Family Support
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superhockeymom wrote: »sallygroundhog wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »For me. I am going to work on this though getting tired of being a short order cook and then being called weird because I don't like what they eat. Lol
Tell them if they call you weird again, you are going on strike, and they will get no 'special' meals. You are doing all this work for them. They seem to feel entitled to having their preferences all the time, and then make fun of you? You are letting them disrespect you. Are they going to grow up thinking it is ok for them to always get what they want and that women have to give in to them?
I've said it before to this OP, and I'll say it again since it costs me $0.00. Patti, who taught you it was ok to be treated this way?
I was feeling pretty on top of the world today. No not so much.
No I do want my boys to grow up to disrespect anyone and honestly they are good boys tell me everything. It drives my husband crazy because they never talk to him at all. It's to bad but he lectures all the time. So they just avoid it.
It's good that they have someone to talk to
now use that time and teach them how to cook good food
chop and talk
Think I will work on this it would be a huge help when I have to work late if they could do a little prep.0 -
When my daughter was 10 the hospital informed me she was to make one meal a week and to do her own laundry. She's a diabetic and now 22. Well let's say the first month was really rough but she learned how to do it all. She is in grad school and can take care of herself. The meals your boys make don't have to be fancy they just have to be for them that would take care of 2 nights a week.0
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2020pinktogo wrote: »When my daughter was 10 the hospital informed me she was to make one meal a week and to do her own laundry. She's a diabetic and now 22. Well let's say the first month was really rough but she learned how to do it all. She is in grad school and can take care of herself. The meals your boys make don't have to be fancy they just have to be for them that would take care of 2 nights a week.
I really can't wait to see how this goes.0 -
superhockeymom wrote: »Also how's this as I have discussed some of the above previously.
"This is what you signed up for". So not sure partner is a fair assessment. His parents where pretty old school.
Perhaps you can teach your sons to give you some support. Don't let this cycle continue. It would be great if they could learn to be supportive partners for their future SOs.0 -
sallygroundhog wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »Also how's this as I have discussed some of the above previously.
"This is what you signed up for". So not sure partner is a fair assessment. His parents where pretty old school.
Perhaps you can teach your sons to give you some support. Don't let this cycle continue. It would be great if they could learn to be supportive partners for their future SOs.
I am trying. But do worry that they will grow up and I will have failed. It gives me hope that they talk to me and the older one is a very hard worker. Great grades. 2 sport varsity as a freshman and recently got himself s job not because he needed to but because he wanted to.
He also is playing on 2 hockey teams this fall and doing some conditioning. He has drive.
The youngest less drive just enough to get by but I have noticed that is changing new group of friends. He can't wait to get a job and he also plays hockey non stop
So I have hope.0 -
superhockeymom wrote: »Also how's this as I have discussed some of the above previously.
"This is what you signed up for". So not sure partner is a fair assessment. His parents where pretty old school.
Eh, my fiance's parents were very old school and we both prefer traditional gender roles, but that doesn't mean he doesn't pull his weight.0 -
kshama2001 wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »Also how's this as I have discussed some of the above previously.
"This is what you signed up for". So not sure partner is a fair assessment. His parents where pretty old school.
Eh, my fiance's parents were very old school and we both prefer traditional gender roles, but that doesn't mean he doesn't pull his weight.
I think he thinks I will be like his mother was but she stayed at home I work 40plus a week. Just not enough hours. Actually don't get me going I need to stop my good mood is fading fast0 -
superhockeymom wrote: »Also how's this as I have discussed some of the above previously.
"This is what you signed up for". So not sure partner is a fair assessment. His parents where pretty old school.
Do you ask for help and what happens when you do?
Here, have the story of the Little Red Hen, a favorite of my mother's when we were little:
Once upon a time, there was a little red hen who lived on a farm. She was friends with a lazy dog, a sleepy cat, and a noisy yellow duck.
One day the little red hen found some seeds on the ground. The little red hen had an idea. She would plant the seeds. The little red hen asked her friends, "Who will help me plant the seeds ?"
