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kshama2001 wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »kshama2001 wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »See so the funny thing is right now I am happy? Happy with myself. Maybe not happy with others actions, but right now happy with me is good. Don't get me wrong there will be a discussion when I feel the time is right for me. Not sure yet when it will be perhaps this weekend. I'm not sure it is going to end well and would prefer my children not be around.
So here's to being happy.
I recommend the goal of the discussion be just enough to convince him to come to couples therapy and you not try to work everything out with him until he has learned better communication skills.
I don't really want him there
If you keep your therapist for you and get another therapist for couples therapy, your husband won't feel like you and your therapist are conspiring against him.
I think couples therapy should be for short term goals such as improving communication, creating a safe space for letting him know what is going on with you, and sorting out responsibilities so everyone is carrying their weight.
Your therapist can be for everything else.
Perhaps but he would have to agree and I still don't see that happening he is not a very open person. I will talk to him this weekend or tomorrow night if the time is right and he is not out with his friends.
I'm out earlier so I'm sure our paths will cross sometime.0 -
Blame shifting.superhockeymom wrote: »kshama2001 wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »kshama2001 wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »See so the funny thing is right now I am happy? Happy with myself. Maybe not happy with others actions, but right now happy with me is good. Don't get me wrong there will be a discussion when I feel the time is right for me. Not sure yet when it will be perhaps this weekend. I'm not sure it is going to end well and would prefer my children not be around.
So here's to being happy.
I recommend the goal of the discussion be just enough to convince him to come to couples therapy and you not try to work everything out with him until he has learned better communication skills.
I don't really want him there
If you keep your therapist for you and get another therapist for couples therapy, your husband won't feel like you and your therapist are conspiring against him.
I think couples therapy should be for short term goals such as improving communication, creating a safe space for letting him know what is going on with you, and sorting out responsibilities so everyone is carrying their weight.
Your therapist can be for everything else.
Perhaps but he would have to agree and I still don't see that happening he is not a very open person. I will talk to him this weekend or tomorrow night if the time is right and he is not out with his friends.
I'm out earlier so I'm sure our paths will cross sometime.
"I'm ALL for talking, HE'S the one making that impossible."0 -
superhockeymom wrote: »MorganMoreaux wrote: »WeighToGoJudy wrote: »mrsnazario1219 wrote: »I've read all of OP's previous threads and have never commented because I didn't want to "feed the monster". I thought this one was innocent enough till now. Can't believe we've gone down this rabbit hole again. It's like Groundhog Day.
Exactly.
I really think it's a gimmick for attention. Look at all the time that is being spent posting to the forum...I would be hard pressed to work full time, be the sole 'care caretaker' of the house, raise two kids, and take care of a husband who does 'nothing' to contribute, while finding the time to drink copious amounts of wine and spending the better part of the day posting to the forum.
No doubt the OP has issues, but it's not the ones she talks about on this forum (and contradicts on a regular basis.) I suspect by responding to her problems people may be doing more harm than good. After reading through several of her threads, most have been deleted, I think she needs more intensive professional help than seeing a therapist every now and then. Nothing about the OP sounds rational when sitting down and reading through her threads (particularly the deleted ones), and I don't think giving advice (no matter how well meaning) is beneficial to somebody who is so unstable. We don't know what her triggers are and how she reacts in person which could have a further negative impact on the two children that are living with her, who are no doubt already trying to deal with a difficult situation.
I am not trying to be harsh or mean, and I sincerely hope the OP can get to point where she is physically and mentally healthy, but it sounds like a potentially dangerous situation for both the OP and her family.
First up a do work full time I am responding to these on my phone while I work. Second yes I do all the work at home and taxi my boys. I was already thinking these posts take up time but I do not like to ignore people so I feel compelled to answer their questions or respond to their post.
As I have previously stated my kids are not in a difficult situation, the world revolves around them. There is nothing I wouldn't do for them. Things have been going really well for me so please let's not be negative.
STOP creating new threads then!
