Hating the attention I'm getting....
cnbbnc
Posts: 1,267 Member
Why is that everyone feels the need to start commenting when you lose weight? Every time I lose weight (this isn't my first time at the weight loss rodeo) this is the part I truly detest.
So far this week my choice of lunch during a meeting was commented on because it was "not enough".
I've been told I'm disappearing. ???
That was topped off with a "don't go losing too much." WTF?!?!?!?
I should be blowing if off, but it really makes me uncomfortable and starts giving me a complex! I don't like attention being drawn to myself and this is making me stand out. I guess it's my issue. Just don't know why people have trouble shutting their mouths.
So far this week my choice of lunch during a meeting was commented on because it was "not enough".
I've been told I'm disappearing. ???
That was topped off with a "don't go losing too much." WTF?!?!?!?
I should be blowing if off, but it really makes me uncomfortable and starts giving me a complex! I don't like attention being drawn to myself and this is making me stand out. I guess it's my issue. Just don't know why people have trouble shutting their mouths.
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People seem to have a need to talk I have found. A year later people who have not seen me in the long time may say something.
I plan for the first time after 40 years of yo yo dieting to never have another regain so I do not have to go through comments like this again.
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They are all just jealous!0
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I was getting the opposite today. I had a slice of cake with lunch. I know what my calorie and macro goals are and how that cake fits into them today. They don't.
People need to pay more attention to their own intake and less to mine.0 -
I know it can be rough, but it's sadly the reality for many. When I got down to where I wanted to be, I really dreaded the increased attention from men. Most of it was polite and respectful, but it still was really unsettling to me. And the stuff that was more aggressive was really unsettling. Many women probably like the extra attention, but I wasn't one of them. It was much easier to go unnoticed when I was carrying an extra 20- 30 lbs. I have no doubt that is part of the reason I sabotaged earlier efforts when I was younger.
All I can suggest is try to find ways to cope with these issues because you can't control other people. It's frustrating but all you can do is control yourself. So prepare non-defensive replies that shut down these comments and hopefully over time, most people will get the hint and stop saying things. For the more difficult people, just be frank that it makes you uncomfortable and you'd appreciate them not making such comments. This solves the problem with repeat offenders 99% of the time (even though they may get very huffy, rude or defensive in response). And the rest, just repeat a mantra in your head that helps you cope "I hate this, but they are flawed human beings and this is THEIR problem, not mine."0 -
I don't like attention being drawn to myself and this is making me stand out. I guess it's my issue.
Could very well be this. I'm the exact opposite. When I've gotten these comments in the last couple months, I've gone on ad nauseum explaining how many calories were in my "small lunch"; how some people really wish I would disappear because they're tired of hearing me talk; and how my body fat % will determine when I'm done losing weight.
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I get that, like oh there's nothing to you! And you know what, my business is NOTHING to do with you!:)
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I'd take a picture of everyone in the meeting then lay it on the table and say "if you're not happy with the way you physically look, feel free to join me at lunch time".
Of course that's me because I don't care what people think about me. If they don't like what I do, wear or say, it's their issue.
I'm glad I don't deal with people who worry about how much I eat.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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What makes me laugh is when people tell me I've gotten sooo skinny, but according to my BMI I'm pretty sure I'm still considered obese!0
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SingRunTing wrote: »I was getting the opposite today. I had a slice of cake with lunch. I know what my calorie and macro goals are and how that cake fits into them today. They don't.
People need to pay more attention to their own intake and less to mine.
oooooh man... this is so much truth. I hate when I eat something and then I get comments like "I thought you were on a diet?" or "Aren't you supposed to be one of those healthy people?" Step away slowly before I stab you with my fork....
That being said.. You kind of just have to take it all with a grain of salt. A lot of times its peoples own issues being reflected onto you. You just need to brush it off and keep focused on your own goals and how great you feel!!0 -
It's probably because they are not used to seeing you without the extra weight. It will take them time to get used to it too.
I heard many of these types of comments when I lost the extra 40 I had carried for too long. Many who commented had known me for 10 or more years.
Since I've been on maintenance with a 5-10 lb flux for the past couple of years, no one says anything any more.
Keep doing your thing!0 -
I wasn't happy with the attention I've gotten either, but I took the opportunity to analyze why. I won't go into the reasons here, because they're rooted in childhood trauma.
The point I'd like to make is that this is an opportunity for you to learn something about yourself. Instead of becoming upset with the people around you and wanting to control your environment, realize that you can only control your reaction to it.