"Not I," barked the lazy dog .
"Not I," purred the sleepy cat .
"Not I," quacked the noisy yellow duck .
"Then I will," said the little red hen. So the little red hen planted the seeds all by herself.
When the seeds had grown, the little red hen asked her friends, "Who will help me cut the wheat ?"
"Not I," barked the lazy dog .
"Not I," purred the sleepy cat .
"Not I," quacked the noisy yellow duck .
"Then I will," said the little red hen . So the little red hen cut the wheat all by herself.
When all the wheat was cut, the little red hen asked her friends, "Who will help me take the wheat to the mill to be ground into flour ?"
"Not I," barked the lazy dog .
"Not I," purred the sleepy cat .
"Not I," quacked the noisy yellow duck .
"Then I will," said the little red hen. So the little red hen brought the wheat to the mill all by herself, ground the wheat into flour, and carried the heavy sack of flour back to the farm .
The tired little red hen asked her friends, "Who will help me bake the bread?"
"Not I," barked the lazy dog .
"Not I," purred the sleepy cat .
"Not I," quacked the noisy yellow duck .
"Then I will," said the little red hen. So the little red hen baked the bread all by herself.
When the bread was finished, the tired little red hen asked her friends, "Who will help me eat the bread ?"
"I will," barked the lazy dog .
"I will," purred the sleepy cat .
"I will," quacked the noisy yellow duck .
"No!" said the little red hen. "I will." And the little red hen ate the bread all by herself.
From wiki: The Little Red Hen is an old folk tale, most likely of Russian origin. The best-known version in the United States is that popularized by Little Golden Books, a series of children's books published for the mass market since the 1940s. The story is applied in teaching children the virtues of the work ethic and personal initiative. ...The moral of this story is that those who say no to contribution to a product do not deserve to enjoy the product: "if any would not work, neither should he eat."0 -
superhockeymom wrote: »kshama2001 wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »Also how's this as I have discussed some of the above previously.
"This is what you signed up for". So not sure partner is a fair assessment. His parents where pretty old school.
Eh, my fiance's parents were very old school and we both prefer traditional gender roles, but that doesn't mean he doesn't pull his weight.
I think he thinks I will be like his mother was but she stayed at home I work 40plus a week. Just not enough hours. Actually don't get me going I need to stop my good mood is fading fast
It's ok for you to get into a bad mood. You don't have to eat or drink your way out of a bad mood. Feel the bad mood. But go on with your life. It's possible to be a polite, successful, properly fed person even if you're in a bad mood.0 -
kshama2001 wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »Also how's this as I have discussed some of the above previously.
"This is what you signed up for". So not sure partner is a fair assessment. His parents where pretty old school.
Eh, my fiance's parents were very old school and we both prefer traditional gender roles, but that doesn't mean he doesn't pull his weight.
Just a comment on this. I am in a power exchange relationship, where my significant other has all the control. He still does his fair share of house work. Traditional gender roles or not, everyone has to pull their own weight in some regard.0 -
Ikshama2001 wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »Also how's this as I have discussed some of the above previously.
"This is what you signed up for". So not sure partner is a fair assessment. His parents where pretty old school.
Do you ask for help and what happens when you do?
Here, have the story of the Little Red Hen, a favorite of my mother's when we were little:
Once upon a time, there was a little red hen who lived on a farm. She was friends with a lazy dog, a sleepy cat, and a noisy yellow duck.
One day the little red hen found some seeds on the ground. The little red hen had an idea. She would plant the seeds. The little red hen asked her friends, "Who will help me plant the seeds ?"
"Not I," barked the lazy dog .
"Not I," purred the sleepy cat .
"Not I," quacked the noisy yellow duck .
"Then I will," said the little red hen. So the little red hen planted the seeds all by herself.
When the seeds had grown, the little red hen asked her friends, "Who will help me cut the wheat ?"
"Not I," barked the lazy dog .
"Not I," purred the sleepy cat .
"Not I," quacked the noisy yellow duck .
"Then I will," said the little red hen . So the little red hen cut the wheat all by herself.