No one made you read it.0 -
superhockeymom wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »MorganMoreaux wrote: »WeighToGoJudy wrote: »mrsnazario1219 wrote: »I've read all of OP's previous threads and have never commented because I didn't want to "feed the monster". I thought this one was innocent enough till now. Can't believe we've gone down this rabbit hole again. It's like Groundhog Day.
Exactly.
I really think it's a gimmick for attention. Look at all the time that is being spent posting to the forum...I would be hard pressed to work full time, be the sole 'care caretaker' of the house, raise two kids, and take care of a husband who does 'nothing' to contribute, while finding the time to drink copious amounts of wine and spending the better part of the day posting to the forum.
No doubt the OP has issues, but it's not the ones she talks about on this forum (and contradicts on a regular basis.) I suspect by responding to her problems people may be doing more harm than good. After reading through several of her threads, most have been deleted, I think she needs more intensive professional help than seeing a therapist every now and then. Nothing about the OP sounds rational when sitting down and reading through her threads (particularly the deleted ones), and I don't think giving advice (no matter how well meaning) is beneficial to somebody who is so unstable. We don't know what her triggers are and how she reacts in person which could have a further negative impact on the two children that are living with her, who are no doubt already trying to deal with a difficult situation.
I am not trying to be harsh or mean, and I sincerely hope the OP can get to point where she is physically and mentally healthy, but it sounds like a potentially dangerous situation for both the OP and her family.
First up a do work full time I am responding to these on my phone while I work. Second yes I do all the work at home and taxi my boys. I was already thinking these posts take up time but I do not like to ignore people so I feel compelled to answer their questions or respond to their post.
As I have previously stated my kids are not in a difficult situation, the world revolves around them. There is nothing I wouldn't do for them. Things have been going really well for me so please let's not be negative.
STOP creating new threads then!
No one made you read it.
I can't stop reading. It's good entertainment.
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I knew a co-worker who chose the single life to take care of her mother. She was a teenager when her father passed away, and she stayed at home to give her mother company. This mother often said she did "everything for her children" and that she did not matter. So she neglected her health, stayed at home, and managed her diabetes poorly. She died when her daughters were just in their forties.
I can promise you that children want their parents to be healthy, take care of themselves, and have fulfilling lives outside of the family.
Please don't divorce your needs from the compulsion to be the best mother you can be. You must balance your needs so that you can be around, body and spirit, for when your boys marry, have children of their own, and go on to have successful lives. They want you around for all of that.0 -
superhockeymom wrote: »MorganMoreaux wrote: »WeighToGoJudy wrote: »mrsnazario1219 wrote: »I've read all of OP's previous threads and have never commented because I didn't want to "feed the monster". I thought this one was innocent enough till now. Can't believe we've gone down this rabbit hole again. It's like Groundhog Day.
Exactly.
I really think it's a gimmick for attention. Look at all the time that is being spent posting to the forum...I would be hard pressed to work full time, be the sole 'care caretaker' of the house, raise two kids, and take care of a husband who does 'nothing' to contribute, while finding the time to drink copious amounts of wine and spending the better part of the day posting to the forum.
No doubt the OP has issues, but it's not the ones she talks about on this forum (and contradicts on a regular basis.) I suspect by responding to her problems people may be doing more harm than good. After reading through several of her threads, most have been deleted, I think she needs more intensive professional help than seeing a therapist every now and then. Nothing about the OP sounds rational when sitting down and reading through her threads (particularly the deleted ones), and I don't think giving advice (no matter how well meaning) is beneficial to somebody who is so unstable. We don't know what her triggers are and how she reacts in person which could have a further negative impact on the two children that are living with her, who are no doubt already trying to deal with a difficult situation.
I am not trying to be harsh or mean, and I sincerely hope the OP can get to point where she is physically and mentally healthy, but it sounds like a potentially dangerous situation for both the OP and her family.
First up a do work full time I am responding to these on my phone while I work. Second yes I do all the work at home and taxi my boys. I was already thinking these posts take up time but I do not like to ignore people so I feel compelled to answer their questions or respond to their post.
As I have previously stated my kids are not in a difficult situation, the world revolves around them. There is nothing I wouldn't do for them. Things have been going really well for me so please let's not be negative.