Dig deeper to try to understand why you don't like being the focus of attention. Most people mean well when they pay you a compliment. People, even shy people, can normally accept them with grace and a thank you. Something is stopping you from having this simple social exchange.
Find out what it is and things will be easier for you. I know just being able to put a finger on why I was uncomfortable worked for me.
Good luck.0 -
They are trying to let you know they see the difference in their own socially uncomfortable way. When someone is used to someone else looking a certain way, it is often disconcerting for that to change. They'll often comment, but without first thinking and often whilst planting their foot in their mouth.
Firstly, evaluate whether anything they say has any merit. Have you lost a lot of weight in a short time? Are you eating enough?
If you are satisfied with the answers, then you have a number of options. I list some for informational purposes.
option 1) gain the weight back - you probably don't want to do this
option 2) ignore them for the next few months, eventually they'll either give up, or forget what you used to look like
option 3) go postal on them and verbally rip their face off for drawing attention to your body - word will get around
option 4) research snarky comments to reuse at opportune times, so that you can insult them with humor in response, thereby causing them to be quiet
option 5) smile and thank them for noticing the results of your efforts and offering their concern; possibly even going so far as to telling them that you are working towards a specific goal, and are happy with the results.
I kind of lean toward Option 5, myself.
Congrats on your success to date.
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I use the attention to try and make a difference in someone else's life. After all, they took the time to make a comment right? Sure, there are times when I get frustrated but before I say something snarky back, I take a breath and release it and then go on. I have been maintaining for only 6 months now but in that time, I got two people motivated enough to 1) ask me to examine their pantry contents and make suggestions on healthier substitutions on her family's favorite junk foods and 2) another person joined my gym so they could have me as a gym buddy. Two people out of dozens of people making comments about my new weight is enough of a win in my book.
Do what you can to make it a learning experience or at least a friendly dialogue ... you never know who you might make a difference with!0 -
lindsey1979 wrote: »I know it can be rough, but it's sadly the reality for many. When I got down to where I wanted to be, I really dreaded the increased attention from men. Most of it was polite and respectful, but it still was really unsettling to me. And the stuff that was more aggressive was really unsettling. Many women probably like the extra attention, but I wasn't one of them. It was much easier to go unnoticed when I was carrying an extra 20- 30 lbs. I have no doubt that is part of the reason I sabotaged earlier efforts when I was younger.
I can definitely relate to using extra weight as a shield.
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What would life be like if people equally commented on weight loss and weight gain. I might not have become overweight in the first place.
I'm an introvert and not really one for broadcasting my life to everyone and I'm uncomfortable with personal comments and opinions from people that will range from my weight loss to why haven't I had children yet. I like to keep some of my life personal and private. If people ask for advice however I'd give it. Currently I'm just getting the usual 'how's the diet?' 'Oh you're being so healthy!' or 'you're eating cake? I thought you were on a diet?'
I'm not on a diet! These are my eating habits now (until maintenance).0 -
PeachyCarol wrote: »I wasn't happy with the attention I've gotten either, but I took the opportunity to analyze why. I won't go into the reasons here, because they're rooted in childhood trauma.
The point I'd like to make is that this is an opportunity for you to learn something about yourself. Instead of becoming upset with the people around you and wanting to control your environment, realize that you can only control your reaction to it.
Dig deeper to try to understand why you don't like being the focus of attention. Most people mean well when they pay you a compliment. People, even shy people, can normally accept them with grace and a thank you. Something is stopping you from having this simple social exchange.
Find out what it is and things will be easier for you. I know just being able to put a finger on why I was uncomfortable worked for me.
Good luck.
Wise words.0 -
Why is that everyone feels the need to start commenting when you lose weight? Every time I lose weight (this isn't my first time at the weight loss rodeo) this is the part I truly detest.
So far this week my choice of lunch during a meeting was commented on because it was "not enough".
I've been told I'm disappearing. ???
That was topped off with a "don't go losing too much." WTF?!?!?!?
I should be blowing if off, but it really makes me uncomfortable and starts giving me a complex! I don't like attention being drawn to myself and this is making me stand out. I guess it's my issue. Just don't know why people have trouble shutting their mouths.
You're right, it's their stuff. Just take care of you and you'll be fine. 0 -
PeachyCarol wrote: »I wasn't happy with the attention I've gotten either, but I took the opportunity to analyze why. I won't go into the reasons here, because they're rooted in childhood trauma.
The point I'd like to make is that this is an opportunity for you to learn something about yourself. Instead of becoming upset with the people around you and wanting to control your environment, realize that you can only control your reaction to it.