When all the wheat was cut, the little red hen asked her friends, "Who will help me take the wheat to the mill to be ground into flour ?"
"Not I," barked the lazy dog .
"Not I," purred the sleepy cat .
"Not I," quacked the noisy yellow duck .
"Then I will," said the little red hen. So the little red hen brought the wheat to the mill all by herself, ground the wheat into flour, and carried the heavy sack of flour back to the farm .
The tired little red hen asked her friends, "Who will help me bake the bread?"
"Not I," barked the lazy dog .
"Not I," purred the sleepy cat .
"Not I," quacked the noisy yellow duck .
"Then I will," said the little red hen. So the little red hen baked the bread all by herself.
When the bread was finished, the tired little red hen asked her friends, "Who will help me eat the bread ?"
"I will," barked the lazy dog .
"I will," purred the sleepy cat .
"I will," quacked the noisy yellow duck .
"No!" said the little red hen. "I will." And the little red hen ate the bread all by herself.
From wiki: The Little Red Hen is an old folk tale, most likely of Russian origin. The best-known version in the United States is that popularized by Little Golden Books, a series of children's books published for the mass market since the 1940s. The story is applied in teaching children the virtues of the work ethic and personal initiative. ...The moral of this story is that those who say no to contribution to a product do not deserve to enjoy the product: "if any would not work, neither should he eat."
I remember The Little Red Hen I loved that story. I understand what your saying. I'm not sure it's in my makeup to say no but I do understand0 -
superhockeymom wrote: »
Think I will work on this it would be a huge help when I have to work late if they could do a little prep.
......................I'm sorry, did you just say you work? I was this WHOLE time thinking you were a StayAtHomeMom, because I honestly thought with the way you talk about your lifestyle (doing all the cooking/cleaning, which is fine, I'm a SAHM so obviously I do the home stuff) but you WORK and you're expected to do all that? Okay, now I'm a little incensed. Honey. I do all the cooking and cleaning because my husband goes out in the world and does the paid labor and brings money home with which to sustain us. When I had a job THAT WOULD NEVER HAVE FLOWN EVER. What universe are you living in that you are doing everything AND have a job??? That's not how this is supposed to work. That's not how anything works. No wonder your husband isn't being supportive, you aren't demanding equal responsibility in your marriage! And your sons see that mom does 100% of the SAHM work as well as having a paid job..... that's NOT a healthy set up for life. Sorry I know this is off the topic of food and health, but you have a serious iniquity in your relationship that needs to be resolved FIRST omg.... If I was working full time, hell I'm working two days a week for my mother in law in insurance and I expect my husband to help out with our son and house stuff, but full time? I'll be damned if I'm doing any more than 50% of anything working full time omg......0 -
Then don't blame shift to them.superhockeymom wrote: »
Ikshama2001 wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »Also how's this as I have discussed some of the above previously.
"This is what you signed up for". So not sure partner is a fair assessment. His parents where pretty old school.
Do you ask for help and what happens when you do?
Here, have the story of the Little Red Hen, a favorite of my mother's when we were little:
Once upon a time, there was a little red hen who lived on a farm. She was friends with a lazy dog, a sleepy cat, and a noisy yellow duck.
One day the little red hen found some seeds on the ground. The little red hen had an idea. She would plant the seeds. The little red hen asked her friends, "Who will help me plant the seeds ?"
"Not I," barked the lazy dog .
"Not I," purred the sleepy cat .
"Not I," quacked the noisy yellow duck .
"Then I will," said the little red hen. So the little red hen planted the seeds all by herself.
When the seeds had grown, the little red hen asked her friends, "Who will help me cut the wheat ?"
"Not I," barked the lazy dog .
"Not I," purred the sleepy cat .
"Not I," quacked the noisy yellow duck .
"Then I will," said the little red hen . So the little red hen cut the wheat all by herself.
When all the wheat was cut, the little red hen asked her friends, "Who will help me take the wheat to the mill to be ground into flour ?"
"Not I," barked the lazy dog .
"Not I," purred the sleepy cat .