Unless they ask you hard questions, then you're fine with ignoring them.
quote] Would you consider yourself a perfectionist when it comes to things about yourself?/quote
quote] Yes and as I am so lovingly called a control freak oh and last but not least never wrong. /quote
quote] What's the worst thing that could happen if you're not perfect?/quote
quote] You ask very difficult questions. I guess I would not be liked /quote
quote] Who would not like you? /quote0 -
superhockeymom wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »MorganMoreaux wrote: »WeighToGoJudy wrote: »mrsnazario1219 wrote: »I've read all of OP's previous threads and have never commented because I didn't want to "feed the monster". I thought this one was innocent enough till now. Can't believe we've gone down this rabbit hole again. It's like Groundhog Day.
Exactly.
I really think it's a gimmick for attention. Look at all the time that is being spent posting to the forum...I would be hard pressed to work full time, be the sole 'care caretaker' of the house, raise two kids, and take care of a husband who does 'nothing' to contribute, while finding the time to drink copious amounts of wine and spending the better part of the day posting to the forum.
No doubt the OP has issues, but it's not the ones she talks about on this forum (and contradicts on a regular basis.) I suspect by responding to her problems people may be doing more harm than good. After reading through several of her threads, most have been deleted, I think she needs more intensive professional help than seeing a therapist every now and then. Nothing about the OP sounds rational when sitting down and reading through her threads (particularly the deleted ones), and I don't think giving advice (no matter how well meaning) is beneficial to somebody who is so unstable. We don't know what her triggers are and how she reacts in person which could have a further negative impact on the two children that are living with her, who are no doubt already trying to deal with a difficult situation.
I am not trying to be harsh or mean, and I sincerely hope the OP can get to point where she is physically and mentally healthy, but it sounds like a potentially dangerous situation for both the OP and her family.
First up a do work full time I am responding to these on my phone while I work. Second yes I do all the work at home and taxi my boys. I was already thinking these posts take up time but I do not like to ignore people so I feel compelled to answer their questions or respond to their post.
As I have previously stated my kids are not in a difficult situation, the world revolves around them. There is nothing I wouldn't do for them. Things have been going really well for me so please let's not be negative.
STOP creating new threads then!
No one made you read it.
S/he is pointing out that you wouldn't feel compelled to answer questions or respond to posts if you stopped creating these threads. You can't use the compulsion to respond as an excuse when you keep creating new threads. If you know that you will feel a desire to respond, then you have a choice -- create threads (and spend the time responding) or don't.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »MorganMoreaux wrote: »WeighToGoJudy wrote: »mrsnazario1219 wrote: »I've read all of OP's previous threads and have never commented because I didn't want to "feed the monster". I thought this one was innocent enough till now. Can't believe we've gone down this rabbit hole again. It's like Groundhog Day.
Exactly.
I really think it's a gimmick for attention. Look at all the time that is being spent posting to the forum...I would be hard pressed to work full time, be the sole 'care caretaker' of the house, raise two kids, and take care of a husband who does 'nothing' to contribute, while finding the time to drink copious amounts of wine and spending the better part of the day posting to the forum.
No doubt the OP has issues, but it's not the ones she talks about on this forum (and contradicts on a regular basis.) I suspect by responding to her problems people may be doing more harm than good. After reading through several of her threads, most have been deleted, I think she needs more intensive professional help than seeing a therapist every now and then. Nothing about the OP sounds rational when sitting down and reading through her threads (particularly the deleted ones), and I don't think giving advice (no matter how well meaning) is beneficial to somebody who is so unstable. We don't know what her triggers are and how she reacts in person which could have a further negative impact on the two children that are living with her, who are no doubt already trying to deal with a difficult situation.
I am not trying to be harsh or mean, and I sincerely hope the OP can get to point where she is physically and mentally healthy, but it sounds like a potentially dangerous situation for both the OP and her family.
First up a do work full time I am responding to these on my phone while I work. Second yes I do all the work at home and taxi my boys. I was already thinking these posts take up time but I do not like to ignore people so I feel compelled to answer their questions or respond to their post.