Dig deeper to try to understand why you don't like being the focus of attention. Most people mean well when they pay you a compliment. People, even shy people, can normally accept them with grace and a thank you. Something is stopping you from having this simple social exchange.
Find out what it is and things will be easier for you. I know just being able to put a finger on why I was uncomfortable worked for me.
Good luck.
Excellent advice.0 -
Why is that everyone feels the need to start commenting when you lose weight? Every time I lose weight (this isn't my first time at the weight loss rodeo) this is the part I truly detest.
So far this week my choice of lunch during a meeting was commented on because it was "not enough".
I've been told I'm disappearing. ???
That was topped off with a "don't go losing too much." WTF?!?!?!?
I should be blowing if off, but it really makes me uncomfortable and starts giving me a complex! I don't like attention being drawn to myself and this is making me stand out. I guess it's my issue. Just don't know why people have trouble shutting their mouths.
I went through the same thing and it was really bothersome. I think, overall, people don't know how to react and say things out of ignorance or insensitivity. They don't understand the whole calorie counting lifestyle, so there is often jealousy at someone who appears to be eating whatever they want but they stay rail-thin. Or, they have struggled with their own weight and don't like seeing the success that others have. When I was losing weight, I got a lot of, "Are you sick?" And, I was like, "Yeah, I'm sick of worrying about whether I'll have a heart attack." Fortunately, I have friends who only know the thin version of me, so they don't say anything. On the rare occasion that they see a picture from my past, they'll say, "Wow, what a difference!" The reaction is very supportive, unlike some people who had known me during the weight-loss phase.0 -
My boss actually PULLED on the loose skin around my elbow and said something like "look what's happening to you". Comments are one thing. Touching and physically prodding are another.0
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meganridenour wrote: »What makes me laugh is when people tell me I've gotten sooo skinny, but according to my BMI I'm pretty sure I'm still considered obese!
BMI is based on the sedentary individual. The folks at the fire dept that are fit are obese on the chart but are actually ripped and have low body fat %.
People definitely feel like they have the right to discuss my losing weight and baggy clothes (still need to buy new wardrobe). I use one poster's response by going ad nauseum about all the work until the commenters learn their lesson not to bring it up again. I never know how else to deal with it because if you say thanks, they continue to point it out every time they see you.0 -
I've found many people coming out of the wood work talking about my curves. I have always been a larger lady, but my tummy is smaller and my hips are prominent. I really dig the comments and it's helped me value myself more, so I dress better and really have come into myself and appreciate my body.0
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Thanks for all the thoughts. I agree that I need to work on coping with this better. I've had a negative body image forever, and I'm trying so hard to get to where I feel good and comfortable with myself. I've made huge changes in my food choices, counting calories/weighing food, joining a gym and working out.... I do look different, and that's an adjustment too. I guess it's my own self hatred that sets me off when anyone comments on my appearance. Need to add that to the list of things to work on....
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Thanks for all the thoughts. I agree that I need to work on coping with this better. I've had a negative body image forever, and I'm trying so hard to get to where I feel good and comfortable with myself. I've made huge changes in my food choices, counting calories/weighing food, joining a gym and working out.... I do look different, and that's an adjustment too. I guess it's my own self hatred that sets me off when anyone comments on my appearance. Need to add that to the list of things to work on....
It's good to learn to cope better, but don't change too much, or make changes you can't live with.
Learn to stick to a healthy calorie limit for life by eating the foods you love in moderation.0 -
You are achieving something most can't obtain, something difficult.
Is it surprising to get attention?
But I can understand that some attention is the wrong sort, like recommending you eat more like your not an adult capable of decision making.
Or some jokes about you disappearing when it's no longer funny.
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What an amazing and supportive thread. Thanks for asking the question and for all the astute answers.0
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Why is that everyone feels the need to start commenting when you lose weight? Every time I lose weight (this isn't my first time at the weight loss rodeo) this is the part I truly detest.
So far this week my choice of lunch during a meeting was commented on because it was "not enough".
I've been told I'm disappearing. ???
That was topped off with a "don't go losing too much." WTF?!?!?!?
I should be blowing if off, but it really makes me uncomfortable and starts giving me a complex! I don't like attention being drawn to myself and this is making me stand out. I guess it's my issue. Just don't know why people have trouble shutting their mouths.
Look up MBTI INTJ. I think you're a unicorn like me.0 -
SergeantSausage wrote: »
That's cool, I can think of times I wish I knew this!0 -
SergeantSausage wrote: »
I was thinking much the same thing.
People can be very thoughtless at the best of times, and especially when they feel like they've been bettered by someone.0
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