"Not I," quacked the noisy yellow duck .
"Then I will," said the little red hen. So the little red hen brought the wheat to the mill all by herself, ground the wheat into flour, and carried the heavy sack of flour back to the farm .
The tired little red hen asked her friends, "Who will help me bake the bread?"
"Not I," barked the lazy dog .
"Not I," purred the sleepy cat .
"Not I," quacked the noisy yellow duck .
"Then I will," said the little red hen. So the little red hen baked the bread all by herself.
When the bread was finished, the tired little red hen asked her friends, "Who will help me eat the bread ?"
"I will," barked the lazy dog .
"I will," purred the sleepy cat .
"I will," quacked the noisy yellow duck .
"No!" said the little red hen. "I will." And the little red hen ate the bread all by herself.
From wiki: The Little Red Hen is an old folk tale, most likely of Russian origin. The best-known version in the United States is that popularized by Little Golden Books, a series of children's books published for the mass market since the 1940s. The story is applied in teaching children the virtues of the work ethic and personal initiative. ...The moral of this story is that those who say no to contribution to a product do not deserve to enjoy the product: "if any would not work, neither should he eat."
I remember The Little Red Hen I loved that story. I understand what your saying. I'm not sure it's in my makeup to say no but I do understand
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Seriously, why on earth would you tolerate essentially being a single mom while being married? The entire point of a marriage is to create an alliance with another person against the harsh realities of the world. You're not living in an alliance, you are carrying the yoke all by yourself. Sounds like the first thing you need to do, food aside, is get a counselor (ideally a respectable male one, because your husband sounds like the type who would only take advice from another man) and have him kick your hubby into gear.0
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clgaram720 wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »
Think I will work on this it would be a huge help when I have to work late if they could do a little prep.
......................I'm sorry, did you just say you work? I was this WHOLE time thinking you were a StayAtHomeMom, because I honestly thought with the way you talk about your lifestyle (doing all the cooking/cleaning, which is fine, I'm a SAHM so obviously I do the home stuff) but you WORK and you're expected to do all that? Okay, now I'm a little incensed. Honey. I do all the cooking and cleaning because my husband goes out in the world and does the paid labor and brings money home with which to sustain us. When I had a job THAT WOULD NEVER HAVE FLOWN EVER. What universe are you living in that you are doing everything AND have a job??? That's not how this is supposed to work. That's not how anything works. No wonder your husband isn't being supportive, you aren't demanding equal responsibility in your marriage! And your sons see that mom does 100% of the SAHM work as well as having a paid job..... that's NOT a healthy set up for life. Sorry I know this is off the topic of food and health, but you have a serious iniquity in your relationship that needs to be resolved FIRST omg.... If I was working full time, hell I'm working two days a week for my mother in law in insurance and I expect my husband to help out with our son and house stuff, but full time? I'll be damned if I'm doing any more than 50% of anything working full time omg......
I work full time and do all the cooking and cleaning. People have different lifestyle/relationship choices. Just encase it wouldn't have worked for you, does not mean it doesn't work for others.0 -
clgaram720 wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »
Think I will work on this it would be a huge help when I have to work late if they could do a little prep.
......................I'm sorry, did you just say you work? I was this WHOLE time thinking you were a StayAtHomeMom, because I honestly thought with the way you talk about your lifestyle (doing all the cooking/cleaning, which is fine, I'm a SAHM so obviously I do the home stuff) but you WORK and you're expected to do all that? Okay, now I'm a little incensed. Honey. I do all the cooking and cleaning because my husband goes out in the world and does the paid labor and brings money home with which to sustain us. When I had a job THAT WOULD NEVER HAVE FLOWN EVER. What universe are you living in that you are doing everything AND have a job??? That's not how this is supposed to work. That's not how anything works. No wonder your husband isn't being supportive, you aren't demanding equal responsibility in your marriage! And your sons see that mom does 100% of the SAHM work as well as having a paid job..... that's NOT a healthy set up for life. Sorry I know this is off the topic of food and health, but you have a serious iniquity in your relationship that needs to be resolved FIRST omg.... If I was working full time, hell I'm working two days a week for my mother in law in insurance and I expect my husband to help out with our son and house stuff, but full time? I'll be damned if I'm doing any more than 50% of anything working full time omg......