As I have previously stated my kids are not in a difficult situation, the world revolves around them. There is nothing I wouldn't do for them. Things have been going really well for me so please let's not be negative.
STOP creating new threads then!
No one made you read it.
S/he is pointing out that you wouldn't feel compelled to answer questions or respond to posts if you stopped creating these threads. You can't use the compulsion to respond as an excuse when you keep creating new threads. If you know that you will feel a desire to respond, then you have a choice -- create threads (and spend the time responding) or don't.
Yes this ^
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superhockeymom wrote: »MorganMoreaux wrote: »WeighToGoJudy wrote: »mrsnazario1219 wrote: »I've read all of OP's previous threads and have never commented because I didn't want to "feed the monster". I thought this one was innocent enough till now. Can't believe we've gone down this rabbit hole again. It's like Groundhog Day.
Exactly.
I really think it's a gimmick for attention. Look at all the time that is being spent posting to the forum...I would be hard pressed to work full time, be the sole 'care caretaker' of the house, raise two kids, and take care of a husband who does 'nothing' to contribute, while finding the time to drink copious amounts of wine and spending the better part of the day posting to the forum.
No doubt the OP has issues, but it's not the ones she talks about on this forum (and contradicts on a regular basis.) I suspect by responding to her problems people may be doing more harm than good. After reading through several of her threads, most have been deleted, I think she needs more intensive professional help than seeing a therapist every now and then. Nothing about the OP sounds rational when sitting down and reading through her threads (particularly the deleted ones), and I don't think giving advice (no matter how well meaning) is beneficial to somebody who is so unstable. We don't know what her triggers are and how she reacts in person which could have a further negative impact on the two children that are living with her, who are no doubt already trying to deal with a difficult situation.
I am not trying to be harsh or mean, and I sincerely hope the OP can get to point where she is physically and mentally healthy, but it sounds like a potentially dangerous situation for both the OP and her family.
First up a do work full time I am responding to these on my phone while I work. Second yes I do all the work at home and taxi my boys. I was already thinking these posts take up time but I do not like to ignore people so I feel compelled to answer their questions or respond to their post.
As I have previously stated my kids are not in a difficult situation, the world revolves around them. There is nothing I wouldn't do for them. Things have been going really well for me so please let's not be negative.
Unless they ask you hard questions, then you're fine with ignoring them.
quote] Would you consider yourself a perfectionist when it comes to things about yourself?/quote
quote] Yes and as I am so lovingly called a control freak oh and last but not least never wrong. /quote
quote] What's the worst thing that could happen if you're not perfect?/quote
quote] You ask very difficult questions. I guess I would not be liked /quote
quote] Who would not like you? /quote
I answered all of those I believe.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »MorganMoreaux wrote: »WeighToGoJudy wrote: »mrsnazario1219 wrote: »I've read all of OP's previous threads and have never commented because I didn't want to "feed the monster". I thought this one was innocent enough till now. Can't believe we've gone down this rabbit hole again. It's like Groundhog Day.
Exactly.
I really think it's a gimmick for attention. Look at all the time that is being spent posting to the forum...I would be hard pressed to work full time, be the sole 'care caretaker' of the house, raise two kids, and take care of a husband who does 'nothing' to contribute, while finding the time to drink copious amounts of wine and spending the better part of the day posting to the forum.
No doubt the OP has issues, but it's not the ones she talks about on this forum (and contradicts on a regular basis.) I suspect by responding to her problems people may be doing more harm than good. After reading through several of her threads, most have been deleted, I think she needs more intensive professional help than seeing a therapist every now and then. Nothing about the OP sounds rational when sitting down and reading through her threads (particularly the deleted ones), and I don't think giving advice (no matter how well meaning) is beneficial to somebody who is so unstable. We don't know what her triggers are and how she reacts in person which could have a further negative impact on the two children that are living with her, who are no doubt already trying to deal with a difficult situation.
I am not trying to be harsh or mean, and I sincerely hope the OP can get to point where she is physically and mentally healthy, but it sounds like a potentially dangerous situation for both the OP and her family.
First up a do work full time I am responding to these on my phone while I work. Second yes I do all the work at home and taxi my boys. I was already thinking these posts take up time but I do not like to ignore people so I feel compelled to answer their questions or respond to their post.
