yourself and keep pushing yourself to eat because in the back of your head I'm sure you know what's truly good for you.0 -
PeachyCarol wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »^ This is part of why I am not exercising yet this time around. People on here might call me lazy, although I am sick as well, but even with not being sick... I would call me careful. I worked out for 2hrs per day making myself sickly exhausted when I was in my 3rd term of my second pregnancy. I cried because I was hungry after eating cereal and also wanted a sandwich but wouldnt allow myself. I had to be convinced it was OKAY to eat. After my baby I was 1lb lighter than before I got pregnant.
You are not being lazy, you are doing what you need to do to find a healthy way to lose weight. And if you aren't talking to someone, I would recommend speaking to a therapist. If nothing else, you don't want random, snide comments from strangers online to deter your from what you know is a healthy part of your recovery. Having someone to talk to who actually knows what's going on with you would be hugely beneficial. And if you're friends with any of those people, drop them.
Thank you. Mainly people on MFP honestly. I have some bad gastrointestinal issues that a professional is supposed to address for me next month and I posted on here about diet only and said please don't give me comments on exercise, I have done this many times and will exercise later. People kept going on about how I should now etc and it's not good for my mindset. I am trying to do the right thing and put my health first. I'm already sick and I'm trying to focus on feeling better and my kids for now. I just felt like them pressuring me was not helpful. I hope people remember on here if they read this that you never know someone's full back story and if they say please do not ask me to ____ then just don't do it and give them advice the best you can on what they asked. Maybe they know what is best for them better than a stranger online. Just my opinion. Sometimes the community is too pushy and judgmental.
I'm glad you'll be seeing someone to sort your gastro issues.
It is entirely possible to manage your weight without exercise no matter what anyone on here would tell you.
Not for anything, but the life of a mother of young children is anything but sedentary! You worry about you and your babies and do what you need to do to be healthy and happy inside yourself.
Thank you. It is less that they tell me and more HOW they tell me that hurts. I'm not "making excuses". I LOVE exercise. I wish I could afford to start my gym membership already and get up at 4am and work out at 5am every day for hrs. I probably shouldn't, but I'd love it so much. I'm sick often now and wake up with bad abdominal pain or experience it throughout the day. Focus is on that and my children. Thank you for the support.0 -
Verity1111 wrote: »sunandmoons wrote: »Im beginning to worry if Im running into the problems mentioned in the initial post. I hide dieting from everyone. I am excessively fighting should I eat this or that..then walk away not
eating either because of an ingredient isn't needed in a food choice. I will stare at foods on my plate and decide the portion because of the placement then turn my plate look again go into the kitchen and wait to see if I should eat it because part of it looks flawed. I make excuses that some foods are under/over cooked because the form is unappealing.
Im happy to share foods and will wait purposely when others are done eating because it looks unappealing. I find it easier to stay in the kitchen..create dinners let everyone get what they want and then make a plate up for myself. Stay in the kitchen not touching the food or plate and wait for others to be finished so I can say hey...there are leftovers here..and start dishes skip dinner. The more I find playing games with food the better off I am. I dont enjoy food at all. I force myself to try and eat because it looks unappealing.
When I eat..Its foods closest to its original form. I think others who eat manufactured foods are doing themselves wrong and they are not getting nutrition from boxed foods. It makes me sad to see the ones I love destroying themselves.
Im critical about my body. I look at my legs constantly knowing I would be able to get a thigh gap because of the bone shape. I have done it before and was amazed at the look. Ive gone through my closet pulling clothes and wondering if I eat so much less I will be needing new clothes because the ones sitting there are from another point in my life.
Then there are days when I dont think about any of it. Then tell myself your too old to have these issues. Your in midlife. My thinking is wrong. Enjoy food eat what fulfills your body. Or that maybe its because you have nothing better to focus on. We are empty nesters who moved half way across the country...dont have to work and have nothing better to do.
Its a battle that bring back a time when I did become anorexic 10 years ago. When I strived for perfection. While doing so I always ended up with iv fluids because I never drank enough because if you dont eat after so long you lose the urge to drink.
Food color and the way its cooked or who created a meal or if they used clean hands always runs in my mind.
I am no way near anorexic as for weight. Im 5'5 and 158. But I can say dieting and counting calories can lead to an eating disorder. When it starts getting picky about whats right and wrong food choices. After you become bored with counting calories but still do every morsel.. After you start watching macros and meet them. Whats next? What can I perfect?
Its almost the same disorder as overeating. but in a different form. Been there too.
No negative comments please. No comments
needing therapist because its an easy answer for you. Im writing this as my experience only.
I understand. I don't feel exactly as you do and I don't really want a thigh gap, but that urge for perfection is real. Our idea of perfection. Just keep a good hold on yourself and keep pushing yourself to eat because in the back of your head I'm sure you know what's truly good for you.
Thank you for understanding. Its hard to discuss and or admitting. Ive waited for a few days to post. Because a negative response would lead me into hiding and its what im the best at. Then the process starts over. Perfection how ever the form with dieting and exercise can be so dangerous. Finding that option to get past is a struggle.
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