I work full time and do all the cooking and cleaning. People have different lifestyle/relationship choices. Just encase it wouldn't have worked for you, does not mean it doesn't work for others.
That's all well and good if it WORKS for you, but OP is here because it's NOT working. I mean a couple times her words have really rung like some deep seated resentment of the way they are doing things. If you are superwoman/man and have the time and energy to do it all, you are a unicorn among the rest of us, so huge kudos, but I think it's safe to say, specifically in her case as well as in a lot of cases, that having one person have a HUGE share of the labor of life and one have very little comparatively isn't healthy for the family dynamic.0 -
clgaram720 wrote: »Seriously, why on earth would you tolerate essentially being a single mom while being married? The entire point of a marriage is to create an alliance with another person against the harsh realities of the world. You're not living in an alliance, you are carrying the yoke all by yourself. Sounds like the first thing you need to do, food aside, is get a counselor (ideally a respectable male one, because your husband sounds like the type who would only take advice from another man) and have him kick your hubby into gear.
Another vote for couples therapy with a male counselor.0 -
Just in case anyone doesn't read all of her threads, the OP's current lifestyle causes her to drink half of her daily meager calories in wine and inappropriately display extremely dysfunctional self images of herself and negative self talk. She's coping with the stress of her lifestyle via alcohol, binge-restrict cycles, and living in denial about the power she has and how much control she has over the choices she makes every day.0
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clgaram720 wrote: »clgaram720 wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »
Think I will work on this it would be a huge help when I have to work late if they could do a little prep.
......................I'm sorry, did you just say you work? I was this WHOLE time thinking you were a StayAtHomeMom, because I honestly thought with the way you talk about your lifestyle (doing all the cooking/cleaning, which is fine, I'm a SAHM so obviously I do the home stuff) but you WORK and you're expected to do all that? Okay, now I'm a little incensed. Honey. I do all the cooking and cleaning because my husband goes out in the world and does the paid labor and brings money home with which to sustain us. When I had a job THAT WOULD NEVER HAVE FLOWN EVER. What universe are you living in that you are doing everything AND have a job??? That's not how this is supposed to work. That's not how anything works. No wonder your husband isn't being supportive, you aren't demanding equal responsibility in your marriage! And your sons see that mom does 100% of the SAHM work as well as having a paid job..... that's NOT a healthy set up for life. Sorry I know this is off the topic of food and health, but you have a serious iniquity in your relationship that needs to be resolved FIRST omg.... If I was working full time, hell I'm working two days a week for my mother in law in insurance and I expect my husband to help out with our son and house stuff, but full time? I'll be damned if I'm doing any more than 50% of anything working full time omg......
I work full time and do all the cooking and cleaning. People have different lifestyle/relationship choices. Just encase it wouldn't have worked for you, does not mean it doesn't work for others.
That's all well and good if it WORKS for you, but OP is here because it's NOT working. I mean a couple times her words have really rung like some deep seated resentment of the way they are doing things. If you are superwoman/man and have the time and energy to do it all, you are a unicorn among the rest of us, so huge kudos, but I think it's safe to say, specifically in her case as well as in a lot of cases, that having one person have a HUGE share of the labor of life and one have very little comparatively isn't healthy for the family dynamic.
There was absolutely no reason to be rude.-1 -
kshama2001 wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »Also how's this as I have discussed some of the above previously.
"This is what you signed up for". So not sure partner is a fair assessment. His parents where pretty old school.
Eh, my fiance's parents were very old school and we both prefer traditional gender roles, but that doesn't mean he doesn't pull his weight.
Just a comment on this. I am in a power exchange relationship, where my significant other has all the control. He still does his fair share of house work. Traditional gender roles or not, everyone has to pull their own weight in some regard.
Yes, just to clear up any confusion the double negative may have caused - he does pull his weight.0
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