As I have previously stated my kids are not in a difficult situation, the world revolves around them. There is nothing I wouldn't do for them. Things have been going really well for me so please let's not be negative.
STOP creating new threads then!
No one made you read it.
S/he is pointing out that you wouldn't feel compelled to answer questions or respond to posts if you stopped creating these threads. You can't use the compulsion to respond as an excuse when you keep creating new threads. If you know that you will feel a desire to respond, then you have a choice -- create threads (and spend the time responding) or don't.
Yes this ^
Well this actually started last night but yes I do understand. Sorry0 -
I read this whole thread, I feel like I got catfished.
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superhockeymom wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »MorganMoreaux wrote: »WeighToGoJudy wrote: »mrsnazario1219 wrote: »I've read all of OP's previous threads and have never commented because I didn't want to "feed the monster". I thought this one was innocent enough till now. Can't believe we've gone down this rabbit hole again. It's like Groundhog Day.
Exactly.
I really think it's a gimmick for attention. Look at all the time that is being spent posting to the forum...I would be hard pressed to work full time, be the sole 'care caretaker' of the house, raise two kids, and take care of a husband who does 'nothing' to contribute, while finding the time to drink copious amounts of wine and spending the better part of the day posting to the forum.
No doubt the OP has issues, but it's not the ones she talks about on this forum (and contradicts on a regular basis.) I suspect by responding to her problems people may be doing more harm than good. After reading through several of her threads, most have been deleted, I think she needs more intensive professional help than seeing a therapist every now and then. Nothing about the OP sounds rational when sitting down and reading through her threads (particularly the deleted ones), and I don't think giving advice (no matter how well meaning) is beneficial to somebody who is so unstable. We don't know what her triggers are and how she reacts in person which could have a further negative impact on the two children that are living with her, who are no doubt already trying to deal with a difficult situation.
I am not trying to be harsh or mean, and I sincerely hope the OP can get to point where she is physically and mentally healthy, but it sounds like a potentially dangerous situation for both the OP and her family.
First up a do work full time I am responding to these on my phone while I work. Second yes I do all the work at home and taxi my boys. I was already thinking these posts take up time but I do not like to ignore people so I feel compelled to answer their questions or respond to their post.
As I have previously stated my kids are not in a difficult situation, the world revolves around them. There is nothing I wouldn't do for them. Things have been going really well for me so please let's not be negative.
Unless they ask you hard questions, then you're fine with ignoring them.
quote] Would you consider yourself a perfectionist when it comes to things about yourself?/quote
quote] Yes and as I am so lovingly called a control freak oh and last but not least never wrong. /quote
quote] What's the worst thing that could happen if you're not perfect?/quote
quote] You ask very difficult questions. I guess I would not be liked /quote
quote] Who would not like you? /quote
I answered all of those I believe.
Nope. You didn't answer the last one. If you weren't perfect, who would stop liking you?0 -
Patti, I think it's fine that you keep creating new threads. I think that you are evolving, and that some people are frustrated that you are not evolving as fast as they'd like, but that's on them, not you.
If you feel like responding is turning in to a time suck and your time would be better spent doing something else, many of us are expressing the same things and you can certainly consolidate answers, and/or walk away for a while.
When I found myself refreshing your diary, I realized I had a problem, and walked away from it
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kshama2001 wrote: »Patti, I think it's fine that you keep creating new threads. I think that you are evolving, and that some people are frustrated that you are not evolving as fast as they'd like, but that's on them, not you.
If you feel like responding is turning in to a time suck and your time would be better spent doing something else, many of us are expressing the same things and you can certainly consolidate answers, and/or walk away for a while.
When I found myself refreshing your diary, I realized I had a problem, and walked away from it
I don't understand this part. But thanks0 -
superhockeymom wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »MorganMoreaux wrote: »WeighToGoJudy wrote: »mrsnazario1219 wrote: »I've read all of OP's previous threads and have never commented because I didn't want to "feed the monster". I thought this one was innocent enough till now. Can't believe we've gone down this rabbit hole again. It's like Groundhog Day.
Exactly.
I really think it's a gimmick for attention. Look at all the time that is being spent posting to the forum...I would be hard pressed to work full time, be the sole 'care caretaker' of the house, raise two kids, and take care of a husband who does 'nothing' to contribute, while finding the time to drink copious amounts of wine and spending the better part of the day posting to the forum.
No doubt the OP has issues, but it's not the ones she talks about on this forum (and contradicts on a regular basis.) I suspect by responding to her problems people may be doing more harm than good. After reading through several of her threads, most have been deleted, I think she needs more intensive professional help than seeing a therapist every now and then. Nothing about the OP sounds rational when sitting down and reading through her threads (particularly the deleted ones), and I don't think giving advice (no matter how well meaning) is beneficial to somebody who is so unstable. We don't know what her triggers are and how she reacts in person which could have a further negative impact on the two children that are living with her, who are no doubt already trying to deal with a difficult situation.
I am not trying to be harsh or mean, and I sincerely hope the OP can get to point where she is physically and mentally healthy, but it sounds like a potentially dangerous situation for both the OP and her family.
First up a do work full time I am responding to these on my phone while I work. Second yes I do all the work at home and taxi my boys. I was already thinking these posts take up time but I do not like to ignore people so I feel compelled to answer their questions or respond to their post.
As I have previously stated my kids are not in a difficult situation, the world revolves around them. There is nothing I wouldn't do for them. Things have been going really well for me so please let's not be negative.
Unless they ask you hard questions, then you're fine with ignoring them.
quote] Would you consider yourself a perfectionist when it comes to things about yourself?/quote
quote] Yes and as I am so lovingly called a control freak oh and last but not least never wrong. /quote
quote] What's the worst thing that could happen if you're not perfect?/quote
quote] You ask very difficult questions. I guess I would not be liked /quote
quote] Who would not like you? /quote
I answered all of those I believe.
Nope. You didn't answer the last one. If you weren't perfect, who would stop liking you?
You r right I didn't have a good answer I was going to think about that on my run when I get home.0 -
@WBB55 I guess I would, But I am not perfect anyway no one is.0
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superhockeymom wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »Ok so just to give an example of how this works and why last night I just decided it needs to change. First off yes we are a crazy busy family so yes nights when we can eat a "normal" meal are rare but I am trying. Last night menu.
Steak tips
Rice pilaf
Corn
Cresant rolls
Cauliflower (me)
Apple sause
Time 7:45
Oldest and husband come in from practice 7:43 oldest needs shower ok but quick
Youngest not home yet still at girlfriends text him 2x call him finally answers he was sleeping. " mom please can you pick me up and bring me to Grammies to bring in her trash barrels". Ok so now I leave.
Husband and oldest son eat why not they are home and hungrey
Finally get home with youngest 8:25
He eats only steak ( not hungrey) husband in now watching Hockey game
Oldest son working on homework
Youngest goes to do his homework.
I look at steak tips don't really like them and everything is kinda cold so I cook a piece of fish, warm up rice, cauliflower and corn and a roll. Clean up kitchen now it is 9:30. So there is my frustration even days we could potentially eat together we can't and they all eat different things actually last night was better for that because we all mixed and matched.
My day starts at 4:15 because I have to get my kids to practice before school so by 9:30 I'm pretty much ready to relax/ sleep. Ok vented.
It has nothing to do with me wanting to have my family not see what I eat. My Dinner is always a great meal, filling well rounded. I could only hope they would learn to eat a dinner that.
Youngest ate with GF. Yours was second dinner for him.
Probably but he would never tell me because he knew he was supposed to be home.
So here's how my conversation with him would have gone: "Sorry, son, the rest of the family is just sitting down to eat together. I will pick you up after we are finished, swing by Grammies to take out the trash, and you can reheat your cold food and do ALL the dishes when you get home. See you in an hour or so."0 -
superhockeymom wrote: »@WBB55 I guess I would, But I am not perfect anyway no one is.
How do you feel about yourself when you're not perfect?0 -
Your family's life sounds precipitously chaotic. Slash & burn some of the almighty "activities."0
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